He is younger, and VERY attractive

S

Spongebob

Well-Known Member
I'm in a bit of a confusing situation. Please, let me start of by saying that i don't have self esteem/insecurity issues.

I am talking to this guy who is VERY attractive, and also younger than me. The type of girl you would expect him with IS NOT ME. :look: My sisters and friends are drooling over him, and u'd think he'd go for one of them before me. I am just realistic. I don't have an inheritance coming through lol, and I don't have much to offer him physically, so what is he after? I'm stalling the situation from developing into something by not picking up his calls and only seeing him weeks apart. My sister thinks I should give it a try but I would rather go for an unattractive man who thinks i'm the **** (lol) than be with the eye candy of town and not feel 'wanted' or that 'attracted to'. I hate to ever be in one of those relationships where there is love but no 'attraction' to each other. Not that I would have an issue in being attracted to him :lick:

He is also looking to settle down, and is not dating for fun, I don't like to get into situations that I then have to crawl out of. WHich is why i'm being so rude to him, but i'm just indecisive. Any advice?
 
i love boytoys :lick: ive never seriously considered dating one though.

i think youre making a really really big, weird mistake in taking the game of a younger boy seriously. i am assuming hes in his early twenties and you are on the other end of the spectrum. young boys are not trying to settle down and not date just for fun. i dont care who they are or what they say. there is a 99% chance thats just not true. the fact that he said that to you and you believed it explains a lot.

point two: younger boys are extremely insecure. i had a 20 year old boy toy for awhile (i was 26 or 27 at the time) and he had basically no self esteem despite the fact that he was very very goodlooking (and had a large penis and fantastic skills in the bedroom... i have been with 2 boys in their early 20s that blew men my age OUT. OF. THE. GODDAMN. WATER. in bed but thats another story for another time) . i dont think younger boys have all the entitlement issues of older men so they are more likely to be susceptible to fear of rejection and lower self worth when it comes to women.

point three: there could be tons of reasons for him pursuing you, idle boredom and "just because i can" being prominent possibilities. just because you dont see any obvious benefit or draw doesnt mean there arent lots of psychological reasons that make this worthwhile for him. the fact that he is very attractive/you feel he is unreasonably attractive likely has a lot to do with it too, especially if he knows you think so (which he most assuredly does).

point four: the issues with his age arent as important as your issues with him being very attractive ("I would rather go for an unattractive man who thinks i'm the **** (lol) than be with the eye candy of town and not feel 'wanted' or that 'attracted to'." NO MAAM NO MAAM NO MAAM).

this is a recipe for disaster and if you cant have fun with a hot young tenderoni just for being hot and young in my opinion you should give it a pass. my piece was a fine slice of barely legal *** too, but i def wasnt sitting around twiddling my thumbs and worrying about proper relationship stuff :nono:
 
How about he just finds you attractive:perplexed? Now this could be in a non-serious, fleeting way, or he could be crushing on you on a deeper level. I can't tell you which ... but why else would a guy peruse you when there's other women batting eyelashes at him daily lol.
 
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Spongebob said:
I'm in a bit of a confusing situation. Please, let me start of by saying that i don't have self esteem/insecurity issues.
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You're very insecure. I don't know why you said the above and then went on questioning why he chose to be with you.
 
carcajada said:
You're very insecure. I don't know why you said the above and then went on questioning why he chose to be with you.
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Ain't no man that fine that I'm gonna wonder why he wants me. :look:

I'd be more concerned about the age difference, depending on how big it is and where we each fall. (i.e. 5 years isn't bad, but if I was 26 and he's 21, it's a no-go).
 
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How do you know that he doesn't find you attractive? According to my mother, don't think for other people :)
 
OP, your post makes me sad. Why wouldn't he want you?

My SO is gorgeous. And I know exactly what he sees in me. Everything! So, if he likes you and you like him see where it goes. If the age thing is an issue I get it. But please don't ever think those thoughts that you shared with us. You prefaced by saying you have no self-esteem issues but proved EXACTLY why you do. Why must you have a windfall coming to attract him? I am sure he knows what he likes and that is Y-O-U!
 
Yeah op your main paragraph discounts your opening.

Also, :rolleyes: please don't discredit someone because they are young. Smh especially if he's still trying after months of rejection.
Maybe speak openly to him and ask him what is his purpose and end game plans for you etc basically the daddy talk. Oh but I would leave out the I don't feel I deserve you part lol
 
OP, you're over-analyzing. Men like what they like and I'm sure you have something to offer. Just know that YOU are worthy of his attention . He obviously likes you. Life is too short. Just approach him like you would any other man vying for your attention.
 
OP, I understand your concern, however you shouldn't be concerned with why he likes you unless you're getting a bad vibe. Your post does reek of low esteem though. It slid in under the guise of a certain mindset.

We tend to date folks who have similar ratings in terms of looks (numerous studies have been done!). So if one feels they're an 8/10, they feel comfy dating 8/10 or close to that. However, the real world isn't so cut and dry, and other factors come in when you consider status, sexual attraction etc. So yes, someone could be out of your "league", however the issue comes in when you act like it.

Stop playing, enjoy the ego boost and feel him out (or up). Have fun!
 
