Found Out He Is Married- now what?

sonyablade

sonyablade

Well-Known Member
:nono: I have all the info because I finally did some serious investigative work. Already confronted him- thats done. Married women- would you want to know or not? Or should I just leave it alone? I am heartbroken by the way he lied to me and said he was divorced.
 
Let it go. This is not the first time this has happened. And they wife may already know. I would want to know so I could figure our ways to kill him but other women may be in denial. And even if they DID know a lot of times that does not mean that they are going to leave him anyway.

Sometimes it does no good. Just let it go. I know it sucks but let it go
 
I have a feeling she won't leave him but maybe make his life a living hell for a while..I just hate that he gets to walk away unscathed and he turned my life upside down and is just probably going to replace me with some other unsuspecting woman. I know the right thing is just to leave it to God but I am PISSED!!
 
I'm so sorry this happened to you. If it progressed to sexual intercourse, I would tell, but be very careful how you do it. This is devastating news. My only rule, don't contact her at work.
 
Yeah don't contact her at work. I know this happened to a lady I know and she Blasted him on DONT DATE HIM GIRL.com
 
Oh don't think he is getting away with this Scott free and unscathed. He is going to luck up on the WRONG woman one day and she is going to give him a Payback that even James Brown would jump out the ground and sing about

See you can BS people but G-d sees everything

Karma is a ****** :nono::ohwell::yep:




sonyablade said:
I have a feeling she won't leave him but maybe make his life a living hell for a while..I just hate that he gets to walk away unscathed and he turned my life upside down and is just probably going to replace me with some other unsuspecting woman. I know the right thing is just to leave it to God but I am PISSED!!
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Its been going on for almost 2 years- so yes way past sexual intercourse. Long story short he worked and lived part time in my city(fl) when we met almost 2 years ago and would go to his hometown to see his kids every other weekend in GA. Then he was transferred in Sept and we had our LD relationship going on still talking every day and texting into the night and taking turns coming to see each other once a month. He had excuses at first about why we would have to stay at a hotel- water turned off, remodeling ect. But then he eventually had me in THEIR HOUSE- unbeknownst to me at the time- so as you can see he is seriously disrespectful and messed up. I started to get suspicious when he acted funny while I was at the house like he was nervous about me going into certain rooms, ect. So I set out to find out the truth- truth is they were seperated when we met but have now reconciled but he decided he didnt want to end things with me. I am just so hurt and disgusted...
 
Oh lord did you get tested. There is no such thing as safe sex. And he had you in his martial home this is just the worst and even AFTER you find out he is married HE STILL wants to continue the relationship. RUN LIKE HELL. TELL him to cease and desist all forms of contact with you or you ARE going to tell the wife and give her all the gory details. If he is trying to work it out with her I am sure he does NOT want her to know this

YOU deserve better and HE needs to go to hell
 
Well I have had my annual(with STD screening since I request it- ladies make sure u ask cause they wont do it if u dont specifically ask) and I was fine but as you know it can take 6 months with HIV but I will get retested in 6 months and pray it turns out- thanks for your concern. And yes he is still pursuing the relationship with me.
 
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sonyablade said:
Well I have had my annual(with STD screening since I request it- ladies make sure u ask cause they wont do it if u dont specifically ask) and I was fine but as you know it can take 6 months with HIV but I will get retested in 6 months and pray it turns out- thanks for your concern. And yes he is still pursuing the relationship with me.
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Wow!:nono:
 
I'm sorry you're going through this. If you two had gone on a couple of dates and you found out, I'd say just walk away. But this man is bold. I'd definitely let the wife know. She may or may not receive the information well, but I would inform her of the relationship and the fact that he is pursuing you while telling her he wants to work it out.

I've lived on this earth for thirty years, but I'm still shocked at people's behavior :nono:. I never get over how grimy people can be.
 
In this particular situation, I would let the wife know...
She needs to know that he's sleeping with other women and that he brings them to his house. She probably already knows and she'll probably blame you, but then at least you've done the right thing.

It's a tough situation for you, I hope you have someone you can talk to...

Some people are so heartless!
 
