Does he like me???

[prettygrl]

Okay. I am pushing 31 and have a "crush" on someone. He's 44. and white. You will see why that might be important in a moment.

Anyway, I interact with this person only occassionaly in a business setting. Recently, He wanted me to do something business wise that I found totally unacceptable and I told him off-- as politely as possible. Days later, his business partner came in and told me that he had talked to "John" about me.
I said, "oh yeah. I'm sure he hates me we kept going round and round about some things he wanted business wise and I told him no"

Business parter, "Oh no...He Doesn't hate you..." Later, on he said "when are you going to go out with John"

ME: "Not now going through a break up"

Fastforward a few weeks. His partner comes back in and asks me if "I've heard from John and is my break up finalized."

In the mean time I've come to the realization that I am really attracted to John. He is really handsome, even though I never paid attention before. I added him as a friend on FB and have seen him one more time since. I think he might have been flirting but I'm not sure. (He made a point to say bye to me 2-times and kept trying to hand me stuff-and then would teasingly pull it away)

My question is how do I get this man's attention and let him know I am interested? I don't want to be direct b/c if he turns me down we have to work together in the future...and I don't want to embarass myself! but I definitely want to convey my interest.

I only mentioned the age/race difference b/c I think it maybe that makes it harder for him to approach me.

What do you all think? I hardly ever post here. But really need suggestions. I was thinking about poking him on FB, but think maybe that's a little lame........

TIA!

 

[sidney]

Please step away from the poke button lol........



I'm no expert but I think you should continue to be friendly and hopefully he will take the risk to ask you out.

 

[BGT]

I think with white men and black women, they tend to be a bit insecure because they are under the assumption that black women don't want them (some BW make this well known). They tend to show their initial attraction differently than what BW are used to BM doing. While a BM may just come out and express his attraction and/or ask you out, ask for your number, a WM may beat around the bush and sort of vet you to build the confidence to finally make a move. So if he is playful, be playful back. If he's flirting, flirt back. Most women want the man to make the first move, so in this case, I'd say show interest and attraction, without saying it or moving too far, if that makes sense. In the end, a man is going to go for what he wants.

GL

 

[Bunny77]

I think with white men and black women, they tend to be a bit insecure because they are under the assumption that black women don't want them (some BW make this well known). They tend to show their initial attraction differently than what BW are used to BM doing. While a BM may just come out and express his attraction and/or ask you out, ask for your number, a WM may beat around the bush and sort of vet you to build the confidence to finally make a move. So if he is playful, be playful back. If he's flirting, flirt back. Most women want the man to make the first move, so in this case, I'd say show interest and attraction, without saying it or moving too far, if that makes sense. In the end, a man is going to go for what he wants.

GL

Yeah, I say just keep being polite and friendly and leave it at that. Sure, be playful, flirtatious, etc. (if he is that way to you), but after that, leave it alone.

As for the race thing, ole boy is 44. Most "older" white men have usually gotten past being scared to approach because they might get shot down, so I don't necessarily buy into the idea that he fears talking to you because of your race. If he was 24 or even 34, I might be more understanding that he might be a little worried about approaching a black woman, but by 44, all excuses should be gone. He's old enough to have grown a pair.

Also, don't let your imagination run wild either. Some men are just big flirts who enjoy the game and the attention from a pretty woman. These men have no intention of doing anything BUT flirting, so unless he does something more, I wouldn't get too excited about his interest.

And please, leave the Facebook stuff alone. Y'all are adults, so interact like adults.

 

[MissYocairis]

Have you and John ever had a personal conversation? I mean, have you had friendly convo about your outside lives? (hobbies, hometown, college, funny story, etc.)?

I think you should ask him about himself. Like if you've noticed he is a golfer or something...bring it up. Just some harmless, simple way to start a conversation and get each other to smiling. One of the best ways to endear a person is to ask them about themselves and show your interest that way. He will know you are interested and he'll ask more about you.

Also, do you ever smile at John? If not, time to start smiling more. And be sure to look him in the eye when you speak with him. I think he likes you indeed. He's waiting for your signal. You can give a signal without being too forward and without risking your work relationship. Let us know how it turns out!

