Does anyone else get self-conscious about having long hair?

[SEMO]

Since going natural I rarely straighten my hair. But whenever I do I feel really conspicuous. When I wear my natural hair I feel confident and just go about my daily business. But when my hair is straight I feel like more people are looking at me, evaluating/judging me (like someone wearing a gold jacket to a funeral and everyone else is wearing black).

I can't fully explain what I mean. But I know that some people expect people with longer than average hair to be bougie, and that's not how I am. But I worry more about my actions and having to consciously avoid doing anything to give off this vibe (ex. no accidental hair flips/tosses to move my hair out of the way).

I know it sounds crazy. Anyone else felt this way though?



eta: this has just been on my mind today since I straightened my hair for my birthday (just to change it up, do something different and do a length check).

 

[TaraDyan]

Since going natural I rarely straighten my hair. But whenever I do I feel really conspicuous. When I wear my natural hair I feel confident and just go about my daily business. But when my hair is straight I feel like more people are looking at me, evaluating/judging me (like someone wearing a gold jacket to a funeral and everyone else is wearing black).

I can't fully explain what I mean. But I know that some people expect people with longer than average hair to be bougie, and that's not how I am. But I worry more about my actions and having to consciously avoid doing anything to give off this vibe (ex. no accidental hair flips/tosses to move my hair out of the way).

I know it sounds crazy. Anyone else felt this way though?



eta: this has just been on my mind today since I straightened my hair for my birthday (just to change it up, do something different and do a length check).

Wow, SEMO ... your hair has grown tremendously! Beautiful!!

 

[beans4reezy]

I only wish I had your problem

 

[Still Sexy Stewardess]

Happy (belated?) birthday!

I get self-conscious when I wear my hair down but it's because I'm overly concerned with it getting caught on something. I'm APL.

Your hair is gorgeous!

 

[mscocoface]

I did a press in Feb or March and the only reason I was self conscious was because I was more concerned about my ends rubbing up against my shoulders and the back of the chair than anything else.

But for the other thoughts, they did not come to mind. I was getting more shock and awe and being completely ignored because these folks had never seen my hair pressed before.

 

[Ronnieaj]

Umm, no, cuz my hair ain't as long as yours ! But I can understand why you'd feel that way. I'm sure you get weave-checked somethin ferocious, and people have this tendency to think that folks with long hair are showing off if they wear it down, "she think she all that" type of mentality. If that's not your intent, then you are more cautious to not give other people the impression that it is. I think that's fairly normal.

 

[SEMO]

Happy (belated?) birthday!

I get self-conscious when I wear my hair down but it's because I'm overly concerned with it getting caught on something. I'm APL.

Your hair is gorgeous!

Aww, thanks!

 

[Nayna]

My hair isn't hardly as long as yours but I think sometimes people are accustomed to seeing you (or me) with curly hair. So on the rare occasion that it's straight it's like pow! Like you just reminded them that you're working with something and you have serious hang time, lol.

 

[Mook's hair]

Hi Semo,
Happy Belated Birthday.
I try to wear my hair proudly all the time wilthout being self conscious.
But just like ms cocoface, I get concerned about my ends rubbing on my clothes.

Here's another weird thing that happens in my mind...I usually have a sneaking suspicion that people are looking and assuming that my hair is fake. This doesn't just happen when I'm straightened. It happens for the puff, and sometimes the twists and twistouts.

I know it's not my imagination because several times I've had people tell me that they thought it was a piece or a wig.

****Grrrrr****
You work so hard to have healthy hair that is all yours and you're suspected or accused of having a weave.
****shakes fist****

 

[vkb247]

I was conscious of my hair when it was straightened but mostly because it got so big! I overheard people talking about it a few times (one lady was telling another that it was not natural hair and she could get hers like that) and got lots of stares from men.

I think I was hyper aware because I hadn't straightened in so long so the feel of my hair on my back was really exciting to me. It was constantly whipping in the wind and getting in my mouth and stuff.

 

[SEMO]

Hi Semo,
Happy Belated Birthday.
I try to wear my hair proudly all the time wilthout being self conscious.
But just like ms cocoface, I get concerned about my ends rubbing on my clothes.

Here's another weird thing that happens in my mind...I usually have a sneaking suspicion that people are looking and assuming that my hair is fake. This doesn't just happen when I'm straightened. It happens for the puff, and sometimes the twists and twistouts.

I know it's not my imagination because several times I've had people tell me that they thought it was a piece or a wig.

****Grrrrr****
You work so hard to have healthy hair that is all yours and you're suspected or accused of having a weave.
****shakes fist****

That used to happen to me all the time when I was relaxed, and my hair wasn't nearly as long as it is now. I'm not sure if I care nowadays if people think my hair is fake (as long as they aren't thinking it looks like a bad weave ).

