Does mom really know best?

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syze6

Well-Known Member
My girlfriend's husband got off work early and was hanging out drinnking with his friends. Now my friend sitting at home thinkning he was at work, She called his phone to leave a message, because they can't have their phones on at work. She wanted him to brign somthing home on his way from work. She calls and he answers and she hears all this noise. He had gotten off work 2.5 hours earlier and stopped to hang out. She got upset with him and told him he should have called to let her know. He told her she was tryign to put retrictions on him, yadda, yadda.

She was telling her mom that in this day anything can happen and she doesn't like thinking he's one place when he is not.The mom basically told her to stop treating him as a child and men are like that. She told her she has to let him be a man and have an outlet. She went on about how my friends dad is a truck driver and will be gone for days without a peep from him. SHe went on about drivign a man way yadda yadda. I'm thinking what's wrong with him calling her just to say he's stopping off. Sometimes I think mothers contribute to therir daughters overlooking things. If it were me, I would like a courtesy call out of respect.

Now my friend is saying she won't say anythign as he comes and goes. Wow...all it took was a scolding and you aren't going to rightfully express yourself? Just crazy!
 
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I'm sorry but I think your friend was trippin. Her mom was right. He got off early and obviously did the happy hour thingy. Big deal! First of all, he answered the phone, so that shows you he's not hiding anything. He could have easily not answered and played it off like he was at work the whole day. Its not as if it were midnight and he hadn't contacted her. All I know is, if I'm able to get a small break away from the ordinary during my day and my man is trippin because I didn't report every detail to him, then I'm looking at him sideways. If he is the type who wants me to report my EVERY move to him at the moment it happens, the only thing that I'm sure to do (if I don't ditch him first) is cheat on him. Just being honest.
 
IDK. :perplexed I'd probably be a bit salty myself. He should have told her that he was getting off early. I'm not saying that he had to ask for permission to go to happy hour, but it's just courteous to let his wife know where he is. I agree to let a man be a man, but that doesn't mean he can run around all willy nilly. If that's how he wants it to be then he should be single IMO. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if it were the other way around...
 
Browndilocks said:
I'm sorry but I think your friend was trippin. Her mom was right. He got off early and obviously did the happy hour thingy. Big deal! First of all, he answered the phone, so that shows you he's not hiding anything. He could have easily not answered and played it off like he was at work the whole day. Its not as if it were midnight and he hadn't contacted her. All I know is, if I'm able to get a small break away from the ordinary during my day and my man is trippin because I didn't report every detail to him, then I'm looking at him sideways. If he is the type who wants me to report my EVERY move to him at the moment it happens, the only thing that I'm sure to do (if I don't ditch him first) is cheat on him. Just being honest.
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She said they were getting furniture delivered the next morning. They both knew the living room had to be emptied out and she started as soon as she got home. They discussed it the night before. She said she started moving things, so when he got home it wouldn't be so much to do. She called him to stop at the store to get some sponges for cleaning because she forgot. She was angry because he's out sipping beers and hanging, when he KNEW they were supposed to be at home cleaning and moving big sectionals and stuff. She came straight in from work,cooked dinner and then began working by herself.
 
syze6 said:
She said they were getting furniture delivered the next morning. They both knew the living room had to be emptied out and she started as soon as she got home. They discussed it the night before. She said she started moving things, so when he got home it wouldn't be so much to do. She called him to stop at the store to get some sponges for cleaning because she forgot. She was angry because he's out sipping beers and hanging, when he KNEW they were supposed to be at home cleaning and moving big sectionals and stuff. She came straight in from work,cooked dinner and then began working by herself.
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Aw hellllllllll naw. :nono:
 
I agree with the mom. Yea he could have gave a heads up but it does not have to be a big issue. And like the poster said above he answered the phone so he probably did not think it was a big deal. But now that she has expressed her concern for his whereabouts, he should me mindful to let her know.

Your friend does not need to make this a big issue, she can just tell him her wishes and let it be.

Let the man feel like he can have an outlet without feeling like his wife is going to trip if he calls and tells. If she trips, he may start to resent her for it. This does not have cause a rif in the home, just fix it quickly and move on.

He needs to call and she needs to not trip.
 
syze6 said:
She said they were getting furniture delivered the next morning. They both knew the living room had to be emptied out and she started as soon as she got home. They discussed it the night before. She said she started moving things, so when he got home it wouldn't be so much to do. She called him to stop at the store to get some sponges for cleaning because she forgot. She was angry because he's out sipping beers and hanging, when he KNEW they were supposed to be at home cleaning and moving big sectionals and stuff. She came straight in from work,cooked dinner and then began working by herself.
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Now see you didn't say all that...