 

[prettygrl]

Yes we have had limited personal conversation. We went to the same University. He always makes a point to mention that. Last time he came in he asked me about some photographs on my desk... I don't think I have the nerve to ask him out. IT's so strange!I was so irritated and tired of dealing with him and had no problem telling him what I thought initially, but once I started to look at him differently It's a whole different story. I feel nervous around him now.... I will let you all know what happens for sure!

 

[MissYocairis]

Yeah, I say just keep being polite and friendly and leave it at that. Sure, be playful, flirtatious, etc. (if he is that way to you), but after that, leave it alone.

As for the race thing, ole boy is 44. Most "older" white men have usually gotten past being scared to approach because they might get shot down, so I don't necessarily buy into the idea that he fears talking to you because of your race. If he was 24 or even 34, I might be more understanding that he might be a little worried about approaching a black woman, but by 44, all excuses should be gone. He's old enough to have grown a pair.

Also, don't let your imagination run wild either. Some men are just big flirts who enjoy the game and the attention from a pretty woman. These men have no intention of doing anything BUT flirting, so unless he does something more, I wouldn't get too excited about his interest.

And please, leave the Facebook stuff alone. Y'all are adults, so interact like adults.

I know I already posted but I also have to yield to Bunny who has had more experiences with ir dating than I. (I've had none )

I think you can show him your are open with body language (smiling, eye contact, don't cross your arms, etc).

 

[MissYocairis]

Yes we have had limited personal conversation. We went to the same University. He always makes a point to mention that. Last time he came in he asked me about some photographs on my desk... I don't think I have the nerve to ask him out. IT's so strange!I was so irritated and tired of dealing with him and had no problem telling him what I thought initially, but once I started to look at him differently It's a whole different story. I feel nervous around him now.... I will let you all know what happens for sure!

Good luck! I bet he thinks you're adorable! Don't ask him out though! Leave that to him.

 

[knt1229]

If I am reading your post correctly his business partner has all but said John is interested in you.

At this point all you need to do is keep doing what you have been doing. You have already told his business partner the break up has been finalized so if John is interested he will get up the nerve to ask you out.

 

[MissJ]

Smile and be open and receptive to him. If you genuinely like him, I don't think that will be hard to do. He'll pick up on it.

 

[awhyley]

He wanted me to do something business wise that I found totally unacceptable and I told him off--

Am I the only person concerned that this dude is a little shady? Was he testing you do you think?

I'm finding this guy a little immature for starters. If he was interested, wouldn't he have stepped up by now. For all that you're going through, he'd better be really handsome.

 

[YankeeCandle]

OP, this sounds like a romance novel set-up (hate-hate relationship turns into a love-love one)!

The other ladies gave good advice. I prefer to always be 110% sure that the other person is deeply into me, so that usually entails interacting with them with an enticing demeanor and receptive body language and sitting back to see how drawn to them the other party is.


Just one thing: like awhyley, I'm interested in the nature of the business you resisted him on. Was it something unethical? If so, my attraction to the romance novel-in-the-making would diminish.

I'm very entertained; please keep us posted.

 

[Shun34]

Yeah, I say just keep being polite and friendly and leave it at that. Sure, be playful, flirtatious, etc. (if he is that way to you), but after that, leave it alone.

As for the race thing, ole boy is 44. Most "older" white men have usually gotten past being scared to approach because they might get shot down, so I don't necessarily buy into the idea that he fears talking to you because of your race. If he was 24 or even 34, I might be more understanding that he might be a little worried about approaching a black woman, but by 44, all excuses should be gone. He's old enough to have grown a pair.

Also, don't let your imagination run wild either. Some men are just big flirts who enjoy the game and the attention from a pretty woman. These men have no intention of doing anything BUT flirting, so unless he does something more, I wouldn't get too excited about his interest.

And please, leave the Facebook stuff alone. Y'all are adults, so interact like adults.

I agree with everything above. A man is a man no matter what the race. If he is interested in you and wants to get to know you personally, he will set things in motion. You won't have to do a thing. Perhaps he hasn't because you let it be known that you are unavailable. Now if you are just itching to make the first real move, ask him to coffee. Be sure to keep it casual. If he doesn't ask you on a date then, you will know he's just a big flirt. If you two go on a date, by all means, let him make all the moves.