 

[SEMO]

I was conscious of my hair when it was straightened but mostly because it got so big! I overheard people talking about it a few times (one lady was telling another that it was not natural hair and she could get hers like that) and got lots of stares from men.

I think I was hyper aware because I hadn't straightened in so long so the feel of my hair on my back was really exciting to me. It was constantly whipping in the wind and getting in my mouth and stuff.

Me too. I'm not used to having to untuck my hair from my clothes or jackets, or having it blow all over the place. So it is almost like wearing a weave to go from SL to past BSL in one day.

 

[ChocoKitty]

I feel that way at times so you rarely see me out in public places without my hair being in a bun. A ponytail maybe while I'm at work. Plus I don't like the idea of my hair rubbing against stuff or people trying to touch it. A short while back I was on public transportation and some dude pulled hard on my ponytail as he exited the bus. It took a lot for me not to jump off the bus after him. I really wanted to hurt him...

BTW--Your hair is beautiful and happy birthday!

 

[jupitermoon]

Since going natural I rarely straighten my hair. But whenever I do I feel really conspicuous. When I wear my natural hair I feel confident and just go about my daily business. But when my hair is straight I feel like more people are looking at me, evaluating/judging me (like someone wearing a gold jacket to a funeral and everyone else is wearing black).

I can't fully explain what I mean. But I know that some people expect people with longer than average hair to be bougie, and that's not how I am. But I worry more about my actions and having to consciously avoid doing anything to give off this vibe (ex. no accidental hair flips/tosses to move my hair out of the way).

I know it sounds crazy. Anyone else felt this way though?



eta: this has just been on my mind today since I straightened my hair for my birthday (just to change it up, do something different and do a length check).

Happy birthday.

Yes. My straightened hair tends to fall into my face and blow around moreso than my curly hair. Believe it or not, I have been accused of "acting white", "trying to be white", or "thinking I'm cute" when putting my hair behind my ears or tossing it out of my face. It got to the point that I was actually afraid of touching my hair around certain people. My hair is heavy and tends to fall into my face and move a lot, especialy when straightened.

Your hair is so gorgeous and long. I completely understand what you are talking about.

ETA: I even read a blog catering to black women interested in interracial dating which pretty much stated that black women with long flowing hair that toss their hair are trying to show their power over black women with shorter hair that doesn't move. This made me even more self-conscious. I've never felt this way.

 

[Toy]

Semo,I have that same feeling when i wear my hair down,and it bugs me.

 

[kooskoos]

Happy Belated Birthday! I don't have this problem (yet ), but I think it's very nice of you to even care. That says a lot about your character. Enjoy your hair though! It's gorgeous, and I'm assuming you've worked hard to get it where it is. You betta flip that hair!!!! jk, jk...

 

[ladytee2]

I feel that way at times so you rarely see me out in public places without my hair being in a bun. A ponytail maybe while I'm at work. Plus I don't like the idea of my hair rubbing against stuff or people trying to touch it. A short while back I was on public transportation and some dude pulled hard on my ponytail as he exited the bus. It took a lot for me not to jump off the bus after him. I really wanted to hurt him...

BTW--Your hair is beautiful and happy birthday!

See you should have stuck you foot out and asked for forgivness later. I dont have this paticular problem but I am looking forward to it. Happy Birthday SEMO your hair is

 

[ladylibra]

Since going natural I rarely straighten my hair. But whenever I do I feel really conspicuous. When I wear my natural hair I feel confident and just go about my daily business. But when my hair is straight I feel like more people are looking at me, evaluating/judging me (like someone wearing a gold jacket to a funeral and everyone else is wearing black).

I can't fully explain what I mean. But I know that some people expect people with longer than average hair to be bougie, and that's not how I am. But I worry more about my actions and having to consciously avoid doing anything to give off this vibe (ex. no accidental hair flips/tosses to move my hair out of the way).

I know it sounds crazy. Anyone else felt this way though?

Absolutely.

I used to feel self-conscious about any time I get glammed up - which I know, kind of defeats the purpose right?

***BTW, hope you had a happy birthday OP!

 

[aquajoyice]

Yeah, I totally understand. I 95% of the time wear my hair in a bun and when I wear it down I feel like everyone is looking at me. I'm the only AA woman on my floor within my company. And I feel like i'm drawing unneccessary attention to myself. It's weird and like you said when I go out I can feel the stares and i'm so used to just minding my own business and going about my day but when it's down I feel like i'm making a statement without trying to. Not only that but i'm 6'0" and BSL is making me stand out a little more, lol. This is something I know I have to get over considering i'm working my way to MBL.

 

[Wildchild453]

I feel some kind of way that we even have to care. Why can't we just appreciate our hard work and enjoy the length we've achieved?

