frustrated

[Glamorous_chic]

Hi ladies! well this post is mainly a vent, and after the "I'm tired" thread got me thinking. Because - too am tired, and sometimes I have to laugh bc my dating life is soo pathetic right now. And I know that we all go through certain experiences to make us a better person. I get that, but sometimes its just sooo frustrating.

The saddest moment came from a conversation I had today with a guy that I recently met. After meeting him his approach was very respectful and he seemed nice enough, but my instinct told me that he wasn't what I was looking for. I figured that I'd get to know him better and try not to be superficial. Well my instinct was right! I consider myself attractive, have an advanced degree, professional job, great personality and bring a lot to the table (don't want to toot my own horn lol). This guy is 40, with 3 kids)diiferent mothers), former drug dealer, has been in and out of jail for a total of 8 years, and doesn't know how to drive nor has a drivers license. He asked me what did I think about him and I told him honestly he is not the person for me. At first he was understanding then went ona 20 "rebuttle" of why I shouldn't judge him and atleast he was honeest. Which I appreciated, but seriously wtf! You are supposed to be honest, u don't get brownie points for that. Lol. After that conversation, I seriously am frustrated. I hate this dating game! Ugh!

 

[tiara76]

Honesty these days is a rare commodity....not anything to be taken for granted from anybody

Hope you find what you are lookin for mama

 

[CinnaMocha]

Totally understandable...I have a co-worker who recently broke up with her longtime BF...she now is doing the online dating thing...and yes she meets some characters, and guys she just has nothing in common...But when we chat about her dating misadventures, we manage to always find the comedy in it all...

 

[Jade Feria]

LOL...It's hilarious when people try to get extra credit for something that they are already supposed. To do. Keep your head up, girl! The right man is out there.

 

[~VicTorIAn~]

I had an experience where a guy told me (after we'd been dating for a while) that he had 2 kids by two different women-he was 25. I thought, OK I wont judge. He worked 2 jobs, supported them and even brought the youngest by my job to see me. Then he told me he WAS STILL WITH THE MOTHER OF HIS YOUNGEST CHILD. I thanked him for his honesty, praised him on being so brazen as to think I would accept that and never answered his calls again. He kept sending me that text message of a female skeleton sitting on a bench with the words "waiting for the perfect man" underneath.

 

[jevetta]

Here is my story. Me advanced degree, professional, no kids, fairly good looking and in-shape. Him separated, custody of 3 year old, worked in a factory. No drugs, no jail time. He had no car, was transporting himself and child on bicycle to/from whereever. Okay so I marry him, why because he was quite outgoing and could talk too anybody about anything. So far 17 years later and two children, it has worked out. I would say date those who have the same basic values as you, and don't let the superficial things deter you. We professional African American women outnumber our men so don't restrict yourselves to the same professional achievement. If so consider men of other races. Jeve

 

[honeycomb719]

I had an experience where a guy told me (after we'd been dating for a while) that he had 2 kids by two different women-he was 25. I thought, OK I wont judge. He worked 2 jobs, supported them and even brought the youngest by my job to see me. Then he told me he WAS STILL WITH THE MOTHER OF HIS YOUNGEST CHILD. I thanked him for his honesty, praised him on being so brazen as to think I would accept that and never answered his calls again. He kept sending me that text message of a female skeleton sitting on a bench with the words "waiting for the perfect man" underneath.

Wow!! Thats hilarious...

 

[Glamorous_chic]

I had an experience where a guy told me (after we'd been dating for a while) that he had 2 kids by two different women-he was 25. I thought, OK I wont judge. He worked 2 jobs, supported them and even brought the youngest by my job to see me. Then he told me he WAS STILL WITH THE MOTHER OF HIS YOUNGEST CHILD. I thanked him for his honesty, praised him on being so brazen as to think I would accept that and never answered his calls again. He kept sending me that text message of a female skeleton sitting on a bench with the words "waiting for the perfect man" underneath.

I had a similar situation, but he was a friend of a friend. We went out and I really enjoyed his company, until he told me had a 6 month old, had a gf (his bm) that he lived with, and that he was supposed to pick her up but he ignored her phone calls to go out with me. I appreciated his honesty, but when he asked if he could call me so we could go out again, I told him no. Just bc u r honest doesn't mean I have to accept your dysfunctional life.

Thanks ladies for the words of encouragement!

