Fall in Love with YOUR Natural Hair

[Ediese]

I've noticed this trend on a couple hairboards that I frequent, and even on fotki. Some women decide to transition after they see someone with 3a, 3b, 3c or whatever curly type hair because they unrealistically assume that their texture will be the same. I'm happy that these women get inspired to transition to natural hair, but I'm a little for the reasons behind it.

I often wonder if these women truly understand that their texture will NOT necessarily look the same. I've seen some people express disappointment when they finally transition or big chop because their hair isn't the texture/type they wanted.

Can we start moving away from that, and start moving towards thinking that whatever natural hair we have is going to be beautiful, regardless??!

 

[Neith]

That was my mentality when I went natural

I see beauty in all textures, but I also love my own!

 

[chiprecious]

I totally agree! But it's had to do since the majority of people, including those on this board regarding a 3 texture as prettier. I am a 4b and fought with my texture all my life. It wasn't until I starting transitioning that I began to love my hair for what it was. I ended the transition last weekend!

Yeah, it shrinks almost completely back into the follicles, it won't get curly with Eco Styler gel, my husband hates it, his family said I would look like a boy, and my father told me I looked like I had a mop on my head....

But after all that, I love my hair because it's me!! It's thick and lush and nappy! It took me to transition, a strong mindset and to hear deep set negativity to get me there though.

 

[Cali*Rocks]

I agree. I recently bc'd and I had no idea what my hair was going to look like I'm just happy I went natural

 

[stephluvshair]

I agree. I joined this site with the intention of just wanting longer healthier hair. However when I look at pics of my hair when it was natural i realize that is when it was at its healthiest. My hair is longer but i dont have the option of wearing it curly and it just seems like it is thinner. This is why I want to transition. I adore looking at other women's BC pics, but I will love my hair regardless. I don't blame people if they think 3a-3c is the prettiest. Some of us were programmed to think that. Even me at times, but now all i want is CHEMICAL FREE HEALTHY HAIR. ( that is thick lol )

 

[tailormade84]

Personally, I believe that there are people who choose to go natural for the look/styles they can do, not for the moral/cultural/ethical/health reasons for going natural, so when they don't get the look/style they want, its understandable that they are disappointed.

Ediese, i like that you have embraced your texture, but you have a lovely texture that seems to be more widely accepted and publicized over more kinkier textures. And hair such as yours can be worn/styled in such a way that others textures can't. So when girls look through your pictures and see styles they want to have that STYLE and they think its possible with natural hair, but only if their natural hair looks like yours (and in some cases, they are right.)

So while self-love is a beautiful message, it is truly easier said then done. So try not to get too frustrated with these ladies - they just want what they want. And if they don't get want they want, I dont see any problem in returning to a perm - it's all about achieving a style/look....

 

[chebaby]

i agree. i have always loved my hair and will continue to do so. i love natural hair of all textures but i love mine the most because it is MINE.
i also had to listen to people say i would be stupid to cut my hair but oh well lol. i love what GOD gave me.

you also have to realize that some get disappointed with there hair once they do the bc because with the relaxed ends hanging on your natural hair looks much looser and when you cut its and whole different texture. so you get used to seeing these long curls or waves but when the heavy ends are gone thats not what you are left with. so sometimes its not about viewing others hair, but getting used to your own hair only to find that thats not what youll be working with.
still, it all needs love.

 

[beans4reezy]

I've had a relxer in my hair since I was 12, so I never really knew my hair type. Even so, I knew that I was NOT anywhere near type 3. Now that I am close to nine months post, I see that I am in the type 4c (very little curl definition...very small waves) and I LOVE IT! I am at a crossroads because I want to transition, to see a whole head of small waves, but I am scared of the maintenance. In any case, what prompts me to keep stretching is my own hair type and not the ringlets of the 3 type hair.

 

[claudia05]

I've read posts where some people wouldn't even consider going natural unless they know that their hair is in the 3s...

 

[Michelle1971]

I've read posts where some people wouldn't even consider going natural unless they know that their hair is in the 3s...

erplexed

Sad but so true.
I have been natural for 12+ years now.
Previously I was natural on and off so I knew that once I made the decision to go natural and stay natural that my hair would be NO WHERE CLOSE to being a type 3. H3LL, I didn't even know what a type 3 was .
Unfortunately, getting us to embrace our natural hair regardless of texture is a tough task as long as type 3's and lower are the most coveted.
If you don't have that texture, you should relax because no one wants to see someone with nappy hair (sarcastic). That is the mentality...

