Does a man HAVE to spend money on a date?...

[BroadstreetBully]

...even if you two have a good time otherwise? I'm talking about the first few dates. Let's say he suggests taking you to a museum or a stroll through an exotic garden. But what if it happens to be on free admission day? How about you two go see a movie he has free passes to? What if he takes you out to eat at a restaurant that he happens to have a "comp" for? What about a first date at a park where he brings a homemade meal for two?

I'm speaking of the first couple of dates where you two are just now getting to know one another. More than likely you're both probably seeing other people as well at this stage.

How would you feel about this?

Just curiosity.

 

[Lindy]

That he's either broke, or he's a cheap ***.... Or doesn't want to spend any money on you until he's sure he wants the friendship to go further...

Sorry to be so blunt but I'm going thru some issues with this very topic right now... erplexed

 

[GeorginaSparks]

That he's either broke, or he's a cheap ***.... Or doesn't want to spend any money on you until he's sure he wants the friendship to go further...

Sorry to be so blunt but I'm going thru some issues with this very topic right now... erplexed

I agree with this

 

[belleama]

As long as we are having a great time and he isn't asking me to pay for anything I really don't care whether its free or cost $1000.

 

[Bunny77]

Also agree with Lindy.

Even if you are seeing other people and are still trying to establish the status of the relationship, he can still take you out for coffee or a mid-scale restaurant.

A deliberate effort to avoid paying for anything on the first few dates is a sign of being a cheap-***.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

What you described would indicate to me that he were either cheap or strapped for cash. One could take the latter as a compliment. That he thinks the woman so dope that he is willing to risk a black woman's verbal beat down to go on a cheap date.

My reaction would depend on whether I were inclined to date someone who was strapped for cash or cheap.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Thanks for the responses so far.

As a broke college student, I feel like I should sympathize with a fellow broke college student. But if I were dating a man with a full time job...I dunno. It would be a shame to be the "coupon girl" while he's swiping the plastic for someone else.

So what would you say if it were Spring, and a guy you just met suggested that you two go to the park and have a picnic for your date?

 

[Bunny77]

Thanks for the responses so far.

As a broke college student, I feel like I should sympathize with a fellow broke college student. But if I were dating a man with a full time job...I dunno. It would be a shame to be the "coupon girl" while he's swiping the plastic for someone else.

So what would you say if it were Spring, and a guy you just met suggested that you two go to the park and have a picnic for your date?

Okay, when I was a broke college student, my man and I had a little picnic. He bought KFC for both of us and I supplied the pop.

It was nice... and hey, he scraped together $5 for the KFC. That meant a lot.

 

[runwaydream]

i agree w. belleama. i mean as long as he doesnt expect ME to pay for anything and we're having a good time then i dont see a problem. esp if he's in college. i would mind a picnic at the park either. i think it would be fun.

if this becomes a trend tho... i might have to let him go. im not looking to get seriously involved w. some cheap guy. that'll only spell trouble.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Thanks for the responses so far.

As a broke college student, I feel like I should sympathize with a fellow broke college student. But if I were dating a man with a full time job...I dunno. It would be a shame to be the "coupon girl" while he's swiping the plastic for someone else.

So what would you say if it were Spring, and a guy you just met suggested that you two go to the park and have a picnic for your date?

Two broke college students equals mitigating circumstances.

If he's creative enough to come up with inexpensive ways to spend time with you that's cute. Now if he's getting up at the end of your meal, but just before the bill talking about "I'mma just take a walk and I'll be back" you probably need to un-cage the Negralita beast on him.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Two broke college students equals mitigating circumstances.

If he's creative enough to come up with inexpensive ways to spend time with you that's cute. Now if he's getting up at the end of your meal, but just before the bill talking about "I'mma just take a walk and I'll be back" you probably need to un-cage the Negralita beast on him.

Too much! But I'm not dating anyone, just asked out of curiosity. The last two guys I dated, they did the whole "creative frugal date" thing, and yes I had somewhat of a good time. But then I look up and the next girl is getting the money spent on her. But that's cause she wasn't having it. So I wonder if I'm being too nice with some of these dudes? I mean, once the relationship is established, we can clip coupons and stuff, but while a guy's trying to "court" me, is he being too bold by taking me on a "free" date?

