For all the ladies who have always been natural

[Naturelie]

First of all, I would like to apologize: I'm French and don't really speak (or write) english very well.

I wanted to do that post cause people often talk about transitioning but some of us never relaxed.
For the natural haired ladies in this case, it could be interesting to know why.
It could help us understanding what to do to make young ladies appreciate their kinks and curls.
Personally, I never relaxed cause, I've found out some years later, my mum who is relaxed, have always regretted to have done so when she was younger. She is still relaxed cause she thinks she would not be able to deal with her natural hair - despite of all my encouragements (...maybe one day).

So, she never makes me think that kinky hair was less interesting than other hair types. So, I never consider relaxing (even though I didn't know how to really take care of my mane, either my mom).

If you're in the case, why didn't you ever relax? And if you're not in the case, what do you intend to do or say to make your daughter appreciate their natural hair?

(Hope I didn't make to much mistakes lol...thanks for your indulgence)

 

[sheanu]

Bump! I have never met anyone that never had a relaxer in real life...it's like living an alternative lifestyle or something here in s.fla if one passes the age of 18 never having had a relaxer!

 

[BostonMaria]

I relaxed for 26 years (10 through 36) and I hated the fact that I never got to play with my natural hair or see what it was like. So I never relaxed my daughters hair. Relaxers were not even an option for them.

I never had to bring up the topic because most of their friends were natural too. I always tell them that their curls are beautiful. My youngest sometimes gets overwhelmed (she's 3B/3C classic length hair) and tells me she wants to get a BKT when she's older. I really hope she doesn't.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Naturelie]

Bump! I have never met anyone that never had a relaxer in real life...it's like living an alternative lifestyle or something here in s.fla if one passes the age of 18 never having had a relaxer!

Yes, it's true. Where I live, it's the same thing: relaxing is a sort of rite of passage to become an adult or even an adolescent. But, for my mother, it was not an option: I knew she would not allow me to relax my hair and I never feel the will to do so because she used to value kinky hair. Obviously I would be able to relax it when I would grow old. But I never consider doing so. By the way, I'm 24 years old this year and I'm a 4 hair girl.

I wish new generations would see their kinks and curls as they are: beautiful as any other hair types.

 

[Naturelie]

I relaxed for 26 years (10 through 36) and I hated the fact that I never got to play with my natural hair or see what it was like. So I never relaxed my daughters hair. Relaxers were not even an option for them.

I never had to bring up the topic because most of their friends were natural too. I always tell them that their curls are beautiful. My youngest sometimes gets overwhelmed (she's 3B/3C classic length hair) and tells me she wants to get a BKT when she's older. I really hope she doesn't.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

You're doing the right thing.
Even though my mother didn't really know how to take care of kinky hair cause she's relaxed since her childhood, she learned me to love it. So I never never never thought that kinky hair was not "presentable".
Relaxing may be right if you know how to take care of it but I think that, before someone takes the decision to relax, that person should know herself and shoud know what really grows out of her scalp.
It should be a personal decision.

So, yes, by letting your daughters knowing themselves, you're doing the right thing.

 

[Naturelie]

Can you please, ladies, share your own experience?

 

[LaBelleLL]

Nice thread. I have never relaxed my hair. When I asked my mom why she never relaxed us, she said she couldn't bring herself to relax our beautiful hair. I did not grow up with any hang ups about hair type or texture. Since my mom virtually took care of my hair up until I was 18, I had figure out how to do my hair myself when I moved into the dorms for college. It has been a wonderful journey! It's been a few years now that my mom has stopped relaxing so now I help her take care of her hair.

When I am a mother, I will wear my hair as natural as possible so my children (wither boys and/or girls) are accustomed to seeing Afro-textured hair in all of its glory and abundance. I do not even want to straighten my hair.

 

[sunnydaze]

My 6 year old daughter has never seen my hair relaxed (transitioned while pregnant), so she has no concept of even really what a relaxer is (she has seen me flat iron and rollerset, mind you, just no relaxer). All the black women in my family at this point are natural and the textures range from 3a-4c, so in her words "poofy" hair is what is normal and attractive. When I straighten, she likes it , but says she liked it better poofy

 

[Naturelie]

Nice thread. I have never relaxed my hair. When I asked my mom why she never relaxed us, she said she couldn't bring herself to relax our beautiful hair. I did not grow up with any hang ups about hair type or texture. Since my mom virtually took care of my hair up until I was 18, I had figure out how to do my hair myself when I moved into the dorms for college. It has been a wonderful journey! It's been a few years now that my mom has stopped relaxing so now I help her take care of her hair.

When I am a mother, I will wear my hair as natural as possible so my children (wither boys and/or girls) are accustomed to seeing Afro-textured hair in all of its glory and abundance. I do not even want to straighten my hair.

Thanks for sharing that really nice experience!

Do you remember having been asked why you are not relaxed from schoolmates when you were younger? (oops, I don't know if that sentence is comprehensible . If I write something that is not really "english", don't you hesitate to signal it to me please. Thanks!)