 

[washize]

I've always loved my hair, recently I just looked at pictures of myself when I was a little girl and my hair used to be WAVY! Then when I hit puberty (sorry if this is TMI) My hair was curly. Now as an adult my hair is "kinky" ( I think that is just becuase of the henna though.) But I still love my hair. It is shiny and diverse. I've had the liberty of experienceing 3 hair types, but I probibly wouldn't like being curly if it didn't compliment my face so well lol My hair has always just looked nice, and made me feel better

 

[Taina]

Well i got inspired by beautiful natural heads outside, but i was aware of my hair type (well not type, i don't know my type yet, but my texture) and know that is growing i felt in love again

 

[HeavenlySkies]

I went natural after seeing all the pretty heads on here I guess they were mainly in the 3s maybe mixed with 4a but being that I never saw my natural texture I transitioned chopped and all that. I have some 3 in the back but that's about it lol No it's not what I expected but it's almost been a year and I'll see where I go from there once I get some hangtime...

 

[purplepeace79]

I've read posts where some people wouldn't even consider going natural unless they know that their hair is in the 3s...

And this saddens me. As someone with "hair in the 3s" I say the grass is always greener on the other side.

Who am I most envious of? Sisters with this hair like Mwedzi's and others.

I want nothing more than to have thick, coarse, dense hair. Why? because I think the BEST styling options are achieved with that hair type. Call me crazy, but part of the reason I wear extensions so much is because I feel severely limited in my styling options. I also "do hair" and I love love love hair in the 4s. It holds braids and twists so much better. Its softer, too.

I personally think the motivations behind many women' decisions to go natural are up to her and personal. However, I think many people seek the biracial aesthetic, which to me is a rejection of self (if self is not biracial). But can we help it? Although 90% or more of the sistas featured in national commercials have a natural hair style, many of those styles mimic the biracial aesthetic (curly, springy, bouncy, loose, etc). The women who have almost always been prized above all have been women with lighter skin and curlier hair. So much of this has been deeply ingrained into our collective psyche that we epitomize this aesthetic. So, I dont get mad necessarily. I actually feel something more akin to pity.

Yes, I get the "I'd go natural if I had your hair" comments. I've been natural for almost 15 years and it never changes. Even when I had locs. All I try to do is remind people that beauty comes from within and if you don't believe you are beautiful the way God made you, then your issues go WAY deeper than any desired hairstyle.

And sometimes, at the end of the day, that is what it comes down to. Allowing our belief that we are beautiful by design to overcome the generations of self-loathing (regarding our beauty) that have negatively influenced out perceptions of beauty.

The other part is that how many women in the 4s actually wear their natural hair with pride and confidence (and unlocked)? Maybe if women had more inspirations to look at, they'd feel more comfortable being natural. But since that hair is the one that is most hated, it is the first to be altered, changed to fit a different mold, someone else's perception of what beautiful is. Again, can we blame them? We are creatures of habit and influence. If all we've ever been exposed to is "Your hair is so nappy, ugh" or "When are you going to DO something to your hair?" or "You NEED a perm", at what point does someone become convinced that her hair is beautiful as it is?

 

[Diva_Esq]

I want to be MY natural...not someone else's natural!

I may want to imitate a style or like someone's accessories, but my texture is my own!

Transitioning and can't wait to rock it!

Good thread, OP!

 

[Bene]

I've never had a relaxer, but I still didn't love my own texture until recently. I've since learned what my hair likes and I've stopped fighting what it does naturally. I realize now, that I wouldn't want anyone else's texture, on either side of the spectrum.

 

[BeetleBug]

I absolutely agree. It makes me sad when I see mainly 4s congratulating 3s on their big cut but they are nowhere to be found whenever 4s post their big cut.

 

[PPGbubbles]

I have been natural all my life so I had no question as to what my hair texture was.

What I was surprised to find is that as my hair grows in healthier My hair does have a kinky lil wave... I never new that existed B4!

I am surprised at how "good" my 4a/b hair is now that I care for it. I really wish more women could love the hair god gave them.

