"extreme Self Care"

Fine 4s said:
But who waits though? I need an example of waiting because I can't believe any woman is saying "when I get a man, I'm getting more manis" or whatever. I'm not gonna lie, I'm slightly more motivated when I have someone. And then I know women who let them self go when they do have a partner. I'm just lazy either way really....

OAN- you know what I don't do much of? Those solitary activities, walking in the park, sitting in the park etc. if there's nothing to actually DO or SEE I really don't do it. People who leave their homes just because it's a nice day confuse me lol what are you going to DO? I'm so weird....
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Women do this all of the time. They will slack on something, since there is no man around. Won't shave their legs, or underarms, won't wear nice underwear, won't get their feet done, won't shower, etc... then when a man comes around, it feels like a lot of work. They will start slacking again and dude will notice! Lol he didn't get the real you! You don't put any effort, or value into yourself, but you will do it for a man?
Like cleaning and having a nice smelling home
Having a clean car
Being organized
Personal hygiene
Listening to good music
Eating right
Treating yourself
Having me time
Having hobbies
Staying connected spiritually
Laughing
Etc..
if you (generally speaking) do it for a man, it will not come off as natural. You are only setting yourself up for failure, depression, self doubt, etc.,

Brides are really crazy! All of a sudden, they wanna get their teeth whitened, lose weight, grow their hair out, get facials, get surgery etc for one day! You didn't care about looking busted all of your life, now that you are having a wedding, the world is changing? Makes no sense! You aren't doing it for self! You waited until somebody put a ring on your finger.
 
shortdub78 said:
if you (generally speaking) do it for a man, it will not come off as natural. You are only setting yourself up for failure, depression, self doubt, etc.,
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Omg yes!! I don't get women who only look nice when their man is around. Otherwise they don't put in the effort. They look like 2 different people!! Maybe that's why people don't believe that I'm single. I stay put together all the time. Nails done, everything shaved, makeup, outfits, the whole nine. My hair styling skills are still not where I need them to be but I'm working on it or having enough money to get my hair done at the salon every 2 weeks.

shortdub78 said:
Brides are really crazy! All of a sudden, they wanna get their teeth whitened, lose weight, grow their hair out, get facials, get surgery etc for one day! You didn't care about looking busted all of your life, now that you are having a wedding, the world is changing? Makes no sense! You aren't doing it for self! You waited until somebody put a ring on your finger
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Agreed. I understand you wanna be the star of the show. But that show only lasts one day. How about you become the star of your LIFE instead. That lasts longer. Those are things they should've been doing all along and they know it. If you needed to lose weight don't lose it JUST for the wedding. What happens after? You gain it all back? Same thing for teeth whitening/fixing. Plastic surgery is overkill. Your man loved you the way you were before so why change it?
 
shortdub78 said:
Women do this all of the time. They will slack on something, since there is no man around. Won't shave their legs, or underarms, won't wear nice underwear, won't get their feet done, won't shower, etc... then when a man comes around, it feels like a lot of work. They will start slacking again and dude will notice! Lol he didn't get the real you! You don't put any effort, or value into yourself, but you will do it for a man?
Like cleaning and having a nice smelling home
Having a clean car
Being organized
Personal hygiene
Listening to good music
Eating right
Treating yourself
Having me time
Having hobbies
Staying connected spiritually
Laughing
Etc..
if you (generally speaking) do it for a man, it will not come off as natural. You are only setting yourself up for failure, depression, self doubt, etc.,

Brides are really crazy! All of a sudden, they wanna get their teeth whitened, lose weight, grow their hair out, get facials, get surgery etc for one day! You didn't care about looking busted all of your life, now that you are having a wedding, the world is changing? Makes no sense! You aren't doing it for self! You waited until somebody put a ring on your finger.
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This is soooooooooo true!!!! With every guy that my g/f meets she always starts a new diet to help with her skin, a new workout regimen, doing her hair very two weeks ect, ect. But in less than 3 months she's back to her same ole self
 
