(Domestic )My past 5 years of horror are finally over !!!(LONG)

Teja

Teja

Well-Known Member
Hey ladies,

I am writing this and it pains me while I am....but I have learned so much from you guys I thought that I needed to share this...... if it can help only one person to get the courage to get out of an abusive realtionship my mission would be complete!
I'm now in the process of breaking up with my ex..... who was the most abusive meanest person.... yet I stayed with him for five years,five years I let him beat me manipulate me threaten me......the worst type of physical and emotional abuse that's possible.
I already started off on a ruff path witnessing my mom being physically and emotionally abused by my stepdad most of my childhood life..... only to find myself in the same situation....it's only now that I realise I only let this happen because my sense for what was normal in a relationship was totaly off....When you constantly hear someone tell you..you are nothing..... never will be.... and that you are never going to get a partner better....you will believe it at one point or another....I mean this man has put locks on everything I do in my life he controlled who I speak with..... what I wear where I go....he had so much power over me it was scary...He turned me against my whole family....as soon as something went a way he did not like he would become loud and agressive.... punched me so hard in my gut one time that I thought I was going to blead to ...yet I went back.....some of you are going to call me crazy and foolish..but I am telling you when you once find yourself in a situatuion like that it's hard to get out of....the pressure I was to embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone because he seemed like the sweetest person from the outside...
I finally got a grip on my situation and moved away to germany to be exact....but it still took me another year to get out .....right now I am hearing everything from his side from him telling me he loves me to him cursing me out usually right after another....I am just very thankfull that he is not here...though about changing my nr but no I will not let him take more away from me.......
I just want you ladies to know that abusive men DONT CHANGE if he hits you once he will do it again....its not your fault either....for way to long I thought I looked or said something wrong and deserved his wrong doings...NO....when you have a partner in your life who is not willing to support you with your goals and dreams and treats you any less than the woman you are....then get the hell out of there....we are lucky enough that god gave us life ..our life not anyone elses and dont let nobody take that away from you... I have a whole new appreciation for life the feeling that I can do what ever I want when ever I want be anything I want ....the saddest part of this story is that I am only 21 years old...Wasted five years??? It helped become the strong person I am now....I am not over it yet but everyday I build back a peace of me that he took away!
 
Re: (Domestic)My past 5 years of horror are finally over !!!(LONG)

Sweetheart,:clapping:I am so proud of you:clap:

Stay Strong, Don't listen to him, Stop talking to him period, You can't be Friends , He has destroyed that. Don't answer his calls to try to explain your side,,, I repeat stop all contact.

Now Heal yourself( this takes times) and :eye:Watch out for ANY and ALL RED FLAGs in your next relationship and when you see them RUN RUN RUN....Fast

I stayed for 10 years and I am now 2 years out, I wondered sometimes how it could have been. But Girl I will NEVER go back...:nono:

When you think about him "Remember ALL the pain "he put you Thru and move on (sometimes we forget and think it may be better this time... NOT.)

I am praying for you in this journey

BE Strong
 
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Glad you found the strength and courage to move on. Best advice is keep on moving. Your right, he'll never change so it's easier for you to resist contacting him and accepting his calls.

He's only sorry now because you aren't at his mercy so now he wants to beg and plead for you to come back home. SMH, it's sad that some men act like this.

Good luck to you!!!!
 
I am happy YOU finall decided to make a break from dude. Keep your distance. Think Positive. Thank You for sharing your story,sure it will help another member see light.
 
