Former Naturals, What Made You Go Back to Relaxing

A

Autumn

New Member
Hi ladies! I'm just curious to know. If you went natural, and decided to go back to relaxing/texturizing, what were you're reason(s)?

Also, how long were you natural...
and what is your hair type, please.

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The reason I ask is because, I'm trying to decide what's best for me at this point. I was 100% natural, 4a-4b, for almost 1 year, last year. This year, I put a mild relaxer on my hair to make it a bit more easier to manage. I felt bad for choosing a chemical again, but only for going against my word of wanting to try being natural for one year. I fell short of my goal by 2 or 3 months.

Previously, I tried the twists, but they took too long for my thick hair (6 hours min).....I tried the twist-OUT, but that only lasted about 2 days for me. I enjoyed the freedom of washing and going, but my typical afro, pushed back with a headband, got kinda tired. My fro was so big that I couldn't even wear hats anymore
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. I don't care for cornrows for some reason either. I EVEN paid a natural hair stylist 80 dollars for some comb coils, but they were too crunchy. I even thought about pressing my natural hair, but then I thought, why? That's defeating my purpose of being natural, imo
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Not that I really cared, but honestly, we all love compliments, right?...I'd see a fellow natural lady and compliment her on her hair. Nobody EVER complimented ME on my natural hair. Not even when I wore a nice headband or pretty earrings, etc. The only times I got a compliment (and this wasn't even from another Black lady) is when I got the comb coils
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. I know that the eurocentric look is still riding high, but to me, my hair was just about trying something new and trying to accept my natural hair. It was such a hard descision for me to texturize after bening natural for almost a year, but I just got so bored and tired of my pushed back fro/puff.

How can I put it...this was like my 3rd time going natural (second by choice, first time, becasue I was crazy with color and relaxers lol). After searching the web and seeing other type 4 ladies with naturals and reading about the harmful effects of chemicals, I stayed natural for the longest period ever. I'm very hard to please, when it comes to style. So I realized that I hardly ever went to a salon for a relaxer and my hair would always grow to shoulder length, at least (I was a trimming addict lol). I'm such a chameleon when it comes to hair. Hair is like, one of my hobbies
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I think that when I weigh the two choices (relaxed, versus natural), relaxed was actually easier for me to manage. My hair, by nature, has a lot of shrinkage, and I figure, If it's growing, I kinda want to show it off sometime
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Also after looking at this site, and learning things that I'd never known before, such as, you CAN wash/rinse relaxed hair every day, if you want and no, you DON'T have to use heat to style relaxed hair AND, even type 4's CAN stretch a relaxer for longer than 4 weeks
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......the ladies on this site have such great advice.

Anyway, thanx for reading the long portion of my post without going to sleep lol. Sometimes I tend to ramble. Looking forward to any replies
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Thank you all, and much love!
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Hi Autumn
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There must be something in the air, because two close friends of mine are also considering relaxing their hair after years of being natural. We (and of course, you!:) are all hair fanatics, so this was a very long conversation (so I completely understand the long post).

I think the crux of the situation is:

"What is going to make Autumn happy and pleased with her hair?"

What styles have you worn in the past that just made you feel free, light, happy, confident, proud, in control?
Was your hair relaxed or natural at that time? What was the maintenance for that style? How long did it take to do your hair? How healthy and/or long was it at the time?

Another thing to consider: there is a difference between being in a STYLE rut with your hair, and being tired of your hair in its natural state.

If you are in style rut:

I know exactly how you feel about the shrinkage because I felt the same way a few months ago. I began experimenting with different styles- rollersets, blowdried braidouts- that show much more length and give you a completely different look. The afro puff is gorgeous but after a certain length it is more of an afro flop and you have to find styles that compliment your length. Do you LIKE playing in your hair? Not in the sense of twirling strands of it aimlessly, but actually working with it to achieve a look (I call this playing)? I find that if you like "playing" with your hair then it will not be hard to invest the time it takes to master certain styles that show length and look great on you.

If you are tired of your natural hair:

Then it is time for a change. The ONLY thing that should be "scary" at this point about relaxers is that they are permanent, and that is only if you are the type of person who likes constant change. We know how to take care of relaxed hair thanks to this board. I think that if being natural had a deeper meaning for you (i.e., bucking the eurocentric beauty standard), then relaxing might have other implications that only you can think through.

