Functional Alcoholic

S

s_terry

Well-Known Member
Hey ladies! Long time I still recognize a couple of fonts from back in the day here! Glad to be back!

I have a question. Can anyone share any stories of dating or being married to a functioning alcoholic? I define functioning as able to consume alcohol, wine in this case, most days of the week, with the occasional “your drunk” tell tale signs? Ordinarily, it’s hard to even determine this person is high off alcohol and they have never displayed violence or belligerence while drinking. It seems to mellow them out. There has been a few comments that makes me believe that they drink this way because it helps keep stress levels down. I also understand they went from the hard liquor to wine. They recognized that the hard liquor made them a not so nice person. What has been your experience with this type of person? Do they inevitably get worse as times goes on to the point of non functioning? What are the behaviors that typically manifest in folks that live this way.
 
I am not married to one, but would say that many of my uncles were functional alcoholics. It's the reason why I rarely drink. Anyway, they were all able to hold jobs for long periods of time...until they couldn't. There is always something that is the catalyst for them going just a little bit too far. It could be the death of a loved one, financial stress, whatever. They all ended up losing jobs, some losing family, most living on disability checks now. But that's just my family.
 
Dated one for over two years. At first it seemed ok, but noticed the drinking changed his mood to being more jealous and aggressive. Definitely wouldn't want to raise kids in such an environment and after a while, the drinking was too much-always had to find a bar or supermarket to resupply, drank for dawn till dusk, all social events and outings had drinking in its core.

After a while, I started drinking a lot to deal with him-that's when I realized that this wasn't for me and quit the relationship.
 
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Girl...what a rollercoaster. It gets worse...they drink more & more because their will tolerance increase. He started becoming more agressive (its subtle at first), saying mean things, having health issues, etc. He made bad decisions while drinking...it wasn’t worth it IMO. When he was sober he was good, but I couldn’t take the rollercoaster.
 
A good friend of mine described herself as a functioning alcoholic. Like others have said, it starts with a drink or two in the evenings and then it gets worse. The drinking became so bad that the smell was coming through her pores and the whites of her eyes were always red. At one point, she admitted to me that she wasn't remembering her dreams because she would drink to the point of passing out every night. At one point she replaced hard liquor with sleeping pills. Then she decided she would just drink wine. Eventually, she went back to hard liquor. In all of this, she still made it to work on time and performed her duties well. As far as behaviors, she could be rude, belligerent and paranoid. She was convinced that people were gossiping about her and convinced she was on the verge of being fired. She had a short fuse, so being around her was like walking on eggshells. Unfortunately, the drinking took its toll on her body and she passed away.
 
mrselle said:
A good friend of mine described herself as a functioning alcoholic. Like others have said, it starts with a drink or two in the evenings and then it gets worse. The drinking became so bad that the smell was coming through her pores and the whites of her eyes were always red. At one point, she admitted to me that she wasn't remembering her dreams because she would drink to the point of passing out every night. At one point she replaced hard liquor with sleeping pills. Then she decided she would just drink wine. Eventually, she went back to hard liquor. In all of this, she still made it to work on time and performed her duties well. As far as behaviors, she could be rude, belligerent and paranoid. She was convinced that people were gossiping about her and convinced she was on the verge of being fired. She had a short fuse, so being around her was like walking on eggshells. Unfortunately, the drinking took its toll on her body and she passed away.
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Wow it killed her! How sad. SMH
 
cam2717 said:
I am not married to one, but would say that many of my uncles were functional alcoholics. It's the reason why I rarely drink. Anyway, they were all able to hold jobs for long periods of time...until they couldn't. There is always something that is the catalyst for them going just a little bit too far. It could be the death of a loved one, financial stress, whatever. They all ended up losing jobs, some losing family, most living on disability checks now. But that's just my family.
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You can get disability checks for being an alcoholic? I didn’t know that.
 
s_terry said:
Wow it killed her! How sad. SMH
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I think people underestimate the damage alcohol can do because most people have at least one "functioning" alcoholic in their family who drank their whole life and lived until they were 80. Either way, drinking in excess will eventually catch up with the person. Also, cirrhosis of the liver doesn't have noticeable symptoms until its too late to do much of anything.

The saddest part is that she had the resources to get help and would have had all the love and support a person could ask for.
 
Your mom needs some boundaries. Serious ones. And you need to stop indulging her crazy. It’s your mom I get it. But you allowed your mom to dictate. You can’t have someone sleeping in the house you pay mortgage on and are 40. Respect goes both ways. Whether she agrees or not with your choices she needs to keep it to herself and relay that to you.

There is just way to much disrespect and manipulation going on here.
 
fula97 said:
Your mom needs some boundaries. Serious ones. And you need to stop indulging her crazy. It’s your mom I get it. But you allowed your mom to dictate. You can’t have someone sleeping in the house you pay mortgage on and are 40. Respect goes both ways. Whether she agrees or not with your choices she needs to keep it to herself and relay that to you.