Abusive people never change especially those who cannot feel empathy. The paragraph below was taken form oprah.com

I have read so many stories about abuse and lived with it myself for too many years. I only found out last year, the name for all my pain and suffering, narcissistic personality disorder. There are many types of abusers, they all lack empathy or they would not be that way. Some of us came from abusive homes, some us from semi normal homes.Your profession, your income, your nationality, color, male or female. no matter your background, it can happen to anyone, even mental health professionals can be taken in.
How do they invade out minds and change our thinking about everything? We end up questioning our sanity and wondering who we were or are, from our encounter with one. That is why recovery is so difficult. Abusers slowly and methodically destroy our hearts and minds. They take pieces of us, bit by bit, over time, you don't even know you are being robbed, till you are depleted of everything. You then mix in the confusion of good times. appears to be loving and human, and the bad, not loving and not human like at all. You think you will be able to get the good guy, if only you can turn yourself inside out for him. You know there is that good side of him, so he has you hooked and thinking you can get that good guy. You just need to love him more and put a little more work into the relationship. You love that good guy, you know he exists, he is connected with love, pleasure and good times. Your focus and goal becomes all about getting that guy. You no longer think about yourself and what you want in the relationship. Prince Charming is trapped inside this person and your love and caring will release him so you can live happily ever after.
What we don't know is narcissists and abusers are at war in their heads, you are the enemy, they take PRISONERS not PARTNERS. You become a prisoner in his private hidden war. He brainwashed and tortured you every day in your relationship.He knew exactly what to do to break your spirit so he could gain control over you. He told you what to think and feel and when he felt like it he rewarded you with some crumbs of kindness. We are so starved of love and human contact, we eat up those crumbs of kindness and crave our next meal from them. We are starving for a human being to return our love and appreciate us. They gain power over us by mixing pain and pleasure, believing we will end up with the good guy, but, THEY DO NOT EXIST.
When it is over, whether you have been dumped or trying to get away from them, you have survived an emotional holocaust, brainwashed and tortured and you wonder why you are having such a hard time getting over it. You are left to sift through the destruction and rubble to find pieces of yourself. You have to try to remember who you were to even begin putting yourself back together. You try to think, what did I do wrong, where and when did it go wrong, what did you miss, what more could you have done, how could you be so stupid, why would you put up with it, why did I stay, why didn't I leave, why can't I just move on?
Never ending questions trying to make some sense of it all, but it will never make sense. It had nothing to do with you. Then we think we are co dependent, we enabled our abusers, we loved too much, we had no self esteem to have left this happen to us. We now feel ashamed of ourselves, for letting this happen. We end up feeling and being responsible for it all. The abusers move on totally unaffected, looking for their next prisoner to take in. They suffer no consequences, you do. He blamed everything on you, made you responsible for everything that happened and then you are basically told you brought it on yourself. Maybe there are some people who are co dependent, but it does not apply to everyone. It does not apply to prisoners taken in by narcissists and abusers and tortured in their camps, YOUR LOVELY HOME. They are from another planet, they come for the hearts and minds of the loving caring people on our planet. They look like us and they can act like us. You have no way of knowing till you are in their camp. It can happen to anyone, and they need a never ending supply of loving people to live every day of their lives.
A normal breakup or divorce is hard but this is so much more. They rearranged your mind, depleted and deleted everything that was you, sucked you dry and you wonder why you are having such a hard time of it. You were a kind loving human being with an outstanding capacity to love, THEY HAVE NONE OF THAT TO GIVE TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. You did not know people like this existed. I know I thought everyone treated other people the way they would want to be treated, well not everyone sees the world that way. Set up boundaries for the way you want to be treated from now on, don't ever settle for anything less. You deserve to be loved for who you are and to be treated with respect and dignity always. Some things in life do not or ever will never make sense, narcissists and abusers are two of those things. So as long as we question ourselves and try to make sense of it, we keep them in our heads. The feelings you are feeling are all normal when you have been held a prisoner of war, a hidden war in their heads.
Sadly for those of us who have survived , understanding and support is hard to find. You have to live it to know what it is like. The road to recovery is facing it all, releasing the memories that will never make sense. You can make sense of the insane behavior, you had nothing to do with it, it was not you. Focus on yourself and what you want to do, you deserve a life. You can't rush it, you must have the same amount of patience and love you gave your partner, BUT THIS TIME FOR YOU. Don't beat yourself up anymore, you came in contact with a non human from another planet. Hugs mamolie
reply
 
While my sitch was not as extreme..I can relate. Congratulations. You are doing the best thing for yourself. You deserve to be loved with respect. You are very young, don't focus on the years lost. Many women never get out and end up either emotionally, spiritually or at worst, physically dead. I recommend losing all contact with his family and anyone else who empathizes with him over you..even if that means your own family.