 

[Bunny77]

Too much! But I'm not dating anyone, just asked out of curiosity. The last two guys I dated, they did the whole "creative frugal date" thing, and yes I had somewhat of a good time. But then I look up and the next girl is getting the money spent on her. But that's cause she wasn't having it. So I wonder if I'm being too nice with some of these dudes? I mean, once the relationship is established, we can clip coupons and stuff, but while a guy's trying to "court" me, is he being too bold by taking me on a "free" date?

That's why you can't sell yourself short or make excuses!

Even broke folks find money when they want to spend it... it's fine to do a free date here and there (and fun and creative too), but he shouldn't be coming out the gate with the free stuff and coupon crap.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

That's why you can't sell yourself short or make excuses!

Even broke folks find money when they want to spend it... it's fine to do a free date here and there (and fun and creative too), but he shouldn't be coming out the gate with the free stuff and coupon crap.

That makes sense! You ladies always give some good advice.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Too much! But I'm not dating anyone, just asked out of curiosity. The last two guys I dated, they did the whole "creative frugal date" thing, and yes I had somewhat of a good time. But then I look up and the next girl is getting the money spent on her. But that's cause she wasn't having it. So I wonder if I'm being too nice with some of these dudes? I mean, once the relationship is established, we can clip coupons and stuff, but while a guy's trying to "court" me, is he being too bold by taking me on a "free" date?

Yes, if he's doing it consistently. Even a broke college student has cash at some point. Being young and broke college students in a relationship can be tricky. You don't want a guy to be comfortable selling you the okkie doke.

 

[SEMO]

That's why you can't sell yourself short or make excuses!

Even broke folks find money when they want to spend it... it's fine to do a free date here and there (and fun and creative too), but he shouldn't be coming out the gate with the free stuff and coupon crap.

ITA . People spend their money on what they think is important. And will find a way to make it fit in their budget. But like someone else said if you're broke in college you get a pass (for a few--not all) dates.

One guy I used to like mentioned that he didn't turn the heat on in his house in winter (the gas company called him to see if there was a problem) . That man is grown w/ a full time job. That was a big red flag. I don't want a cheap man. Even if you're broke, be generous with what you do have.

 

[belleama]

Too much! But I'm not dating anyone, just asked out of curiosity. The last two guys I dated, they did the whole "creative frugal date" thing, and yes I had somewhat of a good time. But then I look up and the next girl is getting the money spent on her. But that's cause she wasn't having it. So I wonder if I'm being too nice with some of these dudes? I mean, once the relationship is established, we can clip coupons and stuff, but while a guy's trying to "court" me, is he being too bold by taking me on a "free" date?

I guess I just don't understand why it matters how the date is being paid for as long as its not my wallet. I mean we are having fun. Why should he have to come out of his pocket alot to do so? Are you saying you are missing out on something because he didnt pay for the date? Earlier you mentioned the museum. Why does it matter if you two got in free vs spending $20 a head? Isn't it the same museum that everyone else is seeing? Going to the movies using vochers or those coupons, you're still seeing the same moving as everyone else. Unless ofcourse at your theater they put all the folks with coupons in a special section.

I have more respect for men who can be creative and find low cost things to do than some dude who thinks he has to spend all the time. I would rather go out twice a week and do free/low cost stuff than only once amonth cause we're broke from last time.

I want a man who is banking his money trying to make a life for himself and his family. Every dollar he spends on a date is one less dollar he has to save, invest or pay down debt.

 

[Lindy]

you probably need to un-cage the Negralita beast on him.

I had to un-cage the beast myself, just last night... and I have to admit that even tho I'm disappointed, cuz I kinda liked the guy, it felt GOOD to school that cheap *** on how a lady should be treated during the courtship period... Only drawback is that it'll be the next woman in his life that reaps the benefits of my wrath...

 

[Divine Inspiration]

That he's either broke, or he's a cheap ***.... Or doesn't want to spend any money on you until he's sure he wants the friendship to go further...

Sorry to be so blunt but I'm going thru some issues with this very topic right now... erplexed

I have to agree. I don't mind something like the park because I LOVE museums and Japanese gardens and the beach, etc, so there's no hate here for any kind of fun/romantic activity that happens to be free but if he's whippin' out coupons on date 1, we have a problem Houston.

