Hi I'm a newbie and this is my second post, first thread. If anyone is up this early can you please give me advice on a dating situation I have. I know there are male subscribers here, so advice from the men and women would be helpful. If there are any replies I will post the dating situation I need advice in the next post.
HELP relationship advice
- Thread starter theRaven
- Start date
RoundEyedGirl504
Well-Known Member
You may want to just post and see what you get
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
Why are you waiting to make another thread?
Situation:
My date for yesterday afternoon was cancelled. The guy said he was in car accident so he can not go.
Feeling terrible about his accident I ask is he okay and if he is injured. He is fine but his friend is in the hospital and he will check on him once a tow truck arrives. Glad he is okay I send a text that I am glad he is okay, and to let me know when he makes it home safely and when his friend's condition is stable. He texts thanks.
I never receive a reply back. The next day Sunday I am thinking the worst of his friend's condition so I text him how is his friend's condition. No reply. That night I am heading to the library I see him and his cousin playing video games in our campus community room. His cousin sees me and asks why I am leaving as I walk off (confused and upset). An hour later the guy sends the text "Hey how are you?". I do not respond.
The following day which is today he sends a text " Hey haven't heard from you are you alright?" I still don't respond because I am at work. Eventually later on my break I respond "I am working".
Since we both live on campus housing after work I knock on his door to hear him explain his situation. I ask why did he not reply if he is okay and his friend as well. I understand that he may not want talk or be bothered with anyone after being in an accident, but he was in the community room the next day playing video games as if nothing happened. He explains that it is way too late in the day to send the text, he checked his phone much later and was kind of avoiding calls because of concerned and angry family members calling all day.
Sigh : I just want to ask if I am over reacting. All I wanted was a confirmation that he and his friend were okay, THAT'S it. My friends (2 guys 1 girl) all say he was bulls**ting because he wanted an excuse to cancel the date where I don't ask too many questions and wont be mad that he cancelled. There reasoning is that he only texted the next day because he got caught playing video games.
Sorry for such a long winded post but when I write I try to give as much details as possible.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
My date for yesterday afternoon was cancelled. The guy said he was in car accident so he can not go.
Feeling terrible about his accident I ask is he okay and if he is injured. He is fine but his friend is in the hospital and he will check on him once a tow truck arrives. Glad he is okay I send a text that I am glad he is okay, and to let me know when he makes it home safely and when his friend's condition is stable. He texts thanks.
I never receive a reply back. The next day Sunday I am thinking the worst of his friend's condition so I text him how is his friend's condition. No reply. That night I am heading to the library I see him and his cousin playing video games in our campus community room. His cousin sees me and asks why I am leaving as I walk off (confused and upset). An hour later the guy sends the text "Hey how are you?". I do not respond.
The following day which is today he sends a text " Hey haven't heard from you are you alright?" I still don't respond because I am at work. Eventually later on my break I respond "I am working".
Since we both live on campus housing after work I knock on his door to hear him explain his situation. I ask why did he not reply if he is okay and his friend as well. I understand that he may not want talk or be bothered with anyone after being in an accident, but he was in the community room the next day playing video games as if nothing happened. He explains that it is way too late in the day to send the text, he checked his phone much later and was kind of avoiding calls because of concerned and angry family members calling all day.
Sigh : I just want to ask if I am over reacting. All I wanted was a confirmation that he and his friend were okay, THAT'S it. My friends (2 guys 1 girl) all say he was bulls**ting because he wanted an excuse to cancel the date where I don't ask too many questions and wont be mad that he cancelled. There reasoning is that he only texted the next day because he got caught playing video games.
Sorry for such a long winded post but when I write I try to give as much details as possible.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
I agree with your friends. Cut this guy loose and move on.
RocStar
Well-Known Member
You are giving this situation way too much attention.
