Does it bother you.....

[Kinkyhairlady]

That a guy you either had a crush on or dated marries or dates someone who is the total opposite of you? I had a crush on this guy for many years but we never got together, partly because I was shy and so was he. He wanted to talk to me at one point but I totally blew it cause I was scared. Anyways over the years I have watch him date females that were nice looking but they all were dark skin, which me being dark myself always made me feel one day I would have a chance. He is light his whole family is light, and they are Haitian and if anyone who is Haitian here knows how Haitians at time look at being light as big deal or something. Anyways his last two girlfriends were light, one was African and his mom did not approve so he left her, the new current one is a Haitian Molatto girl and his parents are thrilled. They rave about how he got a light girl. I know it is none of my business but for some reason this hurt me so much because I am like damn I probably never had a chance cause I am dark skin. Another part of me is annoyed cause I am wondering if they really are that hooked on color and required him to get a lighter female so they did not bring no dark people into their family. Maybe it is a blessing that nothing happened between us cause Lord knows what the family would put me through just cause of my color. It still hurts though.

 

[MsDeeDee82]

Well is he dating these women for his parents or for him ? Since you are cool with maybe you can bring it to his attention and see what he says. I am haitian as well and really dont experience the skin issue here or with the guy I am with but his stepfather a drunk tends to come out his face every chance he gets. I have decided not to go his parents if he is there. I cant stand the man.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Well is he dating these women for his parents or for him ? Since you are cool with maybe you can bring it to his attention and see what he says. I am haitian as well and really dont experience the skin issue here or with the guy I am with but his stepfather a drunk tends to come out his face every chance he gets. I have decided not to go his parents if he is there. I cant stand the man.

No I will not say anything cause I don't want to seem bitter. I wonder if he is trying to please his parents, cause years ago he had a totally different taste of women, but maybe something happened that I am not aware of. When I see him now I feel like uncomfortable just cause I think he knows I had feeling for him but did not think I was good enough.

 

[Son26]

Most members of my family are Haitian. I remember when one of my brothers brought home two girls (one darkskinned and one brownskinned) to meet my father. My father chose the one with the lighter skin because he liked her skin color. I was seven or eight at the time, and I always felt that it was weird that my brother had to seek my father's approval.

I wouldn't be with someone who needed his family's approval on who he should or shouldn't date. That's such a turnoff. It really sounds like you're better off without him. His family probably would have made your life miserable.

 

[itismehmmkay]

In response to your first question, yes it bothers me...regardless of whether she's like me or not. If he's a guy that I technically still have feelings for, I don't want to see him w/ anyone else.

For this reason, I have to cut all contact when I breakup w/ someone because I am not trying to see them move on...not until I'm over them first

 

[joyandfaith]

Ellis, I feel where your pain is coming from, but at the end of the day you can't change who you are. Therefore, why not live your life as the most fabulous brown-skinned/dark-skinned woman that you can be. Anyone that can't appreciate that, F-them! We spend way too much time as black women, wondering if men would like us more if we were lighter. Just know in your heart that he really would have chosen you, but he's weak so he went with the light girl that his parents really want to date themselves.

Count your blessings...you didn't really want to end up with a man that was too timid to make his own choices in life.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

You ladies are right but sometimes you just sit and wonder if you looked like this person would you have the man of your dreams. I am counting my blessing cause everything happens for a reason, and me and him had plenty of opportunities to get together but we never did. His dad is so sweet to me but his mom, acts so snotty to me so I am like whatever. I would of loved for him to pick a darker female just to spite her though, it would of been funny.