Have you considered talking to him about your concerns? Not so much the "why are you with me" concerns, but a heart-to-heart about your concerns about his age?

IF he is truly mature for his age, then talking won't be a problem. Also, what is the age difference?

In the right circumstances, age can just be a number. I have dated older men that were VERY immature, and I'm currently involved with an "old soul" that has been the most mature relationship I've had in a while.

Be open. Be honest. Discuss expectations/boundaries, etc. If you are on the same page, why not go for it?

... and LOVE yourself. Obviously he sees something in you he wants to know more about. You deserve it!!!
 
I agree with everyone else OP. So far, nothing you have told us has given me any reason to doubt the sincerity of his pursuit. So...unless you're leaving something out :look: I say go for it! :yep:

Okay, he's good looking....So what? :rolleyes: That means a hill of beans when it comes to interacting in a relationship. Plus who knows, maybe he's learned that dating girls a lot more attractive than him is a recipe for disaster lol. Or gee....here's a thought...Maybe he actually find you attractive? :lol: If there's one thing that I know, it's that a man will NOT pursue a woman that they are not attracted to. I don't think it's in their DNA lol....:lol:

While YOU might be wondering why he is pursuing you, he on the other hand could be smitten with you. Maybe you challenge him. Maybe you're different from the other girls he's used to dating.

Re: the age thing..... I guess it depends. His old is he? :look: How much OLDER than him are you? That makes a big difference. I'd be more concerned with the age thing than the looks thing honestly. Right now (from what you've told us), I don't see enough "red flags" to really be able to relate to your anxiety about the situation.
 
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I would rather go for an unattractive man who thinks i'm the **** (lol) than be with the eye candy of town and not feel 'wanted' or that 'attracted to'. I hate to ever be in one of those relationships where there is love but no 'attraction' to each other
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Wow, what a post. How do you know that he's not attracted to you? He probably would have 'taken the hint' and left by now if he wasn't serious. In addition to his age, I'm actually curious as to what type of friends he has and people who he surrounds himself with, (yeah, I nosy :) ). And just remember that even unattractive men try to get the best that they can, so its not guaranteed that they are going to think that you're the sh*t because your not both tens. I would play this one out and see where it leads.
 
bunnycolvin said:
i love boytoys :lick: ive never seriously considered dating one though.
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This sums it up basically. So wondering why you want him, or why he wants you is really irrelevant. I hate to speak in this matter, because I don't like it when men speak of us this way, but he's only a good time. Younger men aren't to be taken seriously in terms of long-term relationships, marriage, and children. This guy might be thinking along those lines, but don't let him get your nose open early on.
 
Ain't no man ever to fine for me and age is truly just a number. My number one right now is 28 and I just turned 36---the gift of melanin is that we age well :)
 
Thank you for all the comments. I honestly didn't think this had anything to do with low self esteem. Perhaps I do. If I would see myself with him, as a 3rd party I would genuinely think what are they doing together? :lol: And I honestly think most of you would to lol. I can't see how this is low self esteem? Men like beautiful women right? Especially if they are extra fine themselves? we are just not a match externally.

I'm going to hunt down all of you if this doesn't work out j/k I'm seeing him next week. I shall report back. :look:
 
Spongebob said:
Thank you for all the comments. I honestly didn't think this had anything to do with low self esteem. Perhaps I do. If I would see myself with him, as a 3rd party I would genuinely think what are they doing together? :lol: And I honestly think most of you would to lol. I can't see how this is low self esteem? Men like beautiful women right? Especially if they are extra fine themselves? we are just not a match externally.

I'm going to hunt down all of you if this doesn't work out j/k I'm seeing him next week. I shall report back. :look:
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Just these things you are saying about yourself says low self esteem. Why do you question why he's with you just because (you believe) he is more attractive?

One, you shouldn't think any man is too good/attractive/rich etc. for you. You should always believe you are the prize in the relationship, IMO. And two, looks aren't everything. Even if he is more attractive so what? You probably have other qualities that surpass simple attractiveness.

Good luck on your date with him, and I hope it all goes well, :)
 
You can't see how your comments radiate low self esteem? :look: No offense but are you trolling? :lol: Cause then you said even more insecure things. Oh well, good luck.
 
Girl, like 12 years ago, the most gorgeous man I've ever seen (in person) and I went out on a date, and I broke it off cause I couldn't handle his gorgeousness. I still regret it :nono: That man was just stunning, and he must've thought I was too cause he was totally into me. If you like him, go out with him. You have nothing to lose, and there's lots of fun to be had.
 
Spongebob said:
Thank you for all the comments. I honestly didn't think this had anything to do with low self esteem. Perhaps I do. If I would see myself with him, as a 3rd party I would genuinely think what are they doing together? :lol: And I honestly think most of you would to lol. I can't see how this is low self esteem? Men like beautiful women right? Especially if they are extra fine themselves? we are just not a match externally.

I'm going to hunt down all of you if this doesn't work out j/k I'm seeing him next week. I shall report back. :look:
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You are guessing the opinions of outsiders and questioning the guy based on your opinion of yourself. Since that opinion centers around why this guy would be with you, it's low. Low self esteem. But don't worry. Keep this up and you won't have to deal with him for long. :ohwell: Get it together.
 
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