Here we go again...

[Geminigirl]

My boyfriend gets on my nerves. When we first started dating sometimes I would get late night text. Not too late maybe 12 or 1 in the morning sometimes even maybe 2 who knows. I explained to him that's because my friends live in another time zone and they are two hours behind us. So yea it's late to us but it's not that late to them. Sometimes he would demand I show him who I am talking to and I would prove it. Well I was talking to someone and she said it's MY phone and I shouldn't have to get the third degree everytime my phone rings or I get a text cause he def would drill me everytime. i DO NOT cheat on him and never have. It's not like I'm getting text and then leaving ore getting texts and...i don't know. All I know is I am not cheating. I don't talk to no other boys. Me and him have two kids. He usually takes them to daycare well this morning he didn't take them why? because I wouldn't tell him who I was textn on my phone last night. Usually in the mornings I...yes I get the kids ready while he gets ready and then he takes them then I get myself ready. Well now I gotta get them ready and then myself ready because he wants to be childish. I am soooo over this relationship. I wasn't even textn. All that happened was me and my friend who is a female were talking last night textn each other. I fell asleep before we said good night. I woke up to use the bathroom or something and checked my phone at like 3 40 in the morning or something and she had sent me text talking bout have a good night and kiss my babies for her. So I text her back telling her the same and to kiss her son for me. END TEXT there was no more textn nothing. So he gone be like well who you textn. I was like WHY? he was like who you textn this early in the morning? HE said I was being grimey and he doesn't trust me. I didn't feed into it because I feel as though it's MY PHONE and if he doesn't trust me then why you with me? Ya feel me. Me and him are together all day and night everyday. I get off at 4 well 5 now and he gets off at 5. We meet up at my house have dinner watch tv go to bed I mean whatever. Where do I have time to cheat? Why would I cheat? One relationship is enough to handle. i am tired of him trying to control my phone usage. I am tired of explaining myself to him when I use my phone. It got to the point before that I wouldn't use my phone when he was around just to avoid him giving me the damn third degree!! Anyways my point is...am i wrong for not telling him what I was doing?

BTW after I sent out the one text I couldn't sleep. So when I wouldn't tell him who I was textn he got up and started putting things in his car. Came back in the house watched some football and went to sleep. Guess who was textn NOW? Him? now who the F are YOU textn this early in the morning?

 

[Geminigirl]

IT's all good though i am used to being a single mom. I will get me and my kids ready and have a wonderful day.

 

[latebloomer]

Damn girl , he sounds liek ahandfull, has anything ever gone on in the past for him not to trust you. If not has he ever done anything in the past to cause you to not trust him. If so sometimes when people do things, their guilt makes them very paranoid, it sometimes gets to the point where they know what they have done and they wonder why your not doing it to them even after they hurt you. Its sad that it's gotten to this point,but him acting childish like that is wrong, i'm not saying he is, but maybe he could be up to something and knows the tricks which is why maybe he is so paranoid, my friend has a boyfriend liek that who has done her wrong so many times, now he is the most insecure man i know, goes crazy and asks her if she went work, and where she is and asks for proof all the time. My boyfriend pulled that stunt and for a while i comlpied but after that i preety much said i dont mind tghe occasional question but if you feel you have to ask my every move and phone call and text i dont want to live like this. it soon stopped.

Girl i know i would be overpissed right now and would have most prob started acting crazy if he started packing his stuff then started texting most prob would have put the latch on the door or something and told him to go and stay with the person who he's texting. I hate when people use the issues in their relatinoship to not do their parental duties, he should have still brought the kids to school, but you know what i think you two should calm down then speak to him about it. let him know thats not the type of relationship you choose to continue having and let him know that he needs to be able to trust you..

Good luck girl, also i would speak to him about who he was texting cuz that would be really bugging, cuz that would then make me question my trust in him. games cause more damage than good, why dont people see this...

 

[Taliah]

That damn modern technology...killing relationships everyday all across the land. Not even the most secure person in the world could ignore a cell ring, text or email tone after 11pm.

This dude is crazy immature though. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from ignoring him.
With two children where is the time to deal with a man child? It just don't exist.