Okay, so I guess my final word is: get your hair pressed. Why you ask? Because you can flip/swing it around, let it blow in the wind, comb through it in 60 seconds flat (what a dream!:), hear everyone oohhh and ahhh over how long it is, put in a ponytail, let it tickle your shoulders and back. If you FEEL better and it has to do with your hair being straight, then do what makes you happy (and is potentially less damaging than regular pressing) and get a relaxer (I think what you might be concerned about is WHY straight hair would potentially make you feel happy??? Let me know). If you miss the curls/coils and the sense of empowerment that might come from thinking you are being "true" to yourself, then wash that press out and get to working on those new styles!!!

Much love to you
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Yes, I'm feeling this post........

......I'm technically still natural under my free-style braids. However, I'm already planning for the texturizer that'll come after the braiding season.

You're reading the post of someone who has gone back and forth twice (kinda):

-When I was younger, I used to get my hair pressed

-Then I moved to a relaxer and had that for yearrrssss

-Sophomore year in college (Dec '01)......I did the cut just cause, my hair was relatively healthy, but it was curiosity

-Senior Summer in college (Summer '03).....I put a mild relaxer on my head........it was wonderful!!! I still had texture...............................................


Wait......this is turning into a looooonnnnng story. Here's the reason why I'm changing back:


-I love the manageability
Even though both types of hair are still high maintenance, slightly relaxed wins in the end for me. Keep in mind that I plan on just mildly relaxing/texturizing my hair for a wash 'n go effect.

-I love the softness
It doesn't take as much to make your hair conditioned and soft (I'm a 4a/b)

-I'm more secure w/ myself
Keep in mind that I'm not saying that natural hair is for insecure ppl....it's usually just the opposite. But for me, in retrospect, I see that going natural was almost a self-acceptance thing. I needed to make sure I liked myself regardless of why I was sporting. Again, this was in retrospect. And again, this is me.

What I plan to do differently is getting my virgin hair relaxed by a professional for the first time and being consistent w/ him/her. I plan to keep up with trims, keep it in a nice shape, keep it neat and low-maintenance
 
Wow, i feel the same way and can't wait to texturize my hair!
Like itismehmmkay, I got my hair pressed when younger, got relaxed at age 10, stopped relaxing 10 years later in my sophomore year of college (Dec '01) and was natural for 2 full years. Then I put in a mild relaxer in Feb '04 and was slightly texturized since. Now, all signs of that texturizer has completely disappeared- my hair has totally reverted (I know some will disagree that this happens but it happened to me when i was fully relaxed before- after it was first relaxed/bone straight, it reverted after several months and only when done a second time over the whole head did it remain straight thereafter).
SO I plan to texturize my whole head again sometime. why?
1. Experiment: find/feel/live/love your natural hair= successful. I loved my relaxde hair, I just wanted to find out what my natural hair was like.
2. I HATE spending so much time (and heat) on my hair when straightening and it doesn't even last long. I NEVER used heat on my relaxed hair. And I don't have the money to spend on stylist to professionally straighten/style every now and then. I spend enough on products as it is
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3. I know how to take care of my hair in any state now, thanks to this board!.
4.I LOVED wearing rollersets on my relaxed hair and well, let's just say that aint happening with my natural hair- it would need the extra help of a curling iron to look like sense and I hate heat.
4. The usual reason- With a texturizer, I can still keep some of my natural curl etc, but with a texture easier to control/rollerset/straighten etc. Best of both worlds right there!
5 Maybe it's my own imagination, but I'm too limited with my natural hair. My usual styles= a bun. Sometimes I'd wear braids. The only thing that changes about those are the parts. SO basically, I keep it in protective styles- I don't wear any part of it out. My hair has thanked me for that, but I would be able to comfortably wear other styles with texturized hair, such as those mentioned above.
5. Heck, i want to show off my hair, coily and straight! It's long now
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Up until about 2 years ago I was natural all my life. I decided to get a relaxer because my hair is very thick and it took so long to do my natural hair. I loved my natural hair, but I love my relaxed hair even better. My natural hair was a little above shoulder length, but that was because I kept it cut. Now my hair is a couple of inches from brastrap. IMO both natural and relaxed hair is a lot of work, but it's much easier for me to take care of my relaxed hair since it doesn't take me as long to do it. Eventually I would like to transition from relaxed to texturized so I can have the best of both worlds.
 
O.K., everyone knows that I LOVE my NAPS; however, I understand what you, Autumn, and some other sisters go through sometimes being natural. I'm not here to tell you what you should do, but I also don't believe that pressing hair is unnatural. It's fine for nappies to press. Now I know that there are some nappies who are totally against it [which, for me, is silly]. But I'm not. The purpose of being "natural" is not to add harsh chemicals to your hair. Some nappies believe that this goes for colors, too! Again, I'm not against coloring at all. Natural, for me, means no relaxers. Texturizers are similar to relaxers, but I'm not necessarily against them, either.