Maybe your friend is having a problem with her husband being plain old inconsiderate. Sounds like they had plans and she wanted him to be more thoughtful in the matter. In that case it's different, and I would have said something too. Men really tend to do stupid things like that, often times thoughtlessly and harmlessly, but still need it bought to their attention. Yet if it's just an ordinary day at work and he gets off early and goes to happy hour (which would bring him home around his regularly scheduled time anyway) I wouldn't trip.
 
syze6 said:
She said they were getting furniture delivered the next morning. They both knew the living room had to be emptied out and she started as soon as she got home. They discussed it the night before. She said she started moving things, so when he got home it wouldn't be so much to do. She called him to stop at the store to get some sponges for cleaning because she forgot. She was angry because he's out sipping beers and hanging, when he KNEW they were supposed to be at home cleaning and moving big sectionals and stuff. She came straight in from work,cooked dinner and then began working by herself.
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I responded before reading this info. Sounds is either being a lazy husband putting that on his wife or maybe he was just going to come home at his normal time and help.
Obviously he did not try to hide his hanging out because he answered the phone or he is a little slow. I would just tell his behind off and still keep it moving.
 
I really don't see a problem in what he did...he answered the phone when she called...let it go. No one wants to be treated like a child by having to feel like they constantly have to check in.
Now her Mom talking about her Dad disappearing for days at a time is a totally different story...naw buddy!
 
It depends. If he's usually ignoring her concerns then there is a problem. But if he's usually respectful and mindful of her needs, she overreacted. She should put herself in his place. If she's out and about with her friends and decides to pop into a movie at the last minute, how would she feel about having to call him to let him know every minute where she is? Not only do men need friend time, so does any partner in a relationship. The mother was right.
 
ok im sorry if he wants to act single then he needs to be single. no one is saying that he can't hang out with his friends but a simple "hey i left work early going to hang out with the guys" doesnt take that long to communicate in a call or a text.

No one is saying that every time he does something he has to call and check in but if you are supposed to be at work and you are not there, something is up.
 
Natchitoches said:
It depends. If he's usually ignoring her concerns then there is a problem. But if he's usually respectful and mindful of her needs, she overreacted. She should put herself in his place. If she's out and about with her friends and decides to pop into a movie at the last minute, how would she feel about having to call him to let him know every minute where she is? Not only do men need friend time, so does any partner in a relationship. The mother was right.
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that is different then i am supposed to be at work, but yet i am out lollygaggin with the boys, then oh baby i am going out with my friends and plans change.
 
NOEChic said:
that is different then i am supposed to be at work, but yet i am out lollygaggin with the boys, then oh baby i am going out with my friends and plans change.
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If he wants to get off work 2.5 hours early because he had planned it or whatever, he can do it. I don't believe in this "control your man" kinda ish. That'll drive anybody, male or female, right through the front door after awhile. Some women are control freaks. Some men too. Besides, he lollygagged with those same friends before he married her. He's supposed to have a noose round his neck now? :lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
Natchitoches said:
If he wants to get off work 2.5 hours early because he had planned it or whatever, he can do it. I don't believe in this "control your man" kinda ish. That'll drive anybody, male or female, right through the front door after awhile. Some women are control freaks. Some men too. Besides, he lollygagged with those same friends before he married her. He's supposed to have a noose round his neck now? :lachen::lachen::lachen:
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again no one said that he could not hang with his boys, but a heads up is due. hey bey i got off early gonna hang with the boys. if your husband got up one morning and just left out the house, did not tell you where he was going or who he was going with or that he was even leaving just up and left. how would you feel?
 
NOEChic said:
again no one said that he could not hang with his boys, but a heads up is due. hey bey i got off early gonna hang with the boys. if your husband got up one morning and just left out the house, did not tell you where he was going or who he was going with or that he was even leaving just up and left. how would you feel?
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Well, you know this is an opinion's forum so you treat your man as you wish and I'll treat mine as I wish.:yep: BTW, OP asked for opinions.
 
NOEChic said:
ok im sorry if he wants to act single then he needs to be single. no one is saying that he can't hang out with his friends but a simple "hey i left work early going to hang out with the guys" doesnt take that long to communicate in a call or a text.

