First date from online guy?

[yokoyokogirl]

Tomorrow I'm going to have lunch with this guy I met on an online dating site here. We've chatted a bit on email and I'm not expecting much. He's an architect..might be cool, might be a nutjob.

But what do you wear? It's been really rainy here.

Do you ladies think it's ok that he picked the place?

And is it always dutch unless he offers???

Thanks!

 

[Bunny77]

I never do dutch.

Did he ask you out? He pays.

Where are you going? On a first date, I usually do a cute bright-colored top, my nice jeans and some boots/sandals with a heel. Lighter makeup, but enough to show off my best features!

 

[msmills2U]

He should pay......don't start that dutch stuff...

 

[Bunny77]

He should pay......don't start that dutch stuff...

Women should eliminate the word "dutch" from their vocabularies! Unless you're in Holland.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

He should pay......don't start that dutch stuff...

Exactly, I've never done "Dutch", and a real man wouldn't even hear of you paying half.

 

[-Volare]

So wait...I always pay my way am I doing it wrong? I mean men offer but I'd rather pay for my own on a first date.

 

[Bunny77]

So wait...I always pay my way am I doing it wrong? I mean men offer but I'd rather pay for my own on a first date.

Girl, let them pay!!!!

Seriously, aren't men always complaining that women don't know how to let a man be a man? Okay then, I'll let you be a man and PAY!

Honestly, I don't consider it a date if I'm paying for my half. It's just two friends hanging out then.

 

[msmills2U]

I never start this...dutch or paying for a date out unless it's his birthday.

If a man even "suggest it" it's a test in my opinion.

I tell them....I don't pay for meals out but if we progress I have no problem cooking you a hot meal one day.

I have never had one to not say "Ok sounds good".

That way they have something to look forward .

So wait...I always pay my way am I doing it wrong? I mean men offer but I'd rather pay for my own on a first date.

 

[Bunny77]

I never start this...dutch or paying for a date out unless it's his birthday.

If a man even "suggest it" it's a test in my opinion.

I tell them....I don't pay for meals out but if we progress I have no problem cooking you a hot meal one day.

I have never had one to not say "Ok sounds good".

That way they have something to look forward .

I'll cook for a man in the future, and when a man is "my" man, I'll even treat him! (Although some wouldn't let me do that either, lol). At least I offered...

But in the dating stages before a relationship is established, no, I don't pull out my wallet at all.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Yes, I agree with forgetting about dutch and let a man be a man...while you get treated like a lady

 

[Allandra]

Tomorrow I'm going to have lunch with this guy I met on an online dating site here. We've chatted a bit on email and I'm not expecting much. He's an architect..might be cool, might be a nutjob.

But what do you wear? It's been really rainy here.

Do you ladies think it's ok that he picked the place?

And is it always dutch unless he offers???

Thanks!

Girl, whether you're expecting much or not expecting much, just have a nice time, and a good lunch.

Wear something cute and comfortable. Wear a nice / cute hair style too.

Nothing wrong that he picked the place as long as the place as something that you like too.

Not sure if it's always dutch unless he offers. I say just go with the flow. When it comes to dutch, so many of the LHCF ladies holler and scream about it like it's a dirty word or something. Geez. I'm not gonna go into detail about that because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (because the truth can hurt). You can always send me a pm for more info.

 

[Bunny77]

Okay Allandra, see you done started something with that....

I wanna know what you think!

 

[msmills2U]

Absolutely!
But let me add that I have cooked for guy friends just because I can cook and cooking for one person gets old sometimes and I want them to compliment it!
LOL(I'm a leo)

I'll cook for a man in the future, and when a man is "my" man, I'll even treat him! (Although some wouldn't let me do that either, lol). At least I offered...

But in the dating stages before a relationship is established, no, I don't pull out my wallet at all.

 

[Allandra]

Okay Allandra, see you done started something with that....

I wanna know what you think!

