Livingmylifetothefullest
Well-Known Member
For some reason the older I get, the more I don't want to get married. Unless, I meet the man of my dreams 
, I don't want marriage or the babies.
, I don't want marriage or the babies.
Does anyone NOT want to get married?
- Thread starter Eclass215
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Optimus_Prime
Well-Known Member
I HAVE TO get married. Who's going to take care of me when I'm too lazy to work?
Livingmylifetothefullest
Well-Known Member
my coworker just said this same thing today; she's trying hard to get the ring at the moment but her boyfriend won't budge
Bunny77
New Member
Unions were recognized then by public validation from families and communities.
Yes, there was no piece of paper in ancient societies, but there has always been a formal process of recognizing unions between a man and a woman. Whether it was a certain type of ceremony with music/dance or some other ritual where witnesses were there, something was done.
This was important because it established bonds between families, property transfer, etc.
Never has there really been a large society where unions between people went without formal recognition (whatever that society's recognition of formal happened to be) and were just based on "love" and the feelings in one's spirit. Folks weren't just living together and having babies without the community recognizing them as a unit.
So marriage has always existed... not in the legal, defined terms that we know of today, but there have always been ceremonies, rituals, property transfers, etc., to signify the "legitimacy" of a male-female couple.
Bunny77
New Member
But that's what I don't get. Why is having that public recognition so necessary to make a relationship finally "legitimate"? Is it just to make saying to everyone, "Hey, I found a mate and not available on the market" easier, and that's it?
I guess I'm having a hard time understanding how all the hype that goes into marriage these days, is seen as needed to be with someone for the rest of your life. A lot of money get thrown into it sometimes carelessly. Women are thinking, "Oh, this is a life-changing day! My status will legally go from 'single' to 'married'! I'm definitely going to spend the rest of my life with this person and have babies! Um, exactly how I've been planning on doing BEFORE today. Except I'm going to spend money to make that a guarantee!"
Sorry I seem cynical about this, but...it could be because my parents, although married for over 20 years, never seemed all that happy together.
I can understand the cynicism... really, I do.
But, we are a people that legitimize everything. Humans naturally do this.
You need a license to drive a car, for example... but people could just learn on their own and be better drivers than someone that has a license, but the cops would bust them before the bad licensed drivers if they got stopped because they have to have a license.
Money is also a piece of paper, for another example, but money has value because we have a regulated system that declares that a piece of paper with a $100 is more valuable than one that has a $1 on it, etc., etc.
A society cannot function without order and regulation. People don't just recognize public declarations that say "I'm taken" if they aren't backed up with some tangible evidence, so to speak. Not saying it's right or wrong, but it is what it is... and although someone could argue that "love" should not be regulated, when relationships create children that require funds/support, etc., you can't go without some kind of community regulation/legal standards...
You don't have to spend money to get married besides paying for the license. A wedding does not equal a marriage... the hype you speak of seems to surround weddings more than marriages.
Also, my personal thoughts on marriage have nothing to do with the bad marriages that I see around me... I'm determined that MY marriage is gonna be a good one, and I'm not down on the institution just because a bunch of crappy marriages exist... the marriage isn't the problem, it's the people in them... and if the wrong two people are together, their relationship will be bad whether they're married or not, really.
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ixoyegodisgood
New Member
I would love to get married. I am in no rush to do so, but I do want to get married. I never saw myself as a mother that often, so I dont think I would be particularly dissapointed if I never had kids, but I always saw myself getting married. A three or four person ceremony (uh that includes the bride and groom 
) on a beach is how I've envisioned it since I was 11.
I think when you take shot gun unions, marriages of convenience, marriages for spectacle (ie bridezilla) out the equation, you have something that, at its base that is impenetrable if both parties are in it to win, so to say. I see longterm relationship as completely different than marriage, however I view it from the Christian perspective. To leave ones parents and start your own history as one unit. I look at my sister relationship. They've been together for about 15 years. Not married and you can see the disjointedness in their relationship.
Its hard to describe the intangible.
) on a beach is how I've envisioned it since I was 11. I think when you take shot gun unions, marriages of convenience, marriages for spectacle (ie bridezilla) out the equation, you have something that, at its base that is impenetrable if both parties are in it to win, so to say. I see longterm relationship as completely different than marriage, however I view it from the Christian perspective. To leave ones parents and start your own history as one unit. I look at my sister relationship. They've been together for about 15 years. Not married and you can see the disjointedness in their relationship.
Its hard to describe the intangible.
