Fall in Love with YOUR Natural Hair

Southernbella. said:
It's not a fact. It's a fact for you, but not for me.

My natural hair is about the same as my relaxed hair was as far as manageability goes, so that's a wash. The only issues that mean anything to me are aesthetics and my feelings about my natural hair.
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I didn't mean everyone. That's very good that your hair is easy to manage. And it's not a fact for me because I don't remember my hair when I wasn't relaxed. I know I BCed earlier this year but my hair was less than an inch and I texlaxed soon after that.
 
BeetleBug said:
Most people think it's pertinent to cut the the relaxed strands off so you can see your "true" natural hair. The purpose of this is b/c the relaxed strands stretch the natural strands. Personally, my relaxed strands didn't weigh on my hair that much. My new growth was coily so therefore my natural hair was coily. Post some new growth shots and let us see.
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This is the only picture I could find of my new growth. Since I BKT'd my whole head is bone straight - the only thing I don't like about BKT. This photo may not be large enough to make any sort of determination. I have a picture of my crown new growth, too. My crown has much looser waves and seems to grow twice as fast as the rest of my hair. When my hair was natural back in the day (and shorter) I had to tease this area unmercifully to make it into a 'fro and then it would flop over to one side and look silly. I'd say it's a 40/60 mix of two types of hair on my head.

P.S. Don't laugh at my twists - I call this style the "Octo-twist"
 

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I thought the OP's hair was in the 3s. But I don't get this hair typing thing anymore. Some people say some 4s are 3s and vice versa. To heck with it all. Lol. I see some 4s with very beautiful hair, as well as some 3s, 2s, 1s. And I also like the LOIS one though. I think that it is the most accurate of all. I'm not going to lie. I straightened my hair because I hung out with a lot of people with straight or almost straight hair. I felt like the odd one. I've been struggling with this almost my whole life (black(also native american)mom, white dad). I always tried to figure out who or what I am. But I realize now that I am different and I accept that.
 
blksndrlla said:
Ok, I just have one issue with this age old debate...it is being held on LHCF. Yes, the underlying concept is for healthier hair, but 90% of the siggies aren't dedicated to the desire of healthy hair. The desire is for longer hair.

Why does this bother me?! Long hair is aesthetically pleasing to most of us for the same reason straight hair or looser curled hair is. Now, I know someone is going to quote and say that's not them, but for a good number of people healthy hair isn't what drove you to this forum. Healthy hair and accepting what God gave you is not the reason you take biotin and msm after your daily ritual of applying mega-tek, OCT and MN on your scalp just before putting it in a bun for the 432nd day in a row. Deep down, the desire is for longer hair. Consequentially, the majority of people have figured out that you have to have some sort of health to get the length.

So, to criticize people for not liking whatever their hair type is seems kinda "the-pot-calling-the-kettle-black" to me. We have siggies that dawn our lengths like purple hearts as if they validate our hardwork and more importantly, self worth. Yet, if someone struggles with loving their hair texture "damn their self-hating selves to hell b/c they don't love themselves." That's just funny considering how much half of us hated looking at our neck length hair and wanted it to grow.

This is in no disrespect to anyone, especially not, OP. This is just something I have felt the need to say for a while now. I am on a quest for long healthy hair just like the next member...

I am still learning to love my hair texture and it is one hell of a mental transition and acting like it isn't, saying that you are above it, and looking down on others isn't going to help perpetuate this dream of self-acceptance.

*and for some people...hair is just an accessory...*
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WOW.....I never looked at it that way. Good analogy!!!
 
Jewell said:
Thank you for saying that. I have some issues with my mother and sisters looking at me stupid because I wanted to go natural years ago, did go natural, and am transitioning again. My mother would ask questions like, "Well what are you gonna do with it when it is natural?" Or she'd say things like, "Well, to me, an outfit isn't complete unless your hair is 'done.' I don't think many women look 'put together' with their hair natural." I wanted to tell her how ignorant she is and sounds, but out of respect, I didn't. I was outraged. What does a freakin' outfit have to do with someone looking put together because of their hair? I mean, your statement about people not being willing to admit that they relax for reasons far deeper than style and convenience puts a giant red arrow over her head.