It's not necessarily anything that would make me mad, but it would be next to impossible for him to get a second date.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Too much! But I'm not dating anyone, just asked out of curiosity. The last two guys I dated, they did the whole "creative frugal date" thing, and yes I had somewhat of a good time. But then I look up and the next girl is getting the money spent on her. But that's cause she wasn't having it. So I wonder if I'm being too nice with some of these dudes? I mean, once the relationship is established, we can clip coupons and stuff, but while a guy's trying to "court" me, is he being too bold by taking me on a "free" date?

Abso-friggin-loutely! We teach people how to treat us, and as you observed, men will only do what you ALLOW them to. If they know you command excellence, they will bring excellence or keep it moving. Either way, you're not left being slighted or okey-doke'd (is that a phrase?).

In the beginning, he should be setting a pace of sorts. That courting phase is SO important because that's where he learns what's acceptable and what's not. Whatever he did to get you is what, sometimes subconsciously, he'll believe he has to do to keep you.

I recently dealt with this as well and had to tell Mr. Man to beat it. He had the audacity to tell me that he had already proven that I was important to him because he used his daytime minutes to talk to me. NEXT!

 

[lexi08]

Abso-friggin-loutely! We teach people how to treat us, and as you observed, men will only do what you ALLOW them to. If they know you command excellence, they will bring excellence or keep it moving. Either way, you're not left being slighted or okey-doke'd (is that a phrase?).

In the beginning, he should be setting a pace of sorts. That courting phase is SO important because that's where he learns what's acceptable and what's not. Whatever he did to get you is what, sometimes subconsciously, he'll believe he has to do to keep you.

I recently dealt with this as well and had to tell Mr. Man to beat it. He had the audacity to tell me that he had already proven that I was important to him because he used his daytime minutes to talk to me. NEXT!

What he used his daytime minutes to show how important you are to him I almost fell out of my chair. I thought It had heard it all I hate the dating scene these days.

 

[belleama]

He had the audacity to tell me that he had already proven that I was important to him because he used his daytime minutes to talk to me. NEXT!

His daytime minutes??? erplexed Huh? Was that supposed to be some kindof assbackwards compliment? Please tell me you hung up the phone before you passed out in a fit of laughter.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

What he used his daytime minutes to show how important you are to him I almost fell out of my chair. I thought It had heard it all I hate the dating scene these days.

YES! I was supposed to say "Awww, that's so sweet." But I was dead silent for about 20 seconds like then I changed the subject. I was so taken aback I couldn't even think straight. I was really waiting for him to chuckle and say he was joking but he was DEAD serious.

He's said some other things similar to that that just make it all too obvious that he has some gold digging tendencies and that he is cheap as all outdoors. I can't stand it. I wasn't raised like that, and I've never dated a cheap dude...dated a broke one once but no cheapskates. There's a distinct difference.

His daytime minutes??? Huh? Was that supposed to be some kindof assbackwards compliment? Please tell me you hung up the phone before you passed out in a fit of laughter.

Girl, I was too overcome with disbelief to even laugh. I kept waiting for him to say "just playin" but he was so for real.

I should have known that already though because he would text me fiftyleven times a day but would NEVER call during the day...he would always call around 9...because his minutes were free! The even more awful part was that he would always be talking about what a great sales day he had at work or how he's about to get this or that commission check...I'm like, well if the sales are so hot, why can't you up that rate plan or find $40 for us to go out? I only talked to that dude for about 3 weeks, but I've got stories to last 3 years!

 

[Starr1]

I guess I just don't understand why it matters how the date is being paid for as long as its not my wallet. I mean we are having fun. Why should he have to come out of his pocket alot to do so? Are you saying you are missing out on something because he didnt pay for the date? Earlier you mentioned the museum. Why does it matter if you two got in free vs spending $20 a head? Isn't it the same museum that everyone else is seeing? Going to the movies using vochers or those coupons, you're still seeing the same moving as everyone else. Unless ofcourse at your theater they put all the folks with coupons in a special section.

I have more respect for men who can be creative and find low cost things to do than some dude who thinks he has to spend all the time. I would rather go out twice a week and do free/low cost stuff than only once amonth cause we're broke from last time.