No one is saying that every time he does something he has to call and check in but if you are supposed to be at work and you are not there, something is up.
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Yeah I agree with this. He got off early and it was past the time he usually is walking in the door. I think a simple call would not have hurt anything. I wasn't feeling the mom's tone at all. Some old school wifes think you shouldn't rock the boat, whil these men run wild. I don't subscribe to that at all. If she's sitting at home and something happens, she can't tell anyone where he is. All she knows is he was at work, when he clearly was not. That would iritate me just a bit.
 
Natchitoches said:
If he wants to get off work 2.5 hours early because he had planned it or whatever, he can do it. I don't believe in this "control your man" kinda ish. That'll drive anybody, male or female, right through the front door after awhile. Some women are control freaks. Some men too. Besides, he lollygagged with those same friends before he married her. He's supposed to have a noose round his neck now? :lachen::lachen::lachen:
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I think consideration is not about control. He should have let her know he stopped and was hanging.
 
I think that he should of given that courtesy call. I don't care if DH goes out and parties with the boys but I've asked that he be home by a certain time (its fairly late in the evening) or call if they are going to be out later and he does that just as he expects the same from me. The hand ful of times he's forgotten to contact me I've mentioned it and he's apologized and we keep it moving. I don't think her asking that he just give a simple 'Hey I'm off and meeting up with the boys" is a big deal.
 
She's overreacting. I don't see the problem. He wasn't hiding and he wasn't necessarily going to be home late. We need to stop treating men like children. Then we get mad when they ACT like children after being treated as such. :rolleyes:
 
I trust my dh.There are times he will call me and there are times when he gets home he will tell me about it after the fact.I learned not to trip about the small stuff and that is small to me.
Now not coming home for days = divorce.:yep:
 
~Charlotte*York~ said:
She's overreacting. I don't see the problem. He wasn't hiding and he wasn't necessarily going to be home late. We need to stop treating men like children. Then we get mad when they ACT like children after being treated as such. :rolleyes:
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This is true, but at the same time, Would you do this to your boss?
Would you just leave work 2.5 hours early, because you're done early, but your boss had planned for you to leave later?

(why or why not? because you signed a contract with your boss to do certain duties... what about your marriage certificate... that's a contract, right?)

And then, should your boss call you, you answer, but you're not where you're supposed to be? (lol. good luck with all that!)

A relationship or marriage is like a full time job, the same considerations apply... just that bosses pay good money... lol...
 
syze6 said:
She was angry because he's out sipping beers and hanging, when he KNEW they were supposed to be at home cleaning and moving big sectionals and stuff. She came straight in from work,cooked dinner and then began working by herself.
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I wouldn't be happy about that at all. It's not like we move furniture everyday so happy hour could've happened another time. I would have been pissed about his blatant disregard for our previously made plans.

Had it been a regular night and he got off work early a simple text would be nice but not mandatory. I would only expect a phone call if he was going to be getting home late.
 
metro_qt said:
This is true, but at the same time, Would you do this to your boss?
Would you just leave work 2.5 hours early, because you're done early, but your boss had planned for you to leave later?

(why or why not? because you signed a contract with your boss to do certain duties... what about your marriage certificate... that's a contract, right?)

And then, should your boss call you, you answer, but you're not where you're supposed to be? (lol. good luck with all that!)

A relationship or marriage is like a full time job, the same considerations apply... just that bosses pay good money... lol...
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Wow. I think that's exactly the point. She's not his boss and he's not her employee and vice versa. It's a partnership. Just because he was at a bar with co-workers instead of at work should not be a problem. Dude wasn't due home at that time....she was just calling him to leave a message about picking something up later. He answered...no hiding...the schedule isn't thrown off...he wasn't due home early. He was due home later.

You can't view your spouse as an employee. If the schedule wasn't going to be impacted, there was no need to report his every move.
 
~Charlotte*York~ said:
Wow. I think that's exactly the point. She's not his boss and he's not her employee and vice versa. It's a partnership. Just because he was at a bar with co-workers instead of at work should not be a problem. Dude wasn't due home at that time....she was just calling him to leave a message about picking something up later. He answered...no hiding...the schedule isn't thrown off...he wasn't due home early. He was due home later.

You can't view your spouse as an employee. If the schedule wasn't going to be impacted, there was no need to report his every move.
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The later had come and gone by the time my friend. It was actually pass the time he makes it home. I do get your point though.
 
No. As a grown married man he should have called her. There is nothing wrong with him hanging out afterwork but he should have let his wife know that he got off from work early. I would have had a problem with my husband not letting me know. It's respect. I would have done the same.
 
That's just what works for her mom.

As for ME, any man of mine will know that type of behavior is not acceptable. It's about my respect and my right to know.
 
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