No looking back. :)
 
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Thank goodness you're still alive to tell about this...
You have done a great thing and everything you do from now on will seem like a breeze, because you managed to save yourself from this crazy relationship :yep:
Don't ever talk to him again, don't answer his calls, don't reply to letters or messages, don't contact him...just CUT him out of your life completely.

It's very common to mimic our parents' relationship(s) in our first own relationships.
I just want to give you a big hug :bighug:
You're worth so much more!
 
Teja,

Thank you so much for sharing. Would you please divulge your relationship with your biological father.
 
Just here to add that you're only 21. You have not wasted time. Thank goodness you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you! Kudos to being so strong through this.
 
Congratulations for winning yourself and your life back. Thank God first and foremost for being your strength and I pray that you will continue to let Him be. At age 21, you wised up quick so count yourself as blessed. Love yourself fully. Congrats again and of course...cut him off completely. He'll bring nothing but unneeded stress and frustration.
 
Thank you for your testimony. I have a cousin in an abusive relationship and she is planning to marry this man. I fear for her life. I praise God that you realized you had to get out and value yourself.
 
prettyfaceANB said:
Thank you for your testimony. I have a cousin in an abusive relationship and she is planning to marry this man. I fear for her life. I praise God that you realized you had to get out and value yourself.
Click to expand...

I hope that she will realise soon that she can not be happy with a man like that by her side...I pray for her that she will get out of it quickly and that she will have enough time to heal herself....
 
You are YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL, and WONDERFUL! Thank you for sharing your story. Your story is helping a lot of people on this board. I am so happy that you are leaving. If you ever need someone to talk to, please PM me. God bless you. I am praying for you, and everyone that is going through what you're going through. Love you!
 
I'm very happy for you and proud of you. I'll put you in my prayers for strength and endurance. You've done a very hard thing, I believe you will be rewarded with all your heart desires from Our Heavenly Father. Stay under HIm and you will be protected.
 
Teja said:
Hey ladies,

I am writing this and it pains me while I am....but I have learned so much from you guys I thought that I needed to share this...... if it can help only one person to get the courage to get out of an abusive realtionship my mission would be complete!
I'm now in the process of breaking up with my ex..... who was the most abusive meanest person.... yet I stayed with him for five years,five years I let him beat me manipulate me threaten me......the worst type of physical and emotional abuse that's possible.
I already started off on a ruff path witnessing my mom being physically and emotionally abused by my stepdad most of my childhood life..... only to find myself in the same situation....it's only now that I realise I only let this happen because my sense for what was normal in a relationship was totaly off....When you constantly hear someone tell you..you are nothing..... never will be.... and that you are never going to get a partner better....you will believe it at one point or another....I mean this man has put locks on everything I do in my life he controlled who I speak with..... what I wear where I go....he had so much power over me it was scary...He turned me against my whole family....as soon as something went a way he did not like he would become loud and agressive.... punched me so hard in my gut one time that I thought I was going to blead to ...yet I went back.....some of you are going to call me crazy and foolish..but I am telling you when you once find yourself in a situatuion like that it's hard to get out of....the pressure I was to embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone because he seemed like the sweetest person from the outside...
I finally got a grip on my situation and moved away to germany to be exact....but it still took me another year to get out .....right now I am hearing everything from his side from him telling me he loves me to him cursing me out usually right after another....I am just very thankfull that he is not here...though about changing my nr but no I will not let him take more away from me.......
I just want you ladies to know that abusive men DONT CHANGE if he hits you once he will do it again....its not your fault either....for way to long I thought I looked or said something wrong and deserved his wrong doings...NO....when you have a partner in your life who is not willing to support you with your goals and dreams and treats you any less than the woman you are....then get the hell out of there....we are lucky enough that god gave us life ..our life not anyone elses and dont let nobody take that away from you... I have a whole new appreciation for life the feeling that I can do what ever I want when ever I want be anything I want ....the saddest part of this story is that I am only 21 years old...Wasted five years??? It helped become the strong person I am now....I am not over it yet but everyday I build back a peace of me that he took away!
Click to expand...