There is just way to much disrespect and manipulation going on here.
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I completely agree and I’m standing in my power on this one. So very dissappointed but I know if I don’t stand now my life with her will be miserable!
 
s_terry said:
I completely agree and I’m standing in my power on this one. So very dissappointed but I know if I don’t stand now my life with her will be miserable!
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Focus on your success and don’t let them take that from you. While the BF mom was out of line I get why she did it. It’s hard to watch someone you like take advantage and be abusive and obnoxious
 
Girl, hate to be blunt, but run, don't walk. This man has no business courting you. How he going to talk about marriage when his pockets are empty and his life is upside down? He needs to get a handle on his drinking and financial affairs before you should even consider joining your life to his.

At this moment he's drowning under the weight of his own bad decisions. Don't let him pull you under with him.
 
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Unless I'm missing something, I'm not sure how he looks good on paper. From what you described, he sounds like a man who makes bad financial decisions, bad business decisions, lives beyond his means and is one bad decision away from losing his house and car. This man is an alcoholic who is surrounded by family and friends who drink just as much as he does. He told you that if he moves in with you and you decide to put him out he is screwed. Listen to what he is telling you. If you marry him you will be taking care of him in every way. His situation is not going to change if the two of you get married. In fact, things may get worse because he will depend on you to fix his mistakes. The drinking is only one issue on a list of many. You are not legally or financially attached to this man. Count that as a blessing. Don't settle because you're lonely. If you marry him you will still be lonely.
 
@s_terry is your mom or him or both the functional alcoholics?

I read the story before the break and trying to get clarity.

ETA. I read part 2, and I see he is.
Your mama is acting like that because she sees a drunk no good user, and she’s trying to run him and his family off since she thinks that’ll be easier than convincing you that he’s no good.
 
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jerseyhaircare said:
Girl, hate to be blunt, but run, don't walk. This man has no business courting you. How he going to talk about marriage when his pockets are empty and his life is upside down? He needs to get a handle on his drinking and financial affairs before you should even consider joining your life to his.

At this moment he's drowning under the weight of his own bad decisions. Don't let him pull you under with him.
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Remove quote when you get a chance.
 
Run.

Also, he’s not a “functional alcoholic” because his life is upside-down. He’s just an alcoholic. Your mom is too intrusive & all of this is a mess that will get worse if you let it continue. Luckily, you’re stable and don’t have to put up with any of this. Please, please pay attention to the red flags. You will save yourself a lot of time & trouble in the long run.
 
Dee-Licious said:
@s_terry is your mom or him or both the functional alcoholics?

I read the story before the break and trying to get clarity.

ETA. I read part 2, and I see he is.
Your mama is acting like that because she sees a drunk no good user, and she’s trying to run him and his family off since she thinks that’ll be easier than convincing you that he’s no good.
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Wow! Color me obtuse why do you say user? I need to hear/read it. I know what I need to do but the cold water of words helps. Please share.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Where is the you in danger girl.

Functioning alcoholics are so much fun to be around and I loooove the energy and sex but to marry one....no. They don’t “grow up” til they want to.
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You funny. Where is the danger in me? Lol Why fun? This right here is some ********! Lol
 
Dee-Licious said:
Remove quote when you get a chance.
Click to expand...
Dee-Licious said:
@s_terry is your mom or him or both the functional alcoholics?

I read the story before the break and trying to get clarity.

ETA. I read part 2, and I see he is.
Your mama is acting like that because she sees a drunk no good user, and she’s trying to run him and his family off since she thinks that’ll be easier than convincing you that he’s no good.
Click to expand...

Thank you for asking that the quote be removed.
One last thing. I hear what you are saying about my mom but I have always listened to her. I take her council. She just went entirely left with this one. I’m not 12. I’ve never been unwise and take her council very seriously. She went way too far on this and has shown a complete lack of respect for me as a person that has a track record of making sound decisions and as a grown ass woman. If. She shared that is why she has been HAM then we could talk through it. Instead she chose to make it all about her. Her rules, when she says. Nothing rationale about it at all. She should know better than to come at me like that! So unnessary and ineffective to say the least!
 
jerseyhaircare said:
Girl, hate to be blunt, but run, don't walk. This man has no business courting you. How he going to talk about marriage when his pockets are empty and his life is upside down? He needs to get a handle on his drinking and financial affairs before you should even consider joining your life to his.

At this moment he's drowning under the weight of his own bad decisions. Don't let him pull you under with him.
Click to expand...
Please remove my quote. Thanks!

Thank you. Yes, him pulling me under is of concern. You are right.
 
PeaceLover said:
Run.

Also, he’s not a “functional alcoholic” because his life is upside-down. He’s just an alcoholic. Your mom is too intrusive & all of this is a mess that will get worse if you let it continue. Luckily, you’re stable and don’t have to put up with any of this. Please, please pay attention to the red flags. You will save yourself a lot of time & trouble in the long run.
Click to expand...
Please expound. Thanks.

You just added. Let me read. Thanks lady!
 
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