 

[Glamorous_chic]

OTE=jevetta;8385940]Here is my story. Me advanced degree, professional, no kids, fairly good looking and in-shape. Him separated, custody of 3 year old, worked in a factory. No drugs, no jail time. He had no car, was transporting himself and child on bicycle to/from whereever. Okay so I marry him, why because he was quite outgoing and could talk too anybody about anything. So far 17 years later and two children, it has worked out. I would say date those who have the same basic values as you, and don't let the superficial things deter you. We professional African American women outnumber our men so don't restrict yourselves to the same professional achievement. If so consider men of other races. Jeve[/QUOTE]

I completly understand what you are saying. And I try not to let superficial things blind me from the bigger picture. And although I'd prefer my mate to atleast have a bachelors, its not a requirement. But I'm trying to be more open minded.

 

[StrongWomanNYC]

Its better not to go looking for "the one". The right one will stumble into your life when you least expect it. Speaking from experience, just hang in there babes

 

[Bunny77]

I would say date those who have the same basic values as you, and don't let the superficial things deter you. We professional African American women outnumber our men so don't restrict yourselves to the same professional achievement. If so consider men of other races. Jeve

I completly understand what you are saying. And I try not to let superficial things blind me from the bigger picture. And although I'd prefer my mate to atleast have a bachelors, its not a requirement. But I'm trying to be more open minded.

Jevetta, thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad things worked out for you.

I just want to add my 2 cents, however, and say that wanting a professional man is NOT at all a request that I would put in a superficial category.

If one's values (like mine), include valuing the importance of higher education, then a man without a degree -- barring extreme circumstances - is NOT in line with my value system.

I certainly will be restricting myself to college educated men, without apology.

Black women should not feel that they have to "mate down" if they value having an equally yoked relationship -- and to me, equally yoked goes far beyond having the same religious values.

As for being open minded, only be as open minded as YOU want to be. If you want a mate to have at least a bachelor's degree, stick to that standard and don't buy into this idea that you need to be "open minded" and consider those outside the standard. Sure, there are some good exceptions to the rule and if you meet one of those, then great!

But life ain't a Tyler Perry movie... blue-collar men can be just as foul as the professional ones.

I do agree however, that if one wants to increase the number of prospects, to consider men of other races... but seriously, black women need to be encouraged to marry their equals or marry up like every other race of human women throughout history, NOT marry down.

Stats be darned.

If you have your stuff together and have certain standards, then look for a man that meets or exceedes them.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I had an experience where a guy told me (after we'd been dating for a while) that he had 2 kids by two different women-he was 25. I thought, OK I wont judge. He worked 2 jobs, supported them and even brought the youngest by my job to see me. Then he told me he WAS STILL WITH THE MOTHER OF HIS YOUNGEST CHILD. I thanked him for his honesty, praised him on being so brazen as to think I would accept that and never answered his calls again. He kept sending me that text message of a female skeleton sitting on a bench with the words "waiting for the perfect man" underneath.

ARE.YOU.FREAKING.KIDDING.ME????

I am really mad for you. How dare he???

 

[JRokk]

The right man will come along, just pray on it.

Good Luck!!!

 

[LoveLiLi]

I had an experience where a guy told me (after we'd been dating for a while) that he had 2 kids by two different women-he was 25. I thought, OK I wont judge. He worked 2 jobs, supported them and even brought the youngest by my job to see me. Then he told me he WAS STILL WITH THE MOTHER OF HIS YOUNGEST CHILD. I thanked him for his honesty, praised him on being so brazen as to think I would accept that and never answered his calls again. He kept sending me that text message of a female skeleton sitting on a bench with the words "waiting for the perfect man" underneath.

Lmao, sounds like my ex. He messed up (horribly) on several occasions and now that I've moved on he keeps sending me text messages telling me I'm going to be the old lady in a shoe, and to keep waiting, Mr. Right will come soon (but he adds a 'lol' afterward to let me know that he's being sarcastic).

He likes to call and remind me that I'm always going to be alone and asks me "Who do you think you are?" all of the time. I politely remind him that he's the one begging me to be with him again, but it does bother me that he has the nerve to call/text me trying to bring me down.

 

[Renewed1]

AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!!

I've been told that my standards are too high by my gf's husband. I told him.....Just because YOU don't meet those standards does not mean MY standards are high. The man that I'm suppose to be with will easily meet those things and beyond.

