He left his FB open...

[TokyoReina]

I've been talking to this guy a few months now. We're actually set to go on a dinner and movie date later this evening, but now I'm not so sure. He came over yesterday and asked to use my laptop. I go to use it now and I see he's left his FB messages open. Naturally, I don't instantly click out. I notice he's been messaging chicks on fb as he was sitting right beside me. There some ex-messaging going on as well as some other random "what's up with you/what's your number" chatter.

My immediate reaction is to cancel my date and tell him I do not appreciate being one of many. However, since we are not in an actual relationship and we're just dating right now, I'm not sure I have the right to be upset. Do I just keep it moving, go on my date, and act like I never saw this? Or is this a sign he's just playing games and biding his time while he looks for someone else?

 

[Holla]

My first thoughts:

If it bothers you, it's probably because you're not seeing anyone else but you're also not committed to him bc he's not committed to you.

Why are you not in a relationship with him now? How many months do you want to continue to date openly? Him dating/msg other women should not bother you since there is no commitment between the two of you.

 

[kandake]

You do have a right to be upset. He was messaging other women (1) on your computer and (2) while sitting right next to you. Also even if the aforementioned didn't happen, it's ok to feel uncomfortable about him seeing other people.

I would definitely talk to him about it. It doesn't seem like you two are on the same page.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

The ladies said it perfectly.

You have the right to feel what you want. You two are not on the same page, clearly but a discussion can probably change that.

...I wonder if he sees it as disrespectful to use someone's computer to holla at other girls - I think it's disrespectful to take a call/use a phone/text while on a date so..

 

[SuchaLady]

He had the audacity to message other girls, in your house, in your presence while on your computer? Don't ever talk to him again.

 

[Urban]

If you don't like it, you don't like it. Don't justify it or talk yourself into it. If you're uncomfortable with it, you have the right to feel that way. Personally, I think text/ FB'ing other girls WHILE he's with you, on your computer is disrespectful.

I posted this yesterday in another thread. "When people tell you who they are, believe them" - Maya Angelou

 

[curlicarib]

My issue isn't that he did it, because you guys are not commited, but that he did it in your house, on your computer, while in your presence. Then didn't have the decency to clean up after himself (log out). Disrespectful. He just doesn't care. Ditch him..........after the free meal.

 

[MzLady78]

He had the audacity to message other girls, in your house, in your presence while on your computer? Don't ever talk to him again.

That is completely disrespectful.

 

[TokyoReina]

I am also dating someone else. It's not that I aim to have a relationship with him, but I do expect a certain amount of manners and a lack of a relationship on his part. On other word, I do not want to be a side chick and I do not appreciate him being blatant about talking to other people. Much less sitting beside me.

We had a conversation about being on the same page a few weeks ago. I wanted to go out somewhere he didn't want to go. I went with the other guy I'm dating. When he asked who I went with and I told him he was quite upset. I told him either we are or we aren't together...and since we aren't he couldn't be upset. We established that we're just dating. But messaging random chicks on fb and an ex...that concerns me. I suppose because I am leery of anyone still communicating with an ex and his fishing for random women.

 

[CaraWalker]

being single aside he just sounds trifling.

 

[RocStar]

I am also dating someone else. It's not that I aim to have a relationship with him, but I do expect a certain amount of manners and a lack of a relationship on his part. On other word, I do not want to be a side chick and I do not appreciate him being blatant about talking to other people. Much less sitting beside me.

We had a conversation about being on the same page a few weeks ago. I wanted to go out somewhere he didn't want to go. I went with the other guy I'm dating. When he asked who I went with and I told him he was quite upset. I told him either we are or we aren't together...and since we aren't he couldn't be upset. We established that we're just dating. But messaging random chicks on fb and an ex...that concerns me. I suppose because I am leery of anyone still communicating with an ex and his fishing for random women.

I totally don't get it.

I understand the disrespect for talking/chatting to other women while he is at your house on your computer...that would be enough for me to let him go. But I don't understand the "don't want to be a side chick" thing when you are both dating other people and are not in an exclusive relationship. And you said your aim/goal is not to be in a relationship with him? Huh?

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

I am also dating someone else. It's not that I aim to have a relationship with him, but I do expect a certain amount of manners and a lack of a relationship on his part. On other word, I do not want to be a side chick and I do not appreciate him being blatant about talking to other people. Much less sitting beside me.

We had a conversation about being on the same page a few weeks ago. I wanted to go out somewhere he didn't want to go. I went with the other guy I'm dating. When he asked who I went with and I told him he was quite upset. I told him either we are or we aren't together...and since we aren't he couldn't be upset. We established that we're just dating. But messaging random chicks on fb and an ex...that concerns me. I suppose because I am leery of anyone still communicating with an ex and his fishing for random women.