It is ultimately your decision. I don't know how long your hair is; but I tell you what: when my hair was shorter and I wore the afro puffs EVERYDAY for at least 6 months. Well, you can imagine how tired I was with that.

So, I LOVE change. I dyed my hair black from my brownish-reddish color. I then started experimented with twists and twist-outs. At night, add some of your favorite product while your hair is wet. Divide your hair into about 12-15 sections. Two-strand twists these sections. In the morning, take them out. Then, watch and wait for the compliments to fly off the shelf. The twist-outs minimizes my shrinkage. In fact, most people believe that my hair is growing very rapidly. Well...yes it was, but they couldn't tell due to the shrinkage. Now that I have some length and some curl, it shows more...

Good luck to you in whatever you decide. But whatever you decide, remember the ultimate goal is to strive for healthy hair.
 
I think this is a wonderful thread....very informative.

I've considered going natural several times, but I always wondered what made folks go back to relaxers/texturizers when they did do so....
 
I am currently natural, but I went back to relaxing twice in the last 10 years.

When I went back to relaxing in high school, it was because of pressure from my family and from school kids. I got tired of the ridicule. I was made to feel unattractive because of my natural hair, and I bought right into it. I never even attempted to get to know my hair, because I believed the hype that my hair type was just bad, unruly and unmanageable by nature - I didn't even try to take care of it or style it unless it was pressed.

When I texturized a few years ago, it was because I depended on braids and couldn't cope in between. I was also still stuck in the "only curly naturals are pretty" mentality, so I went for a curly look.
 
Well I went natural in 2001 and cut off all my hair in April of 02'. I was natural for two years.

I decided to texturize my hair because after two years of being natural, I decided I wanted to relax again.

I wanted to go natural because I wanted to prove to myself that relaxing is a choice, not a way to hide my hair. I needed to feel I can go out totally comfortable with my hair without having issues that someone is making fun of me, or if someone didn't like my hair tough ***t for them.

When I grew out a short cut to shoulderlength natural hair, I realized that my hair choices are mine. No board, or person or groups of persons could define me with acceptance because I was natural, or disdain because I was relaxed. And I had to be comfortable with my choices whether someone agreed with my decision or not.


I admit I felt like I dissapointed a lot of natural ladies because of my decision, but I realized that I now appreciate all natural, and relaxed ladies that keep their hair looking fierce! I can look at natural albums and see the time and patience it takes to create hairstyles, and I can also look at relaxed ladies who take care of their hair and appreciate that also.

It's a good feeling to know that even though relaxing is permanent, it is a choice that can be changed just as natural hair.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Tracy said:
I think this is a wonderful thread....very informative.

I've considered going natural several times, but I always wondered what made folks go back to relaxers/texturizers when they did do so....

[/ QUOTE ]

DITTO!
 
[ QUOTE ]
loverofnaps71 said:
O.K., everyone knows that I LOVE my NAPS; however, I understand what you, Autumn, and some other sisters go through sometimes being natural. I'm not here to tell you what you should do, but I also don't believe that pressing hair is unnatural. It's fine for nappies to press. Now I know that there are some nappies who are totally against it [which, for me, is silly]. But I'm not. The purpose of being "natural" is not to add harsh chemicals to your hair. Some nappies believe that this goes for colors, too! Again, I'm not against coloring at all. Natural, for me, means no relaxers. Texturizers are similar to relaxers, but I'm not necessarily against them, either.

It is ultimately your decision. I don't know how long your hair is; but I tell you what: when my hair was shorter and I wore the afro puffs EVERYDAY for at least 6 months. Well, you can imagine how tired I was with that.

So, I LOVE change. I dyed my hair black from my brownish-reddish color. I then started experimented with twists and twist-outs. At night, add some of your favorite product while your hair is wet. Divide your hair into about 12-15 sections. Two-strand twists these sections. In the morning, take them out. Then, watch and wait for the compliments to fly off the shelf. The twist-outs minimizes my shrinkage. In fact, most people believe that my hair is growing very rapidly. Well...yes it was, but they couldn't tell due to the shrinkage. Now that I have some length and some curl, it shows more...

Good luck to you in whatever you decide. But whatever you decide, remember the ultimate goal is to strive for healthy hair.

[/ QUOTE ]

Same here. Natural to me means no chemicals
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Good thread!
 
