Do you WANT/Did you HAVE a BIG WEDDING??

[Dee-Licious]

My mother and I have been talking about my "future" wedding

My mom LOVES to plan events and all that hoopla. I LOVE to party but I don't really like the tab associated with throwing a big party.

I told her I'd tell her and my dad the day to come to the courthouse and I'd get married there. It's about the marriage not the wedding. I was thinking money used for an elaborate wedding could be used to upgrade a house.

But she's says that's taking something away from her as my mother

So tell me ladies, did you have/do you want a big wedding and reception? Do you feel it's important? Is it taking something away from the parents by not wanting to let them have the BIG DAY of giving away their daughter?

 

[StrawberryQueen]

I want a wedding as big as I can afford. But if I had an unlimited budget, id' have a huge wedding (not as in guests huge), just going all out with good food, decor, dress, etc.

 

[gymfreak336]

Well, my sister is getting married in two weeks. After going through the motions with her and the planning process, I really think I am going to elope to Vegas. We have almost 400 people coming to be honest, we still left people out. 300 people are immediate family. My parents got married at the justice of the peace during happy hour and kept it moving. My mother never pressured us to have a wedding. I think she has enjoyed things like finding a dress and the cake tasting but I don't think she would be upset if I didn't do it. My issue with big weddings is the cost. My sister and my father have spent sooo much money on this. To me it is just one day. I might feel different once or if ever I am in her position but to be honest I rather have the 20grand as a wedding present. I think I will get married in vegas and just send out announcements.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

At heart I am just a country bumpkin.

I want my wedding to be quite small. I do NOT believe in going broke over a wedding-you have to live after the wedding too. Nor do I believe in "paying on" a wedding. If I can afford it, it will happen, if not oh well. I ain't putting shyt on credit. We will use our engagement period to save up for the wedding. But that's just me.

I want my wedding at a resort, with no more than 100 people and a small elegant reception. I probably won't have a bridal party and all that either. But me and my closet female family will probably do a resort the weekend of to pamper me before the wedding.

The big ginormous weddings seem really impersonal and unoriginal.

 

[Sistaslick]

We were the only people at our wedding. So I'd say it was pretty small.

We're planning to renew our vows at year 10, but I'm certain it won't be anything budget busting. It'll be very, very nice though. We've already established a home and everything else, so we aren't setting ourselves back. I was just the matron of honor at my cousin's wedding last month, and I wouldn't wish that stress on nobody! So I am sorta glad we were able to get married and be together without all the hoopla. I do wish I had wedding "pics" though...

 

[sugarose]

I don't want a big wedding at all. One of the best weddings I've been to was a small, simple wedding. It was very classy and beautiful. I don't want a wedding party of 83 ppl either, I think 3 or 4 bridesmaids at the most.
I want to get married on the beach of one of my fav resorts and that's it. I definitely don't want to be paying off my wedding a couple years later.

 

[carcajada]

So tell me ladies, did you have/do you want a big wedding and reception? Do you feel it's important? Is it taking something away from the parents by not wanting to let them have the BIG DAY of giving away their daughter?

Nope. I never wanted a big wedding. I don't see the point. I just wanted a certain name brand dress and good food. It's only one day and most people don't even stay for the whole thing. It's a waste of money to go big pimpin for a one-day wedding. I like watching other people blow their money on the tv show Platinum Weddings, though.

eta: the wedding isn't about the parents, no matter how hard some parents want to make it sound. The wedding is about the couple so whatever plans the couple has for THEIR wedding, the parents of both people need to roll with it (UNLESS the* parents are paying for everything, then that's different).

 

[SouthernTease]

I don't want a big wedding, I think
it's ostentatious. I'd rather use the money
spent on a big wedding and use it as a down
payment on a house or something.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Nope. I never wanted a big wedding. I don't see the point. I just wanted a certain name brand dress and good food. It's only one day and most people don't even stay for the whole thing. It's a waste of money to go big pimpin for a one-day wedding. I like watching other people blow their money on the tv show Platinum Weddings, though.

eta: the wedding isn't about the parents, no matter how hard some parents want to make it sound. The wedding is about the couple so whatever plans the couple has for THEIR wedding, the parents of both people need to roll with it (UNLESS the* parents are paying for everything, then that's different).