I don't know if he lied or not (I tend to believe that he is), but that doesn't matter. If he wants to go out with you, he will ask you again. But don't sweat it. If he makes the effort to contact you, text you, etc., then go with the flow. He is not your man (right?) so getting mad at him at this stage may not serve you well. Keep your eyes open and don't just automatically believe what he says...some guys lie and are punks. And it is way easier to lie over text then in person or over the phone.
I would also say don't do all of the communication via text, but I am an old school type of gal (translation to some = old).
I don't know if he lied or not (I tend to believe that he is), but that doesn't matter. If he wants to go out with you, he will ask you again. But don't sweat it. If he makes the effort to contact you, text you, etc., then go with the flow. He is not your man (right?) so getting mad at him at this stage may not serve you well. Keep your eyes open and don't just automatically believe what he says...some guys lie and are punks. And it is way easier to lie over text then in person or over the phone.
I would also say don't do all of the communication via text, but I am an old school type of gal (translation to some = old).
Last edited:
Thank you both for the replies. No we are only dating and this was supposed to be our first date. The thing is we have a second date in a few weeks for an art museum but after this 
After tonight's conversation I made it apparent to him after he mentioned we have another opportunity with the second date, that I will see based on my work schedule (although I made sure I was off for that day).
I prefer calling or in person conversation as well but my school and work schedule makes this very difficult. So small talks are though text messages until we are both free in our schedule.
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
After tonight's conversation I made it apparent to him after he mentioned we have another opportunity with the second date, that I will see based on my work schedule (although I made sure I was off for that day).I prefer calling or in person conversation as well but my school and work schedule makes this very difficult. So small talks are though text messages until we are both free in our schedule.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
Mocha, just sit back and wait and see how things go. See if he calls to take you out. Let him know the hours when you are free to talk (as in not text). You have to have some time within a 24-hour period that you are free to talk. If he doesn't make any effort to talk to you then there you go. If he never tries to firm up the second date, then you'll have your answer. I'd give him the next few weeks to "fix" things and possibly take you out, if he doesn't then boo on him. I'm sorry things didn't work out how you hoped. I know how disappointing that can be. (((Hugs)))
You are right if he calls or does not call either action is a response. For now I just need space and I need to keep myself busy in my studies and work; especially since finals are around the corner :/ I definitely will let him know to call instead of text when I am available.
It is a bit disappointing but like the saying goes "there are other fish in the sea" .
Thank you (((Hugs back)))
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dreamgurl82
Member
Mocha - for what it's worth my gut instinct is telling me you need to let this one go. He is acting so shady so early on in the relationship when he's really supposed to be putting his best foot forward- it doesn't bode well good luck with your finals - focus on that x
good luck with your finals - focus on that x
tocktick
Well-Known Member
He is giving you the run around, imo. I also believe he only got back in contact because he got caught and felt guilty. He might've also wanted to smooth things over because whilst he wanted to get out of the date, he had hopes of keeping you on the back burner just in case.
I think you should save your energies for someone more deserving and forget this guy. I wouldn't entertain his calls, texts etc again if I were you.
I think you should save your energies for someone more deserving and forget this guy. I wouldn't entertain his calls, texts etc again if I were you.
lollikd
Member
Hi, this is my situation.
Oct 2011 I met a guy named A. Everything was awesome, couldn't have asked for a better guy. We both had 1 kid from previous marriages and both are interracial (I’m black & he’s white). He said "I love you" pretty soon into our relationship and let me know that was only the 2ndtime he had been the 1st one to say it. The other time was when he was 15. He let me know he hasn’t seen her since then. That was 15 years ago. 10 years go by & they hadn't seen each other but made plans to only he flaked. She didn't talk to him for 5 years. That’s how he eventually landed with me. November arrives so A & I go to Denver. Perfect. When we come back, he's acting weird. We break up during Thanksgiving but get back together a week later. The Dec day of our reconciliation, he tells me that he doesn’t want to hurt me and that his love for her will always come first. I scoff it away because he hasn’t even seen C in 15 years or spoken to her in 5. Turns out he had contacted C in Nov. I was not aware of this till Jan.
