Does he even care?

[Danene5]

I have a male friend and on last night he expressed that he once had strong feelings for me and wanted to be in a relationship with me. For the past 3 months we have been hanging out more trying to get to know each other better. He went on vacation last week and swore that he told me but didn't. I called him on numerous occassions and sent him texts to see what was going on. He later told me that he was on vacation and didn't want to talk to anyone and that he would talk to me when he came back. So for 7 days I hear nothing from this man. I felt like I was being ignored and told him how I felt because I wasn't informed of the vacation and I hate to be ignored . I could kind of tell that he had feelings for me and I had feelings for him. To make a long story short I slept with him 2 times. I had explained why I was upset and he felt that I had no right to be upset. He also stated that he doesn't like the fact that it is so possible for me to get very upset. That chick that gets mad like that he doesn't like. But the side of me that he sees all the time he is madly crazy in love about. I asked if there was a way for us to work things out and he said that as for now we can only be friends. Although he wants a friendship still, he doesn't call anymore or say anything to me. Is my friendship over or does he need time just to get over a few things? I could almost see tears in his eyes when we were discussing this. I just don't know what to do. I feel that we could have had something great and my temper flared and it is probably over. Do I contact him or just give him space?

 

[ccd]

Yeah, leave him alone. I understand that you got upset but you and him aren't bf and gf so you shouldn't be mad cause he went away.

I'd say lay low and don't have any expectations right now

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Please stop contacting him.
He doesn't tell you he's going on vacation, and doesn't want to talk to anyone while he's gone? Yeah, right, that sounds like a great guy.
And then to get upset that you were angry about it? So selfish.

I wish you hadn't slept with him...

 

[Jessica Rabbit]

There's several sides to this imo. You weren't together when he went on vacay so he really wasn't obligated to tell you. However, him not answering the phone or responding to text messages does make one wonder.

Now, as women we often attach more to sex than men do and it seems that's what has happened here. Even though you like each other, we often cannot separate sex from the emotional aspect of the act while men can. So while he may like you, it was likely just sex with somebody he likes and not sex with feelings attached like it was for you. These feelings led you to become emotional, upset etc.

Give him his time and his space. You probably are coming on a little strong right now.

 

[Arcadian]

Its a little suspect:

Goes on vaca
Says he told you but you know he never did
you call and he don't answer

Sounds like he's got a girl on the side (or maybe you were his?)

I think you are way into him more than he is into you.

I will tell you this:

You made a mistake. **** happens sometimes.
Learn from this. When a man is giving you all the signs that something isn't quite right, beleive it.
Let him go. Its obvious that if he wanted you, especially 3 months in, he'd be blowing your phone up on his "vacation". If you call and he dosen't have the common decency to call back speaks more volumes than you can imagine.

-A

​

 

[IntoMyhair]

Its a little suspect:

Goes on vaca
Says he told you but you know he never did
you call and he don't answer

Sounds like he's got a girl on the side (or maybe you were his?)

I think you are way into him more than he is into you.​

I will tell you this:​

You made a mistake. **** happens sometimes.
Learn from this. When a man is giving you all the signs that something isn't quite right, beleive it.
Let him go. Its obvious that if he wanted you, especially 3 months in, he'd be blowing your phone up on his "vacation". If you call and he dosen't have the common decency to call back speaks more volumes than you can imagine.​

-A​

Yea he got him some vacay booty and now he is talking to the vacay booty on the phone instead of you.

Question
Why did he say he once had mad feeling for you?
What does once mean?

 

[spelmanlocks]

I think he should have told you regardless of if you were his woman or not. It just seems like something he should have done if he were seriously into you as he says. If it were me I would leave him alone and let him contact me if he wants. In the meantime I would try to move on with my life and when he sees you moving on I wouldn't be surprised if he tries comes back.

 

[drasgrl]

He's just not that into you. I'd forget about a relationship/friendship for now. Give it some space and see what happens. He's not calling you or talking to you because he needs space. It could be that he didn't want to tell you that he wanted more at the time because it might ruin the friendship. But then when you slept with him he might have realized it might not have been a good idea for whatever reason and that's why he's saying he just wants to be friends. My question is, can you be friends with him now that you have feelings for him but he doesn't seem to feel that same?