 

[Naturelie]

My 6 year old daughter has never seen my hair relaxed (transitioned while pregnant), so she has no concept of even really what a relaxer is (she has seen me flat iron and rollerset, mind you, just no relaxer). All the black women in my family at this point are natural and the textures range from 3a-4c, so in her words "poofy" hair is what is normal and attractive. When I straighten, she likes it , but says she liked it better poofy

Thanks!

Loving yourself is much easier when the people you love give you a positive image of yourself, when they learn you to embrace what you were born with.

 

[Froreal3]

I've never relaxed because I was taught it damages the hair (broke protein bonds etc) and that was corroborated by the many terrible bird tweed looking pony tails, broken napes, and bald patches on girls and women I saw growing up. I was also taught that my hair in it's natural state was fine and beautiful the way it is. It was just normal for me. If I wanted a straight style, I'd just put a wig or weave on. My hair is also kind of fine and lower density. I knew I wouldn't look right.

This is not to say that I had any idea what I was doing with my hair until I came to LHCF! Growing up, I'd do braid and twist extensions. As an adult, I relied heavily on wigs/weaves/braid extensions. Sometimes, I'd wear my hair in a fro or fro/twist combo, but I was (and still am) hair lazy. I didn't feel like always twisting nightly (despite my hair ignorance, I did know from experience not to sleep on loose hair or else wake up looking like a troll), so eventually I'd throw another set of extensions/weave it up/or slap a wig on it. Now that I know how to take care of it, it's doing better.

For my daughter, I feel that seeing me with hair like hers helps immensely. When I used to wear my wigs or extensions, she'd look up to that and believe that was beautiful as opposed to her own. She even told me she wanted hair that "hangs down" and "is pretty." That is why I started wearing my hair out more and I came back to LHCF to learn more about it. She appreciates and loves her puffs, twists, and cornrows.

 

[Naturelie]

I've never relaxed because I was taught it damages the hair (broke protein bonds etc) and that was corroborated by the many terrible bird tweed looking pony tails, broken napes, and bald patches on girls and women I saw growing up. I was also taught that my hair in it's natural state was fine and beautiful the way it is. It was just normal for me. If I wanted a straight style, I'd just put a wig or weave on. My hair is also kind of fine and lower density. I knew I wouldn't look right.

This is not to say that I had any idea what I was doing with my hair until I came to LHCF! Growing up, I'd do braid and twist extensions. As an adult, I relied heavily on wigs/weaves/braid extensions. Sometimes, I'd wear my hair in a fro or fro/twist combo, but I was (and still am) hair lazy. I didn't feel like always twisting nightly (despite my hair ignorance, I did know from experience not to sleep on loose hair or else wake up looking like a troll), so eventually I'd throw another set of extensions/weave it up/or slap a wig on it. Now that I know how to take care of it, it's doing better.

For my daughter, I feel that seeing me with hair like hers helps immensely. When I used to wear my wigs or extensions, she'd look up to that and believe that was beautiful as opposed to her own. She even told me she wanted hair that "hangs down" and "is pretty." That is why I started wearing my hair out more and I came back to LHCF to learn more about it. She appreciates and loves her puffs, twists, and cornrows.

Thanks for the experience!

 

[LaBelleLL]

Thanks for sharing that really nice experience!

Do you remember having been asked why you are not relaxed from schoolmates when you were younger? (oops, I don't know if that sentence is comprehensible . If I write something that is not really "english", don't you hesitate to signal it to me please. Thanks!)

I was asked from time to time why I didn't relax in HS. What all the girls would tell me all the time however was that if they had my hair, they would do so much with it. Growing up, I basically kept my hair in box braids and would bun from time to time. They noticed this and was surprised I didn't play in my hair since I had a lot and had a good length.

I do remember when I was in middle school, my mom mentioned getting a lot of pressure from another haitian mom whose daughters were my classmates in my saturday morning piano school. this was around when we were about ready to go to high school in 1-2 years. basically, this mom kept on pressuring my mom to perm our hair before HS and told her if she didn't, she was basically doing wrong by us. she kept on telling my mom we would get made fun of and wouldn't fit in in high school. i remember my mom relaying those conversations to us and saying that she wouldn't dare destroy our hair. those sisters had pretty long, beautiful natural hair and their mom ended up perming it.

fast forward years later, post high school and post 4 years of college - i saw the younger daughter in a store and saw that she was rocking a TWA. i assume it was to go natural.

every single day i am so grateful that my mom did not perm my hair. i have nothing against them as there are some beautiful heads of relaxed hair on this site. i just appreciate the fact that if i do ever get a perm, it will be because I choose to get one.

 

[Naturelie]

I was asked from time to time why I didn't relax in HS. What all the girls would tell me all the time however was that if they had my hair, they would do so much with it. Growing up, I basically kept my hair in box braids and would bun from time to time. They noticed this and was surprised I didn't play in my hair since I had a lot and had a good length.

