Help! Dating Advice For Those That Are Not Physically Attractive

[yardyspice]

Q. Dating Advice for Those That Are Not Physically Attractive: Almost all of my past girlfriends have been funny, intelligent, interesting, and great people. I have stayed friends with many of them (even went to a few of their weddings). They have all been physically attractive. I've tried dating women that were not as physically attractive to me (but still had the other qualities) because I didn't want to be "that guy" and I believe that people shouldn't be judged on their looks. But I could never get into the relationships. I am friends with some amazing women who have great traits, but would not be considered physically attractive. Some of them confide in me that they have trouble finding good men and ask me for advice. I tend to give them general dating advice but I don't know how to do more than that. Their looks are probably the only thing holding them back; and since that affects who I date (and yes, I do dislike that aspect about myself), I don't know what, if anything, I should tell them.




A: If only "good-looking" people were able to find mates, natural selection would have made it so that by now everyone on the planet would be Vogue-worthy. No, you just can't say, "Miranda, I love you to death, but face it, you're a dog." But I'm betting that you may have some guy friends who are average-looking themselves, aren't able to outkick their coverage and are in the market for great women in their looks league. If so, do some matchmaking. But if the problem with our female friends is not their intrinsic looks but the fact they dress like schlubs or never wear makeup, then a guy's perspective that they aren't doing everything with what they've got could spur them into action.

 

[naijamerican]

This:

But if the problem with our female friends is not their intrinsic looks but the fact they dress like schlubs or never wear makeup, then a guy's perspective that they aren't doing everything with what they've got could spur them into action.

He doesn't have to diss their appearance, but he could offer them some tips. I don't remember who said this but that quote, "there are no ugly women, only lazy ones" comes to mind. I sincerely believe that ugliness is not a common phenomenon. I like the advice that homegirl gave to this gentleman.

 

[yardyspice]

This:


He doesn't have to diss their appearance, but he could offer them some tips. I don't remember who said this but that quote, "there are no ugly women, only lazy ones" comes to mind. I sincerely believe that ugliness is not a common phenomenon. I like the advice that homegirl gave to this gentleman.

Yep

.............

 

[KittyMeowMeow]

Answer: get physically attractive

I believe any woman of average or better looks can be very beautiful.

I realized this in college at a party with a friend. There was this girl there who had tons of guys swarming around her. But she kinda had a big nose, and her face was just average.

Yet she was gorgeous. She had full, WL curly blond hair, a great body, and was wearing a fitted red dress that accentuated her figure (yet kept it classy). We realized that with fabulous hair, body, and fashion, she had made herself into a beauty. She also had a fun personality and a charming way of carrying herself. Hey, if I were a guy, I would have wanted to talk to her too!

Hair. Body. Fashion. Skin. Makeup. Brows. Posture. Attitude. Walk. Voice. Gestures.

These are all things you have control over.

This was a really powerful thing for me to discover.

 

[Rocky91]

Good advice.
The right hairstyle makeup and clothes can take many women so far.
I don't know how successfully he can communicate that to his friends without hurting them tho. I guess they did ask for help...man idk.

It's so interesting to me that i don't have a male friend i would share feelings like that with. I mean i might ask for matchmaking MIGHT but all that heart to heart? Nah son i have girlfriends for that. Shrug.

Sent from my phone-typos to be expected

 

[lushcoils]

Solution:
1). Learn how to contour

Bonuses:
2). Get a gym membership
3). Hire a stylist and nutritionist

 

[NOEChic]

here we go again with the makeup thing. I know PLENTY of men who don't like women to wear makeup and I know PLENTY of women who are married and don't wear makeup. I don't wear makeup and my ex-husband nor my current minded at all and rather I didn't wear makeup.

 

[snillohsss]

^^^^ I thought they were offering makeup advice to women who were unattractive....and that was the point of the post? Are all the women you speak of considered unattractive? If not....what's your point?

 

[NOEChic]

^^^^ I thought they were offering makeup advice to women who were unattractive....and that was the point of the post? Are all the women you speak of considered unattractive? If not....what's your point?

not all of them are attractive, but i have also seen some unattractive females with makeup on who swear by it.

 

[nlamr2013]

^^^ yeah ita snillohsss good for your two husbands who dont like makeup or whatever. NOEChic however I know for a fact that:
1. many men claim to not like makeup or any female enhancement but when its subtle they barely notice and fall over themselves for the enhanced women.
2. if a splash of makeup helps a woman feel better she is guaranteed to attract someone just because her confidence is up.
3. makeup doesnt always need to be drastic and changing the appearance of a woman's face. it can be very light a subtle and just enhance. once again making the woman feel good.

 

[Ganjababy]

This article reminds me of a lady who is 6'2", looks horsey and is ungainly. Every time I see her I wonder if there is someone out there for her. I know she is trying to find a mate but is finding it difficult. No amount of makeup can help her....

 

[likeacharm]

evsbaby , I know someone who fits that description exactly and she is happily married to an attorney and has 2 kids. She did marry her high school sweetheart though, so she didn't really go through the dating process...

 

[Okay]

....................

 

[cami88]

This article reminds me of a lady who is 6'2", looks horsey and is ungainly. Every time I see her I wonder if there is someone out there for her. I know she is trying to find a mate but is finding it difficult. No amount of makeup can help her....

Why does this have me cracking up here at work??

 

[cami88]

deleted....................

 

[SmileyNY]

Most of the unattractive (according to society anyway) people I come in contact with are in relationships or married so... I don't think they need any help lol.

They need to write a book teaching attractive people to depend on more than their looks.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I think being facially Unattractive can be more than offset by having a great body. For women I have seen this over and over. Of course that's not very PC. But ime that's what I see.