 

[raloftin]

Don't jump the gun yet on leaving him. Especially with kids involved. First have a serious sit down with him and tell him how his jealous and insecure nature makes you feel, I would also tell him he better not ever ever again not do something for the kids just because you guys are having a moment.

Finally inquire about the show he put on when he took things to the care and started texting someone.

If your conversation proves to be unproductive or beneficial THEN think about stepping.


Rai

 

[Cincysweetie]

Disclaimer: I do not have a man so you might not wanna listen to me.

IMO, boundaries have to be established at the start of a relationship. Once a guy gets use to things being a certain way in his relationship, it's hard to re-condition him to get "un-use" to it. Not impossible, but extremely difficult. I do agree with your friend that YOUR phone is YOUR phone. However, it seems that early on in the relationship you set the tone that it was okay for him to ask to look through your phone and allowed him to do so when he so desired.

So how do you change that now? I don't really think that I have the answer, maybe someone else will. But I do have a question. Do you ask to look through his phone? If so, are his message boxes all cleared out? My little suspicion antennas usually perk up when someone is alleging that I'm cheating/lying/untrustworthy when I've given them NO reason to think that. To me that just says that you're paranoid because YOU are probably up to no good. I'm not saying this is the case with your man...but I do think you need to take a hard look at your relationship and see if that *MIGHT* be a possibility. If not, then good! Y'all just gotta work on trust.

 

[envybeauty]

I think you are both in the wrong.

He is wrong for not trusting you and for demanding to see your phone. Also wrong for dropping his responsibilites in not taking the kids to daycare. You need to call him out on that.... that no matter how you two feel about each other, your kids come first and nothing will interfere with that.

You are wrong for not establishing boundaries with your friends. Why does your friend need to text you at like 2 a.m. just to say goodnight? If she is in a different time zone, then she is capable of calculating that you are hours ahead of her. I could understand if it was an emergency, or if you were home alone and she was checking in on you at night, but if you are with your man and your kids, she could fall back and text you far earlier than 2 am (or whatever) your time just to chat.

My opinion.

 

[Keen]

I think you are both in the wrong.

He is wrong for not trusting you and for demanding to see your phone. Also wrong for dropping his responsibilites in not taking the kids to daycare. You need to call him out on that.... that no matter how you two feel about each other, your kids come first and nothing will interfere with that.

You are wrong for not establishing boundaries with your friends. Why does your friend need to text you at like 2 a.m. just to say goodnight? If she is in a different time zone, then she is capable of calculating that you are hours ahead of her. I could understand if it was an emergency, or if you were home alone and she was checking in on you at night, but if you are with your man and your kids, she could fall back and text you far earlier than 2 am (or whatever) your time just to chat.

My opinion.

ITA. One other thing I notice: OP said he stop doing things for the kids because he was pissed at her. OP need to watch that. If he has issue with you, it shouldn't impact him helping with HIS kids.

 

[crlsweetie912]

ITA. One other thing I notice: OP said he stop doing things for the kids because he was pissed at her. OP need to watch that. If he has issue with you, it shouldn't impact him helping with HIS kids.

That was a MAJOR red flag for me.

 

[BrownEyez22]

How old are both of you? "Texting" shouldn't be causing this much strife in your relationship. Could their be a bigger issue? Maybe he is insecure about the relationship.

I agree with the other ladies about his dropping his responsibilities over a spat between you two. He should want to take care of his kids regardless.

I hope yall can work things out, good luck OP.

 

[Geminigirl]

yes there was things that he would get suspicious about, or not like, that I was doing. But I have never cheated on him EVER. I just don't see why I have to live my life walking on egg shells. We are in our 20's. My friend texts me when she can which might not always be during the day but who cares. why should I be restricted to only talking to her certain times of the day. My kids aren't up at 2 and most of the time neither am I my phone just goes off. I save my responses til in the morning. My friend text me to say good night because we had been textn all night. you know kinda like you would say good night to someone if you were talking on the phone. except she text me. We had been textn all night and she was just saying goodnight. She doesn't tell me goodnight everynight just on an occassion such as this.

cincy-I see where you are coming from but I used to let him be in control now I wanna be in control. I will talk to him though

He's been textn me all day asking me if I am cheating on him. I have been ignoring him because number one I don't wanna talk to him. Number two I don't feel like I should have to prove myself. Number three if he has any doubts I am cheating then LEAVE. Why waste your time questioning me everytime I get a text.