And too be honest im more impressed with the Rustic Beauty's, Sera's, and Mwedzi's on Fotki that I see with long lengths...I mean the have the hair types that aren't supposed to grow right??? when I see 3's with long hair it doesnt impress me. I mean its pretty and all, but part of me feels like it wasnt hard for them to grow(although that may not be the case).... I hope yall get my point lol.... im not much of a writer.

Thank you OP this issue does need to be addressed. I have seen a few thread of ladies giving up on their transisiton because their hair wasnt easy to manage or they didnt like the way their hair looks.

Sounds to me like they couldnt conquer the mental transition of dealing with a less than desireable texture.

 

[BeetleBug]

double post

 

[BeetleBug]

And this saddens me. As someone with "hair in the 3s" I say the grass is always greener on the other side.

Who am I most envious of? Sisters with this hair like Mwedzi's and others.

I want nothing more than to have thick, coarse, dense hair. Why? because I think the BEST styling options are achieved with that hair type. Call me crazy, but part of the reason I wear extensions so much is because I feel severely limited in my styling options. I also "do hair" and I love love love hair in the 4s. It holds braids and twists so much better. Its softer, too.

I personally think the motivations behind many women' decisions to go natural are up to her and personal. However, I think many people seek the biracial aesthetic, which to me is a rejection of self (if self is not biracial). But can we help it? Although 90% or more of the sistas featured in national commercials have a natural hair style, many of those styles mimic the biracial aesthetic (curly, springy, bouncy, loose, etc). The women who have almost always been prized above all have been women with lighter skin and curlier hair. So much of this has been deeply ingrained into our collective psyche that we epitomize this aesthetic. So, I dont get mad necessarily. I actually feel something more akin to pity.

Yes, I get the "I'd go natural if I had your hair" comments. I've been natural for almost 15 years and it never changes. Even when I had locs. All I try to do is remind people that beauty comes from within and if you don't believe you are beautiful the way God made you, then your issues go WAY deeper than any desired hairstyle.

And sometimes, at the end of the day, that is what it comes down to. Allowing our belief that we are beautiful by design to overcome the generations of self-loathing (regarding our beauty) that have negatively influenced out perceptions of beauty.

The other part is that how many women in the 4s actually wear their natural hair with pride and confidence (and unlocked)? Maybe if women had more inspirations to look at, they'd feel more comfortable being natural. But since that hair is the one that is most hated, it is the first to be altered, changed to fit a different mold, someone else's perception of what beautiful is. Again, can we blame them? We are creatures of habit and influence. If all we've ever been exposed to is "Your hair is so nappy, ugh" or "When are you going to DO something to your hair?" or "You NEED a perm", at what point does someone become convinced that her hair is beautiful as it is?

I'm sorry but you say that you are a type 3?

 

[Ramya]

I love my natural hair. I love the way it looks in twists/twist outs, I love my wash and gos and puffs. (can you tell I'm style challenged? ) I can appreciate someone else's natural hair and still love mine. When I went natural I had an advantage. I knew what my hair looked like before I BC'd and I already loved my hair. I do feel weird when people tell me that they would go natural if they had my hair type. I mean I try and encourage them to do it anyway but when you believe that your hair is inherently bad... well

 

[dynamic1]

I stopped relaxing without even thinking about what my texture was. However, I made this decision before hair boards. I had some stylists and assistants make comments regarding pattern but I wasn't focused on it. I knew it was the same hair that sent me running to hide in the closet when I was a child, because I didn't want it combed.

I think alot of women are curious about their natural hair because they have been relaxed for so long (even pressed). Also, wearing loose hair as a child may have been a no-no. So when they see a bunch of different textures on hair boards they start overanalyzing and guesstimating.

I think there are just as many women who think they have type 4 hair and they don't. Some of these women continue to relax because parents told them their hair was "unmanageable" or treated it harshly.

ETA: I guess I did compare my hair with my siblings while contemplating going natural. I knew it would be tighter than most of my siblings but similar to two of them based on our new growth patterns and density. Funny, all have the same placement of texture differences...looser in the back and top, tighter in the back crown and more coarse on the sides

 

[Southernbella.]

And this saddens me. As someone with "hair in the 3s" I say the grass is always greener on the other side.

Who am I most envious of? Sisters with this hair like Mwedzi's and others.

I want nothing more than to have thick, coarse, dense hair. Why? because I think the BEST styling options are achieved with that hair type. Call me crazy, but part of the reason I wear extensions so much is because I feel severely limited in my styling options. I also "do hair" and I love love love hair in the 4s. It holds braids and twists so much better. Its softer, too.

