First time Heartbreak! Need words of advice!

[indigodiva]

hello ladies,

I'm still fairly new to the board, and I've never posted in the section. I just would like some advice as to how you survive a break up? I feel kinda silly even asking...I mean I always felt sorry for the poor soul on the other side of the screen who was pouring her heart out about a break up or finding out their man was married, or just involved with some someone else or maybe the guy just wanted to end it...And all I did was feel sorry...never really able to empathize with the pain of having my heart broken..but now I'm that young lady...

Long story short: After dating for a year, he wants to be single. Can't handle the pressure of a long distance relationship..didn't tell me until this past sunday..starting acting strange in previous weeks, like there would be no phone conversation, or he would just sit there on the phone breathing...etc..i tried my best to communicate with him though we were separated --but the morning he called me he told his dad there was a problem with the communication...he told me he would call when he had something to talk about, but he got mad when i didnt call him the whole day..seems like he was waiting for a reason

Everything was fine and then he just turned into this cold person, who didnt give a damn about me..

how do you heal when someone acted like they wanted to be with you, then as soon as you separate they turn on you? I'm better than I was a few days ago, but I still have my moments where i just want to cry..when will it be over?

by the way, this is the first time I've had my heartbroken, so any advice for those of you who have dealt with heartbreak would be really nice.

 

[fallback]

Indigodiva I'm sorry to hear about your heartbreak....but trust me you'll get over it. Make yourself busy. I won't tell you not to think about it because it's only normal that you do. Do you have a close friend you can talk to? Just have some faith and keep on going on with your life because most likely he will. Another side note, this was your first hearbreak but I'm here to tell you...you may have more. I wish you the best and remember we're always here for you at LHCF.

 

[indigodiva]

My cousin said the same thing.."there will be more"...I'd like to think that I would be able to be more careful in selecting who I allow to get close to me. I know there is joy and pain in life in general...but I don't want to deal with trusting someone with my heart and then having them smash it and toss it aside like an old rag. That hurts so bad. Its a pain I don't even understand. I know everyone has to deal with it, but it really stings

 

[p31woman]

Time heals everything. Turn to your family and friends for support and DO NOT pity yourself...its his loss!! my mother was right when she told me they all come back when they realize what they had...But by then your have moved on and then they have to pick up the pieces. Stay busy focus on God because he is the only person who can get you through this.

Remember God cant get to us what we really need unless He removes that which is blocking the true blessing He has for us.

Have as little contact with him as possible. I found that the more i continued to talk to my ex, the harder it was and the longer it took me to heal.

Im praying for you babe!

 

[indigodiva]

thank you for your prayers..I really need them. I'll officially be a college graduate on friday, and I am trying to finish my last assignment....Ive just been going about trying to keep a smile on my face, hoping that I'll smile on the inside...and its working....I'm fine when I'm at out work, or in class, but when I get in my apartment by myself, sometimes it just hits me all at once. I hate that I am even crying as I type. He broke up with me monday, so the pain is still fresh. I think I'll be ok once I move back home, and I have family to lean on...I should be glad that it happened before I invested any more of time with him...there are all these pratical things that I know, but my brain and my heart are on two different pages.

I want to know how long is this going to take to be over?! I'm sick of feeling raw on the inside. I'm praying and listening to music that will uplift my spirit, but I just want to be done with the hurt NOW.

I really wish I had a magic genie with me. I'd wish for some form of special amnesia to wipe his memory completely away..or better yet, I just wish I never met him at all

 

[foxxymami]

Ohhh ((((HUGS))) I remember you talking about him in the waist cincher thread and thinking yall were so cute. I'm sorry to hear you're heart is hurting so badly. I know right now it's hard to see past the pain but gal you better put on your grad cap and your dancing shoes cuz you're about to GRADUATE COLLEGE!! I know you've posted before about upcoming career and post-graduate decision-making you're going through. Well I want to say to you that everything happens for a reason and He allows them to happen during finely orchestrated seasons. That may not be soothing to hear.....seeing as I know you still love him. But just think about it....God's timing is uncanny and precise.....you are exactly where you need to be right now. I hope you can find some comfort in that thought

As for the healing time, I have been there and so have many other strong women. It sucks but you will get past it eventually.....then you'll be able to offer a shoulder to a woman who's experiencing HER first heartbreak and tell HER that she'll make it through. It'll get better, huh. I'll send up a prayer for you

Feel better indigo

 

[indigodiva]

THANK YOU ALL SOOOOOO MUCH! You guys are giving me the exact encouragement I needed.

My mom couldn't really offer me that special comfort b/c for one, she warned me about him...I always told her she was too skeptical, and that she didnt have to psychoanalyze everyone( she's a social worker, and she kept telling me "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree"--his father is a man who likes to have his cake and eat it too--basically wanting to have his freedom, then being bothered when it is convenient for him(which is how he wound up with 5 kids and 4 baby mamas, and a lot of other women on the side--but me being optimistic, I just wanted him to be different--and that's what he told me..he didn't want to be like his dad..but lo and behold...

Mama was right, and I can't be mad..I mean that's why she is the mom..she had the spirit of discernment when I was too busy being "In love", and I'm grateful for that....

However, the encouragement I've received from you ladies who understand how I feel and what I am going through, is more precious than all the diamonds in the earth. I truly appreciate each one of you from the bottom of my heart

 

[janiebaby]

I'm going to give you advice from someone that has been there and wishes they had did things differently:

First go out and stay out until you're ready to fall into bed, don't sit at home wallowing.

Get a hobby where guys are around.

Say hello to guys as you pass them, trust me the attention will help a
little even if you aren't interested.

If you have single friends who are not bitter or bitter depending on how you feel at the moment use them to help you get through this.

Go to the gym on the regular.

Try out new recipes.

Invite friends over more often.

 

[indigodiva]

I'm going to give you advice from someone that has been there and wishes they had did things differently:
*whips out notepad*

First go out and stay out until you're ready to fall into bed, don't sit at home wallowing.

Get a hobby where guys are around.
*A new hobby in general is in order for me..I'm thinking martial arts and

Say hello to guys as you pass them, trust me the attention will help a
little even if you aren't interested.
*I noticed that..and it does help

If you have single friends who are not bitter or bitter depending on how you feel at the moment use them to help you get through this.

Go to the gym on the regular.
*will do!

Try out new recipes.
*learning how to throw down period

Invite friends over more often.
*I'm moving, so I guess its time to make new friends!

 

[alundra]

My friend read a book called "It's called a break-up because it's broken" and she really liked it.

 

[indigodiva]

I'm going to get it!! Thanks..I'm a reader, but I never thought about getting a book for this situation!