Guest list and kids...

[Kinkyhairlady]

I'm having the hardest time with my list because some of my first cousins have like 3 to 4 kids each. My list is at a higher number due to including kids. My issue is I know some family members don't have daycare and it may be an issue. I'm torn. How are you all handling adding kids to the invite list?

 

[SmileyNY]

I'm not married and when I do get married, I probably won't have a wedding... but I can tell you what my cousin did.

She basically turned my grandmother's house into a daycare the day of her wedding. She had 2 baby sitters (16 and 20 year old family members), and paid about $100 on snacks and pizza. Everyone dropped the kids off and picked them up afterwards.

Even the flower girl and ring bearer were dropped off at grandma's right after the church service

It was great because she saved so much money. It would have cost her so much more if she had the kids come. The parents would have also had to pay for the kid's clothes and hair.

 

[GoldenRule]

I didn't have kids at my wedding and I did not concern myself with the arrangements. Some folks made a big deal of it and a few did not come because of it but people make child care arrangements when they go other places, a wedding should be no different. Let them figure it out or stay home and take care of their family.

 

[Menina Preta]

I didn't have kids at my wedding and I did not concern myself with the arrangements. Some folks made a big deal of it and a few did not come because of it but people make child care arrangements when they go other places, a wedding should be no different. Let them figure it out or stay home and take care of their family.

I am taking the same approach. Certain children who I am close to can come...others got to stay at home. I don't want more than ten kids max. Just hope FH is onboard with this plan.

 

[MizAvalon]

I didn't allow children at my wedding. The only children that were there were the wedding party children.

The ONLY reason they were there is because they participated in the wedding. I didn't want kids running around and acting up at my celebration.

 

[january noir]

I'm not married and when I do get married, I probably won't have a wedding... but I can tell you what my cousin did.

She basically turned my grandmother's house into a daycare the day of her wedding. She had 2 baby sitters (16 and 20 year old family members), and paid about $100 on snacks and pizza. Everyone dropped the kids off and picked them up afterwards.

Even the flower girl and ring bearer were dropped off at grandma's right after the church service

It was great because she saved so much money. It would have cost her so much more if she had the kids come. The parents would have also had to pay for the kid's clothes and hair.

I love this solution. I would do this too.

 

[Amarilles]

Let them figure it out, or include them in the wedding party. Really give it thought though because people complain about one night yet you see them taking weekend and week-long trips on Facebook without their kids. Let those people figure it out.

It's easier for all the guests to understand if you make 0 exceptions. My BMs all have kids (except one) and they thought their kids were VIP or something and invited but boy they thought wrong. Try to include the must-have kids into your wedding party, otherwise it's best if they all stay home.

I'm not married and when I do get married, I probably won't have a wedding... but I can tell you what my cousin did.

She basically turned my grandmother's house into a daycare the day of her wedding. She had 2 baby sitters (16 and 20 year old family members), and paid about $100 on snacks and pizza. Everyone dropped the kids off and picked them up afterwards.

Even the flower girl and ring bearer were dropped off at grandma's right after the church service

It was great because she saved so much money. It would have cost her so much more if she had the kids come. The parents would have also had to pay for the kid's clothes and hair.

I wanted to do this and a friend told me not to because of liability issues and who would be held responsible if something happens. It can work if all of the kids are family members, but do think about the "what if's" if you're throwing non-family kids into that mix.

 

[delitefulmane]

What about newborns @Amarilles or anyone else? One of my BMs will have a newborn by the time of my wedding. She wants to invite her MIL to take care of the baby at the wedding/reception. This is a difficult situation because she is family member. I don't want to tell her no or be insensitive before it's a newborn and I understand wanting the baby with her.

 

[GoldenRule]

Newborns don't cause any problem. They're not running around being a pain in the arse or trying to be the enter of attention.

 

[january noir]

Let them figure it out, or include them in the wedding party. Really give it thought though because people complain about one night yet you see them taking weekend and week-long trips on Facebook without their kids. Let those people figure it out.

It's easier for all the guests to understand if you make 0 exceptions. My BMs all have kids (except one) and they thought their kids were VIP or something and invited but boy they thought wrong. Try to include the must-have kids into your wedding party, otherwise it's best if they all stay home.


I wanted to do this and a friend told me not to because of liability issues and who would be held responsible if something happens. It can work if all of the kids are family members, but do think about the "what if's" if you're throwing non-family kids into that mix.

If the reception is at a hotel, you can book a suite for the kids to be cared for.

 

[SmileyNY]

I wanted to do this and a friend told me not to because of liability issues and who would be held responsible if something happens. It can work if all of the kids are family members, but do think about the "what if's" if you're throwing non-family kids into that mix.

Yea, it was only family members and close friends of the family. Most of the kids either knew each other or had at least met before. I think the only exception was a couple of the groom's little cousins from out of town... but they fit right in with everyone.

We just have a lot of kids in our family, so this alleviated a lot of stress and also gave the kids something fun to do

Anyone who wasn't a part of the family found their own child care arrangements.

 

[TayMac]

I think if you want no kids there then it is best to make it clear early on and don't feel bad about those that can't or won't attend due to that.

For example, we have had a few family weddings recently where the family members that are my usual "sitters" were also invited so if the wedding was an adults only, I could not attend.

I'm not one of those people that feel some kinda way about kids not being invited but I know others really make a fuss. It's your day in the end so keep that in mind.

 

[Amarilles]

delitefulmane It's true that newborns don't cost you anything (the MIL would however) but a party atmosphere with loud music is honestly no place for a newborn. I would delicately remind her of that. I didn't have this problem, but what if you suggest her MIL caring for the baby during the ceremony but then taking the baby home afterward? Your BM will probably be trying to give the baby a sleep/bedtime schedule anyway which the MIL can keep up for her after the ceremony.
Edit: So sorry if this is insensitive, the French do this on the regular (have people at one part of a wedding yet not another) and I think I've finally accepted their concept. Lol. In your case I do not think it would be so crazy though, considering that it doesn't seem like the MIL is in your guest list.