My question now is what do I say back in response to his texts besides NO i am not cheating...Why do I even have to say that?

 

[Blaque*Angel]

how old is he? he sounds immature,possesive,controlling and young!!

why is he so insecure??!!

 

[Cincysweetie]

yes there was things that he would get suspicious about or not like that I was doing. But I was never cheating on him EVER. I just don't see why I have to live my life walking on egg shells. We are in our 20's. My friend texts me when she can which might not always be during the day but who cares. why should I be restricted to only talking to her certain times of the day. My kids aren't up at 2 and most of the time neither am I my phone just goes off. I save my responses til in the morning. My friend text me to say good night because we had been textn all night. you know kinda like you would say good night to someone if you were talking on the phone. except she text me. We had been textn all night and she was just saying goodnight. She doesn't tell me goodnight everynight just on an occassion such as this.

cincy-I see where you are coming from but I used to let him be in control now I wanna be in control. I will talk to him though

He's been textn me all day asking me if I am cheating on him. I have been ignoring him because number one I don't wanna talk to him. Number two I don't feel like I should have to prove myself. Number three if he has any doubts I am cheating then LEAVE. Why waste your time questioning me everytime I get a text.

My question now is what do I say back in response to his texts besides NO i am not cheating...Why do I even have to say that?

I don't see the problem with your girlfriend texting you at 2 AM. That's just me though. My friends can call and text me any time of the day. If I'm awake and able I will answer. That's just me though.

I don't feel like I should say how I would respond to his text. I think y'all need to have a nice sit down, air it all out convo...and NOT over text message. At that time I would get up in his ish about some things.

 

[Cincysweetie]

how old is he? he sounds immature,possesive,controlling and young!!

why is he so insecure??!!

To me...that's the real question. Why is he so insecure...and paranoid?? Especially since OP says she really hasn't given him a reason to be, hell she even lets dude look through her phone!

 

[Geminigirl]

well he was cheated on alot. People where I live are just REALLY weird. I am sorry for people that live here but to me they are just extra weird. It's like he groups me with his sister because she lies and does her thing then I do it to. He groups me with his exs because they lied and cheated then I do the same thing. It's just weirdness out here.

EVERYONE thinks I am lying about anything. When I was prego with my daughter no one believed me at work...didn't they feel dumb when that belly got nice and round. I showed them my sonogram and everything and because I wasn't huge or showing as soon as they thought I should be they thought I was lying. Without even really knowing me they assumed I was lying. I wasn't even from here had no history of made up pregnancies and they just thought I thought it was cool to fake a pregnancy. No one believed when I was pregnant with my son either.

 

[treybaby2005]

well he was cheated on alot. People where I live are just REALLY weird. I am sorry for people that live here but to me they are just extra weird. It's like he groups me with his sister because she lies and does her thing then I do it to. He groups me with his exs because they lied and cheated then I do the same thing. It's just weirdness out here.

EVERYONE thinks I am lying about anything. When I was prego with my daughter no one believed me at work...didn't they feel dumb when that belly got nice and round. I showed them my sonogram and everything and because I wasn't huge or showing as soon as they thought I should be they thought I was lying. Without even really knowing me they assumed I was lying. I wasn't even from here had no history of made up pregnancies and they just thought I thought it was cool to fake a pregnancy. No one believed when I was pregnant with my son either.

That sounds strange to me.But you guys have two kids together you would have thought he would even start to trust you at some point.I agree with one of the other posters where she said that maybe he was or is doing something and feels guilty about it.

 

[Geminigirl]

I have been hearing that alot. I wonder what he could be doing because we are always together except when we are at work. I wonder if he has already done something and is feeling guilty.

 

[ThickHair]

He's been textn me all day asking me if I am cheating on him. I have been ignoring him because number one I don't wanna talk to him. Number two I don't feel like I should have to prove myself. Number three if he has any doubts I am cheating then LEAVE. Why waste your time questioning me everytime I get a text.

I hate to be Debbie Downer but it sounds like he may be tippin. 9 times out of 10 when a guy starts with that mess, he is the one tippin.