(Looking at me you might think that my mother is Vanessa Williams' complexion, but she is more like Taye Diggs' complexion with type 4a/b hair (from what I can tell from old 70's fro pics). I only say that because some might think from reading this that she probably has that "light-skinned girls syndrome" (where she may be more inclined to prefer European features due to ancestry)). Seems like aside from my man being Caucasian I'm more appreciative and embracing of my AFRAM culture than she is, and we "look" hardly anyting alike except for a few facial features.

I try to stay away from people like that who have silly, ignorant mindsets, and I frankly limit my conversations with them...you can't get through because they are set in their ways once they get to be that age (nearly 50) most of the time. I just roll my eyes, shake my head, and go on about my business. I don't even talk to my mother much because of her ULTRA CONSERVATIVE views on everything from politics to hair. I am truly the black sheep in my family because I have tattoos, piercings, will date any man no matter what his ethnicity or nationality (as long as he is a good fit for me, I don't discriminate), choose to embrace other nationalities and love learning about other cultures, and change my hair style more than once a year. Its very sad, but true.

She even told me once that I shouldn't change my hairstyle too much because a bank I was interviewing for might not keep me once they hired me. Might I add that changing my hair style "too much" was 3 different styles in a month. WTF? And, where the F*** did I come from since my views and attitudes are so different? I must be my paternal aunt's child, because that's the only person I am remotely similar to in my views in my entire family. I hate that I can't agree with 90% of my mothers' views, but oh well.
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Ok, you know we need to start a whole new thread based on how our mothers perceive our hair in it's natural state. Sorry Op for hijacking your thread for a sec, but I had a major run in with my mother about this and why I wanted to start stretching my daughter' s hair more. Ugh:wallbash:....... I don't want to get into it here, but a new thread to address these archaic mindsets of our elders need to be adressed!!
 
Ahhh this takes me back. When I first transitioned, I was hoping and praying that I could have southern tease's hair type. I was so sure of it, I had loose coilies! I could just tell from my 1/4th inch of new growth!:rolleyes:

After I BCed, I was like :ohwell:, and most of LHCF told me I was a 4b, and yes I was a little disappointed. No shame in that, I was relaxed for 20 years without even seeing my own hair, the mindset of 'straighter is better unless you've got nice curls' does not go away easily. Then I thought "well its ok, I'll just grow it down long and then it will hang like velvet's!":rolleyes:

At this point I have accepted my hair texture and I like it. What I don't like currently, is my HAIR. not the texture, just everything else. The fact that I can't style it well, the length, the fact that it's really fine but hates products that other fine haired people use, the fact that I look silly in an afro because my face is so square and looks mannish when hair isn't covering my jaw, the fact that I can't seem to pull it back into a proper puff unless I stretch it for days and other people with hair shorter than me have figured out how to do it, the color, etc the list goes onnnnnnn. :ohwell:

at first I idolized southern tease's hair, and now I idolize rustic beauty's hair. :grin: Hey, at least I'm lusting after something achievable! (Although I still can't figure out how she gets her twistouts to look like telephone wire and not a ball of frizz...)
 
I totally agree with blksndrlla and can relate to Rei's story. I hope I did not offend Ediese when I sent her a private msg about going natural. I don't have any stories about my mom saying my hair was unmanageable when I was younger. I got a relaxer when I was 14 because I was the only one in hs wearing pigtails and I wanted to look like my older sister who was allowed to wear her hair straight like the other girls. My mother told me that I was never allowed to relax but I cried everyday until my father convinced her.she said I didn't need it but she is ethiopian and does not know who to do hair AT ALL. My hair was mbl until I got to college and ruined it. I wanted to go natural because I am honestly over the relaxing process. This board has shown me that natural hair rocks and I wanna get back to my natural hair also. I complimented Ediese's beautiful hair in my msg and said I hoped mine was as beautiful as hers. But honestly I sent that same mg to a few others asking for transitioning advice also. I love my hair now but I know it would be so much thicker and healthier natural. I really hope that I did not make her think that I hate my hair or myself because I don't. When I saw this post I just felt that it was subliminally related to the msg I sent Ediese earlier this wk and now I regret it.
 