Thanks for all the advice ladies..I am going to pray on this but I am starting to lean towards sending her an email. I am very sad about this because he really had me fooled and caught up in him but hopefully time will heal me soon.
 
I just leave it alone?
Click to expand...
*warning *
tough love here :)

and btw,i've been there. it didn't progress as far because I broke it off very very early after finding out..and yes he did come back and tried to pursue and I said
"I wish you and your wife the best of luck"
and do not EVER contact me again...

h emailed "thanks for your good wishes"...then
"am I so poisonous?"
I didn't answer back But I was screaming YES YES YES and so is this guy

Move on and do NOT become buddy-buddy with his wife...stay OUT of that
It is not your business to fix their marriage or "enlighten her" or help her

that's highly suspect anyway.... since you are the other involvement
..what are you doing? retaliating? You are targeting the wrong party..
...why deliberately hurt another human being who NEVER hurt you
..you're not doing any one a favor but making it more messy
or progessing/escalating this triangle to an ugly level ....
you cant control him..that's what telling her is about
..you're trying to grasp some control of an insane situation..
you think you're going to feel better
..but you will pay for that.... even if in the moment you gratify your ego
with revenge in causing him trouble..{which it may not}..
there is always a karmic bill for an action like that

you don't know what their relationship is apart that he's cheating with you
..you don't know if there are other women...there probably are


..he's certainly no trustworthy authority...for all you know she may even know about his affair{s}
SHE PROBABLY DOES...and is coping as best she can....or maybe she allows it ...who knows? why would she want to hear from you? and children are involved???
leave her alone and you leave with integrity

keep the focus on getting out...and yes get angry ..but don't waste it on him ...
get angry at your choices..and thank God it's two and not twenty-two years ....

schedule a real sit down with your soul
not judgement.... but asking the hard questions ...what is missing that you
felt you were only entitled ..to this...:(
and alternately envison what you DO want
healthy relationship with a trustworthy,honest available man
and GET IT...

That shld be your focus ...dear one
get out... pray about it..... get counseling...don't do it again
and leave their marriage issues ..affairs lies divorce reonciliations..other girlfriends
recriminations all to themselves

time will heal me soon.
Click to expand...
yes it will....

(((hugs))))
 
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Ok Kayte- I appreciate the tough love- even though I was lied to I guess I always felt something in my gut but I just didnt want to be the nosy snoopy jealous *****..but now I see giving some people the benefit of the doubt is a mistake. ...but yes i see what u are saying- i really guess i would be telling her because i want HIM to suffer. Like I said I dont think she will leave him but I think she will make his life hell for a while and make it much harder for him to cheat in the future..but even that is petty I guess now that I wrote it out.
 
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sonyablade said:
Ok Kayte- I appreciate the tough love- even though I was lied to I guess I always felt something in my gut but I just didnt want to be the nosy snoopy jealous *****..but now I see giving some people the benefit of the doubt is a mistake. ...but yes i see what u are saying- i really guess i would be telling her because i want HIM to suffer. Like I said I dont think she will leave him but I think she will make his life hell for a while and make it much harder for him to cheat in the future..but even that is petty I guess now that I wrote it out.
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I know it's your choice to make, but I was cheated on and I wish one of the ladies would have told me. I would have been so grateful.

Instead I found out a year or more later. God was watching over me because with the amount of cheating he was doing I was shocked to walk away with a clean slate (as far as STD's, emotionally I was a wreck).
 
sonyablade said:
:nono: I have all the info because I finally did some serious investigative work. Already confronted him- thats done. Married women- would you want to know or not? Or should I just leave it alone? I am heartbroken by the way he lied to me and said he was divorced.
Click to expand...

"I am heartbroken by the way he lied to me and said he was divorced."

Babe, that's why you need to keep it moving, keep a steppin'. You've seen his nature on SO many levels though at this point it hurts, you don't wanna believe it, perhaps he'll do this or that . . . . All of that stuff.