I do remember when I was in middle school, my mom mentioned getting a lot of pressure from another haitian mom whose daughters were my classmates in my saturday morning piano school. this was around when we were about ready to go to high school in 1-2 years. basically, this mom kept on pressuring my mom to perm our hair before HS and told her if she didn't, she was basically doing wrong by us. she kept on telling my mom we would get made fun of and wouldn't fit in in high school. i remember my mom relaying those conversations to us and saying that she wouldn't dare destroy our hair. those sisters had pretty long, beautiful natural hair and their mom ended up perming it.

fast forward years later, post high school and post 4 years of college - i saw the younger daughter in a store and saw that she was rocking a TWA. i assume it was to go natural.

every single day i am so grateful that my mom did not perm my hair. i have nothing against them as there are some beautiful heads of relaxed hair on this site. i just appreciate the fact that if i do ever get a perm, it will be because I choose to get one.

I 100% understand you.
I'm thankful my mum let me free to choose, I had the choice and decided to better take care of my natural hair.

Thanks for sharing LaBelleLL!

 

[Dayjoy]

My mother and sister both were relaxed. When I was graduating middle school my mother finally let me get a relaxer after all of my begging. I am now 42, have been relaxed for almost 31 years. My almost 11 year old daughter will NEVER be relaxed. She loves the versatility of her natural hair. She wears braids, twists, and occasionally I flat iron it. I have really emphasized to her how beautiful her hair is. She said to me time and again that I should stop relaxing my own hair and finally, after thinking about it for a couple of years, I've stopped relaxing. I am 14 months into my transition and I tell her all the time how I can't wait for my hair to be like hers. I don't resent the fact that my mother let me get a relaxer, I'm glad she let me try what I wanted. I'm mad with myself for not going natural years ago. I wish I did what sunnydaze did and went natural while pregnant, but at least DD gets to see me CHOOSE hair like hers over what I've been wearing.

 

[Naturelie]

My mother and sister both were relaxed. When I was graduating middle school my mother finally let me get a relaxer after all of my begging. I am now 42, have been relaxed for almost 31 years. My almost 11 year old daughter will NEVER be relaxed. She loves the versatility of her natural hair. She wears braids, twists, and occasionally I flat iron it. I have really emphasized to her how beautiful her hair is. She said to me time and again that I should stop relaxing my own hair and finally, after thinking about it for a couple of years, I've stopped relaxing. I am 14 months into my transition and I tell her all the time how I can't wait for my hair to be like hers. I don't resent the fact that my mother let me get a relaxer, I'm glad she let me try what I wanted. I'm mad with myself for not going natural years ago. I wish I did what @sunnydaze did and went natural while pregnant, but at least DD gets to see me CHOOSE hair like hers over what I've been wearing.

Yes!
It proves you teach her to love what she was born with though you were relaxed. Really nice experience, thanks!!

 

[beautyintheyes]

Im 22 and i relaxed for the first time ever in december! I needed a change and i was curious hehe but i think part of it was i never saw anyone with relaxed hair cause i only knew like 3 black girls growing up and the all had braids all the time and were natural and it never came up with my mother so it never came to mind i was to busy being a tom boy lol my mother i found out just this year that she use to be relax lol

 

[Naturelie]

Im 22 and i relaxed for the first time ever in december! I needed a change and i was curious hehe but i think part of it was i never saw anyone with relaxed hair cause i only knew like 3 black girls growing up and the all had braids all the time and were natural and it never came up with my mother so it never came to mind i was to busy being a tom boy lol my mother i found out just this year that she use to be relax lol

Thanks for the experience!

How did you take care of your natural hair given that there was not a lot of black girls in the area?
And, now you are relaxed, how do you deal with your hair? Are you pleased with it and did you find the change you were expecting?

 

[beautyintheyes]

Thanks for the experience!

How did you take care of your natural hair given that there was not a lot of black girls in the area?
And, now you are relaxed, how do you deal with your hair? Are you pleased with it and did you find the change you were expecting?

Growing up it was always in braids and it was pretty long and when i got old enough to do my hair myself it all went straight to hell lol i flat iron it all the time and had it in a pony tail so it broke off to shoulder length for about 10 year and then i just started to take care of it and with paying so much attention i grew bored and relaxed since I'm use to having straight hair... Its easy to manage but my natural hair was as well so i think ill stay relaxed for awhile my regi is so simple only use water to moisturize and seal and water rinses

 

[Naturelie]

Growing up it was always in braids and it was pretty long and when i got old enough to do my hair myself it all went straight to hell lol i flat iron it all the time and had it in a pony tail so it broke off to shoulder length for about 10 year and then i just started to take care of it and with paying so much attention i grew bored and relaxed since I'm use to having straight hair... Its easy to manage but my natural hair was as well so i think ill stay relaxed for awhile my regi is so simple only use water to moisturize and seal and water rinses

Nice to see you can enjoy and take care of your hair natural or relaxed!!
Thanks for sharing!

 

[cocomama]

nice thread....bumping!

 

[Naturelie]

Can you please girls share your personal experience?