Question - and this is a little off topic. If he got that upset - you think he did it on purpose so you can see that he got other women interested as well?

 

[Urban]

^^ that second post threw me off too.

 

[fluffyforever]

Him sending messages to other women while he is supposed to be spending time with you is a problem. That screams he has no capability to be committed any time soon. It also says he doesn't respect you or your time. You don't have to be exclusive for him to show some respect. People like him are bold and won't stop that kind of behavior even after entering a committed relationship. I'm not saying that he is the type to cheat necessarily, but the type that think they can lie and hide stuff right under your nose because they don't have boundaries.

 

[TokyoReina]

As in a side chick to his ex. There was a lot of up and down convo between them. And I do find that concerning.

 

[**SaSSy**]

I think you're over reacting.

In the mind of a man (whether right or wrong), unless the two of you are exclusive, he can and will date/talk with other women.

I think you should go on your date, but take things molassesly slow with him. If you like him, I wouldn't have sex with him until he demands exclusivity with you.

 

[DarkJoy]

Talking to OTHER WOMEN IN YOUR HOME ON YOUR COMPUTER?!?!

Dude has no respect now, he wont have any respect later. He is not even thinking serious with you in any shape or form. From that incident my sense would be a dead end aimless dating situation from the super lack of respect. I'd be so pissed, I wouldnt bother with getting my (last) free meal from him. And thats big coming from me, the free meal queen

Either stay knowing that this is dead end or go now and refill your dating roster.

 

[MzLady78]

I think you're over reacting.

In the mind of a man (whether right or wrong), unless the two of you are exclusive, he can and will date/talk with other women.

Agreed, and it goes both ways. But talking to other women in my presence, on my computer is unacceptable and screams "I don't respect you". Do that mess on your own time on your own ish.

 

[**SaSSy**]

Agreed, and it goes both ways. But talking to other women in my presence, on my computer is unacceptable and screams "I don't respect you". Do that mess on your own time on your own ish.

That part IS disrespectful, and unacceptable. But IF the OP like this man she should tell him how she feels about that. If not, then be strategic with this information, and use it to your advantage.

 

[faithVA]

Cancel the date and all future activities. Just spend your time with whomever else you are seeing and fill his spot with someone else. Don't try to convince yourself that a fast food burger is filet mignon.

 

[MzLady78]

Talking to OTHER WOMEN IN YOUR HOME ON YOUR COMPUTER?!?!

Dude has no respect now, he wont have any respect later. He is not even thinking serious with you in any shape or form. From that incident my sense would be a dead end aimless dating situation from the super lack of respect. I'd be so pissed, I wouldnt bother with getting my (last) free meal from him. And thats big coming from me, the free meal queen

Either stay knowing that this is dead end or go now and refill your dating roster.

Girl! I wouldn't even be able enjoy my meal, I'd be looking at him like this all through dinner.

GIFSoup

 

[DarkJoy]

Say it, faithVA and MzLady78!
Wow, that OP got me soooo irritated just reading it!

Cancel the date and all future activities. Just spend your time with whomever else you are seeing and fill his spot with someone else. Don't try to convince yourself that a fast food burger is filet mignon.

Girl! I wouldn't even be able enjoy my meal, I'd be looking at him like this all through dinner.

GIFSoup

 

[Layluh]

I think you should give a brotha a chance op.


Purple font lol

 

[Farida]

It is rude and disrespectful but not cheating because you are not exclusive. I would dump him because he lacks common courtesy and common sense.

 

[MixedBerry]

Well I wanna know why is he using your laptop to peruse Facebook??? Does he not have the app on his smart phone? He does have a smartphone, right? Omg if he is still using a flip-phone, that's a deal breaker right there. Girl run. Don't commit to him. He cant even commit to a phone contract

 

[oneastrocurlie]

+1 for rude.

It's 2014. Does he not have a smart phone? Ever heard of the fb mobile site. I've used it to send a message just fine

 

[caltron]

You two really don't seem to be on the same page and it seems like he did it on purpose to get a rise out of you. I think you need to talk to him to see if you can get some ground rules about your relationship, or just stop hanging out altogether.

 

[kandake]

@MixedBerry Your siggy

 

[C@ssandr@]

To me it depends on what type of messages were being sent. Are these other women that he is actually courting? People check FB from any- and everywhere.

Since you guys are not dating seriously I'd go out on the date.

 

[MzLady78]

To me it depends on what type of messages were being sent. Are these other women that he is actually courting? People check FB from any- and everywhere.

Since you guys are not dating seriously I'd go out on the date.

She said he was asking other random women for their numbers.