 

[Geminigirl]

^^^^LOL u are not downing my situation. He called me at work talking about He's gonna do him tonight can i pick the kids up. He usually picks them up but coo I will I dropped them off. Anyways at this point I don't care about our relationship. My family hates him and they wonder why i am even with someone like him. I think it's time to move on.

 

[TCatt86]

^^^^LOL u are not downing my situation. He called me at work talking about He's gonna do him tonight can i pick the kids up. He usually picks them up but coo I will I dropped them off. Anyways at this point I don't care about our relationship. My family hates him and they wonder why i am even with someone like him. I think it's time to move on.

Yeah that means he's been doing him. I hate when men say that. It's so stupid. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck. It's hard to defend yourself against something you aren't even doing and it gets tiring. He has some serious trust issues that he needs to get a handle on.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Why not just tell him you were talking to your girl friend?

Maybe I'm getting old, but some battles are just not worth it, IMO. You can either be happy and have peace or be right all the time. The choice is yours.

I agree that he should not be parenting according to the status of your interactions with him, but I'm not prepared to say this is entirely an issue of his insecurity. If my man was texting/emailing after 10 or 11 at night, I'd be curious too.

I agree with the PP who said a conversation needs to be had. This, IMO, is not something to break up over. It's something you sit down and discuss and get an understanding about. If there are other issues, then that's something different, but to break up over this is childish and hasty, IMO.

 

[Geminigirl]

because why do I need to explain myself over and over again to him. I understand that if some people were to get late night texts that would be suspicious BUT I was not textn I was simply responding to a text that I happen to get at 3 40 in the morning the text had actually been sent early that morning around 1 I just didn't respond til I had got up and just checked my phone. I wasnt textn back and forth all night long.The point is i already told him that sometimes my friend texts me late.This one incident is not enough to break up over BUT this isn't the only time this has happened. he has went through my phone numerous of times without my permission, anytime I get a text his ears perk up. If I LOL at a text he wants to know who it is what did they say WHY?!? It's so annoying. Can I have some private time PUH LEASE. Imagine someone hounding you about your phone constantly IT GETS OLD. He's never gonna change I can see that now. I u

 

[drasgrl]

ITA. One other thing I notice: OP said he stop doing things for the kids because he was pissed at her. OP need to watch that. If he has issue with you, it shouldn't impact him helping with HIS kids.

That was a MAJOR red flag for me.

So he thinks he can hurt you by neglecting his kids? Yeah that's real mature. My bf was like that always asking me if I was cheating. How could I when I'm with you 24/7? He has trust issues concerning his father leaving as a child. Eventually I just got tired if it and said just believe what you want I don't care. I wasn't going to keep arguing with him about it. After that he kinda straightened up.

You said you are through with the relationship but still talk to him about it. He may still not trust you but that's his issue not hopefully he'll see what a fool he's been and change his ways. You can tell him until you're blue in the face but he's going to believe what he wants to believe. I just hope he will be a responsible father if you do leave and not take out his anger with you on the kids.

 

[Bunny77]

Didn't you make a post about this guy being really good friends with the ho-ish chick at work or something like that?

 

[Geminigirl]

oh he will def be a father. I am sure tonight he will be telling me he's gonna come get the kids sometime soon.

What a coincidence my boyfriends father left him too when he was young but his dad is in his life now. so I don't know why he is still using that.

 

[Geminigirl]

yes bunny, he talks to that girl.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Ok...i see where dis is goin.... *lightin up my newport one hunnert puff*

Lemme tell u what he doin. He's playin dat dumb ole *** psych game. Psychin u out, havin u going crazee playin dumb mind games (i.e., packin his stuff, putting it in da car knowin damn well he ain't got no where to go...it's cold outside and we are jive like in a recession...aint nobody housin nobody now cuz we too close to Crimmus and here we barely ate at Thanksgiving), accusin u of cheatin on him when he knows damn well u ain't, accusin u of havin men textin u all hours of the night, and you feedin right into his game. See, its just a matter of time before he's caught in his sh__t, and trust, it won't take long. *takes anotha drag off da newport*

Botton line to dat is, he's takin da focus off of him, and puttin it on u so he can go out there and do what he wanna do. Flippin da script. He tryna find a reason to have a reason to step out (i.e., askin u if ur cheatin, startin arguments, not speakin, and all dat otha dumb stuff). He knows das ur best friend textin u...and das da reason/loophole he needs to step out.