 

[Jasmataz]

Yep. A great body, nice hairstyle, cute outfit, and flattering makeup can take you very far.

I've seen very few women who were so "ugly" that they couldn't do certain things to make themselves more visually appealing.

 

[Nonie]

Two words: self-confidence. Men are like many other animals. They can sense fear/doubt and it is a turn off. Why would they want to be with someone not happy to be with herself? If you can't believe in/love yourself how the hell are you gonna expect someone else to? Seriously, any man can be fooled by the woman who acts like she has something every woman wishes they had.

So take time to find something in you to celebrate. May involve make-up and outward appearance or inner beauty. Groom that quality in you till you are bursting with pride about how hawt you are. As you become so pleased with you, you stop looking like a rabid, scared animal. You become intriguing. Curiosity makes people pay attention. Good fortune (even immaterial like simply happiness) makes people want some of it and is magnetic.

Why do you think the saying Mr Right comes when you least expect it holds true? It is coz most of the time when that happens, the lady in question isn't walking around drooling and looking like the sort of creature that bites and passes on a disease of madness, or like one hungry beast that "must have something wrong with her or she would not be so desperate or so insecure". The lady in question seems to know something no one else does. She intrigues and inspires a desire to learn more about her in those that see her. No one wants a sour puss who'll just bring them down. People gravitate toward positivity. They want to be around motivation and sunshine. So anyone who thinks she's too ugly to attract anyone needs to take a leaf out of the book of all those ugly dudes with pretty women on their arms. They act as if they are some Adonis and unsuspecting women believe that. Y'all need to stop selling yourselves short coz if you don't, then you will continue to convince folks you're not worth sh**.

If a stumpy, bald-headed, shaped like a tub, shy chick like I used to be in high school with no clue about make-up could snag a tall, dark, fit, handsome dude that every girl wanted and keep him hooked for 5 whole years without ever giving up the cookie or even worrying about him straying coz I would hear about how antisocial he is when women approached him from angry *****es (it was he who taught me what faithfulness was) then anyone can find her Adonis.

And another thing about confidence is it seeks no approval from others. If you have to ask "Is this OK to wear? Should I do this?" then you need to go back to the drawing table as you still need work.

 

[Zaynab]

^^^ yeah ita snillohsss good for your two husbands who dont like makeup or whatever. NOEChic however I know for a fact that:
1. many men claim to not like makeup or any female enhancement but when its subtle they barely notice and fall over themselves for the enhanced women.
2. if a splash of makeup helps a woman feel better she is guaranteed to attract someone just because her confidence is up.
3. makeup doesnt always need to be drastic and changing the appearance of a woman's face. it can be very light a subtle and just enhance. once again making the woman feel good.

True Men don't notice makeup unless it's garish and loud. Men also say they "don't like makeup" then are fawning over the very same chicks who are 'made up'. I never have listened to a man that says "I don't like makeup". Oh Ok.

 

[cami88]

^^^ Same goes for "I hate weaves".

 

[Zaynab]

Most of the unattractive (according to society anyway) people I come in contact with are in relationships or married so... I don't think they need any help lol.

They need to write a book teaching attractive people to depend on more than their looks.

People really want to believe that looks are everything so they can use that as an excuse and they aren't

 

[Zaynab]

^^^ Same goes for "I hate weaves".

And plastic surgery I have decided men just don't wanna 'know'. A win is a win to them as long as you look good.

 

[Syrah]

^^^ Same goes for "I hate weaves".

So true. Men have no clue.

 

[CoilyFields]

But in the article he doesn't say anything about the women not putting their better foot forward (the friends or the ones he's dated). So perhaps they are wearing make-up and nice hairstyles and flattering clothes and still are not attractive.

Its also interesting that he didn't say that they thought that their looks were the reason they had trouble finding a mate.

I think there is someone for everyone. I love being a woman because there are so many options for me to change/enhance my looks that aren't available to men. But with that said, not all women want to wear make-up or can get that great shape.

 

[barbiesocialite]

True Men don't notice makeup unless it's garish and loud. Men also say they "don't like makeup" then are fawning over the very same chicks who are 'made up'. I never have listened to a man that says "I don't like makeup". Oh Ok.

this....

^^^ Same goes for "I hate weaves".

this...

And plastic surgery I have decided men just don't wanna 'know'. A win is a win to them as long as you look good.

and this.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Most of the unattractive (according to society anyway) people I come in contact with are in relationships or married so... I don't think they need any help lol.

They need to write a book teaching attractive people to depend on more than their looks.

I agree with this.

I have theory on it but I'd won't be saying it on this board.

 

[cami88]

But in the article he doesn't say anything about the women not putting their better foot forward (the friends or the ones he's dated). So perhaps they are wearing make-up and nice hairstyles and flattering clothes and still are not attractive.

Its also interesting that he didn't say that they thought that their looks were the reason they had trouble finding a mate.

I think there is someone for everyone. I love being a woman because there are so many options for me to change/enhance my looks that aren't available to men. But with that said, not all women want to wear make-up or can get that great shape.

I don't think makeup is a necessity but dammit, it helps. I know several women who don't want to admit this. IMO wearing makeup is a part of being an adult woman. Would they not comb their hair before going to work? Go in with wrinkled clothes. Never. Why then do some women rail against a little makeup?

 

[FelaShrine]

Chile sharrap. you've said it many times before

some men settle.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Chile sharrap. you've said it many times before

some men settle.

oh yea. I prob have said it before.

I wasnt going for the settling argument tho, I was going for the options debate instead. Sometimes people that feel they dont have many options will be desperate to make the first thing they come across work by any means necessary for fear they wont get anything else. "Take what you can get"

On the same token, people that see themselves as having a lot or limitless options find themselves in a predicament where they dont choose because they are always trying to find someone/something better. "I'm too good/better than"