I was also natural for a year and I loved my hair's strength but combing my hair out, washing, and twisting almost drove me crazy so I got a texturizer. Social acceptance can be strange....I got a lot of compliments on my hair from non-blacks but none at all from other blacks. I think type 4 natural hair is beautiful.

Both natural and chemicals have positives and negatives but what's great about this board is that there are so many healthy heads of both types to help us out. And you can switch plenty of times. I might go natural again because I didn't have this board when I made my first attempt.
 
Ladies,
I just want to say it such a pleasure to have a thread where no one is militant about their position!
Although I haven't been natural in many many many moons, I'd suggest you keep along the path of using a mild texturizer in it. This way, you'll have some of the flexibility you are looking for. I am stretching my relaxers out again and am in love with the texture of the new growth. I think I might begin using a mild relaxer to retain that texture somewhat.
Thankfully, we have a wonderful haven here at LHCF. No matter what you decision is don't regret missing your 1 year goal. It's a woman's perogative to change her mind
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Hey everyone! Thanx for all of your comments.

After finding this forum, I've also learned that many of the same techniques that I used when I was all natural, can be done on relaxed and texturized hair. Styles such as 'outs' (braid, twist, bantu) can be done on relaxed hair.

I must say that when I was wearing a relaxer, I was a BAD permie lol. I was stuck in the mentality of grease, and unhealthy 'phony-ponies' (I didn't know that term existed until I found this site lol). I was the brown gel QUEEN! My gel of choice was Ampro because it made it possible for me to slick my hair back into a rock-solid formation. I know better now. I also used to wear my hair like this until my scalp started itching. Itching should not be a sign to wash your hair! lol Just thinking about the way that I used to treat my (relaxed) hair was horrendous!

But once again, thanx for your oberservations : )
 
lol@Autumn I used to dip my small brush into a big tub of Ampro and slab it all over my head
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.

I'm a natural here, but as some other ladies have said, it's interesting hearing the stories.
 
Im a natural who has considered texturizing more than once...those Curve salon pics really get to me sometimes...and Id like to be able to see my length more. But I had a talk with my hubby about it and he's completely against it, he sees the progress I've made and he doesn't want me to ruin it... and I think he's right. For me it more about the appearance of length that's making me antsy, cause I know its grown longer than its been in a long time and I wanna SEE the length...I'm just going to be patient with it and wait until the end of the year before I make any decisions.
 
Ya know, that's another thing.....

Seems that the longer we stay natural, the harder it is to put a chemical back in. I wouldn't nescessarily call it a guilty feeling, per se, but more of 'grrr, why can't I keep a promise to myself'. I feel like it's better to relax while my hair is still relatively short, because I can start tracking my growth from the early stages. Now I'm realizing that it's really not that serious. It's hair. Hair isn't a 'living' organism once it leaves the follicle (maybe I'm wrong about this, not sure).

I wanted to be natural because I was kinda sold on the 'other races don't have to use chemicals, so why do WE?' position. That REALLY made a lot of sense to me too. Still does.
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....it wasn't about finding my true roots or anything cultural either. I just wanted the 'freedom' of not HAVING to apply a relaxer every 4 weeks. My hair is more on the very kinky side of the spectrum, so I felt that I HAD to touch up every month in order to maintain a straight style. Stretching a relaxer was taboo. I also never relaxed my hair bone straight either. I prefer body.

If I decide to take it up a notch to a more wavy style (regular relaxer as apposed to the mild that I put in), I'm going to better protect my scalp and hair prior. I didn't do this before
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. When I texturized a while ago, I potected my scalp with a pink looking grease and I also applied conditioner to my hair. No burns at all.
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I'm also going to try to stretch my relaxer for 2 months instead of 4. I can cut my chemical applications in half! Plus I won't use my curling iron all the time. Once my hair starts to grow, I want to put a photo album out there so that I can be a long hair contender too!
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<font color="purple">I was a natural since the mid 90's. And the reason I went back to relaxed is for the fact that my hair can be a lot easier to style grow faster this way. I transistioned in September of last year (3 months will be my 1 year anniversary of wearing relaxed hair). I don't do a lot of touchups like I did in the past. But when I'm not relaxing often, my hair feels stronger, longer and healthier. And doing CO washes, using oils instead of heavy grease and not using a lot of heat really makes a lot of difference in my hair. So to be on the safe side, I'm going to switch to regular lye, and be able to protect my scalp from burning. I want my hair to blow in the breeze. My former, it's not blowing in the breeze like I want it to do.
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I posted this in another thread, but what made me return (after many years 4a/4b natural) to a texturizer is threefold:

1) I got tired of detangling my hair. It tangled and knotted *very* easily after it grew past a certain length.