I want a man who is banking his money trying to make a life for himself and his family. Every dollar he spends on a date is one less dollar he has to save, invest or pay down debt.

I'm right there with you: I'd rather date a creative guy with money in the bank, than a big spender with jacked up credit.erplexed

DH knows how to stretch a dollar with the best of them (and I mean REALLY stretch), but when it comes down to it we have a house, our cars are paid off, very little debt, and money in a retirement account. Plus with the way that the economy is now, with so many losing their jobs/homes/cars/etc. I would think Mr.-Penny-Pincher would be looking good to some of you right now.

 

[BK Bombshell]

That's why you can't sell yourself short or make excuses!

Even broke folks find money when they want to spend it... it's fine to do a free date here and there (and fun and creative too), but he shouldn't be coming out the gate with the free stuff and coupon crap.

ITA with this entire post. People spend their money (and time) on what's important to them. You have to set the standard at the beginning otherwise you'll regret it. I've never known a man that couldn't scrape together a couple of dollars when he wanted to. If he can't, then why is he trying to date? I don't understand that one.

Abso-friggin-loutely! We teach people how to treat us, and as you observed, men will only do what you ALLOW them to. If they know you command excellence, they will bring excellence or keep it moving. Either way, you're not left being slighted or okey-doke'd (is that a phrase?).

In the beginning, he should be setting a pace of sorts. That courting phase is SO important because that's where he learns what's acceptable and what's not. Whatever he did to get you is what, sometimes subconsciously, he'll believe he has to do to keep you.

Personally I draw the line at coupons, though. After we're in a relationship, maybe, but not while courting.

I recently dealt with this as well and had to tell Mr. Man to beat it. He had the audacity to tell me that he had already proven that I was important to him because he used his daytime minutes to talk to me. NEXT!

Sorry this happened to you, but @ the bolded.

I'm right there with you: I'd rather date a creative guy with money in the bank, than a big spender with jacked up credit.erplexed

DH knows how to stretch a dollar with the best of them (and I mean REALLY stretch), but when it comes down to it we have a house, our cars are paid off, very little debt, and money in a retirement account. Plus with the way that the economy is now, with so many losing their jobs/homes/cars/etc. I would think Mr.-Penny-Pincher would be looking good to some of you right now.

I understand your point, but I think that's a false choice. First, we're not talking about the man's credit; we're talking about what to expect on a date. I don't care about someone's credit unless I'm planning on marrying them, but we have to get past the first date though. There's a difference between being careful with money and being cheap. I think we're talking about cheap here. And, using that definition, Mr. Penny Pincher will never look good to me. I'm not a stingy person and I don't like stinginess in other people. JMHO

 

[MochaEyeCandy]

I think it's perfectly acceptable for whoever made the invitation to foot the bill.

 

[Sly]

Thanks for the responses so far.

As a broke college student, I feel like I should sympathize with a fellow broke college student. But if I were dating a man with a full time job...I dunno. It would be a shame to be the "coupon girl" while he's swiping the plastic for someone else.

So what would you say if it were Spring, and a guy you just met suggested that you two go to the park and have a picnic for your date?

yes, it would be a shame. and best believe he is spending it on someone else. one has to decide which girl you will be.

 

[dannie]

I had to tell a fool of today about this very topic. A man doesnt have to spend big $$$ wit me, just show me a good time. Why this fool get major atitude with me because I wouldnt pay for HIM to go to the movies. Excuse me?? Whos courting who again??

 

[chocolat79]

In general, it doesn't really matter as long as we're having a good time and it's not a pattern! I love creativity. There are plenty low-cost/free things that I find to do all the time, by myself. If he's finding things that I like to do, and they happen to be low-cost/free, then cool, BUT if he's just making plans based SOLELY on the cost, then that might be a problem.

I mean, if everytime we go to a movie, I have to choose a matinee or we ALWAYS get the early bird specials at the restaurants, where the menu is prix fixe, then not feeling it. I guess, as long as it's not a habit, then it'd be ok, but if we always gotta do budget stuff, then I'd have to keep it moving.

