He says I stood him up

[thatscuteright]

So he says that I stood him up. I met a guy from one of the dating sites, about 2 weeks ago. We had a little meet and greet at Panera, and it went fine. We talked here and there and texted here and there. He was a bit sporadic with the communication, and I called him out on it. He laughed and said he will do better.

Last Tuesday he asked me out for dinner for Saturday at 7pm, at a restaurant close to me. He lives about 35 minutes away and purposely chose that restaurant to make it easier for me. I said, sure, no problem, if weather permits we can meet up for dinner. We agreed that it was "tentative " on the weather. After that I never heard back from him all week. Saturday rolls around,the weather is fine, and still no word from him. At 6:30 I decide to wait to hear from him first, to see if he will communicate something. At 7:00 ( the time we are supposed to meet) I bite the bullet and text him first something along these lines " hey I have not heard from you, I am not sure if we are still meeting or not,let me know". No response.

At 7:30, I get a text from him " I am here". At that point I was comfy on the couch and the idea of getting ready and meeting him didn't seem that appealing anymore. He called me at 7:45 and 7:46. He left voicemails, but I didn't bother checking them. At 7:50,I just decided not to be bothered and sent him a text that since I did not hear from him all week or even all day, and I did not know what was going on, I dont think I will be able to make it.

Fastforward to last night, I get a text from him, saying that he felt that I stood him up, however he can uderstand that when something is "tentative" it needs confirmation. Lesson learned. And asked how I was doing. I didnt bother to respond. He is too old, to be acting like this. ( he is 41)

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Why did you wait until time to meet to "bite the bullet" and call him? He probably assumed you were meeting unless you called to tell him the weather didn't permit. So when you didn't call, he thought you were still meeting and it seems you had the opposite idea lol.

 

[thatscuteright]

Why did you wait until time to meet to "bite the bullet" and call him? He probably assumed you were meeting unless you called to tell him the weather didn't permit. So when you didn't call, he thought you were still meeting and it seems you had the opposite idea lol.

I guess, but I never heard from him from Tuesday-Saturday, no hello, how are you doing, how is your week going? Nothing.
And then on Saturday not even an " I am on my way". There was just no communication on his part at all after we agreed to meet.

 

[awhyley]

Well, if it was tentative on the weather and the weather was fine, I would have assumed that it was still on. However, he was wrong not to confirm with you. I still don't see why you didn't respond though. Mistakes happen.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

So you're really mad about the non-communication during the week, not about him confirming the date? It sounds very new, maybe he didn't realize you expected him to keep in touch through the week. Now if that was unusual, he should apologize for his mistake. I think you were a bit passive aggressive about deliberately not getting ready, waiting the last minute to see what's up, etc.

 

[RocStar]

You did.....

 

[Bublin]

OP, you made it tentative, not him so I think YOU should have called to confirm.
Listen, I think we need to give men a break sometimes. There was no reason for you not to call or text him to say hi inbetween time.

I personally see no reason to dump him at this point.

....and why was the date dependant on the weather??

 

[nlamr2013]

Lol you kinda did op. And why didn't you answer when he called at 745 to at least let him ? know you wouldn't be coming. B or heck call at 730 when he said he'd arrived to let him know.

 

[Prinncipality]

You did stand him up. It seems like he really just misunderstood things. If the date was tentative then I don't see what would be wrong with you seeking confirmation earlier in the day.

 

[brownelovely]

I would lean more towards saying what you did was rude and although you didn't mention your age..you both are too old to be acting like this. I believe that communication works both ways...you didn't contact him all week as he didn't contact you. IMO, the "tentative" date was on you so you should have initiated contact to confirm PRIOR to the actual date time. I think you set him up, he failed, and you were ready to give him the boot off something he wasn't prepared for.

Deliberately not responding to him...I won't even bother speaking on that.

 

[hopeful]

I would have assumed the date was off if I hadn't heard a peep from him since Tuesday. No hello, how ya doing, looking forward to seeing you, nothing? Really? Nothing on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday .... Until after you texted. Humph! So that's his bad. But I think that after you texted him, which I think you shouldn't have done, then you should have replied to his texts. Honestly I think he only showed up because of your text. But I could be wrong. I couldn't date someone who could go days without a hello.

 

[Lymegreen]

meh... I don't think she stood him up. OP you didn't do anything wrong. It was a misunderstanding.

If he's ok with moving forward and you are ok with it then next time HE will know to call and confirm.

you did right! 41 y/o man should know better.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

I would have assumed the date was off if I hadn't heard a peep from him since Tuesday. No hello, how ya doing, looking forward to seeing you, nothing? Really? Nothing on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday .... Until after you texted. Humph! So that's his bad. But I think that after you texted him, which I think you shouldn't have done, then you should have replied to his texts. Honestly I think he only showed up because of your text. But I could be wrong. I couldn't date someone who could go days without a hello.

this is the train of thought I am on... Like why no confirmation, even if earlier in day on saturaday, like weathers nice see you later... erplexed

 

[sunnydaze]

meh... I don't think she stood him up. OP you didn't do anything wrong. It was a misunderstanding.

If he's ok with moving forward and you are ok with it then next time HE will know to call and confirm.

you did right! 41 y/o man should know better.

ITA. I will say though that it sounds like he still needs to work on communicating more. You called him out about it before and he said he would work on it. Going a whole week and not checking in is not working on it.