2) My hair shrank up considerably (as most 4a/4bs do), and I didn't want to use heat or spend hours twisting to show length. So what was the point of continuing to grow out my hair if it looked very much like it did a year ago due to shrinkage?

3) While I fully accepted my natural hair texture, I wanted my hair to look looser. When I finally got some length, I realized it would never look like how I wanted to look without using heat or spending hours twisting or braiding for a braidout (with my natural hair, I needed *lots* of twists or braids for a decent twist/braidout).

I have no problem changing my hair around, to me it's just hair. I plan to grow my hair and wear it texturized for some time. Later on I will probably return to my natural texture, but I will keep it between 2-4 inches, which is the ideal length for my natural hair. Nothing beats the wash'n go simplicity of a well-shaped TWA.
 
The issues of time and shrinkage seem to be the main ones that come up when we consider going from natural to relaxed.

For those who have fully relaxed or texturized, how much LESS time do you spend on your hair (specifically, how long does it take you to detangle after a wash)? What is your primary style? How significant is the change in your hair regimen? Are you generally happier with your hair?

I agree that the longer we are natural the harder it is to relax. I also think that the experience we had while relaxed will impact decisions to go back to them. I knew nothing about how to care for relaxed hair, and I know it will be a steep learning curve if I were to put a relaxer in. If you have had healthy relaxed hair, then it is not so foreign or such a daunting task.
 
OshunCurls I am fully relaxed and I know that my styling time has been cut back alot. I have very thick hair and when I was natural I would wash and condition and then it would take me about an hour to detangle my hair and pull it back into a ponytail or do a couple of french braids (these were my primary styles when I was natural). If I wanted to press it, it would take maybe 2 or 3 hours. Now when I wash my hair it only takes me about 10 minutes to detangle and put it into a ponytail. If I rollerset my hair it takes about an hour to dry fully. I would not say that I am happier with my hair because I love both my relaxed and natural hair. I am just happier that it doesn't take me so long to style it and that it's still healthy.
 
[ QUOTE ]
OshunCurls said:
I agree that the longer we are natural the harder it is to relax. I also think that the experience we had while relaxed will impact decisions to go back to them. I knew nothing about how to care for relaxed hair, and I know it will be a steep learning curve if I were to put a relaxer in. If you have had healthy relaxed hair, then it is not so foreign or such a daunting task.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is SO true, I had a bad time with relaxers, and don't think I'll go back to it again.
 
I used to use grease and water combined with gel to get a really smooth look. I thought I too was doing the right thing by putting it back in a poytail and walking outof the door for work, but after reading posts from this message board I discovered that I was wrong too.

I'm thinking of transitioning but I'm waiting to see how I can manage with my natural hair growing out from the perm and from there I'll know if it is something that I'm able to manage or not.
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This is my second time going natural...

I got my first relaxer around age 10 because my mother forced me to do it. I went natural during the spring of my sophomore year in college because my hair was damaged and it was much easier to just cut it all off and start over. I liked it natural. I put in a mild relaxer about 8 months later because I was going to be taking a swimming class during the winter semester and I didn't want to press my hair three times a week. Back then (1995), I didn't know about natural products, twists, cornrows, etc. All I knew was pressing and two braids. My was dry and I hated that. Grease didn't do anything but make it greasy and I hated that.

On April 26, 2003, I was finally more than tired of the relaxer and cut it all out. I was so fed up that I cut off 9in. myself in the shower at the YMCA one morning. I then went to a stylist to let her cut off the rest. I'm loving my natural hair. I can honestly say that I will never go back to relaxing. I know too much to damage my hair like that again. Besides, my hair curled up when it was relaxed as well. I have more styling options now and I LOVE that. I also have more support from other naturals as well as websites.
 
Patience, I too will never press or relax my hair again. For the majority of my life, my hair was pressed but there were 3 separate occasions in which I had a relaxer and it did a number on my hair. I must say that if I took care of it the way the ladies on this forum do it probably would be better, but it's not something that I'm willing to do again nor desire. For once in my life I'm happy that I don't have to stretch my hair. It's so nice for me to revel in my natural healthy curls and work with it instead of fighting against it. I find that as my hair grows I also have a lot more styling options and versatility with my natural hair. It's funny but I never really knew the true texture of my hair until now because it was always altered from the time I was about 8 years old. To each, his (or her!) own but for ME, I don't feel the need to physically or chemically alter my hair in that way again.
 
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