Hi, this is my situation.
Oct 2011 I met a guy named A. Everything was awesome, couldn't have asked for a better guy. We both had 1 kid from previous marriages and both are interracial (I’m black & he’s white). He said "I love you" pretty soon into our relationship and let me know that was only the 2ndtime he had been the 1st one to say it. The other time was when he was 15. He let me know he hasn’t seen her since then. That was 15 years ago. 10 years go by & they hadn't seen each other but made plans to only he flaked. She didn't talk to him for 5 years. That’s how he eventually landed with me. November arrives so A & I go to Denver. Perfect. When we come back, he's acting weird. We break up during Thanksgiving but get back together a week later. The Dec day of our reconciliation, he tells me that he doesn’t want to hurt me and that his love for her will always come first. I scoff it away because he hasn’t even seen C in 15 years or spoken to her in 5. Turns out he had contacted C in Nov. I was not aware of this till Jan.
Because his behavior was really wishy-washy, I started to feel like something was up. Yeah, I snooped. Not even the fbi can dig up as much info as a hurt woman. That’s how I found out she was back in the picture. I confronted him about it. He blew it off. He also added her to his facebook and began to “like” any and every picture she was in. By this I mean, ONLY pictures with her in it. I try not to let it faze me. Jealousy is not attractive. But it was eating at my core. He was with me. He loved me.
My lease was ending & he suggests I move in. Huge deal because I'm the 1st he has lived w/ since his ex-wife. Only, C is back in his life. Confused & a bit insecure about things w/ A, I keep an eye on his stuff. Why have C in his life if she's "just a friend"? Why doesn’t what we have mean enough to him to let her go? Against this gnawing feeling, I eventually move in.
He spends a lot of time on his cell phone texting and talking to multiple girls, all exes. None of which should have his new number since he got a new phone in November. I don’t say anything. It’s not my place and I’m not the controlling type. So one day he takes the kids to the pool in our subdivision and I text him thank you. I let him know I appreciate the time he took out his normal stuff to be with them and I noticed he even left his phone. He withdrew. He's always been moody but now he was saying I had no right to thank him because it was like I was trying to control his phone time. Things were getting bad. I was walking on eggshells. I had never loved anyone as much as him and I wasn’t trying to lose him. There was no way I could make things better...so I try talking to her.
She's known him for the longest… They’re just friends right? She's seeing a guy & still married (but separated I guess) from what I’ve read over the months & what she’s telling me is she is over A. Why are they still friends then? The uneasy feeling is sorta going away but 1 night he gets mad at me and he spends all night downstairs texting her. It crushed me. I messaged her and moved out. He was furious.
That was May 2012. July he apologizes and we try to work things out...
But she's STILL in the picture. I say **** it. He moves in Oct to FL for his job (he's military) & I see a picture of him holding her on his facebook. Guess they met up. On what would have been our 1 year anniversary.
I break down and finally pull myself together this Jan. Feb, he sends my daughter shoes for her birthday & sends me texts saying how much he misses me and he’s never been attracted to anyone as much as me. He tells me how much he misses being inside me. It's stupid sext-talk only he wants to meet up in May. I was over things but then there was that hope. All of Feb we’re flirting and chatting but March comes and he’s distant again. I contact him in April asking if May was off. He says probably. We still flirt and send messages but now the month is ending and I find out he’s been seeing her.
The girl who my relationship ended over has what once was my man. Yet he’s been sexting ME? I’m furious and hurt and humiliated all at once. She’s married with two kids -both of which are boys and that’s everything he said he never wanted (a woman w/ multiple kids or to raise another man’s sons because he has his own son). I want to send her the pictures and let her know but damn… that’s not even in my character. He still wants to be friends and possibly even sext “what [I’m] comfortable with”.
She took him away and I want her to know he hasn’t really left. But I also want to be the bigger person. What should I do?