You DID not waste 5 years. You are stronger..if you ever have (or already have) children they will most likely never go through what you have gone through. And, you may have just saved someone's life on this board.

I'm so sorry those 5 years were so awful for you but don't ever believe you wasted time...
 
You're so brave and strong, Teja. He's put you through enormous abuse but you are still a survivor. Now is the time to do what you want and be totally selfish, dont let that creep back in your life. I wish you the best.
 
thanks for putting a face on abuse for the other members. I went through an emotionally abusive relationship. It never got physical but I didn't know if I was coming or going. Glad you got out.
 
Teja said:
I already started off on a ruff path witnessing my mom being physically and emotionally abused by my stepdad most of my childhood life..... only to find myself in the same situation....it's only now that I realise I only let this happen because my sense for what was normal in a relationship was totaly off....When you constantly hear someone tell you..you are nothing..... never will be.... and that you are never going to get a partner better....you will believe it at one point or another....
Click to expand...

This paragraph stuck out to me the most. I am glad you are breaking the cycle while you're still so young. <<< HUGS >>>

Thank you for putting your story out there. I am sure there are others in a similar situation, and reading this, they can relate and will get the strength to get out.
 
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You have def. have many years ahead of you! I am so glad that you are free!!! Thank you for sharing this as I'm sure that you have helped at least one person. Many blessings to you and never look back!!!
 
Teja said:
....the saddest part of this story is that I am only 21 years old...Wasted five years??? It helped become the strong person I am now....I am not over it yet but everyday I build back a peace of me that he took away!
Click to expand...

Actually, to me, this is the best part of the story. You're YOUNG!!! You've learnt the lesson that God was trying to teach you. Now you can go on and live and enjoy the rest of your long life ahead of you. Don't think of them as wasted years, because you wouldn't be the strong, sensible person you ae today without them.
 
Oh you have got me crying over here. You're only 21! I can relate to this.

OMG so glad you found the strength to leave.

you're an inspiration to all LHCF'ers. It's awful what you had to go through but each day will get better and every moment you breathe is another step toward the new you.

Give yourself as much time as you need to heal

Be as mean as possible if it means putting your safety and state of mind in the best way. block numbers, lose mutual friends do it all for you. you're the most important person in your life and don't forget it.

Life is a rollercoaster but you've had the downs it's time for ups ups ups.

You're right abusive people never change. They have something missing and use control to fill it. Don't feel sorry for them. They know what they are doing and have practiced for a very long time.

Continue on your journey because the only way is up.

Don't ever give up.

Lots of love
 
Thanks for sharing this and I pray that you heal and move on with your life. I thank God you are out of this bad situation.
 
Glory to God that you finally left

I do think you should change your number. You need to cut him out completely. Changing your number wont mean him taking anything away, it will mean you doing away with him forever. Please try to do it asap. Only those who matter/are worthy should have access to you.
 
i have to say that i admire you for having the strength and courage to be the one out of seven women statistics say get out for real of abusive relationships. i also admire the fact that you are sharing your story to uplift and motivate others in similar situations. you are in my thoughts and prayers mama. please keep pushing and stay away from him. you are beautiful and your many blessings await you.
 
This makes me emotional..bc my goal is to help women out of abusive relationships. I'm so glad you can stand tall today and share your story. You realize that this isn't the way a man is suppose to treat you, or any woman. Do what you can to avoid talking and seeing this man..they have their ways of gaining your trust. Stay beautiful and strong..no one has the right to hurt you, physically or verbally.
 
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