Feeling Lost, Please Help

L

L.Brown1114

Well-Known Member
So I just moved to NYC and I HATE it. I live in a boring residential neighborhood in brooklyn attending brooklyn college. I moved in spring semester. I'm 28 years old and I'm starting to get that "you need to have kids" nagging feeling. I've gotten it before but it usually goes away and I go on my next adventure(which is why it took so much time to finish school lol), but now it won't seem to go away. And I'm not having kids out of wedlock unless I choose to adopt on my own terms, I'm not begging NOBODY for child support and having baby daddy drama.

with that said, I'm in one of the places where dating is suppose to be so abundant, but I hate it here so much I take forever to message guys back or text them back and none of them excite me. When I was living in san diego I LOVED it there and my soul was finally at peace BUT my dating life was as dry as the Saharan dessert (I'm a chubby black girl with a pretty face. Does well in NYC, not so well in California).

I've decided I NEED sun. And the south is out, every time I visit rather than enjoying my time I'm running from bugs. I'm not living my life running from bugs.

So I'm stuck between be in California where I'm happy but will probably die single and childless or stay here and be miserable but probably find a steady relationship? My options suck. It seems no matter what I'll be miserable. Maybe I'm just not meant for America?

do you believe that finding someone is all about numbers?(NYC) Or he'll gravitate towards you when you're at peace with yourself? (California)
 
Do you date out? In cali that's really the most fruitful option for bw. I was pretty fat and never had trouble getting dates from others. The bm here are just not in to us. Weight is their excuse but its a lie. ive see them with rollie pollie white and Latina women on their arms on the daily.

it maube be prudent to finish school where you are first. How is your network where you are? you just sound bored. maybe casting a wider net for female friends will help relieve that and perhaps a decent mate will come along the way.
 
DarkJoy said:
Do you date out? In cali that's really the most fruitful option for bw. I was pretty fat and never had trouble getting dates from others. The bm here are just not in to us. Weight is their excuse but its a lie. ive see them with rollie pollie white and Latina women on their arms on the daily.

it maube be prudent to finish school where you are first. How is your network where you are? you just sound bored. maybe casting a wider net for female friends will help relieve that and perhaps a decent mate will come along the way.
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yes I date outside my race, no problem. When I lived in San Diego I get hit on mostly by Hispanic men through dating websites, but not in real life. I never really saw them, but I lived in a white gay neighborhood so I'm sure that didn't help. well one Hispanic guy hit on me in real life...his wife called me 2 days later.

I have 2 more years left. that's too much time for me to be hopped up on antidepressants. The east coast does not agree with my laid back personality at all. Yeah I've made a few associates, but it takes time to make real friends. I'm prepared for that, and I am bored because in order to enjoy the city you need to have lots of money. In california I didn't even work. I lived off of financial aid and had the time of my life going to school and having fun. lost 30 lbs in 4 months and met the most amazing people. I would have stayed if I could have gotten into a 4 year there besides cal state san marcos (too far out with no car)
 
Well, no, NYC is nothing like San Diego.

If I may ask, why are you at Brooklyn College? Is it for a specific major, did you want to try out New York? Can you do the same program somewhere else?
Have you plugged into the school (joined clubs, talked to other transfer students, etc)? Have you tried online dating? There are things to do in NYC that don't involve boatloads of money. Since you are new to the city, you can pick a new neighborhood to explore each weekend. You'll never know who you can meet when you are out and about.

You said that you didn't have to work in San Diego, you lived off financial aid. Do you have to work now that you are in NYC?

Two years can fly by fast (even faster if you take the maximum number of credits each semester and go to summer sessions). I don't want to sound old school but you should finish up your degree first before you hop into your next adventure.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
I have never been stung by one, but they are out there during spring. Not to mention, roaches, termites, and mosquitoes. I HATE those darn termite swarms.
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RoundEyedGirl504 said:
Yes during termite season, they swarm towards lights at night. So you go to a gas station for instance and they are all over. I used to stay in the house with all my lights off, because those suckers would be coming through the cracks around your windows LOL
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:confused::confused::cry:

Imma keep my arse right here!!! through Windows, you say!?!:whyme:
 
Lymegreen said:
worse come to worse you can invest in outside pest control around your outdoor personal space. That's what I'm planning to do this summer. I feel you on the bugs.