I don't have much to say except that I love this conversation. It's full of insight, real truths, fears, and most importantly acceptance. I say this all the time - DO YOU!!
 
I think everyone has SOMETHING they don't necessarily care for about their hair. But like with anything else you have to "take the good with the bad" sort of speak. I mean my hair is 3C and a smidge of 4A ( I need to change that in my siggy BTW) and I absolutely love my texture. However my hair tends to be dry and even when nicely moisterized the color of my hair still gives the perception of dry hair. And look at me in Sally's trying to alter it with clear hair dye. But heh, its whatever, overall I love my texture, it is mine and I am proud of it. I don't regret my decision one bit. I feel great in the fact that my hair is unique and that one elses is quite like mine.

Now on the other hand, everyone doesn't feel that way and there is nothing wrong with that. Sure in a perfect world, unjudgemental world everyone would be comfortable with all the parts of their self. People wouldn't diet for vanity but for health, they wouldn't wear Ardyss to appear a certain way and they wouldn't straighten their hair just because it wasn't curly or socially accepted by their peers.

its takes a lot of guts to simply be yourself and it is an ongoing process.
 
I always say that it's nice to admire other people's hair, but at the end of the day you're going to have yours and only yours on your head. That was my problem during transitioning.

I thought I had type 3b/3c hair with lots of silky curls, so all the fotkis I looked at were very loose textures. I was trying to see what kind of hair I would have LOL! So it was a bit letdown to me when I had pretty much all 4a texture that made a fro. It took awhile for me to readjust my thinking and love my own hair.
 
kittykhat said:
You don't look like a 4a to me...IDK.:perplexed
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Girl!! Are you the hair typing police?! lol Yes, my hair is 4a. It's mine so I should know. I hear what you're saying about type 4 not being easily manageable. I don't agree though.

It's just like Purplepeace stated. When we become natural, we have to take time getting to know what works for OUR natural hair. Another huge thing that I learned is that natural hair acts a different way and I can't force it to do what relaxed hair did. Example..I know that I can't have bone straight hair anymore. Whenever I straightened, my hair would fluff right back up. Why fight with my hair and try to get it to do something it doesnt' naturally? I don't anymore.
 
LoveisYou said:
For example, concentrate on moisture instead of trying to force your curls to pop. My hair started to look and feel dry, because I was using a bunch of gels and other products to make it look the way I thought it should look instead of accepting my natural texture. This time around I make sure my hair is moisturized and conditioned, forcing my "curls to pop" on my kinky hair is not a priority anymore. As a result, my hair looks and feels much better than before.
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I'm guilty of this too. Now I'm just trying to figure out a good moisture regimen because my hair is dryer than the Sahara.
 
I agree with the OP.

This is why, imo, there's no point in having 3b hair idols when the hair on your own head is 4b. jmo.
 
At the end of the day, the only thing people can do is find out for themselves. The way your natural hair is going to be is also contingent on other factors beyond hair type....how fine or coarse it is, your density, its tendency to knot etc...
 
blksndrlla said:
Ok, I just have one issue with this age old debate...it is being held on LHCF. Yes, the underlying concept is for healthier hair, but 90% of the siggies aren't dedicated to the desire of healthy hair. The desire is for longer hair.

Why does this bother me?! Long hair is aesthetically pleasing to most of us for the same reason straight hair or looser curled hair is. Now, I know someone is going to quote and say that's not them, but for a good number of people healthy hair isn't what drove you to this forum. Healthy hair and accepting what God gave you is not the reason you take biotin and msm after your daily ritual of applying mega-tek, OCT and MN on your scalp just before putting it in a bun for the 432nd day in a row. Deep down, the desire is for longer hair. Consequentially, the majority of people have figured out that you have to have some sort of health to get the length.

So, to criticize people for not liking whatever their hair type is seems kinda "the-pot-calling-the-kettle-black" to me. We have siggies that dawn our lengths like purple hearts as if they validate our hardwork and more importantly, self worth. Yet, if someone struggles with loving their hair texture "damn their self-hating selves to hell b/c they don't love themselves." That's just funny considering how much half of us hated looking at our neck length hair and wanted it to grow.