Anyway, your call. If you like him, I'd give it another go before throwing in the towel.

 

[FelaShrine]

I would have assumed the date was off if I hadn't heard a peep from him since Tuesday. No hello, how ya doing, looking forward to seeing you, nothing? Really? Nothing on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday .... Until after you texted. Humph! So that's his bad. But I think that after you texted him, which I think you shouldn't have done, then you should have replied to his texts. Honestly I think he only showed up because of your text. But I could be wrong. I couldn't date someone who could go days without a hello.

Thanks. I thought I was going crazy. Sat morning I'd think dude would call or text hey how's the weather over there, still up for lunch?

She's rude when hes the one that didn't respond to her 7pm text?

 

[Kindheart]

I would have texted him asking if he was still going to come on Sat. I don't like waiting around for others to tell me what I need to know right there and then.

 

[Lucie]

I can see both sides of the coin. But it is strange that you both have not communicated since that day.

 

[cinnespice]

There was a lapse on both sides. I will say communications is a big thing for me too.

 

[kandake]

Let's take the tentative piece out of it.

A man asks you on date 4 days in advance. He doesn't communicate with you during those four days. Not even the day of the date. Would people really show up at the location? I know I wouldn't.

No communication, no final confirmation, no date.

Even with my friends I'm not showing up anywhere unless it's confirmed the day of.

 

[hopeful]

I'd tell him to call me and we can talk. I would not respond to anymore texts. When and if he calls accept or return the call promptly. I'd tell him that I expect steady communication and confirmation of dates ahead of time. And if he dropped the ball again as in very little communication or not confirming a date, all texts and no phone calls, I'd move on. If he dropped the ball again soon that would be three strikes IMO. Two weeks in he should be doing better and trying to get to know you better. Good luck.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

I don't think the OP stood him up. However I wouldn't have waited until 7pm the day of to confirm. But why didn't he respond until 730? Dude was 30 minutes late to a date and didn't give you a heads up to say so? Didn't even both to say anything in the days before? Hmmm.

If I don't hear from you, whether it's me contacting you or vice versa, to confirm, friend or date, I'm not going.

But I'm a planner/worry wort so I would have confirmed at least the day before if I didn't hear from him.

 

[lux10023]

OP you did not stand him up--why didn't he confirm with you?

41 god damn yrs old--im sorry

who goes to meet someone who they haven't heard from the day b4 or day of?

i would've sat right there on the couch and said the next time we plan to meet please confirm with me b4 heading to the venue as i didn't hear from you so was not sure if we were on for dinner.

you teach ppl how to treat you..sporadic communication and dude at 41 does not know how to confirm a date..umm no!!!

 

[thatscuteright]

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[thatscuteright]

I would have assumed the date was off if I hadn't heard a peep from him since Tuesday. No hello, how ya doing, looking forward to seeing you, nothing? Really? Nothing on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday .... Until after you texted. Humph! So that's his bad. But I think that after you texted him, which I think you shouldn't have done, then you should have replied to his texts. Honestly I think he only showed up because of your text. But I could be wrong. I couldn't date someone who could go days without a hello.

Agree with everything you said.

 

[myhairgrowstoo]

Let's take the tentative piece out of it.

A man asks you on date 4 days in advance. He doesn't communicate with you during those four days. Not even the day of the date. Would people really show up at the location? I know I wouldn't.

No communication, no final confirmation, no date.

Even with my friends I'm not showing up anywhere unless it's confirmed the day of.

I like confirmation because things can happen. Once my friends and I made a plan for me to fly to Boston and spend a weekend with them. Had everything planned.
I thought it was confirmed so I bought the ticket.
A week or so after we planned it I call them to discuss the visit. They're like, What? We didn't think it was confirmed.
Misunderstanding I guess so now I don't do anything or go anywhere with someone unless it's 100 percent confirmed either the day of, or for flights, close enough in advance.

 

[myhairgrowstoo]

Anyway I think it was miscommunication on both parts, but he should've responded to her 7pm text and he was obviously late anyway. He could've texted her to say he was running late.

 

[thatscuteright]

I like confirmation because things can happen. Once my friends and I made a plan for me to fly to Boston and spend a weekend with them. Had everything planned.
I thought it was confirmed so I bought the ticket.
A week or so after we planned it I call them to discuss the visit. They're like, What? We didn't think it was confirmed.
Misunderstanding I guess so now I don't do anything or go anywhere with someone unless it's 100 percent confirmed either the day of, or for flights, close enough in advance.

Delete……………..

 

[Bublin]

thatscuteright
Not sure why you deleted but I think that's the problem. Two people who start to date don't treat each other with the common decency that they would treat a friend. It's all about game play, waiting each other out and it ends up a mess.

 

[thatscuteright]

thatscuteright
Not sure why you deleted but I think that's the problem. Two people who start to date don't treat each other with the common decency that they would treat a friend. It's all about game play, waiting each other out and it ends up a mess.

Agreed. We tend to have higher expectations of "dates" then we do of friends.

 

[kupenda]

You guys sound...interesting. Instead of hoping he will take the lead, tell him thats what you expect. I would be unhappy if I hadnt heard from him for so long. I would doubt his interest in me and likely not take him seriously. But you should have responded to his texts.

I think he forgot about the date. He got there half an hour late it sounds like. Why wait til 730 and then only say "im here"? Are you two dating others as well?