Have you considered being an expat? Moving to the Caribbean?
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I've thought about other countries, but I'm going to be honest with you...I don't need the added stress of getting a visa and keeping it. I'll travel more of course as time goes on and maybe I'll find a country I love so much it makes it worth it, but for right now dealing with financial aid already is a nightmare. adding on dealing with a student visa too, ugh the panic attacks and headaches would be too much. Plus if I can't handle the bugs in the south I sure as heck can't handle the bugs in the Caribbeans.
 
As a NY'er, I completely feel you about the bugs thing. And, for the record, there is no such thing as getting used to bugs. Have you considered finding a NY guy and transplanting him to Cali with you when the time comes? People are more willing to relocate than they used to be.
 
Ms. Tarabotti said:
Well, no, NYC is nothing like San Diego.

If I may ask, why are you at Brooklyn College? Is it for a specific major, did you want to try out New York? Can you do the same program somewhere else?
Have you plugged into the school (joined clubs, talked to other transfer students, etc)? Have you tried online dating? There are things to do in NYC that don't involve boatloads of money. Since you are new to the city, you can pick a new neighborhood to explore each weekend. You'll never know who you can meet when you are out and about.

You said that you didn't have to work in San Diego, you lived off financial aid. Do you have to work now that you are in NYC?

Two years can fly by fast (even faster if you take the maximum number of credits each semester and go to summer sessions). I don't want to sound old school but you should finish up your degree first before you hop into your next adventure.
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I just wanted to see for myself, I'll admit I got brainwashed on the idea of it being the greatest city in the world. Deep down I knew it wouldn't agree with my personality, but I had to truly prove it to myself or I would have always regretted it. And I refuse to live a life of regret. Yes I'm just going to school to become an elementary school teacher. Yeah I've been exploring the different parts with my roommate, but all it's done is make me bitter I could never afford to live in this neighborhood.

yup I have to work, too expensive not to. People who say California is expensive never set foot in NYC...

I can't afford it here. I may just have to lick my wounds are move to Chicago and just dodge bullets while I finish up school there.
 
Hmm, laid back personality, likes sun and warmth, coastal living, want a man, can't stand the high cost of living... :scratchchin: It seems like you should move to one of the cities in the South, at least to try it out just like you tried NYC.

Sadly, I can't say anything about the bugs, though. There are bugs.
 
L.Brown1114 said:
I've thought about other countries, but I'm going to be honest with you...I don't need the added stress of getting a visa and keeping it. I'll travel more of course as time goes on and maybe I'll find a country I love so much it makes it worth it, but for right now dealing with financial aid already is a nightmare. adding on dealing with a student visa too, ugh the panic attacks and headaches would be too much. Plus if I can't handle the bugs in the south I sure as heck can't handle the bugs in the Caribbeans.
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Did you try Bumble while living in CA?
 
Ms. Tarabotti said:
Well, no, NYC is nothing like San Diego.

If I may ask, why are you at Brooklyn College? Is it for a specific major, did you want to try out New York? Can you do the same program somewhere else?
Have you plugged into the school (joined clubs, talked to other transfer students, etc)? Have you tried online dating? There are things to do in NYC that don't involve boatloads of money. Since you are new to the city, you can pick a new neighborhood to explore each weekend. You'll never know who you can meet when you are out and about.

You said that you didn't have to work in San Diego, you lived off financial aid. Do you have to work now that you are in NYC?

Two years can fly by fast (even faster if you take the maximum number of credits each semester and go to summer sessions). I don't want to sound old school but you should finish up your degree first before you hop into your next adventure.
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I pretty much typed something similar but I'll copy paste it in here because I wanted to include your quote as I am pretty much in agreement. There are tons of free stuff in NY.

I will add I agree about Brooklyn college. Maybe apply to colleges in NYC. You mentioned that you did not get into schools you wanted, so I am assuming that perhaps your grades or activities (or both) aren't where you'd like them to be (or as competitive). I do not mean this in a negative way. The top schools are really competitive and everyone has stellar grades usually. With that said, there are still schools on par with Brooklyn College (and/ or a little more prestigious depending but still possibly accessible to you) in NY such as: The New School (which I just did a quick search and 70% of students were admitted). Or, if it's not a grades thing and it is a matter of a cheaper school, then there are still options such as: CUNY and Hunter College. A bigger school= a bigger selection of men.

They all seem to have a rolling admission as well. I did some quick research and see that your Brooklyn College is apart of the CUNY system. Why not choose the one (CUNY nyc) in nyc so you're in the heart of the action (and a ton of students to meet)? There are grad students there who will be in your age group. You're not the oldest student in NY :lol: It will be okay.

