HELP ME TO SLOW DOWN!!

[NYCQT16]

Okay...so here's the issue. I have broken all the rules of being a strong women and have been pining away for my ex for the last 4 years (double the time we were even together!). I have been back & forth and all that. I couldn't get myself truly interested in another man.

However, very very recently I have met someone and I think I like him. This is huge for me. The problem is that I am afraid of falling fast! That is my BIG issue: I fall so quickly and get ahead of myself. I know it is based on a lot of my own self-issues that I am diligently working on.

In the meantime I need CONCRETE advice & things I can do/tell myself/whatever to avoid getting caught up emotionally! I am not worried about physically because I can control that, it's just when it comes to my feelings I get all over the place.

Please Help!! Thanks Ladies

ETA: It's not even about us dating or anything like that yet. We are just going to be hanging out (with other people I'm sure) but I can just see myself going too far emotionally.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

There's a lot to be said on this topic, but I'm in a hurry so I'll just leave a couple of book recs and you're welcome to PM me if you want to discuss this at length...

The Ten Commandments of Dating (written from a Christian perspective, but this advice is practical for EVERY woman on the modern dating scene)

Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives (Dr. Laura is controversial, but she offers some sound advice in this book)

 

[NYCQT16]

Thank you so much! I gotta look those up ASAP...cuz I ended up talking to him on the phone and I could feel the like growing I'm almost gone erplexed

 

[Laginappe]

There's a lot to be said on this topic, but I'm in a hurry so I'll just leave a couple of book recs and you're welcome to PM me if you want to discuss this at length...

The Ten Commandments of Dating (written from a Christian perspective, but this advice is practical for EVERY woman on the modern dating scene)

Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives (Dr. Laura is controversial, but she offers some sound advice in this book)

Co-sign on the bolded.

 

[NYCQT16]

BUMPING....

 

[Farida]

Co-sign on the bolded.

I triple co-sign on Dr. Laura's book too

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Okay...so here's the issue. I have broken all the rules of being a strong women and have been pining away for my ex for the last 4 years (double the time we were even together!). I have been back & forth and all that. I couldn't get myself truly interested in another man.

However, very very recently I have met someone and I think I like him. This is huge for me. The problem is that I am afraid of falling fast! That is my BIG issue: I fall so quickly and get ahead of myself. I know it is based on a lot of my own self-issues that I am diligently working on.

In the meantime I need CONCRETE advice & things I can do/tell myself/whatever to avoid getting caught up emotionally! I am not worried about physically because I can control that, it's just when it comes to my feelings I get all over the place.

Please Help!! Thanks Ladies

ETA: It's not even about us dating or anything like that yet. We are just going to be hanging out (with other people I'm sure) but I can just see myself going too far emotionally.

Okay first of all.... Take a DEEP breath!

You HAVE to stay one step behind this guy emotionally. Otherwise, you'll get carried away. That's just how we as women are. We tend to get emotionally attached so quickly, and even fall in love with what a man can potentially become rather than who he actually is! If he hasn't said that you two are exclusive yet, or that he wants to become exclusive with you, then you need to slow that buggy down sister!

You have to tell yourself that you're still unsure about him. Remember, he's supposed to be convincing YOU that he's good enough to be your bf. When you take this approach, or start thinking in this way, then you won't allow yourself to be swept away. It really has to do with how you think. That makes all the difference in the world. Believe you are a prize, and you will turn him into a believer.

In the meantime, to prevent from becoming "sprung":

Don't stop hanging out with your friends--You had friends before you met him, so continue to hang out and spend time with them! It will help keep you grounded. Plus, it will give you a break from him.

Pick up a hobby, or continue to perfect a hobby or favorite past-time--Don't make the mistake and drop all of your hobbies in order to ensure that you'll have more time for him. Continue to find things that enrich and fulfill your life with/without a man. Take a mini vacation BY YOURSELF. Set aside some "me" time. Pamper yourself. Do SOMETHING that doesn't involve thinking about him or seeing him. Even in a relationship, people need to have their own personal space.

Tell yourself that he is NOT the only guy on earth--Sometimes we as women can get so swept up with a guy that we put ALL of our eggs in one basket, and forget that there are plenty of other fish in the sea! Don't do this!! As long as you have in the back of your mind that there are plenty of OTHER great guys out there, the less and less you'll feel so pressed to make things work with this guy you're interested in now. I'm not saying that you treat him like dirt, or TELL him that he's not the only fish in the sea , but more so that you tell yourself that even if things don't work out with him, there are always other options. Trust me, guys don't ever sleep on other options. If something falls through with one girl, they usually quickly have a back-up girl or someone else they have probably had their eye on just in case. It's crazy I know...but I think this mentality is what keeps guys from getting sprung so soon.

Agree to see him 2/3 of the time in the beginning---This advice is straight from Sherry Argov's book WMLB. You have to let him work to see you at least SOME of the time. Don't always be so quick to jump at the chance to see him. Keep your phone conversations to about 15 minutes in the beginning stages. Let him yearn/work to "catch" you.

Try your hardest to see him as a friend---This is probably the best advice. Of course act like you like him, and think he's cute, but DON'T give him the impression that you're trying to tie him down. Treat him like you would a friend. Act like you like him, but that you still need some convincing. Don't be afraid to speak your mind if you believe in something strongly. Dont' be afraid to let him see your silly/goofy side. YOu should feel comfortable just being yourself with him. When you change your mindset, then this will become easier.

Well, I hope this gave you some starters.

The best way to keep from getting "emotionally" attached/sprung is to remember that YOU are the prize (not him), and he's trying to "win" YOU! I think that when you slooowww down...take a breather, and remember that your life was fabulous before you met him, then you'll be able to just relaaax and take things in stride w/this guy.

 

[caribgirl]

^^^^Awesome advice^^^^^^

 

[mrsjohnson75]

There's a lot to be said on this topic, but I'm in a hurry so I'll just leave a couple of book recs and you're welcome to PM me if you want to discuss this at length...

The Ten Commandments of Dating (written from a Christian perspective, but this advice is practical for EVERY woman on the modern dating scene)

Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives (Dr. Laura is controversial, but she offers some sound advice in this book)

I like Dr. Laura! I listen to her everyday!

 

[NYCQT16]

I've reserved Dr. Laura's book from my local library

And crystalicequeen...THANK YOU...Love the advice! I will definitely be putting that into practice!!