Creative, not cheap

 

[belleama]

I understand your point, but I think that's a false choice. First, we're not talking about the man's credit; we're talking about what to expect on a date. I don't care about someone's credit unless I'm planning on marrying them, but we have to get past the first date though. There's a difference between being careful with money and being cheap. I think we're talking about cheap here. And, using that definition, Mr. Penny Pincher will never look good to me. I'm not a stingy person and I don't like stinginess in other people. JMHO

See that's where we differ. I didn't see this thread in anyway to be about cheap men rather it was about the form of payment used on a date. The OP didn't mention a cheap man it mentioned a man who choose not to spend alot of money on dates. The initial things mentioned certain places to go that could cost alot or could be done for less, ie, retail or sale prices.

I do think that when you talk about money you have to talk about credit because they go hand in hand. The more extra money a man has the less debt he generally has. By choosing not to spend alot of money on a date this man now has more money to pay for other things. Like my brother for instance. He never goes and spends alot on dates. But he will make sure that every car he has purchased is paid off in a year. BTW he doesn't buy used cars or drive things like Kias or Hyundais. That to me is a SMART man. He only turned 30 this year but his home is paid off. He has already broken the 6 figure mark in his 401k. His dates don't need to pay for anything ever. That's just how he is.

I guess I just don't see why responsible men like that should be bypassed because they are looking at the future rather than at the right here and now. I mean think about it. If he should lose his job right now he doesn't need to go into panic mode and take the first thing that comes to him because his bills are limited right now to just utilities. That's a couple hundred dollars at most. His future wife will have the OPTION of whether to stay home or go to work because he decided not to waste money on dates.

 

[Bunny77]

See that's where we differ. I didn't see this thread in anyway to be about cheap men rather it was about the form of payment used on a date. The OP didn't mention a cheap man it mentioned a man who choose not to spend alot of money on dates. The initial things mentioned certain places to go that could cost alot or could be done for less, ie, retail or sale prices.

But then, the OP also mentioned that the man in question spent a decent amount of money on other women, while pulling out the coupons/free dates with her.

If he was really broke and doing the same with everyone (because he's in college), that's one thing. But the fact that he managed to find money to take other women out but got cheap with RedRiot is the issue here.

I do think that when you talk about money you have to talk about credit because they go hand in hand. The more extra money a man has the less debt he generally has. By choosing not to spend alot of money on a date this man now has more money to pay for other things. Like my brother for instance. He never goes and spends alot on dates. But he will make sure that every car he has purchased is paid off in a year. BTW he doesn't buy used cars or drive things like Kias or Hyundais. That to me is a SMART man. He only turned 30 this year but his home is paid off. He has already broken the 6 figure mark in his 401k. His dates don't need to pay for anything ever. That's just how he is.

I guess I just don't see why responsible men like that should be bypassed because they are looking at the future rather than at the right here and now. I mean think about it. If he should lose his job right now he doesn't need to go into panic mode and take the first thing that comes to him because his bills are limited right now to just utilities. That's a couple hundred dollars at most. His future wife will have the OPTION of whether to stay home or go to work because he decided not to waste money on dates.

See, here I think you are giving some folks too much credit. The type of men that folks are talking about here are men that are straight-up broke kneegrows for no reason and expect women to do things for them OR college students who claim to be broke but find money to spend on themselves, other women, etc.

I don't think this is about the man who is trying to be frugal to save up for the future... that's a different issue and I agree with you 100% on that.

But most of the men that we're talking about in this thread (low-caliber, sad to say) usually ain't saving up **** for naan education, naan car, naan house, nothing.

They just want an easy route to the p---y and are being cheap and disrespectful. Just read this board on any given day to see the types of **** these fools are trying to pull (like the "Would you go on a date to the mall?" thread... the man in that thread was 26 and had no car AND was trying to get the OP to come to his house for a date or just walk around the mall!!!) and I think you'll see why some of us are adamant here that a man should be willing to spend a reasonable amount of money on a woman he's dating.

And by reasonable, that means in conjunction with his financial status. As I mentioned, I did that KFC picnic date with a boy I dated in college that cost us about $5 altogether. That was GREAT!

But if some 30-year-old man approaches me (since I'm 30 and expect someone of my age to have a reasonable salary) and suggests KFC on the first date, I'd tell him to GTFOOHWTBS with a quickness!!!!