This is in no disrespect to anyone, especially not, OP. This is just something I have felt the need to say for a while now. I am on a quest for long healthy hair just like the next member...

I am still learning to love my hair texture and it is one hell of a mental transition and acting like it isn't, saying that you are above it, and looking down on others isn't going to help perpetuate this dream of self-acceptance.

*and for some people...hair is just an accessory...*
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I get what you're saying, but that's not the case for a lot of women on here. I think for most people 'healthy' hair doesn't even need to be splattered in siggies and such because it's a given.

I found the hair boards because I was tired of having scraggly, damaged, overprocessed hair..not because I wanted 'long' hair. I didn't even know it was possible, so I couldn't want it. lol It's actually a common theme on the board that people would rather have SL healthy hair than damaged, scraggly MBL hair. "Health before length" has always been touted around these parts, so it doesn't even need to be mentioned.
 
stephluvshair said:
I totally agree with blksndrlla and can relate to Rei's story. I hope I did not offend Ediese when I sent her a private msg about going natural. I don't have any stories about my mom saying my hair was unmanageable when I was younger. I got a relaxer when I was 14 because I was the only one in hs wearing pigtails and I wanted to look like my older sister who was allowed to wear her hair straight like the other girls. My mother told me that I was never allowed to relax but I cried everyday until my father convinced her.she said I didn't need it but she is ethiopian and does not know who to do hair AT ALL. My hair was mbl until I got to college and ruined it. I wanted to go natural because I am honestly over the relaxing process. This board has shown me that natural hair rocks and I wanna get back to my natural hair also. I complimented Ediese's beautiful hair in my msg and said I hoped mine was as beautiful as hers. But honestly I sent that same mg to a few others asking for transitioning advice also. I love my hair now but I know it would be so much thicker and healthier natural. I really hope that I did not make her think that I hate my hair or myself because I don't. When I saw this post I just felt that it was subliminally related to the msg I sent Ediese earlier this wk and now I regret it.
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Hi Steph!

I posted this thread because I've received tons of messages on here and in my fotki relating to this. I was looking at a thread yesterday where someone mentioned that they were transitioning because of someone's texture. After I read that, I felt like I needed to make this thread.

I always think it's really nice when someone compliments my hair because I still struggle with it, and the compliments show me that I'm finally doing something right. Please dont' take this personal because it wasn't directed at you. I really just want people to know that even though you transition and your hair doesn't look like a certain texture, it is still beautiful. You have to find the products and styles that work for you, and things will be a heck of a lot easier. :yep:
 
Crackers Phinn said:
She also has long hair which further reinforces your point.
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And she serves the testament that that type of hair CAN and WILL grow very long if you take proper care of it.

So when people use the excuse that they want long hair, and that their natural 4b hair wont grow, she and others debunk that idea with ease. Maybe if more women like her had more presence on sites like these, other sisters would be motivated.

We are all inspired by someone, regardless of our texture and length. People who know me (a few even on this site) know that I'm not a huge fan of long hair, but my growing out my hair right now is a personal journey for me. 5 years from now I am almost positive, my hair will be chopped down to a more manageable SL.

We all have our reasons for what we do with our hair. It is my personal hope that the reasons are more about love and acceptance than hate and rejection.
 
jennboo said:
I agree with the OP.

This is why, imo, there's no point in having 3b hair idols when the hair on your own head is 4b. jmo.
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Stacey London (What Not To Wear) is my hair idol - has nothing to do with hair type - just love her gray streak. Having hair idols doesn't have to mean you covet their type, it can mean you love the color, cut, etc.

I'm new to hairboards, and hair-care in general. I'd never heard of hair typing, texlaxing, stretching, transitioning, etc. Never thought about hair in a sociological/psychological way. I came on over here because I decided to do the opposite of what most women do when they turn 40 (get a short cut). Everyone told me a short cut would be too much upkeep (they know I'm not "into" hair) and growing it out from collarbone to mid-back would be easier for me than cutting it short - and my DH doesn't like super-short hair. I'm here to learn how to grow it to at least mbl in the shortest amount of time possible. I've learned so much from LHCF that I've gone from cbl to apl in 16 or 17 weeks. This place is AWESOME!