Bunny77
New Member
I'm with you on this... although I want a wedding, I say they're not at all necessary to have a MARRIAGE. That's why I said that when people talk about hype and a "big day," they're usually talking about weddings... and they ignore the actual work and commitment that comes with having a strong marriage. I think too many of us are focused on weddings and not marriages, and making them out to be equal entities, when one is an actual show of commitment and the other is a celebration. Not that there's anything wrong with a celebration, but one can just get married at the courthouse and it's just as valid.
As for the rest, I don't see a marriage license as a sign of accomplishment. Some people see it that way, but it's not really... I don't see marriage as an accomplishment. But I do think what many people are often missing is that marriage also offers a sense of protection to a couple's relationship that unmarried folks don't get.... which is why we personally can see our relationships as "good enough," without a license, but to me, a man's act of marriage means that I am protected as his wife... I am next of kin, I get to make decisions in his behalf if he is not able to, if something happens to him, I am guaranteed his assets, etc., and our children are entitled to that protection as well.
Unmarried partners can set up these same things, but they have to take extra steps to do so that a marriage license would establish automatically.
So, yeah, that's all very unromantic stuff, but I personally LIKE the idea that not only are my man and I madly in love, but that no one can dispute that we are joined together as a unit because he took the step to establish me in the ultimately powerful position of wife. That's why my SO basically knows right now that no matter how much we might love each other, I'm not staying with him past a designated time without a ring. He ain't all that for me to just be with him based on my feelings and deny myself that level of protection and security that comes with being his wife.
Again, that's just me, and I know this isn't a debate thread.
I just like to present that perspective... I do know it's not for everyone, but whatever decision one makes in her relationships, I don't want her to be left hanging out to dry whenever/however the relationship ends. 
deltadreamland
Well-Known Member
I've been married before, so at this point in my life, I could take it or leave it. I loved being married when I was married and I do miss that emotional closeness, but I've learned that I can have that same level of closeness w/o the ring.
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
simply put:
1. i want to share the most intimate parts of my life with someone and enjoy the security of full commitment.
2. i want to be able to have worry free, whoop hollerin', shut the door and call the cops, swing from the chandelier sex knowing that there is a covenant binds me to that person. that's a good 25% of the reason i want to get married, to be honest.
1. i want to share the most intimate parts of my life with someone and enjoy the security of full commitment.
2. i want to be able to have worry free, whoop hollerin', shut the door and call the cops, swing from the chandelier sex knowing that there is a covenant binds me to that person. that's a good 25% of the reason i want to get married, to be honest.
Sexyred
New Member
The older I get the more I think I dont want to get married until I am 80. I always make the joke that if I am 80 and he is too where the hell is he going to go with his walker..lol. But in all seriousness, I think marriage for me is more of a mental state of mind than a piece of paper or ring on my finger. I want someone to commit to me first off mentally, then physically. I refuse to conform to society's rules that says I have to have a ceremony, or a piece of paper or a ring that shows I am in a commited union. Who cares what they think? I certainly don't. A marriage does not guarantee anything, because he or she can leave and take everything and you get nothing. Marriage just makes separation a little harder.but it guarantees nothing. I say give me a commited person, that I can trust and who makes me happy and I will be fine. Just my two cents
Kalani
Well-Known Member
For many years the idea of getting married freaked me out, almost as much as the idea of having kids (still trying to warm up to that one). However, some time early this year I started entertaining the idea and it actually had become somewhat appealing. Over the months the appeal grew to the point of now where I have a strong desire to be married. Now what to do with this new desire I have no earthly idea cause currently there are no quality candidates in sight, lol!
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
I certainly want to get married one day...I WILL get married one day (I'm claiming it)
I respect people who don't see the need to get married. I don't understand it, though. To me it's like going to college 4 years and not getting a degree. Why go through all that hard work not to finish? We all know educated idiots and undereducated geniuses but we all all know that piece of paper opens doors and provide more options.
*I* see marriage the same way. When people shack, they are doing all the hard work with none of the benefits. If I am going to give up my space, freedom, the ability to date, and share resources, have babies, cook, clean, etc, I need a legally and spiritually recognized title (and protection).
I can give or take the children though
I respect people who don't see the need to get married. I don't understand it, though. To me it's like going to college 4 years and not getting a degree. Why go through all that hard work not to finish? We all know educated idiots and undereducated geniuses but we all all know that piece of paper opens doors and provide more options.
*I* see marriage the same way. When people shack, they are doing all the hard work with none of the benefits. If I am going to give up my space, freedom, the ability to date, and share resources, have babies, cook, clean, etc, I need a legally and spiritually recognized title (and protection).
I can give or take the children though
