Friends Husband Bisexual?

jamaicalovely

jamaicalovely

Well-Known Member
Ladies,

I rarely go to the salon. Well, of all days, I learned that my close friend's husband maybe bisexual from the stylist who did my hair. It's really bothering me and I need advise on how to let my friend know.

Conversation:
Me: "What other salons have you worked in?"
Stylist: "ABC Salon"
Me: "Really? My friend is a barber there."
Stylist: "Oh really what's his name?"
Me: "John"
Stylist: long pause...........then "Umm, he's a mess"
Me: "okkkkaaay"
Stylist: "I shouldn't tell you."
Me: "What?"
Stylist: "He's bisexual and was caught having sex with another male after hours."
Me: WTF!
:nono:

I showed her a pic of him to confirm we were talking about the same person.

I'm in shock! They have 3 adorable little ones. I just can't imagine.

Should I send an anonymous letter? I know if I tell her she will not believe me and it will damage our friendship.

Ughh I can't sleep now.
 
He is putting her health at risk,don't assume she knows. I would be sure. For the little ones.....

Sent from my LG-P509 using LG-P509
 
I would want to know. So as much as I don't like getting in people's business, I'd tell her.
 
I wouldn't tell her directly. Men that get outed can become violent and I don't want you and your family to get involved in the crossfire. Perhaps, you can send her an anonymous e-mail. I'm sorry you had to find out like this. If your friend really does not know, I hope you can be a source of strength for her. (((HUGS)))
 
Lucie said:
I wouldn't tell her directly. Men that get outed can become violent and I don't want you and your family to get involved in the crossfire. Perhaps, you can send her an anonymous e-mail. I'm sorry you had to find out like this. If your friend really does not know, I hope you can be a source of strength for her. (((HUGS)))
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I can't even begin to imagine the type of support she'd need. I'd just pack my stuff/kids and go cry to my mommy.
 
My first thought when I saw the title of the post was "wonder if she's in atl", my next thought was I wonder if she's talking about this guy I used to know. haha. Good luck with your dilemma.
 
I think you still need more confirmation. This is a new stylist, right? And you don't really know her so I mean she could just be messy and a liar. Did the stylist know that he was married? If so, did she comment on that too? If I investigated (very carefully and undercover) and discovered it to be true, I would tell her because I wouldn't be able to sleep at night or look either of them in their face. I'd be prepared to lose the friendship though, but that's how I roll. I am the friend that tells the truth.
 
I don't think you should take the word of one stylist who may not know him very well or may have an ax to grind. I say do more investigating. But, even if you find this to be true, talk to your friend about marriage not directly about the situation; just to get more insight into what's going on with her. If she is happier than she's ever been in her life, I say leave it alone. :look:
 
If he truly is on the down low than your friend really needs to know. On the other hand you don't know the whole story. Even though she is your best friend you might not know everything about her life. They may be a swinging couple or she may know about his alleged bisexuality. She might not have mentioned any of this to you no matter how well you know her. I mean you prolly have some secrets locked away too ya know?

IMO I would try to get more info about it. I'm not saying hound the guy of put all the business in the streets. But if you're able to get solid proof (name of the other guy. Witness to something, hotel receipts, subscriptions to 'suspect' things) then get them. And let your friend know anonymously. If you tell her directly it will prolly destroy the friendship. She might take on the attitude of 'you're jealous of my relationship, you never liked him, you don't want to see me happy, etc'
 
Hmm, this is a tough one.

You can't believe everything people say, especially when it comes from a salon (#1 place were gossip takes place).

But, then again, what if she is telling the truth?

I would tip toe around the subject with the friend...maybe ask some what if questions and see how she responds. If it was eating at me that much, then I would just be honest and tell her that you looking our for her and didn't solicit this information but it was shared with you by XYZ. I would even let the stylist know that if I decide to mention it then she should be prepared for a phone call from the wife inquiring further.
 
This is a tough one. I usually err on the side of minding my own business, but in this case it's someone really close to you and the information could be life altering.