Somebody got his nose wiiiide open and he tryna find a way out to blame u in a sense cuz he feelin guilty (i.e., startin arguments, not wantin to take da chirren to school, comin home late, his cell phone ringin off da hook, etc. u get da picha). All that not takin his kids to school, etc is some bullshiggidy. Anytime a man changes his program, somethin is up. Chile, I done been der, done dat. Yall had a nice lil routine goin on, now some chick done came thru n put salt in da game.

Now, as for you....you don't owe him no explanation cuz he already know wassup and so do you. Whatchu need to do is stop *scuse me...gotta take anotha puff* feedin into his bull and get ur control back. First, stop explainin urself and turn ur phone off durin da day. When yall home, and he starts askin u dumb shiggidy, don't even answer him. Be nice. Uh huh....das right...be nice to him. Don't change what you do. If he steps out, let him and when he comes back in, don't ask him where you been, u smell like perfume, cigaretts n puddi...dont say none of that,cuz das da kinda reaction he wants. Get up n take da chirren to school...they urs too, cuz if he leaves, u gotta take dem anyway... I know u think i'm crazy, but see men are dumb and they usually dont dummy up til they around 40s....seriously. When you do this, now he gonna sit back and try n figa out what's wrong witchu, and what ur up too.....in other words, he's gonna get scared cuz ur not reactin the way he wants u too.... this road is all too familiar to me. I wish it was me he was playin dis mess on. Thats when da slip up will come. All you gotta do is sit back and let it come to you without even sayin or doin anything. Men dont know how to cheat without gettin caught. Trust me on this one. Plus he young too???? just from what I read, he aint even playin it right.

Then again, I could be wrong. Maybe he just young dumb and fulla kumm... Stop lettin him emotionally drain you and givin him what he wants.....a reaction. We as women are too smart for this. This is sooo classic and old. All u gotta do is think and get ur respect back.

I hope Im wrong...

My $0.02

 

[Cincysweetie]

Didn't you make a post about this guy being really good friends with the ho-ish chick at work or something like that?

yes bunny, he talks to that girl.

Well, well, well.....

Ok...i see where dis is goin.... *lightin up my newport one hunnert puff*

Lemme tell u what he doin. He's playin dat dumb ole *** psych game. Psychin u out, havin u going crazee playin dumb mind games (i.e., packin his stuff, putting it in da car knowin damn well he ain't got no where to go...it's cold outside and we are jive like in a recession...aint nobody housin nobody now cuz we too close to Crimmus and here we barely ate at Thanksgiving), accusin u of cheatin on him when he knows damn well u ain't, accusin u of havin men textin u all hours of the night, and you feedin right into his game. See, its just a matter of time before he's caught in his sh__t, and trust, it won't take long. *takes anotha drag off da newport*

Botton line to dat is, he's takin da focus off of him, and puttin it on u so he can go out there and do what he wanna do. Flippin da script. He tryna find a reason to have a reason to step out (i.e., askin u if ur cheatin, startin arguments, not speakin, and all dat otha dumb stuff). He knows das ur best friend textin u...and das da reason/loophole he needs to step out.

Somebody got his nose wiiiide open and he tryna find a way out to blame u in a sense cuz he feelin guilty (i.e., startin arguments, not wantin to take da chirren to school, comin home late, his cell phone ringin off da hook, etc. u get da picha). All that not takin his kids to school, etc is some bullshiggidy. Anytime a man changes his program, somethin is up. Chile, I done been der, done dat. Yall had a nice lil routine goin on, now some chick done came thru n put salt in da game.