 

[Bunny77]

I know I already posted but I also have to yield to Bunny who has had more experiences with ir dating than I. (I've had none )

I think you can show him your are open with body language (smiling, eye contact, don't cross your arms, etc).

This was cute.

But yeah, in my IR dating experiences, older (older as in, over 40) white men had NO problem approaching me and asking me out. In fact, it was rather annoying because uh, they were too darn OLD for me! I'm in my 30s now, so I'd have no problem dating a man in his 40s, but NOT when I was in my 20s.

Just like women, men hit a certain age and decide to start walking their own path. If they've always been attracted to black women, they decide to start pursuing them. ESPECIALLY southern white men...

Of course, the other side of this is that a number of these men married Becky when they were young (like early 20s) got divorced and only NOW do they want a black woman. Oh, and she better be a YOUNG black woman too. Yeah, I was up on those dudes... ugh.


Anyway, I agree with your earlier post that suggests that Prettygrl engage him in conversation, ask about things he likes and just be friendly. Get to know what he's about and just take it one day at a time. He could be a perfectly great guy who IS interested and will respond to your openness. Or he could be a flirt who does this with any cute girl he sees. Or he could be one of "those" white guys -- but hey, he still could be a lot of fun though!

Keep us posted!

 

[ThickHair]

I say leave it be until you have no business connections, because if things go south................. Judging from the responses, I see I am in the minority.

 

[Bunny77]

I say leave it be until you have no business connections, because if things go south................. Judging from the responses, I see I am in the minority.

You might be in the minority, but you DO bring up a good point.

 

[LilMissRed]

Sounds like he is flirting and coul dbe interested in u. I say sit back and see what happens... if he asks if ur single and u are.. say yes. see what happens.. allow him to make the move

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

i wouldn't do anything. see, he respects u cuz u told him off initially and dat right der my dear has turned him on so now, da ball is in ur court. you don't have to do anything now cuz u did it already when u told him off.

It's called R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

let him pursue you. if u start chasin him, it's gonna be a disaster. you're the prey and he's da hunter. let it remain like that cuz right now, he tryna figure u out. the less u give him, da more he'll want. it's called da art of pursuit. all men are like dat. don't go messin it up by askin him out. not a smart playa move. pump ya breaks n lean back n chill for a min. he ain't goin no where and neitha are u so what's da rush. all that pokin n facebook n shyt...leave dat alone.

and u gotta be careful with ur emotions right now, specially since ur goin thru a breakup. and see, he knows ur goin thru a break-up, so he prolly thinks ur vulnerable. u don't wanna rebound, cuz next thing u know, you'll be postin back on here again tawkin bout some.."memba dat dude from work ......"

so sit back n chill.....

 

[MissYocairis]

i wouldn't do anything. see, he respects u cuz u told him off initially and dat right der my dear has turned him on so now, da ball is in ur court. you don't have to do anything now cuz u did it already when u told him off.

It's called R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

let him pursue you. if u start chasin him, it's gonna be a disaster. you're the prey and he's da hunter. let it remain like that cuz right now, he tryna figure u out. the less u give him, da more he'll want. it's called da art of pursuit. all men are like dat. don't go messin it up by askin him out. not a smart playa move. pump ya breaks n lean back n chill for a min. he ain't goin no where and neitha are u so what's da rush. all that pokin n facebook n shyt...leave dat alone.

and u gotta be careful with ur emotions right now, specially since ur goin thru a breakup. and see, he knows ur goin thru a break-up, so he prolly thinks ur vulnerable. u don't wanna rebound, cuz next thing u know, you'll be postin back on here again tawkin bout some.."memba dat dude from work ......"

so sit back n chill.....

Madea' has spoken. I can hear her voice tombout "he ain't goin no where and neitha are u so what's da rush. all that pokin n facebook n shyt...leave dat alone." Jerseygirl you are too much.

"you'll be postin back on here again tawkin bout some.."memba dat dude from work ......""

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I think with white men and black women, they tend to be a bit insecure because they are under the assumption that black women don't want them (some BW make this well known). They tend to show their initial attraction differently than what BW are used to BM doing. While a BM may just come out and express his attraction and/or ask you out, ask for your number, a WM may beat around the bush and sort of vet you to build the confidence to finally make a move. So if he is playful, be playful back. If he's flirting, flirt back. Most women want the man to make the first move, so in this case, I'd say show interest and attraction, without saying it or moving too far, if that makes sense. In the end, a man is going to go for what he wants.