I found a little trick to make my own inexpensive floral arrangements and they last ~1 week (although the current one seems to be still going strong): I buy 1 bunch of eucalyptus leaves (which are very fragrant and cheap!) and I buy a small bouquet of flowers (it could be roses, dianthus, etc). I arrange the flowers and eucalyptus leaves make everything fuller and round the arrangement out. Every evening when I come home, the flowers bring me so much joy :yep:

Floral arranging was/is taught in finishing school. Here are some videos:



 
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the world seems so heavy and sad lately I need a break, thus this thread here goes:

Sometimes I get up dress to the nines and sit at home in heels working from my computer :kiss3:
Sometimes I get up sit in my chair take off my robe and sit at home in my furry slides and work from my computer :naughtycouch:


My house has concrete floors. I've been rollerskating around for the last week or so. I'm considering pushing all of the furniture to one side and turning the formal dining room into a temporary roller disco :jester:

Yall got confessions or are you going to leave me to sit here looking crazy all by myself :curtain:
 
Here are this week's flowers!

The red ones are from last week. They weren't ready to be tossed out so I "recycled" them by cutting them shorter and putting them in a shorter vase. The white ones are new for the week. I decided that I need a wider mouthed vase because I don't like how the white floral arrangement is bunched up in there. But it's ok for now.
 

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shortdub78 said:
Women do this all of the time. They will slack on something, since there is no man around. Won't shave their legs, or underarms, won't wear nice underwear, won't get their feet done,
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It's so funny, I was JUST thinking about this last night. I definitely slack on these, particularly in the winter.

I'm going to do better.
 
I’m in a relationship but I do believe the way I spoil myself had a huge impact on my BF so what I used to pay for in the name of “self-care” he will reimburse. I think he’s jealous maybe because I don’t come to him first, I just do me and he’s feels left out.

Anyway....here what I’ve done:

Every three months or so I will order myself flowers. When we first started dating he would think someone was buying them for me so he started sending flowers at random times. He still does this to beat me from ordering them. He said he’s never met a woman who orders flowers for herself only a ton of women who asked.

I love sex toys. So I’m always treating myself to new toys. Some I use with him and others on him but both are selfish pleasures for me.

Outside of our bi-monthly couples massage, I bought a monthly membership to hand and stone spa. Every month they deduct $60 from my account for which I get to use for either a facial or massage. On the months he pays for our couples massage, I will book a facial. On the off months I have a massage.

I get mani/pedis weekly and my hair done every 2 weeks.

I treated myself last year and got laser surgery on kitty. So my Brazilian appointment are now every 3-4 months, maybe.

Being outdoors is a huge form of self care for me so I’m always doing something. White water river rafting, broadway plays, football games. 007PMP is there. Again, I don’t ask him if he wants to join. I book for myself and before you know it he’s tagging along and paying for it or transferring money.

Being selfish is me taking care of myself first and has keep me looking and feeling like I’m 21. If he wants in he will jump in and if he doesn’t the train keeps moving (80%’of the time he’s running and jumping on with money in hand).

Once a man sees how you love and spoil yourself, if he wants you he will compete with you on spoiling you. So it’s a win/win. Before him I was doing this, with him I’m still doing this (Just less out of my pocket), after him (if faced with this) I will continue.
 
Also my home is my castle and a form of self care for me. I LOVE good fragrances so every couple of months or so I will spend about $30/40 on those scent packets at Kirkland’s and stash them all over my house. I have them taped behind my headboard so it smells good every time I get in and out of my bed. I have them tucked away in my sofas, behind my pictures hung on the wall, in my entry way, kitchen, anywhere there’s a hiding spot. Aromatherapy 24/7. Just makes me feel super good and feminine.