 

[exoticmommie]

happy birthday OP!

and yes what say makes sense. You are going from different two degrees of length when you straighten. (gorgoues hair BTW). So I could only imagine. Like poof, my hair is to my butt today. lol.

I think that I myself will be self conscious because, I will most likely be thinking that people think that it is a weave. And I too wonder if they will think that I think, I am all that. And all the horror stories of people touching your hair when long will add to that. Only my fam has touched my hair and I don't care. But strangers and people I barely know, or associates(shudders). Plus where I live now, the hair care that I have seen on relaxed and natural heads is horrendous. Only on base do I see up to date hair styles, and healthy hair practices. So I kinda don't know what to expect. What will my friends and associates response be? I hope to be able to give advice, but don't think many will take it. And just chalk it up to me lying or being mixed somehow, or weave checking (shuddering again). I already heard some women say that another friend of mines hair is only down her back because she is mixed. And even her hair practices is not that great. her hair is very thin the ends, to be more precise, like half of her is. So I definetly haven't given out unsolicted hair advice.

 

[lilsparkle825]

i was going to say something, but got caught up in your sig and forgot how to think for a minute.

oh wait, there it is. my hair is flat ironed this week and i wore it in a french braid...and even having an APL french braid made me feel self conscious. so yeah, i get what you are saying to some degree. maybe i will REALLY get it when i get to your length...

 

[isabella09]

Happy belated Birthday. Wow your hair is absolutely gorgeous. I can understand your feeling.

 

[Lady Esquire]

Since going natural I rarely straighten my hair. But whenever I do I feel really conspicuous. When I wear my natural hair I feel confident and just go about my daily business. But when my hair is straight I feel like more people are looking at me, evaluating/judging me (like someone wearing a gold jacket to a funeral and everyone else is wearing black).

I can't fully explain what I mean. But I know that some people expect people with longer than average hair to be bougie, and that's not how I am. But I worry more about my actions and having to consciously avoid doing anything to give off this vibe (ex. no accidental hair flips/tosses to move my hair out of the way).

I know it sounds crazy. Anyone else felt this way though?



eta: this has just been on my mind today since I straightened my hair for my birthday (just to change it up, do something different and do a length check).

First off, happy birthday! Hope you enjoyed your day.

I understand 100% and I loved how you described it. For me, it depends on where I am and the people who are surrounding me. My hair is no where near your length (presently a bit past BSL), but I still get those on-the-sly evaluations...and sometimes it does make me feel like I'm under a microscope. I laughed when I read not flipping hair or pulling it off my face, because we all know that some folks just can't handle that!

I bumped into one of my neighbors at the store this weekend. She complimented my daughters' hair and asked me what I did. I gave her a quick 15-second reply. Then she says, she'll try that on her daughter first, before doing it on her own hair. I replied that I saw improvement in my own hair. She goes, "Is that all you?" I said "yep". She said, "I always assumed you had help." She reaches over, massages my scalp. And goes up, down, side to side. Then I had to lift her hand up from under my neat bun! The nerve!

Now here's weird for you: I feel much more comfortable when I am with my daugthers. They have a good amount on their heads, and so I figure when they see 2 little girls with me, they'll assume, "Oh, okay, most likely its hers." If that makes sense. But that philosophy did not work with her.

 

[Saffirejuiliet]

I have been thinking about the same issue lately. I feel self-conscious when I wear my hair straight. People will stare at me when I walk pass and sometimes people will walk closely behind me! Craziness. I am hiding my hair now so I do not have to deal with it too much. Thank goodness.

 

[tocktick]

When I blew out my hair a few months ago, it was so huge and I felt a little self-conscious because it. Seriously, it looked so big that I even wondered if my hair was just a bit too much (at only APL) but the thought was fleeting.

I'm not really sure why I was feeling self-conscious that day. Although my hair was actually bigger than I'd seen it before (in a blown-out state), the attention my hair has got in the past has never really bothered me. I suspect I'll blow my hair out way less once I'm about full BSL since my hair won't be half hanging and half sticking up when shrunken like it is now.

 

[panamoni]

Your hair is so gorgeous.

I understand what you are saying but I wish I had your problem.

 

[Prudent1]

Happy b'day! You're hair is beautiful!! I'm currently SL after my final visit to a certain stylist in December... but I can imagine the look would be a little aggravating. Let 'em look though. We all work hard here to have healthy hair.

 

[hillytmj]

Your hair is GORGEOUS! I can understand how you must feel, but you have to just remember what you worked so hard for and enjoy it.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

No, but I tend to get those "stares" that somehow convey some paranoia about me being "better than them" due to my hair and complexion. It stinks sometimes. But, if someone hates me, they're the ones with the issues.