Because his behavior was really wishy-washy, I started to feel like something was up. Yeah, I snooped. Not even the fbi can dig up as much info as a hurt woman. That’s how I found out she was back in the picture. I confronted him about it. He blew it off. He also added her to his facebook and began to “like” any and every picture she was in. By this I mean, ONLY pictures with her in it. I try not to let it faze me. Jealousy is not attractive. But it was eating at my core. He was with me. He loved me.
My lease was ending & he suggests I move in. Huge deal because I'm the 1st he has lived w/ since his ex-wife. Only, C is back in his life. Confused & a bit insecure about things w/ A, I keep an eye on his stuff. Why have C in his life if she's "just a friend"? Why doesn’t what we have mean enough to him to let her go? Against this gnawing feeling, I eventually move in.
He spends a lot of time on his cell phone texting and talking to multiple girls, all exes. None of which should have his new number since he got a new phone in November. I don’t say anything. It’s not my place and I’m not the controlling type. So one day he takes the kids to the pool in our subdivision and I text him thank you. I let him know I appreciate the time he took out his normal stuff to be with them and I noticed he even left his phone. He withdrew. He's always been moody but now he was saying I had no right to thank him because it was like I was trying to control his phone time. Things were getting bad. I was walking on eggshells. I had never loved anyone as much as him and I wasn’t trying to lose him. There was no way I could make things better...so I try talking to her.
She's known him for the longest… They’re just friends right? She's seeing a guy & still married (but separated I guess) from what I’ve read over the months & what she’s telling me is she is over A. Why are they still friends then? The uneasy feeling is sorta going away but 1 night he gets mad at me and he spends all night downstairs texting her. It crushed me. I messaged her and moved out. He was furious.
That was May 2012. July he apologizes and we try to work things out...
But she's STILL in the picture. I say **** it. He moves in Oct to FL for his job (he's military) & I see a picture of him holding her on his facebook. Guess they met up. On what would have been our 1 year anniversary.
I break down and finally pull myself together this Jan. Feb, he sends my daughter shoes for her birthday & sends me texts saying how much he misses me and he’s never been attracted to anyone as much as me. He tells me how much he misses being inside me. It's stupid sext-talk only he wants to meet up in May. I was over things but then there was that hope. All of Feb we’re flirting and chatting but March comes and he’s distant again. I contact him in April asking if May was off. He says probably. We still flirt and send messages but now the month is ending and I find out he’s been seeing her.
The girl who my relationship ended over has what once was my man. Yet he’s been sexting ME? I’m furious and hurt and humiliated all at once. She’s married with two kids -both of which are boys and that’s everything he said he never wanted (a woman w/ multiple kids or to raise another man’s sons because he has his own son). I want to send her the pictures and let her know but damn… that’s not even in my character. He still wants to be friends and possibly even sext “what [I’m] comfortable with”.
She took him away and I want her to know he hasn’t really left. But I also want to be the bigger person. What should I do?
Oct 2011 I met a guy named A. Everything was awesome, couldn't have asked for a better guy. We both had 1 kid from previous marriages and both are interracial (I’m black & he’s white). He said "I love you" pretty soon into our relationship and let me know that was only the 2ndtime he had been the 1st one to say it. The other time was when he was 15. He let me know he hasn’t seen her since then. That was 15 years ago. 10 years go by & they hadn't seen each other but made plans to only he flaked. She didn't talk to him for 5 years. That’s how he eventually landed with me. November arrives so A & I go to Denver. Perfect. When we come back, he's acting weird. We break up during Thanksgiving but get back together a week later. The Dec day of our reconciliation, he tells me that he doesn’t want to hurt me and that his love for her will always come first. I scoff it away because he hasn’t even seen C in 15 years or spoken to her in 5. Turns out he had contacted C in Nov. I was not aware of this till Jan.