I knew my post would start something, and it's so much less than I wanted to post. However, I would be hurting someone's feelings if I posted what I really thought, and I would never want to do that (in real life or online). I do care about how people feel, but at the same time, I just wish people would be real.

 

[msmills2U]

I want to know too. I'm a traditionalist in a lot of ways.

My feelings won't be hurt because everyone has opinions and I like to read all sides.

That is what makes this site so exciting.

I just think that going dutch speaks volumes to a new guy on a 1st date.
If I meet a guy online (and I do date online) and we go to dinner....I expect him to pay for it and I let him know up front why I feel that way.

I have met guys in public parks or a nice public location where we just talked and no money exchange happened.

I knew my post would start something, and it's so much less than I wanted to post. However, I would be hurting someone's feelings if I posted what I really thought, and I would never want to do that (in real life or online). I do care about how people feel, but at the same time, I just wish people would be real.

 

[Bunny77]

I want to know too. I'm a traditionalist in a lot of ways.

My feelings won't be hurt because everyone has opinions and I like to read all sides.

That is what makes this site so exciting.

I just think that going dutch speaks volumes to a new guy on a 1st date.
If I meet a guy online (and I do date online) and we go to dinner....I expect him to pay for it and I let him know up front why I feel that way.

I have met guys in public parks or a nice public location where we just talked and no money exchange happened.

Co-signing everything.

I had a recent date that was a picnic. Dude bought some sammiches and we sat in a park and ate. It was one of the best dates I've had because he was creative and the place he picked was really cool (lawn of the state capital).

So it's not about the amount of money spent... sometimes, it's cool when we do something with little to no money spent.

Everything else you said, yeah.

 

[inthepink]

I've done the dutch thing too much in my dating life and it just never worked for me b/c it went from dutch to me being the man (paying for everything all the time). Now, that I've switched my thinking from dating to courtship for marriage, dutch isn't even in the vocabulary!

So, I would say also not to offer to pay on the first date. If you disagree on the no-dutch philosophy after that, then so be it.

I hope the date goes well!

 

[Lindy]

Just wanted to put my two cents in here... For a first date I believe that the guy should pay. It shouldn't really be anything too pricey, especially for a blind date/internet date. I actually prefer to meet for coffee the first time; that way the guy is only out of about 5 bucks or so if the chemistry just isn't there!!

That being said, you can always start to pull out your wallet when it comes time to pay the bill. Nine times out of ten the guy will not let you contribute. And it does look good that you at least acted like you would be willing to fork out some dough.

Now after you've dated a few times and you are starting to be exclusive, I see no reason why you wouldn't treat him to a meal sometimes. It's only fair. Why should a man have to pay for everything ALL the time?? It's not like years ago when women were not working and did not have the money to pay on a date. If you're both employed, and you are working towards a relationship, I think it's only right.

Anyway, have fun!!

 

[prospurr4]

Honestly, I don't consider it a date if I'm paying for my half. It's just two friends hanging out then.

I agree with this statement. If a male friend asks me out, then he pays, but since we are just two friends hanging out, I do offer to pay the tip.

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with this statement. If a male friend asks me out, then he pays, but since we are just two friends hanging out, I do offer to pay the tip.

I would do that too for a friend.

With other male friends, we'd take turns treating each other. He'd pay for everything one time, I'd pay for everything the next time.

 

[hopeful]

I knew my post would start something, and it's so much less than I wanted to post. However, I would be hurting someone's feelings if I posted what I really thought, and I would never want to do that (in real life or online). I do care about how people feel, but at the same time, I just wish people would be real.

Just wanted to put my two cents in here... For a first date I believe that the guy should pay. It shouldn't really be anything too pricey, especially for a blind date/internet date. I actually prefer to meet for coffee the first time; that way the guy is only out of about 5 bucks or so if the chemistry just isn't there!!

That being said, you can always start to pull out your wallet when it comes time to pay the bill. Nine times out of ten the guy will not let you contribute. And it does look good that you at least acted like you would be willing to fork out some dough.