He was like I

But he had to respect my opinion in the end.

Personally I think women need to stop LOWERING their standards to get a man. Why would anyone want to SETTLE?

I have my list of what I want in a guy. Sure there is flexibility in it; but he has to meet majority of the things on my list.

If not then its' time for him to MOVE ON!

Jevetta, thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad things worked out for you.

I just want to add my 2 cents, however, and say that wanting a professional man is NOT at all a request that I would put in a superficial category.

If one's values (like mine), include valuing the importance of higher education, then a man without a degree -- barring extreme circumstances - is NOT in line with my value system.

I certainly will be restricting myself to college educated men, without apology.

Black women should not feel that they have to "mate down" if they value having an equally yoked relationship -- and to me, equally yoked goes far beyond having the same religious values.

As for being open minded, only be as open minded as YOU want to be. If you want a mate to have at least a bachelor's degree, stick to that standard and don't buy into this idea that you need to be "open minded" and consider those outside the standard. Sure, there are some good exceptions to the rule and if you meet one of those, then great!

But life ain't a Tyler Perry movie... blue-collar men can be just as foul as the professional ones.

I do agree however, that if one wants to increase the number of prospects, to consider men of other races... but seriously, black women need to be encouraged to marry their equals or marry up like every other race of human women throughout history, NOT marry down.

Stats be darned.

If you have your stuff together and have certain standards, then look for a man that meets or exceedes them.

 

[lexi08]

Here is my story. Me advanced degree, professional, no kids, fairly good looking and in-shape. Him separated, custody of 3 year old, worked in a factory. No drugs, no jail time. He had no car, was transporting himself and child on bicycle to/from whereever. Okay so I marry him, why because he was quite outgoing and could talk too anybody about anything. So far 17 years later and two children, it has worked out. I would say date those who have the same basic values as you, and don't let the superficial things deter you. We professional African American women outnumber our men so don't restrict yourselves to the same professional achievement. If so consider men of other races. Jeve

Education and financially stability (able to afford a place to live, car etc.) are not superficial IMO. I am glad things worked out for you, but in my experience it does not work out well for women in these situations.

I won't apologize for expecting a man to have an education and be able to afford a place to live car etc.

 

[Bunny77]

I had an experience where a guy told me (after we'd been dating for a while) that he had 2 kids by two different women-he was 25. I thought, OK I wont judge. He worked 2 jobs, supported them and even brought the youngest by my job to see me. Then he told me he WAS STILL WITH THE MOTHER OF HIS YOUNGEST CHILD. I thanked him for his honesty, praised him on being so brazen as to think I would accept that and never answered his calls again. He kept sending me that text message of a female skeleton sitting on a bench with the words "waiting for the perfect man" underneath.

UGH!!! What a jerk!

I'm so glad you aren't answering his calls... and don't even acknowledge that stupid cartoon!!!

 

[Bunny77]

Hi ladies! well this post is mainly a vent, and after the "I'm tired" thread got me thinking. Because - too am tired, and sometimes I have to laugh bc my dating life is soo pathetic right now. And I know that we all go through certain experiences to make us a better person. I get that, but sometimes its just sooo frustrating.

The saddest moment came from a conversation I had today with a guy that I recently met. After meeting him his approach was very respectful and he seemed nice enough, but my instinct told me that he wasn't what I was looking for. I figured that I'd get to know him better and try not to be superficial. Well my instinct was right! I consider myself attractive, have an advanced degree, professional job, great personality and bring a lot to the table (don't want to toot my own horn lol). This guy is 40, with 3 kids)diiferent mothers), former drug dealer, has been in and out of jail for a total of 8 years, and doesn't know how to drive nor has a drivers license. He asked me what did I think about him and I told him honestly he is not the person for me. At first he was understanding then went ona 20 "rebuttle" of why I shouldn't judge him and atleast he was honeest. Which I appreciated, but seriously wtf! You are supposed to be honest, u don't get brownie points for that. Lol. After that conversation, I seriously am frustrated. I hate this dating game! Ugh!

I know, it does get frustrating!

As for judging, I simply tell folks that I can and will judge anyone and everyone the way I see fit.

Hang in there!

 

[Glamorous_chic]

Aww thanks ladies!! Your advice is duly noted and appreciated.

 

[JinaRicci]

But life ain't a Tyler Perry movie...

Love it! We so need to remember that.