Because his behavior was really wishy-washy, I started to feel like something was up. Yeah, I snooped. Not even the fbi can dig up as much info as a hurt woman. That’s how I found out she was back in the picture. I confronted him about it. He blew it off. He also added her to his facebook and began to “like” any and every picture she was in. By this I mean, ONLY pictures with her in it. I try not to let it faze me. Jealousy is not attractive. But it was eating at my core. He was with me. He loved me.
My lease was ending & he suggests I move in. Huge deal because I'm the 1st he has lived w/ since his ex-wife. Only, C is back in his life. Confused & a bit insecure about things w/ A, I keep an eye on his stuff. Why have C in his life if she's "just a friend"? Why doesn’t what we have mean enough to him to let her go? Against this gnawing feeling, I eventually move in.
He spends a lot of time on his cell phone texting and talking to multiple girls, all exes. None of which should have his new number since he got a new phone in November. I don’t say anything. It’s not my place and I’m not the controlling type. So one day he takes the kids to the pool in our subdivision and I text him thank you. I let him know I appreciate the time he took out his normal stuff to be with them and I noticed he even left his phone. He withdrew. He's always been moody but now he was saying I had no right to thank him because it was like I was trying to control his phone time. Things were getting bad. I was walking on eggshells. I had never loved anyone as much as him and I wasn’t trying to lose him. There was no way I could make things better...so I try talking to her.
She's known him for the longest… They’re just friends right? She's seeing a guy & still married (but separated I guess) from what I’ve read over the months & what she’s telling me is she is over A. Why are they still friends then? The uneasy feeling is sorta going away but 1 night he gets mad at me and he spends all night downstairs texting her. It crushed me. I messaged her and moved out. He was furious.
That was May 2012. July he apologizes and we try to work things out...
But she's STILL in the picture. I say **** it. He moves in Oct to FL for his job (he's military) & I see a picture of him holding her on his facebook. Guess they met up. On what would have been our 1 year anniversary.
I break down and finally pull myself together this Jan. Feb, he sends my daughter shoes for her birthday & sends me texts saying how much he misses me and he’s never been attracted to anyone as much as me. He tells me how much he misses being inside me. It's stupid sext-talk only he wants to meet up in May. I was over things but then there was that hope. All of Feb we’re flirting and chatting but March comes and he’s distant again. I contact him in April asking if May was off. He says probably. We still flirt and send messages but now the month is ending and I find out he’s been seeing her.
The girl who my relationship ended over has what once was my man. Yet he’s been sexting ME? I’m furious and hurt and humiliated all at once. She’s married with two kids -both of which are boys and that’s everything he said he never wanted (a woman w/ multiple kids or to raise another man’s sons because he has his own son). I want to send her the pictures and let her know but damn… that’s not even in my character. He still wants to be friends and possibly even sext “what [I’m] comfortable with”.
She took him away and I want her to know he hasn’t really left. But I also want to be the bigger person. What should I do?
RocStar
Well-Known Member
^^^^^Just move on...he is telling both you guys the same thing. He is probably sexting with her too. He is playing with both of ya'll. He has proven himself to be deceptive, so don't think he is telling the truth now. He has already disrespected you and your relationship. Don't let it happen again.
bklynbornNbred
Well-Known Member
She didn't take him away HE chose to cheat.
YOU also chose to ignore all the signs that were right in front of your face. He's been staying in touch with not only her but a bunch of exes - so what exactly are you fighting for? Let her deal with his nonsense - shake it off - block his number from your phone and move on. Putting him on blast does nothing. Putting pictures of you with your new man on FB will (hey that's the petty in me).
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
No. Dont go the bitter route. Truth is he doesnt want u . If he did he would be there. He stringing u along just incase the onw he wants rejects him. You gotta move forward.
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