 

[Danene5]

He's just not that into you. I'd forget about a relationship/friendship for now. Give it some space and see what happens. He's not calling you or talking to you because he needs space. It could be that he didn't want to tell you that he wanted more at the time because it might ruin the friendship. But then when you slept with him he might have realized it might not have been a good idea for whatever reason and that's why he's saying he just wants to be friends. My question is, can you be friends with him now that you have feelings for him but he doesn't seem to feel that same?

I can be friends with him even though he doesn't have the same feelings.

 

[Danene5]

Yea he got him some vacay booty and now he is talking to the vacay booty on the phone instead of you.

Question
Why did he say he once had mad feeling for you?
What does once mean?

He said that before I got upset and saw the upset side with me.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Sounds like he got what he wanted and is just making excuses as to why he's basically done with you

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I have a male friend and on last night he expressed that he once had strong feelings for me and wanted to be in a relationship with me. For the past 3 months we have been hanging out more trying to get to know each other better. He went on vacation last week and swore that he told me but didn't. I called him on numerous occassions and sent him texts to see what was going on. He later told me that he was on vacation and didn't want to talk to anyone and that he would talk to me when he came back. So for 7 days I hear nothing from this man. I felt like I was being ignored and told him how I felt because I wasn't informed of the vacation and I hate to be ignored . I could kind of tell that he had feelings for me and I had feelings for him. To make a long story short I slept with him 2 times. I had explained why I was upset and he felt that I had no right to be upset. He also stated that he doesn't like the fact that it is so possible for me to get very upset. That chick that gets mad like that he doesn't like. But the side of me that he sees all the time he is madly crazy in love about. I asked if there was a way for us to work things out and he said that as for now we can only be friends. Although he wants a friendship still, he doesn't call anymore or say anything to me. Is my friendship over or does he need time just to get over a few things? I could almost see tears in his eyes when we were discussing this. I just don't know what to do. I feel that we could have had something great and my temper flared and it is probably over. Do I contact him or just give him space?

It's called GAME. Men are good at it.

1.) He says you have no reason to be upset? I'm sorry, when I truly care about someone, be it a friend or SO...and they are upset because I didn't contact them for DAYS, my first reaction is that I'm very upset and apologetic. I feel like I'VE done something wrong. I went away and didn't think once to let someone who was concerned know how I was. When you have good people in your life who are generally concerned about what's going on with you...you can take a minute out of your life to answer the phone and let them know how you're doing. So don't let him flip the script on you.

2.) He's dumped you for now. Perhaps he feels like the relationship moved too fast from friends to relationship.

3.) Your "temper flare" did not cause the breakup. Refer to #1. If a guy is really feeling you, and he sees you two have had some miscommunication...he is going to try his hardest to make it up to you for fear that you'll use it against him. He WILL NOT be placing the blame on YOU!

Give him his space. In the meantime, you should move on. The games men play have become too obvious.

 

[NYCQT16]

I'm confused about the extent of your being very upset...I mean did you just tell him like hey, I didn't appreciate that ish! or did you like throw a vase at his head? If it was the first thing, I don't see how you expressing that makes it suddenly all too much for him. That makes me think he was frontin' about wanting a relationship.

 

[tiffers]

Its a little suspect:

Goes on vaca
Says he told you but you know he never did
you call and he don't answer

Sounds like he's got a girl on the side (or maybe you were his?)

I think you are way into him more than he is into you.

I will tell you this:

You made a mistake. **** happens sometimes.
Learn from this. When a man is giving you all the signs that something isn't quite right, beleive it.
Let him go. Its obvious that if he wanted you, especially 3 months in, he'd be blowing your phone up on his "vacation". If you call and he dosen't have the common decency to call back speaks more volumes than you can imagine.

-A

​

The first two things that came to mind:

1) He has a girl/wife

AND/OR

2) He's runnin game to get what he wants, he got it, now he's gone

I've seen dudes do the whole cryine thing. My cousin went with this guy who CONSTANTLY cheated on her. Every time she found out, he'd cry like a baby and beg her to come back. I was friends with two chicks that he cheated on my cousin with, they said that he cried to them too. Crying was part of his game, and they all kept falling for it

Let this fool go, he'll do nothing but bring stress into your life

 

[Desert Skye]

Oh no. I have been down this road more than once so let me tell you TO LEAVE THIS MAN ALONE. Just forget about him and save yourself some trouble. Don't give him the benifit of a doubt that he just needed time so he didnt call, or he is just sorting things out yada yada. BUMP THAT! He was all set and focus when he was trying to get some booty.