I think I would try to talk to the friend about some "hypothetical" situation about some other person to try to figure out whether she would want to be told or not. Maybe from that you can kind of figure out where her head is at and if she knows already.
 
iunno...ofcourse i would tell my friend someway indirectly/directly..but i would need concrete evidence..a lil more than a convo with a hairstylist to address a major situation like that..

now i know the salon is the place with all the tea but tea like that needs to have hardcore evidence before being presented to the judge--ya dig...
 
hopeful said:
I think you still need more confirmation. This is a new stylist, right? And you don't really know her so I mean she could just be messy and a liar. Did the stylist know that he was married? If so, did she comment on that too? If I investigated (very carefully and undercover) and discovered it to be true, I would tell her because I wouldn't be able to sleep at night or look either of them in their face. I'd be prepared to lose the friendship though, but that's how I roll. I am the friend that tells the truth.
Click to expand...

No, she is new to the salon we were at last night. I actually remember her when was a shampoo girl at another salon. So we reconnected at this salon where she's now a stylist. Yes, she knows he was married. I have no clue on how to investigate it. :ohwell: This is crazy.
 
great comments ladies

CurlyMoo said:
I don't think you should take the word of one stylist who may not know him very well or may have an ax to grind. I say do more investigating. But, even if you find this to be true, talk to your friend about marriage not directly about the situation; just to get more insight into what's going on with her. If she is happier than she's ever been in her life, I say leave it alone. :look:
Click to expand...
I don't find her to have a motive. Yeah I'm curious on what she'll say about the marriage.

NOEChic said:
And tell it all. He is sleeping with men and possibly other women. What if he aint using condoms. What if he brings crabs home and the kids get them? What if he brings her aids or herpes?
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This is what bothers me the most, if it is true.


mnsmith2003 said:
If he truly is on the down low than your friend really needs to know. On the other hand you don't know the whole story. Even though she is your best friend you might not know everything about her life. They may be a swinging couple or she may know about his alleged bisexuality. She might not have mentioned any of this to you no matter how well you know her. I mean you prolly have some secrets locked away too ya know?

IMO I would try to get more info about it. I'm not saying hound the guy of put all the business in the streets. But if you're able to get solid proof (name of the other guy. Witness to something, hotel receipts, subscriptions to 'suspect' things) then get them. And let your friend know anonymously. If you tell her directly it will prolly destroy the friendship. She might take on the attitude of 'you're jealous of my relationship, you never liked him, you don't want to see me happy, etc'
Click to expand...

I was having lunch with a friend today and she shared a similar story and learned the wife and DH had an "arrangement." So yeah...you never know. I doubt I can investigate that deep, but I can give her hints to do so.
 
hopeful said:
I think you still need more confirmation. This is a new stylist, right? And you don't really know her so I mean she could just be messy and a liar. Did the stylist know that he was married? If so, did she comment on that too? If I investigated (very carefully and undercover) and discovered it to be true, I would tell her because I wouldn't be able to sleep at night or look either of them in their face. I'd be prepared to lose the friendship though, but that's how I roll. I am the friend that tells the truth.
Click to expand...

:yep: This ^^^^man!

AIDS is no punk. Forget about "she probably already knows". She has babies. :nono: This is really sad.
 
If this is your close friend, like, one of your girls, you can let her know straight out...just exactly how the conversation went. Word for word. A) at the very least, you'll be letting her know there are rumors about her husband and her family out there floating around and B) if there's truth to it, you could be helping her save her own life.

Just tell her, look, let's have lunch or stop by my place, I have something I really need to share with you. And then just tell her. And, frame it in such a way that you just want her to be aware that these rumors are out there. Even if there was no truth to it, I'd want to know that someone said this to one of my BFF's about my husband and my family. If I ever found out that she heard something long ago like this and didn't mention it to me, I'd be super upset about that. Just MHO.
 
jamaicalovely said:
No, she is new to the salon we were at last night. I actually remember her when was a shampoo girl at another salon. So we reconnected at this salon where she's now a stylist. Yes, she knows he was married. I have no clue on how to investigate it. :ohwell: This is crazy.
Click to expand...

Me either. I just didn't want you to alarm her unnecessarily. But I like Charlotte*York's suggestion. Tell her word for word what the lady told you. So you're not saying OMG your dh is dl, you're saying this rumor is floating around or being spread and I thought you should know. Then she can proceed and investigate or do whatever she wants and you can let it go.
 
What about approaching the husband and telling him that if he doesn't tell her you will? Just a suggestion to see what people think, not a recommendation.
 
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