Now after you've dated a few times and you are starting to be exclusive, I see no reason why you wouldn't treat him to a meal sometimes. It's only fair. Why should a man have to pay for everything ALL the time?? It's not like years ago when women were not working and did not have the money to pay on a date. If you're both employed, and you are working towards a relationship, I think it's only right.

Anyway, have fun!!

Hi Allandra , is the above bolded from Lindy, along the lines of what you were thinking? Just curious...Uhm you can always send out a pm, you know we want to hear what you have to say.

 

[chocolatethai]

for me personally i don't do dutch especially when you are first dating but i'm old school in my mentality, now that me and SO have been dateing for a while i will ocassionally treat him to dinner and i do cook for him. i guess it's whatever you are comfortable with i just find that i am most comfortable when i'm not paying

 

[vevster]

On the flip side, I have on in the past took the power away from a guy by deliberately paying my way be because I didn't like him at all. Goodbye sucka!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

So how was the date?

 

[firecracker]

I knew my post would start something, and it's so much less than I wanted to post. However, I would be hurting someone's feelings if I posted what I really thought, and I would never want to do that (in real life or online). I do care about how people feel, but at the same time, I just wish people would be real.

I don't know whats unreal about telling someone that you won't do the dutch thing. I have never been asked to go dutch but then again I'm from the old school so fools knew better. Dutch in my time meant he didn't like you but the new jacks got all kinds of bs new rules!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I don't know whats unreal about telling someone that you won't do the dutch thing. I have never been asked to go dutch but then again I'm from the old school so fools knew better. Dutch in my time meant he didn't like you but the new jacks got all kinds of bs new rules!

I agree with the bolded statements.

I am old school also and going dutch for me was always a .

I think that with the changing of times men are doing whatever possible to get out of stepping up to the plate or it could be with the women wanting equality that men are saying "Hey, you want equality, you pay half". It could be a combination of both, IDK.

I know things are different now and different things work for different folks and I don't knock that. Keep in mind, it's been almost 20 years since I've dated. But I know that if I had to date now, I would have the same standards and expect the same from a man as I did back then.

 

[firecracker]

I am sorry going dutch imo can lead into a dutch relation and marriage. What woman do any of you know that goes half that isn't usually doing 95% of the caring of the household, children and alot more? Sorry that makes for a unequal union, exhaustion and possible resentment.

 

[kayte]

Tomorrow I'm going to have lunch with this guy I met on an online dating site here. We've chatted a bit on email and I'm not expecting much. He's an architect..might be cool, might be a nutjob.

lol...keep an open mind,please

But what do you wear? It's been really rainy here

.

a lunch date..casual
whatever makes you feel comfortable,confident and pretty
you know what's in your clothing arsenal that makes you feel feminine and powerful
and.....lovely...

Do you ladies think it's ok that he picked the place?

why not? it's in the daytime...presumably a public place..and
not an afternoon tete-a tete in his apartment...no prob

And is it always dutch unless he offers???

Always??? hmmmm....this is just the first date so ....

Usually BEFORE the first date..the guy lets me know
he might say I'd love to take you out to blah blah...and of course I'll pay
and I'll joke.... of course you will!
and then precedent is set....

this rarely happens but ...but when it's unclear...I have money to take care of myself
and when the check comes..allow him to take the lead since he did in
choosing the place and follow......if he takes the whole check ..cool
...if he splits it ..pay your half.....without blinking once
whatever it is ....thank him....
after the date ..you can evaluate what you want to do on successive
dates..and determine going forward.. your personal policy on dutch or not .

Thanks!

Have a great time

 

[madamdot]

I say play by your own rules. Dont do anything that compromises your own beliefs whatever they are.

Have fun. Good luck. Look cute! Men love dresses.

 

[inthepink]

OT: I've heard men on tv say they want the woman to at least "offer" to pay. I think that's a load of crap. And like someone else said - men just don't want to step up to the plate. Why should I "offer" if I don't want to pay?

Anyways....back to topic at hand.