But seriously,Danene5, dont do this to yourself. If he is acting all shady like this right now, how much more in a more serious relationship? Will he just up and go for days on end without telling you again if you become his girlfriend? At the very least, it is very inconsiderate and selfish of him.

I know you must feel confused, but just remeber he is doing you a favor by telling you he is not boyfriend matrial this early on. Listen to him. I'll send positive energy your way.

 

[lunabelle]

Yea, clearly he was on vacay with another woman. No sense in crying over spilled milk, yea you gave him some, it's not the end of the world. Get that power back. Give him some space, a lot of space. No texting, calling, nothing. Give yourself some time to get over the situation. If he cared so much for you he'll miss you. And when he comes back, don't be so eager that he's called. Take it very slowly.

 

[Lucie]

Sorry but I think he used you. Why was it a big deal to tell you he was going away? My guy friends tell me when they are going away.

I think you should not continue to speak, text, e-mail, or hang out with him. You did nothing wrong and already he is playing mind games trying to let you know how you "acted" up.

 

[prettypuff1]

Honey, I have been down this road many times... He isnt into you and it is time to move on.
-PP

 

[itismehmmkay]

My advice is to not worry about his actions and what he's thinking. Walk away and try to forget about him at this time.

 

[tocktick]

I have a male friend and on last night he expressed that he once had strong feelings for me and wanted to be in a relationship with me. For the past 3 months we have been hanging out more trying to get to know each other better. He went on vacation last week and swore that he told me but didn't. I called him on numerous occassions and sent him texts to see what was going on. He later told me that he was on vacation and didn't want to talk to anyone and that he would talk to me when he came back. So for 7 days I hear nothing from this man. I felt like I was being ignored and told him how I felt because I wasn't informed of the vacation and I hate to be ignored . I could kind of tell that he had feelings for me and I had feelings for him. To make a long story short I slept with him 2 times. I had explained why I was upset and he felt that I had no right to be upset. He also stated that he doesn't like the fact that it is so possible for me to get very upset. That chick that gets mad like that he doesn't like. But the side of me that he sees all the time he is madly crazy in love about. I asked if there was a way for us to work things out and he said that as for now we can only be friends. Although he wants a friendship still, he doesn't call anymore or say anything to me. Is my friendship over or does he need time just to get over a few things? I could almost see tears in his eyes when we were discussing this. I just don't know what to do. I feel that we could have had something great and my temper flared and it is probably over. Do I contact him or just give him space?

why are you even willing to wait for this dude ?

he sounds lame. it seems to me that he saw you as someone who needed to be "conquered". he fed you some lines about having deep feelings for you so that he could sleep with you. that was him chasing you, you got "caught" and caught feelings. since he's caught you, his mission is complete. he is right in saying that he wasn't obligated to call you whilst on vacation; you didn't state anywhere that you two were exclusive. you were just friends, or friends with benefits, at best. i think he led you on and you fell for it. hence why he's now seemingly cooled down. many men go off a woman when they think they "have" her.

imo, if he truly wanted to be with you he would have missed you enough to call you a few times whilst on vacation; i think he was living it up instead. he would have never left things "up in the air" and would have made you two "exclusive". seems here that he expressed his "feelings" but didn't even as much as state that you were so much as just casually dating; you were right there in the "friends" zone. finally, if he truly had deep feelings for you, he wouldn't be M.I.A like he is now and leaving you feeling all this hurt.

learn from this, realise you deserve better, cut your losses and move on. don't wait for him to "come around" whilst you give him space.

 

[aja1121]

ITA with all the other posters that said he was running game. Someone came back into his life or he met someone else. I know it's hard even if he was just a friend, but you have to let go!

 

[Bunny77]

I think he should have told you regardless of if you were his woman or not. It just seems like something he should have done if he were seriously into you as he says. If it were me I would leave him alone and let him contact me if he wants. In the meantime I would try to move on with my life and when he sees you moving on I wouldn't be surprised if he tries comes back.

Yeah, I agree with all of this.

I'm just hanging out with someone now (no sex, just platonic dating) and he just told me he was going to Japan for a week. It really wasn't that hard to do... he just sent me an e-mail and it said, "I'm going to Japan, talk to you when I get back!"

I don't see that as asking for much.

What he said to you about he doesn't like that chick that gets mad, is just some bullshyt to turn around his foul act onto you... that gives him an excuse to keep your "relationship" as friends with benefits.

If a man wants to be with you, he'll make it happen. All he did before the vacation (and after) was talk and screw. If he wanted something more serious, he would have let you know.

Let it go.