I have no recommendations for the weather as it is not California. I lived in Los Angeles and they both have their perks (Los Angeles had the weather but ny has the culture, food available 24-7, and a lot more imo). Every place is a trade off. It's about finding joy in the place. Find fun things to do, experience new things, find some happiness. That or move, which it doesn't seem like you want to do right now as you are finishing school.

Anyways, here is my previous post about suggestions. I'll copy paste it here so it isn't a separate post:

You still have financial aid , right? So what's stopping you now from doing the same in Ny? Why don't you join some meetup groups so that you can socialize (most are free or so little in money that you will be fine)? Find the groups that have both the guys you'd like to meet, and ladies that can become trusted allies. IF not, find groups that will have friends that will help to match you.

Find some charity organizations to volunteer for in the city. That means that you will be at charity events. You can meet and flirt with gentlemen there. If you're smart, you'll work with them (the charity) on things before the event but they should still give you tickets to the event. That way you won't work through the event. But that doesn't matter if you smile a lot and catch someone's eye because men will still flirt with a volunteer. Infact, it melts hearts when someone gives to charity. Choose ones that you love so that you are giving your heart in the right place and not just doing it to meet men. My work with a previous matchmaker is making me think about positioning and that's what you want. You want to be where the men are (and I'm talking about those who have their ish together). Also when you make friends in charity organizations, their connections become yours because they look out for their friends. If they know you're looking for mr. right, you'll suddenly be invited to other events and dinner parties where guess what, mr. single is sitting next to you.

Try to find some joy while you are in NY. You will kick yourself later. There are some awesome people here, but it takes time for them to warm up. The best way for that to happen is through events, and other like minded groups where people are just relaxing. Also if you are able to trade schools, transfer to a bigger school and find some activities to join so that you meet other students. That way you'll have a life while there.​
 
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FlowerHair said:
How long until you’ve finished your studies? Make sure you have that degree... men are everywhere.
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One year and a semester after this semester. Problem is I just found out today I can’t come back for fall or go to school for summer because they added $900 on to my tuition (I already owe $2,000) just for dropping classes one day after I wasn’t suppose to and my advisor never told me. So I have to work this summer at home playing them off and won’t have any ones saved for next semester housing. God doesn’t want me in California or NYC. I don’t know where else to go and I’m exhausted from trying to figure it out
 
janaq2003 said:
Why did you leave Cali since you were happiest there?
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4 years were either private and I couldn’t afford it or they were impacted and harder for people to get into and I would have had to take an extra semester of generals since the schools impacted. No clue why. California has odd rules
 
L.Brown1114 said:
One year and a semester after this semester. Problem is I just found out today I can’t come back for fall or go to school for summer because they added $900 on to my tuition (I already owe $2,000) just for dropping classes one day after I wasn’t suppose to and my advisor never told me. So I have to work this summer at home playing them off and won’t have any ones saved for next semester housing. God doesn’t want me in California or NYC. I don’t know where else to go and I’m exhausted from trying to figure it out
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Can you get on a payment plan?

Also are you on student loans, do you have scholarships, or are you paying everything directly?

What are your grades like?(Just in general. If you don't want to share I understand)

What's your major?

Have you had any emergencies come up as of late that are out of your control ? (I'm just thinking of emergency grants. I already have one in mind as of late but you must not mention what you just said about being behind. There are many reasons we are behind. You will list the others in order to qualify for this grant, and it's available at most Colleges throughout NY and the boroughs. It's buried. You have to search for it and I was lucky to find it. What I mean by buried is it is one that you have to mine because they don't actively advertise it. I already looked to see if your school has it and it does, but it only gives up to $1500, but that is something you don't have to pay back. You just have to provide documentation.).
Finally I'm assuming you're undergrad or are you grad?

Just need the deets in case I can help with any solutions...
 
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shortdub78 said:
It sounds like you need sun, like it’s an energy thing. But u need something upbeat. I don’t know if a location that could give you both.
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I don’t think it exists. At least in the US. I’m mad all the black people moved from California talking about it’s expensive when there’s plenty of black peoples in NYC so that excuse is out the window
 
Ipanema said:
Hmm, laid back personality, likes sun and warmth, coastal living, want a man, can't stand the high cost of living... :scratchchin: It seems like you should move to one of the cities in the South, at least to try it out just like you tried NYC.

Sadly, I can't say anything about the bugs, though. There are bugs.
Click to expand...

I’ll have to research which southern states have the least amount of bugs lol.
 
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