Now, as for you....you don't owe him no explanation cuz he already know wassup and so do you. Whatchu need to do is stop *scuse me...gotta take anotha puff* feedin into his bull and get ur control back. First, stop explainin urself and turn ur phone off durin da day. When yall home, and he starts askin u dumb shiggidy, don't even answer him. Be nice. Uh huh....das right...be nice to him. Don't change what you do. If he steps out, let him and when he comes back in, don't ask him where you been, u smell like perfume, cigaretts n puddi...dont say none of that,cuz das da kinda reaction he wants. Get up n take da chirren to school...they urs too, cuz if he leaves, u gotta take dem anyway... I know u think i'm crazy, but see men are dumb and they usually dont dummy up til they around 40s....seriously. When you do this, now he gonna sit back and try n figa out what's wrong witchu, and what ur up too.....in other words, he's gonna get scared cuz ur not reactin the way he wants u too.... this road is all too familiar to me. I wish it was me he was playin dis mess on. Thats when da slip up will come. All you gotta do is sit back and let it come to you without even sayin or doin anything. Men dont know how to cheat without gettin caught. Trust me on this one. Plus he young too???? just from what I read, he aint even playin it right.

Then again, I could be wrong. Maybe he just young dumb and fulla kumm... Stop lettin him emotionally drain you and givin him what he wants.....a reaction. We as women are too smart for this. This is sooo classic and old. All u gotta do is think and get ur respect back.

I hope Im wrong...

My $0.02

I have a feeling you are NOT wrong. Especially after Bunny's post. The writing is on the wall...classic cheating male behavior. But I may be wrong also. Idk, something just doesn't sit right with me about this.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

yes bunny, he talks to that girl.

So, why are you still with him?

 

[treybaby2005]

Ok...i see where dis is goin.... *lightin up my newport one hunnert puff*

Lemme tell u what he doin. He's playin dat dumb ole *** psych game. Psychin u out, havin u going crazee playin dumb mind games (i.e., packin his stuff, putting it in da car knowin damn well he ain't got no where to go...it's cold outside and we are jive like in a recession...aint nobody housin nobody now cuz we too close to Crimmus and here we barely ate at Thanksgiving), accusin u of cheatin on him when he knows damn well u ain't, accusin u of havin men textin u all hours of the night, and you feedin right into his game. See, its just a matter of time before he's caught in his sh__t, and trust, it won't take long. *takes anotha drag off da newport*

Botton line to dat is, he's takin da focus off of him, and puttin it on u so he can go out there and do what he wanna do. Flippin da script. He tryna find a reason to have a reason to step out (i.e., askin u if ur cheatin, startin arguments, not speakin, and all dat otha dumb stuff). He knows das ur best friend textin u...and das da reason/loophole he needs to step out.

Somebody got his nose wiiiide open and he tryna find a way out to blame u in a sense cuz he feelin guilty (i.e., startin arguments, not wantin to take da chirren to school, comin home late, his cell phone ringin off da hook, etc. u get da picha). All that not takin his kids to school, etc is some bullshiggidy. Anytime a man changes his program, somethin is up. Chile, I done been der, done dat. Yall had a nice lil routine goin on, now some chick done came thru n put salt in da game.

Now, as for you....you don't owe him no explanation cuz he already know wassup and so do you. Whatchu need to do is stop *scuse me...gotta take anotha puff* feedin into his bull and get ur control back. First, stop explainin urself and turn ur phone off durin da day. When yall home, and he starts askin u dumb shiggidy, don't even answer him. Be nice. Uh huh....das right...be nice to him. Don't change what you do. If he steps out, let him and when he comes back in, don't ask him where you been, u smell like perfume, cigaretts n puddi...dont say none of that,cuz das da kinda reaction he wants. Get up n take da chirren to school...they urs too, cuz if he leaves, u gotta take dem anyway... I know u think i'm crazy, but see men are dumb and they usually dont dummy up til they around 40s....seriously. When you do this, now he gonna sit back and try n figa out what's wrong witchu, and what ur up too.....in other words, he's gonna get scared cuz ur not reactin the way he wants u too.... this road is all too familiar to me. I wish it was me he was playin dis mess on. Thats when da slip up will come. All you gotta do is sit back and let it come to you without even sayin or doin anything. Men dont know how to cheat without gettin caught. Trust me on this one. Plus he young too???? just from what I read, he aint even playin it right.

Then again, I could be wrong. Maybe he just young dumb and fulla kumm... Stop lettin him emotionally drain you and givin him what he wants.....a reaction. We as women are too smart for this. This is sooo classic and old. All u gotta do is think and get ur respect back.

I hope Im wrong...

My $0.02

What she said!