Do You Take Ownership Of Your Happiness

[SpiritJunkie]

It's strange how easy it is to be sooo excited about a man, so eager to please, etc. We don't realize that this is putting the man on a pedestal. A man on a pedestal is looking down on us and we are looking up to him. The minute that happens we are in trouble. And women are encouraged to please men at our expense all of the time. We are put on a pedestal by society for putting men on one, for serving them, being overly devoted and forgiving, and sacrificial. The thing is our pedestal isn't sturdy or satisfying or real.

I'm glad you are reevaluating things. You really do have to step back and take time to think about what you're doing and what's going on. And be prepared for backlash. Society is good at making us feel badly for being independent, strong, happy on our own, pleased with ourselves, prioritizing ourselves, etc.

Thank you. This did happen. I got caught up. New Day for me. He talks about his parents 50+ year relationship on a regular and it wasn't like this. In fact his mother was the one on the pedestal put up by him and his father.

Again...new day...new perspective.

 

[Fine 4s]

I read an article completely because of another reason it it touched upon happiness and I'd like to share it:
https://www.google.com/search?q=love+vs.+obsession&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

On another note, can we share some ways that us women could possibly be brain washed into putting out own needs aside. I'm not fully aware of when I might have done so outside of a relationship. Perhaps I've seen parents do so but I'm unsure.

 

[hopeful]

I read an article completely because of another reason it it touched upon happiness and I'd like to share it:
https://www.google.com/search?q=love+vs.+obsession&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

On another note, can we share some ways that us women could possibly be brain washed into putting out own needs aside. I'm not fully aware of when I might have done so outside of a relationship. Perhaps I've seen parents do so but I'm unsure.

Nice article! It was a good read. Really makes you think.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Having a bit of a bad day...maybe even week. Came in here to re read and remind myself of my goals.
ALL of this is a lesson in understanding that it takes more than just knowing what to do ...but making sure it stays in practice each and every day.

 

[hopeful]

Having a bit of a bad day...maybe even week. Came in here to re read and remind myself of my goals.
ALL of this is a lesson in understanding that it takes more than just knowing what to do ...but making sure it stays in practice each and every day.

And progress isn't a straight line. We just have to keep trying and keep moving forward, toward our goals and the happiness we want and deserve.

 

[brownb83]

It's strange how easy it is to be sooo excited about a man, so eager to please, etc. We don't realize that this is putting the man on a pedestal. A man on a pedestal is looking down on us and we are looking up to him. The minute that happens we are in trouble. And women are encouraged to please men at our expense all of the time. We are put on a pedestal by society for putting men on one, for serving them, being overly devoted and forgiving, and sacrificial. The thing is our pedestal isn't sturdy or satisfying or real.

I'm glad you are reevaluating things. You really do have to step back and take time to think about what you're doing and what's going on. And be prepared for backlash. Society is good at making us feel badly for being independent, strong, happy on our own, pleased with ourselves, prioritizing ourselves, etc.

I wish I could frame this and put it on a wall. I realized this a few years back and it made me so emotional simply because many women never realize their full potential because their life is only seen through the male gaze.

 

[ChasingBliss]

And progress isn't a straight line. We just have to keep trying and keep moving forward, toward our goals and the happiness we want and deserve.

Yes I fully agree and also not let ourselves..(or myself rather) get sidetracked by letting small insignificant things upset me. People throw monkey wrenches in our pathway but sometimes we perceive them all by ourselves...#staymindful

 

[hopeful]

I wish I could frame this and put it on a wall. I realized this a few years back and it made me so emotional simply because many women never realize their full potential because their life is only seen through the male gaze.

I couldn't agree more. We will never realize our full potential through the male gaze.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

Thanks for the link @Fine 4s it lead me to some other articles that spoke about putting yourself first and not getting engulfed in a relationship. do what makes you happy and continue from there. It also said protect your mood.

 

[GraceJones]

I'll be honest, I used to reject the idea of "you have to love yourself before anyone else will love you". Many women reject it. It's mainly because we're surrounded by a bunch of people who don't love themselves and have done no inner work yet effortlessly find partnership. We don't believe this advice is sincere, and we see it as just another obstacle put in place to explain why we still haven't found love, while others sort of stumble into it and take it for granted.

For that reason, I'm still trying to figure out how to communicate the importance of self-love to single friends who are tired of doing inner work while their flawed, I'm perfect as is friends are happily buzzing about as V-day approaches.

I'm not even going to lie, this is exactly how I feel.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I am so serious about this. I don't know when or how I came to this conclusion but I put me first and no one can steal my joy. I don't even rely on dh to make me happy ( but this is a double edge sword)

 

[ChasingBliss]

I am so serious about this. I don't know when or how I came to this conclusion but I put me first and no one can steal my joy. I don't even rely on dh to make me happy ( but this is a double edge sword)

I would love for you to explain the bolded as it peaked my curiosity and I'm wondering if it is in tune with my experience right now.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I would love for you to explain the bolded as it peaked my curiosity and I'm wondering if it is in tune with my experience right now.

It means I ride the wave whether he is a 10/10 or 1/10. I have an ability to compartmentalize so that I am pretty much always good. I'm sure its a coping mechanism from childhood. I'm also pretty self centered so I can go skip happily along and totally tune out dh and whatever he is dealing with. I see it..I choose not to address it/ let it bring me down.

It was brought to my attention recently by DH, he wants me to be more emotionally supportive so I am working on doing that without sacrificing my own peace.

 

[ChasingBliss]

It means I ride the wave whether he is a 10/10 or 1/10. I have an ability to compartmentalize so that I am pretty much always good. I'm sure its a coping mechanism from childhood. I'm also pretty self centered so I can go skip happily along and totally tune out dh and whatever he is dealing with. I see it..I choose not to address it/ let it bring me down.

It was brought to my attention recently by DH, he wants me to be more emotionally supportive so I am working on doing that without sacrificing my own peace.

Yes it is pretty much what I thought and represents ( to some degree) the current shift in my marriage. That other end of the sword however, represents for me, aspects of myself that I am not used to but they serve my spirit and soul. Watching others tell me I've changed but not always knowing what to make of it.