GL

This has been my experience as well. However, my standards remain the same. I will not ask a guy out. Whatever his race, if he wants to make that move, he will find a way. I think FB can be a cute starting point, but I wouldn't poke him or message him. Follow his lead. Stay open. He'll get it.

 

[prettygrl]

Thanks for all of the replies. We are both attorneys on opposing sides. Nothing shady on his part he was just advocating for his client. We dont have anymore cases against each other at the moment...he did come by my offiice yesterday for no apparent reason. We had no business together, he said hi and i told him I was preparing for a hearing that was taking place i had that morning. And next thing i know he was gone...
thank all of you for your advice.

 

[MissYocairis]

Thanks for all of the replies. We are both attorneys on opposing sides. Nothing shady on his part he was just advocating for his client. We dont have anymore cases against each other at the moment...he did come by my offiice yesterday for no apparent reason. We had no business together, he said hi and i told him I was preparing for a hearing that was taking place i had that morning. And next thing i know he was gone...
thank all of you for your advice.

Did you smile at him? Give him something to work with? Maybe when you told him you were busy, he took that as his cue. Next time...chat him up, pg.

 

[Poohbear]

It sounds like you like him more than he supposedly likes you. And you're only hearing things about "John" potentially liking you from his business partner. Wait to hear from "John", not the business partner. Let "John" pursue you and ask you out. Don't act on what the business partner is telling you. He could be joking around. You never know. But if the business partner is being serious, then ask him to tell "John" to come talk to you, not have his business partner as the messenger. And don't poke him on Facebook. Just continue being friendly with him in the workplace. Maybe see if you two can have lunch together.

But if I was in this situation, I would be like what ThatJerseyGirl said in her post.

 

[Xerxes]

Thanks for all of the replies. We are both attorneys on opposing sides. Nothing shady on his part he was just advocating for his client. We dont have anymore cases against each other at the moment...he did come by my offiice yesterday for no apparent reason. We had no business together, he said hi and i told him I was preparing for a hearing that was taking place i had that morning. And next thing i know he was gone...
thank all of you for your advice.

Aw! I still think he likes you and the timing/vibe was wrong when you told him you were busy.

Don't over think this. Real talk, this happens to me too. And please believe that he will come back and flirt again only to leave you that much more interested and confused.

I am really debating whether IR is worth it now because of the awkwardness and then meeting the parents!

 

[awhyley]

There'll be awkardness, esp. at meeting the parents regardless of any relationship that you're in, just remember, anybody that sends negative vibes your way has the problem, and it's not your problem.

OP - That guy doesn't seem as shady as I initially thought. When he comes around again, if you're not busy, engage in some small chat. Maybe that way, he'll gain the confidence to ask you out.

 

[*CherryPie*]

It's possible that John don't even know what his business partner is saying to you. This business partner could be just playing with you. You went from not thinking of John to having a nervous crush on him, all because of what this business partner is saying.

None of this may even be TRUE!

Forget about John girl. If that man wanted you, you'd KNOW it by now.

 

[prettygrl]

UPDATE.

John has continued to come around. He came to my office monday on business and saw I was playing words with friends on my phone. He asked me to play with him. So we have been playing the game (same game all week). He initiated messaging me during thw game telling me he was makinh up words. I asked him " did u tell your friend to talj to me about you?" he replied, "no. But i have menrioned to him that i find u very attractive."

how should i respond? A thank you and keep it moving. I appreciate your responses ive only dated two othwe people. My last relationship started when i was 17 ans just ended, now 31. So this is all new to me!

 

[NicBenny]

That's progress.

I would've used that as the opening to say, "thank you, I find you attractive as well." Then the conversation should naturally progress and end with scheduling a date. I think each of you are trying to figure out if the other is interested.

I say be a little more forward.

 

[lavaflow99]

hmmmm, this is getting interesting......may have to bookmark this thread......

 

[StLucianSweetie]

That's progress.

I would've used that as the opening to say, "thank you, I find you attractive as well." Then the conversation should naturally progress and end with scheduling a date. I think each of you are trying to figure out if the other is interested.

I say be a little more forward.

I agree with this. This would be a nice move.