What I don’t do well is read to entirety the books I splurge on.
 
kimpaur said:
@007PMP I love your posts, they definitely encompass extreme self care in the way I pictured it. Have you always had this mindset?
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Yes and no up until I was 23 when I married my ex-husband. Everything I did for myself, I stopped and shifted my focus to taking care of him and our kids. Being the best wife and mom. And I suffered. I began to look older than my age, denied myself sexual pleasure to be on his schedule, selfcare plummeted. Then I woke up and realized I lost myself—straight gone. I loved him more than me and I was more selfless than selfish.

So I literally divorced him and conceptually married myself. Some people can manage both but I married at an age where I was very impressionable and wasnt quite anchored in who I was. I didn’t know how to do both successfully.

I loved myself but didn’t know who I was (if that makes any sense). It took me a couple years prior pulling the plug to gain the confidence to follow through. You can’t stand up for yourself if you’re not loving yourself and feel empowered by confidence and self-esteem. Finally that day came and I did it and it’s been THE BEST step (for me) towards loving myself again.

I could’ve took the rug beneath him and some but didn’t. All I wanted back was ME.

I’m super passionate about this subject because I see this happening a lot with women.

So that’s why I do what I do. It comes from within and God has blessed me 10 fold to experience redemption. Chile many of nights I cried and many of days I looked in the mirror not liking what I saw. Not anymore!

Heck spoiling myself is eating carrot cake for dinner instead of cooking a meal with a meat, starch, and veggie.
 
There’s a lot to self-care and so many things are connect to it. But you have to evaluate and ask yourself what’s preventing me from nurturing me first. Whatever nurturing looks and feels like to you. For me it was a marriage and the hats I wore while being married.

What I’ve learned is it starts and ends with me FIRST. When I spoil myself I’m nurturing me. It’s like watering a plant. You don’t water it, it will dry up and die. Some can multitask in this area and take care of them, their husband, kids, uncles, aunties, friends all at the same time effortlessly and equally. I don’t have that skill yet. Maybe someday and maybe not. I’m not even worried about it. I’m just enjoying learning and loving on me first.

Sorry I can write a speech about this. LOL
 
007PMP said:
Yes and no up until I was 23 when I married my ex-husband. Everything I did for myself, I stopped and shifted my focus to taking care of him and our kids. Being the best wife and mom. And I suffered. I began to look older than my age, denied myself sexual pleasure to be on his schedule, selfcare plummeted. Then I woke up and realized I lost myself—straight gone. I loved him more than me and I was more selfless than selfish.

So I literally divorced him and conceptually married myself. Some people can manage both but I married at an age where I was very impressionable and wasnt quite anchored in who I was. I didn’t know how to do both successfully.

I loved myself but didn’t know who I was (if that makes any sense). It took me a couple years prior pulling the plug to gain the confidence to follow through. You can’t stand up for yourself if you’re not loving yourself and feel empowered by confidence and self-esteem. Finally that day came and I did it and it’s been THE BEST step (for me) towards loving myself again.

I could’ve took the rug beneath him and some but didn’t. All I wanted back was ME.

I’m super passionate about this subject because I see this happening a lot with women.

So that’s why I do what I do. It comes from within and God has blessed me 10 fold to experience redemption. Chile many of nights I cried and many of days I looked in the mirror not liking what I saw. Not anymore!

Heck spoiling myself is eating carrot cake for dinner instead of cooking a meal with a meat, starch, and veggie.
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007PMP said:
There’s a lot to self-care and so many things are connect to it. But you have to evaluate and ask yourself what’s preventing me from nurturing me first. Whatever nurturing looks and feels like to you. For me it was a marriage and the hats I wore while being married.

What I’ve learned is it starts and ends with me FIRST. When I spoil myself I’m nurturing me. It’s like watering a plant. You don’t water it, it will dry up and die. Some can multitask in this area and take care of them, their husband, kids, uncles, aunties, friends all at the same time effortlessly and equally. I don’t have that skill yet. Maybe someday and maybe not. I’m not even worried about it. I’m just enjoying learning and loving on me first.