Being hair lazy is why I kept my hair cbl for 20+ years. Had nothing to do with "I don't believe my hair can grow long", etc. I only wanted it long enough for a ponytail, French Twist or 2 Dookie Braids (French Braids). Being hair lazy is why I would go 6 months to a year without relaxing or going to a salon. Being hair lazy is why I've never colored my hair or rollerset. Not once in life have I ever worried about other people's hair texture and how mine compared. The only reason I'm interested in hair types now is because it seems logical to find out what works best for hair that is similar to my own. I'm ready to grow my hair out (and leave the creamy crack alone for good) because I need a change and long hair can look pretty (to me) without much effort in styling.

With all that said, I don't think everyone's hair thoughts and decisions are deeply psychological. To some of us, it's JUST HAIR...:ohwell:

...stepping off my soapbox now...
 
At the start of my transition, I thought soooo many people were my hair twins :lachen: Honestly!!! I looked at a couple of their transitioning pics and immediately thought, "Yes! That's how my natural hair will look" (*I remember looking at Serenity326's pics and thinking my natural hair will look like hers... I was wrong ofcourse, :lachen) ....

3-4 months into my transition, I started to love MY hair first before anyone else's, yes I still drool over people's pictures but I get excited about MY hair getting longer as a natural, styles I'll try, learning more about how I'll take care of my natural hair with all the knowledge I am still gathering informations :yep:

I love a lot of ladies' hair on this board... e.g. Pokahontas (her hair looks NOTHING like mine but I have learned a lot from her), Ediese (Anytime I see a thread she's started about her hair, I know I'm going to see a lot of pictures of her gorgeous hair... and she never disappoints), MSA (my hair is probably similar to hers)... so many more ladies... Don't even get me started on the ladies in the 'BC Thread Tracker' thread :drool:. RusticBeauty(youtube) is another whose hair I absolutely love... All these ladies have different textures but I love them all.
 
I think the detours this thread has taken (questioning how people type their own hair, the reliably dizzying manageability discussion, etc.) are very telling. As usual, projection and imposition are present in one form or another.

Anyways, when I started transitioning, I did so with the "knowledge" that I had nary a wave or curl on my head. I had relaxed around 12 and had grown out my hair under weaves several times since then, so I had a pretty good idea of what my hair looked like and what I remembered was nappy hair. The absence of waves and curls didn't bother me bc they were never the holy grail - thickness was. I just longed to return to the head of hair that I had when I took a weave out ~5 years ago- the head of hair that was so thick (probably not by LHCF standards, though, lol) that the stylists were shocked (I'm sure it wasn't some folks cup of tea) and that had a dreaded man in shop stop, look, and plea with me, "Sister, sister, your hair is beautiful. Please don't relax it, please!". My response, "I would stay natural but it's not manageable* enough". :wallbash: Also, I challenged my reasons for relaxing and decided that I owed it to myself to be natural, even if only for a couple of years.

I had accepted my texture (although the my initial discovery of the natural hair blogosphere had me unsettled for a minute) and started taking proper care of my hair for the first time in my life. Wouldn't you know my new growth is moisturized (moisture has to be added in the first place for it to stay that way, what a concept!) and I have teensy coils, too. Now, I could do without the coils bc having them isn't a basis for aesthetic acceptance but their presence is encouraging and I love touching them simply bc they're what's coming out of my head naturally and healthily. They are the manifestation of me ceasing the daily abuse/neglect of my hair and taking a more holistic and mindful approach to the health of my hair and my body. That's what it comes down to for me (and if I can have a massive bush of thick, long hair I won't mind that either. :grin:)

(*Now, knowledge has changed my definition of manageability but it hasn't eliminated by belief that manageability issues exist. I don't think, on a societal level, bw's reason for relaxing is as simple as "manageability" but at the same time, I don''t think that an individual's use of "manageability" as a reason is as simple as ignorance, delusion or denial.)
 