I personally think the motivations behind many women' decisions to go natural are up to her and personal. However, I think many people seek the biracial aesthetic, which to me is a rejection of self (if self is not biracial). But can we help it? Although 90% or more of the sistas featured in national commercials have a natural hair style, many of those styles mimic the biracial aesthetic (curly, springy, bouncy, loose, etc). The women who have almost always been prized above all have been women with lighter skin and curlier hair. So much of this has been deeply ingrained into our collective psyche that we epitomize this aesthetic. So, I dont get mad necessarily. I actually feel something more akin to pity.

Yes, I get the "I'd go natural if I had your hair" comments. I've been natural for almost 15 years and it never changes. Even when I had locs. All I try to do is remind people that beauty comes from within and if you don't believe you are beautiful the way God made you, then your issues go WAY deeper than any desired hairstyle.

And sometimes, at the end of the day, that is what it comes down to. Allowing our belief that we are beautiful by design to overcome the generations of self-loathing (regarding our beauty) that have negatively influenced out perceptions of beauty.

The other part is that how many women in the 4s actually wear their natural hair with pride and confidence (and unlocked)? Maybe if women had more inspirations to look at, they'd feel more comfortable being natural. But since that hair is the one that is most hated, it is the first to be altered, changed to fit a different mold, someone else's perception of what beautiful is. Again, can we blame them? We are creatures of habit and influence. If all we've ever been exposed to is "Your hair is so nappy, ugh" or "When are you going to DO something to your hair?" or "You NEED a perm", at what point does someone become convinced that her hair is beautiful as it is?

Awesome post.

Re: the bolded, I agree.

 

[Southernbella.]

I love my natural hair. I love the way it looks in twists/twist outs, I love my wash and gos and puffs. (can you tell I'm style challenged? ) I can appreciate someone else's natural hair and still love mine. When I went natural I had an advantage. I knew what my hair looked like before I BC'd and I already loved my hair. I do feel weird when people tell me that they would go natural if they had my hair type. I mean I try and encourage them to do it anyway but when you believe that your hair is inherently bad... well

RE: the bolded, people say this to me when I'm wearing a twistout. I always tell them, "Trust me, I don't have good hair. At least not in the way you mean it." That's one of the advantages of type 4 hair. You can rock it however you want.

 

[Ramya]

RE: the bolded, people say this to me when I'm wearing a twistout. I always tell them, "Trust me, I don't have good hair. At least not in the way you mean it." That's one of the advantages of type 4 hair. You can rock it however you want.

Hmm I never thought about that. Now I got something else to retort

 

[chebaby]

Personally, I believe that there are people who choose to go natural for the look/styles they can do, not for the moral/cultural/ethical/health reasons for going natural, so when they don't get the look/style they want, its understandable that they are disappointed.

Ediese, i like that you have embraced your texture, but you have a lovely texture that seems to be more widely accepted and publicized over more kinkier textures. And hair such as yours can be worn/styled in such a way that others textures can't. So when girls look through your pictures and see styles they want to have that STYLE and they think its possible with natural hair, but only if their natural hair looks like yours (and in some cases, they are right.)

So while self-love is a beautiful message, it is truly easier said then done. So try not to get too frustrated with these ladies - they just want what they want. And if they don't get want they want, I dont see any problem in returning to a perm - it's all about achieving a style/look....

i can agree with thiis because while i love all textures i am a 3c so i guess i cant relate to women with 4b-c hair.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

Quick question: Must I BC to see my natural hair? I've gone up to a year without texlaxing, but never cut. I would like to see it, but I want to cut gradually. Some parts are 6" new growth and 6" texlaxed. All of it looked about the same (texlaxed vs. natural) to me, but the new growth felt better. This was before I BKT'd. When I first joined, I was told I had 4a hair, but I don't know how that was determined if you have to BC to see. I don't see any 4a hair twins when I look at fotkis, either.

ETA: I cut a chunk of the processed ends off, but it was still wavy with no real curl. Is there an Afro-wave type?

 

[Ediese]

Personally, I believe that there are people who choose to go natural for the look/styles they can do, not for the moral/cultural/ethical/health reasons for going natural, so when they don't get the look/style they want, its understandable that they are disappointed.