Sorry I can write a speech about this. LOL
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I don't want to derail the thread so I'm just going to say, as a 23 year old in a similar situation as 23 year old you,
Your posts are seriously empowering and very much appreciated:heart:
 
I decided that I didn't want to join my friends for any parties on NYE so I booked myself a package at a local spa and will spend 3 hours getting a body scrub, massage and facial. Afterwards, I'll come home and ring in 2018 with a bottle of champagne.

I also booked a package at a different spa for Valentine's and I'm thinking about sending myself flowers :giggle:

Team #selfcare
 
Here are some of mine
  • Every time I get paid I buy myself something. I don't care if is a TJ Maxx special or a new house...a reward is in order.
    • I believe that work is designed to earn rewards and create rewards that matter to me in the day-to-day work.
    • I reward myself regularly and put "just for me" money to the side just like I would a mortgage payment, savings, or tithes.
  • As a reflex, I look in the mirror and smile every time I pass one.
    • I didn't realize this until a guy I was dating pointed it out then my cousin cosigned. When they did I said "So what?" and didn't stop. I just recognize it as a habit now lol.
      • Which brings me to a point if you have a quirk that doesn't hurt anyone and lifts you up...keep it. People don't have to understand.
  • I put myself together every day. This is a habit my mother ingrained into me and my siblings.
    • That applies to dressing up, working out, or yard clothes. They are always nice, neat, and well put together... even if they are basic or plain.
  • I still wear clothes that fit from high school(which I graduated from before the timestamp of joining this board)
    • ...and still look good in them because I have always shopped to flatter my shape and suit my aesthetic, not for trends.
    • It also helps that I buy items that are made well even if they were inexpensive. Several pieces in my closet still look new despite regular wear for more than 20 years.
  • I listen to what I call "happy music" every day.
    • Songs like "Lovely Day"-Bill Withers, “Turn it Around”-Israel and New Breed, “Happy Face"-by Destiny's Child, “I’m Worth It”- Fifth Harmony, “Best Things in Life Are Free”-Janet Jackson and Luther Vandross, "Alive- Big Daddy Weave (that is my war song against covid), "I Love Me" -Cupid(the year that song come out, a friend of mine called and said he found a song that described me perfectly so he needed to play it for me. I heard it and have loved it ever since. It always puts me in a good mood and makes me laugh haha.), “Reason”-Unspoken, "Optimistic"-Sounds of Blackness, etc.
      • During the day positive things and negative things may happen, but I make it a point to begin and end my days with positivity to neutralize footholds of negativity.
      • If the day is getting rough I will take a “peace of mind” break and listen to a song like "Reason" by Unspoken to get myself together and push through. If someone calls themselves asking me to change my behavior to make them more comfortable then "I Love Me" by Cupid comes in. Every day is a good day to start with Bill Withers's "Lovely Day" etc. There is always a song that reminds me of who I am and the path I am on.
  • I still learn new things when I read my bible.
    • I love to hear a good sermon but my relationship with God has always been built privately during times I focused on the word and the Lord.
    • It is pretty amazing how the same words have different meanings as your life experiences develop.
  • When I work out it makes me feel energized.
  • When eat healthily it is because I love the taste of lean meats, fresh fruits, and veggies.
  • I keep old things that have meaning and memories to me
    • Over the years I built a quality collection of priceless items: My mother's wedding ring, my favorite childhood toys, the last item this or that loved one gave me before they passed on. Those items make me smile. I still have them.
  • I don’t internalize other people’s issues and dysfunction.
    • I have the heart to help and I can remind them of who they are and where they belong.
    • …BUT if they choose to stay in a bad place. I won’t go to that bad place after them.
  • I learned to lighten up. I used to be incredibly critical of myself. I learned to give myself the same grace others receive from me.
  • I create pockets of joy in my day right from my mind to experiences. No one has to make me happy. I got that part down. I just have to offset joy being taken from me when misery is looking for company.
  • I just try to hold on to the little pieces of every day that make me smile and let everything else roll by.
 
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