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Ediese said:
Girl!! Are you the hair typing police?! lol Yes, my hair is 4a. It's mine so I should know. I hear what you're saying about type 4 not being easily manageable. I don't agree though.
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Maybe she's confused because she thinks the pics of you with your fab hair-pieces are all your hair?

purplepeace79 said:
And she serves the testament that that type of hair CAN and WILL grow very long if you take proper care of it.
Click to expand...
Yes, but I think you missed her point. She's not questioning the *ability* of our hair to be grown long, but *why* we want long hair in the first place. Isn't long hair as "European" an ideal as loosely curled or straight hair? African hair grows up, not down. Big / tall would be the appropriate ideal if we want abundance. But then, maybe abundant hair is not even really part of our true aesthetic. Our hair is fragile and brittle - if you don't make a conscious effort to retain it, it's very easy to snap it off with daily grooming.
Sooo, what she's saying is, if we're going to get deep about some of us wanting loose curls, we should be able to get as deep about all/ most of us wanting long hair.


My response to that is I think that wanting abundant hair is a little different from wanting a particular texture. Abundant, healthy looking (thick, glossy, clean) hair (and in the case of animals - fur, manes, feathers, etc) is an essential indicator of health and fertility and therefore is linked to beauty and sexual attractiveness. So to me, there is at least, some *biological* component to a desire for abundant hair, while there is none with regards to hair texture.
 
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sipp100 said:
Stacey London (What Not To Wear) is my hair idol - has nothing to do with hair type - just love her gray streak. Having hair idols doesn't have to mean you covet their type, it can mean you love the color, cut, etc.

I'm new to hairboards, and hair-care in general. I'd never heard of hair typing, texlaxing, stretching, transitioning, etc. Never thought about hair in a sociological/psychological way. I came on over here because I decided to do the opposite of what most women do when they turn 40 (get a short cut). Everyone told me a short cut would be too much upkeep (they know I'm not "into" hair) and growing it out from collarbone to mid-back would be easier for me than cutting it short - and my DH doesn't like super-short hair. I'm here to learn how to grow it to at least mbl in the shortest amount of time possible. I've learned so much from LHCF that I've gone from cbl to apl in 16 or 17 weeks. This place is AWESOME!

Being hair lazy is why I kept my hair cbl for 20+ years. Had nothing to do with "I don't believe my hair can grow long", etc. I only wanted it long enough for a ponytail, French Twist or 2 Dookie Braids (French Braids). Being hair lazy is why I would go 6 months to a year without relaxing or going to a salon. Being hair lazy is why I've never colored my hair or rollerset. Not once in life have I ever worried about other people's hair texture and how mine compared. The only reason I'm interested in hair types now is because it seems logical to find out what works best for hair that is similar to my own. I'm ready to grow my hair out (and leave the creamy crack alone for good) because I need a change and long hair can look pretty (to me) without much effort in styling.

With all that said, I don't think everyone's hair thoughts and decisions are deeply psychological. To some of us, it's JUST HAIR...:ohwell:

...stepping off my soapbox now...
Click to expand...

OK :). It sounds like you just like the look of Stacey's gray streak...and that makes her a hair idol for you. In my mind and for my purposes, a hair idol is someone whose hair I covet and whose hair represents a goal that i'd like to eventually attain. Hair idols serve different purposes for the both of us :).Going off of my purpose for having a hair idol, there'd be no point in having one whose texture wasn't like mine.
 
jennboo said:
OK :). It sounds like you just like the look of Stacey's gray streak...and that makes her a hair idol for you. In my mind and for my purposes, a hair idol is someone whose hair I covet and whose hair represents a goal that i'd like to eventually attain. Hair idols serve different purposes for the both of us :).Going off of my purpose for having a hair idol, there'd be no point in having one whose texture wasn't like mine.
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I have "both types" of idols :yep:

but jennboo... do you ever find other textures to be pretty too?

A great head of hair is a great head of hair for me. Doesn't always mean that I want my own hair to look like that!
 
Neith said:
I have "both types" of idols :yep:

but jennboo... do you ever find other textures to be pretty too?

A great head of hair is a great head of hair for me. Doesn't always mean that I want my own hair to look like that!
Click to expand...

Bolded: Of course!!!

But those people aren't my hair idols, just folks with fantastic hair :)
 
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