Feel it girl, pray, cry, scream, pray some more, call ya one girl, hash it out with her, talk about the ahem "good" in him, talk about how he a dog, pray some more, and cry, cry, cry, then read, meditate. Girl get your Bible, any Bible study aids you might have, AND arm yourself with books by Michelle McKinney Hammond:

1) How to Avoid the 10 Mistakes Single Women Make

2) Why Do I Say "Yes" When I Need to Say "No"?: Escaping the Trap of Temptation $1.98 @ Amazon.com

3) How to Be Blessed and Highly Favored under $2 @ Amazon

4) Secrets of an Irresistible Woman

Another book I highly recommend to you and ALL women:

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved, by Sandra L. Brown, M.A. , Hunter House books, 2005, ISBN 0-89793-447-4

If you read one Michelle McKinney Hammond book you will see the others listed. If you know you won't take this advice then the ONE book I would have to suggest over them all would be: How to Spot . . .. But, the thing about Ms. Hammond's encouragement - she explains WHY. To know "why" gives additional armor to avoid stuff in the future.

Been there my hair sis, I'm only a click away if you need me. XOXO

Namaste,

LL
 
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I would advise that you focus on moving on without telling her. Probably she already knows. Where did she think he was all those times when he was with you and proably not taking her calls?? I am sure she knows or at least suspects something. But since she has not left, she will probably not leave now.

Just move on and do not bother to talk to him or reply his emails or texts.

His actions have told you everything you need to know about him.

It may seem logical and actually a good deed to report him to his wife but as other posters have mentioned it will simply draw you even further into this mess.:nono:

IMHO Part of dealing with this situation with dignity is to walk away and never look back at him and his lies or his life and all the appertains to it.

All the best!
 
I am married and if my husband held a 2 year relationship with another woman and had another woman up in my house, yes I would want to know. We cannot assume that the wife knows and if she chooses to stay that is her issue, at least she knows for sure what type of person she is dealing with.
 
sonyablade said:
Its been going on for almost 2 years- so yes way past sexual intercourse. Long story short he worked and lived part time in my city(fl) when we met almost 2 years ago and would go to his hometown to see his kids every other weekend in GA. Then he was transferred in Sept and we had our LD relationship going on still talking every day and texting into the night and taking turns coming to see each other once a month. He had excuses at first about why we would have to stay at a hotel- water turned off, remodeling ect. But then he eventually had me in THEIR HOUSE- unbeknownst to me at the time- so as you can see he is seriously disrespectful and messed up. I started to get suspicious when he acted funny while I was at the house like he was nervous about me going into certain rooms, ect. So I set out to find out the truth- truth is they were seperated when we met but have now reconciled but he decided he didnt want to end things with me. I am just so hurt and disgusted...
Click to expand...

wow, how did I know dude was from GA. I swear it's like a freakin a disease with these men.

Sorry you went through this. Yes, I would want to know.
 
spelmanlocks said:
I am married and if my husband held a 2 year relationship with another woman and had another woman up in my house, yes I would want to know. We cannot assume that the wife knows and if she chooses to stay that is her issue, at least she knows for sure what type of person she is dealing with.
Click to expand...

so would i. it could save my life. many a married chics are getting the package. plus i have children to care for. i want to be here to raise them. i hope the original poster will leave that man. he's just dirty.
 
You should tell her anonymously. Send her a letter or e-mail once things cool down. Telling her yourself could get you hurt by him, her or both. Sorry, you went through this!
 
I am sorry OP this has happened to you. However, the ladies here are giving you some real advice. "This too shall pass." Karma is big and yes, I would let his wife know. Then again, she probably already knows /suspects this is going on. Sad situation. He is a very selfish man.JMHO
 
You can't assume the wife knows.

But I really think this stuff can get ugly. Especially since women tend to blame the other woman rather than their man.
 
My vote is to tell her anonymously and move on. Easier said than done, I know. But I don't care if she already knows, or what she will do with the information. It is now all about me. My conscious would not let me move on knowing someone else could be in danger. If I let her know then my hands are clean.

Also, please please please :pray: have NOTHING more to do with him EVER again. EVER. You may want to call him up to go off on him, but your silence will hurt him more than that.

:bighug:
 
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