Ediese, i like that you have embraced your texture, but you have a lovely texture that seems to be more widely accepted and publicized over more kinkier textures. And hair such as yours can be worn/styled in such a way that others textures can't. So when girls look through your pictures and see styles they want to have that STYLE and they think its possible with natural hair, but only if their natural hair looks like yours (and in some cases, they are right.)



So while self-love is a beautiful message, it is truly easier said then done. So try not to get too frustrated with these ladies - they just want what they want. And if they don't get want they want, I dont see any problem in returning to a perm - it's all about achieving a style/look....

I definitely understand and agree with what you're saying. When I decided to stop relaxing my hair, it was way before the hair boards so I had no idea I was "transitioning". I knew at that point that something was wrong with my hair, and it seemed to get worse every time I relaxed. That was my primary push to stop relaxing. I had no idea what texture my hair would be.

I will admit that I've looked at pictures in the past, and wished that my hair was a tad bit silkier or that my curls were looser. It did take some time for me to fully accept my natural texture. I think the point of my post was a little less about my frustration, and a little more about being saddened when I see women wanting to transition because they saw pics of a certain texture that they think they'll have, or when I receive a message from someone that "wishes their texture is like mine when they finish transitioning". I don't know why but it makes me feel bad.

You're right. It is much easier said than done because just like lighter skin is glorified, so is looser textured hair. I'm just hoping that the day will come where it's all accepted as beautiful. I think that starts with us loving ourselves and our hair first.

 

[ycj1]

And this saddens me. As someone with "hair in the 3s" I say the grass is always greener on the other side.

Who am I most envious of? Sisters with this hair like Mwedzi's and others.

I want nothing more than to have thick, coarse, dense hair. Why? because I think the BEST styling options are achieved with that hair type. Call me crazy, but part of the reason I wear extensions so much is because I feel severely limited in my styling options. I also "do hair" and I love love love hair in the 4s. It holds braids and twists so much better. Its softer, too.

I personally think the motivations behind many women' decisions to go natural are up to her and personal. However, I think many people seek the biracial aesthetic, which to me is a rejection of self (if self is not biracial). But can we help it? Although 90% or more of the sistas featured in national commercials have a natural hair style, many of those styles mimic the biracial aesthetic (curly, springy, bouncy, loose, etc). The women who have almost always been prized above all have been women with lighter skin and curlier hair. So much of this has been deeply ingrained into our collective psyche that we epitomize this aesthetic. So, I dont get mad necessarily. I actually feel something more akin to pity.

Yes, I get the "I'd go natural if I had your hair" comments. I've been natural for almost 15 years and it never changes. Even when I had locs. All I try to do is remind people that beauty comes from within and if you don't believe you are beautiful the way God made you, then your issues go WAY deeper than any desired hairstyle.

And sometimes, at the end of the day, that is what it comes down to. Allowing our belief that we are beautiful by design to overcome the generations of self-loathing (regarding our beauty) that have negatively influenced out perceptions of beauty.

The other part is that how many women in the 4s actually wear their natural hair with pride and confidence (and unlocked)? Maybe if women had more inspirations to look at, they'd feel more comfortable being natural. But since that hair is the one that is most hated, it is the first to be altered, changed to fit a different mold, someone else's perception of what beautiful is. Again, can we blame them? We are creatures of habit and influence. If all we've ever been exposed to is "Your hair is so nappy, ugh" or "When are you going to DO something to your hair?" or "You NEED a perm", at what point does someone become convinced that her hair is beautiful as it is?

Very well spoken! Bravo!!!!!

 

[BeetleBug]

Quick question: Must I BC to see my natural hair? I've gone up to a year without texlaxing, but never cut. I would like to see it, but I want to cut gradually. Some parts are 6" new growth and 6" texlaxed. All of it looked about the same (texlaxed vs. natural) to me, but the new growth felt better. This was before I BKT'd. When I first joined, I was told I had 4a hair, but I don't know how that was determined if you have to BC to see. I don't see any 4a hair twins when I look at fotkis, either.

Most people think it's pertinent to cut the the relaxed strands off so you can see your "true" natural hair. The purpose of this is b/c the relaxed strands stretch the natural strands. Personally, my relaxed strands didn't weigh on my hair that much. My new growth was coily so therefore my natural hair was coily. Post some new growth shots and let us see.