 

[kandake]

Just say no kids. The guest will figure out how to handle childcare. People do it all the time.

ETA: I would allow children of the bridal party if need be. Especially in the case of the newborn.

 

[SamandI]

To be completely honest, I think if I were the BM, and you told me my newborn had to stay home with MIL, I would have to decline, especially if she's breastfeeding. Ain't no way I'm leaving my newborn at home to do you a favor by standing besides you as you wed. I think it would be quite insensitive to ask her to leave her baby at home. If she makes the decision that the reception is not the right environment for a newborn, and then opts to have MIL stay home, then that's a different thing.
So I'd extend the invite to the MIL as well. I'm allowing kids at mine, but it's destination and there's only like 40 people or so, and the kids are cousins and nieces.

 

[MizAvalon]

The newborn situation is sticky. I can understand her not wanting to leave her newborn with anyone, especially if she is nursing. A loud wedding is truly no place for an infant though. She should stay home.

 

[delitefulmane]

@delitefulmane It's true that newborns don't cost you anything (the MIL would however) but a party atmosphere with loud music is honestly no place for a newborn. I would delicately remind her of that. I didn't have this problem, but what if you suggest her MIL caring for the baby during the ceremony but then taking the baby home afterward? Your BM will probably be trying to give the baby a sleep/bedtime schedule anyway which the MIL can keep up for her after the ceremony.
Edit: So sorry if this is insensitive, the French do this on the regular (have people at one part of a wedding yet not another) and I think I've finally accepted their concept. Lol. In your case I do not think it would be so crazy though, considering that it doesn't seem like the MIL is in your guest list.

The newborn situation is sticky. I can understand her not wanting to leave her newborn with anyone, especially if she is nursing. A loud wedding is truly no place for an infant though. She should stay home.

I did not be mean to derail your thread OP. @Amarilles and @MizAvalon, she will be an out of town guest.

 

[chicitygirl]

I had no kids at my wedding for a few reasons. The venue was not kid friendly and allowing kids would have added 100 extra people to our guest list as a lot of friends and family have a few kids each. We made exceptions for guests with nursing newborns. But no one with a newborn opted to bring their baby. We had no problems. People understood and had months to make child care arrangements. Most were happy to have a nice night out without the kids.

Only one couple made a big deal about it and asked if they could bring their 2 year old. We stood firm and they declined attending. I didn't care much anyway since they were friends of my husband. Their parents offered to watch the kid but they said they wanted to bring him to the wedding to meet all their other friends that would be there. I was like, um our wedding is not a meet and greet for your kid. No one is coming to my wedding to meet your toddler, he's not the entertainment, sorry not sorry.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I didn't invite people with kids and when I got married 7 years ago so few family members had children. We did not exclude kids on the invite and we paid for kiddie plates for them. We did not spend much...kiddlie plates were like $8.00/plate and We had less than 10 kids attend. It really was no biggie.
If I were getting married today with all my new friends and associates with their broods of kids it would be a NO KIDS event.

I am attending my cousin's wedding this weekend and she is NOT getting married in our hometown. Its in another state. The invite says NO KIDS. However, her and her future husband decided WHICH families they would invite and gave a personal OKAY to bring kids. For example, my daughter is 11 months old, a preemie, not walking and is quiet so she was okay (almost insistent) she come. She gave a couple of my other cousins with kids (all under 4) the okay because they are still attached to their mom's skirt and are well behaved. But unless you got an okay they did not make any public exceptions. The wedding is at night (6PM) and most folks with kids ain't having them out late so they are less likely to attend anyways or make the long trip.

 

[Oasis]

i went to a wedding last weekend and there were 3 kids there. the invitation said no kids but i'm guessing they were allowed because they were in the wedding party.

they were sooo loud and obnoxious at the reception. i was annoyed and it wasn't even my wedding.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

We had 2 newborns. The invite was adults only but I knew we would have the babies and 3 kids. We ended up having 5 kids due to a last minute childcare issue for a guest. They were not in the bridal party.

Most of my guests were from out of town.
Those who could not make childcare arrangements did not attend.

 

[lux10023]

i didn't have children at my wedding either---i do believe it is possible if someone gives you a yrs notice to find childcare for one evening...

we gave our guest a yr notice via a save the date...so i wasnt tryna hear anything else--plus I would always adhere to the bride and grooms request since i am attending THEIR wedding...

in the event that i am invited to something and its not my cup of tea i politely decline an stay my behind home--all of my guests came to our wedding...

I didn't have kids at my wedding and I did not concern myself with the arrangements. Some folks made a big deal of it and a few did not come because of it but people make child care arrangements when they go other places, a wedding should be no different. Let them figure it out or stay home and take care of their family.

 

[brittle_hair]

We had no kids, it meant that with some couples the wife or husband didn't attend. There were some people we made exceptions for, but in general it was to keep the numbers down and to ensure no kids screamed through our vows.

 

[Fab_Nikki]

We had no kids at our wedding. Family members didn't attend because of this. Our wedding still went on beautifully. They now talk about how much they wish they'd been there. People fail to realize the day is NOT about them. It is the couple's day.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I will not be allowing kids except someone in the wedding party who will have a newborn. I wont even have kids in the wedding party. Im not trying to have some mannerless kids(uh huh their parents are always like mine are well-behaved...right) running around.
Ive already given a heads up to the couple of friends with kids and they're actually happy because they want to have some grown people fun without their kids.