Big pimpin!

I'd feel like a plum dumb fool big pimpin' for one day and then leave the wedding to go back home to our APARTMENT. Helllll nah!

 

[Demi27]

When I was younger I wanted a very big wedding. Now that I'm older I want a very small wedding for a few reasons. 1) I don't know that many people. 2) I don't have money to spend like that. I, personally, am not going to spend an arm and a leg for one day, but that's just me. I think I can put that money to better use, like a down payment on a new home. 3) I hear that large weddings are very stressful for the bride. I like the idea of a simple wedding with not too much fuss. I feel if I'm not pre-occupied by having the stress of a large wedding, then I can remember all of the intimate details of my special day.

My momma don't care if the wedding's big or small. She just wants a wedding. PERIOD. She already gave up on my sister so all the stress is on me. I've only been in my new location for a month and she's already asking if I've met someone.

 

[ladybug71]

We had about 100 people at our wedding & reception and it was a nice, manageable amount. DH and I pretty much paid for the wedding ourselves, but it didn't break the bank. I don't think it's necessarily important to have a huge, over-the-top wedding, I guess it depends on the bride/couple. With the rate of divorces these days... I know a friend of my mom's who threw a huge affair for her (2nd) wedding: big, white dress, horse-drawn carriage, the whole 9. About six months later, her and dude were separated. erplexed A year later, they divorced. To me, throwing a huge wedding is where a lot of women can get sidetracked. Once the last piece of cake is eaten, last drop of champagne is gone and flowers die off, the real work of a marriage begins and where a lot of couples aren't prepared to deal with everyday/not-so-pleasant challenges of daily life and eventually call it quits.

 

[Dee-Licious]

(UNLESS the* parents are paying for everything, then that's different).

they want to.

I feel like grown folks should pay for themselves and the pish that they want, but my parents are old-fashioned and feel the father of the bride should pay for the wedding.

Knowing my mama she is using the money for control

 

[carcajada]

Big pimpin!

I'd feel like a plum dumb fool big pimpin' for one day and then leave the wedding to go back home to our APARTMENT. Helllll nah!

RIGHT! I just shake my head of the stories about people who are divorced yet still paying for their wedding. Come on now.....

 

[CandiceC]

I didn't have a big wedding. It was a noon wedding with about 60 people. More could have been invited, but I wasn't paying for all those folks.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Nope. I would like a destination wedding or a small private ceremony. I just can not see myself forking over 20k for something that doesnt even last 24 hours

 

[carcajada]

they want to.

I feel like grown folks should pay for themselves and the pish that they want, but my parents are old-fashioned and feel the father of the bride should pay for the wedding.

Knowing my mama she is using the money for control

We paid for our wedding for that very reason. DH's mom STILL snuck in items and didn't tell me about it (i.e. purchased toasting glasses for all the guest). I had to find out at the wedding. She also paid for my "day of" wedding coordinator because she felt I didn't need to be getting things together on the big day and I insisted that I wanted to so that I knew everything would go the way I planned. Well, low and behold a lot of things DIDN'T go as planned. I didn't want them paying for anything because I knew they would have a say on how my day went. So, I agree with you. You don't need anyone controlling your blessed day.

 

[mscocoface]

I just got married July 7 we did not want a big wedding, we are both already established with jobs and homes, property, money in the bank, our biggest issue is merging.

We both had been married before he by justice of the peace me a big wedding.

I wanted small and intimate was going for 50 but hit the 70 mark. Spent a little more than we wanted but didn't kill the bank.

I think the bigger the wedding the more stress. This time I opted for no one to stand with me just me and him and for that I am thankful our children, one child a piece were in the audience and before the wedding we did a small private ceremony with them and the Pastor and exchanged gifts and did vows with them.

I highly recommend the less amount of people in the wedding party the less stress there will be.

Had 12 in my first one and I thought I was going to lose it.

The main thing I wanted was a honeymoon because neither of us did that the first time around and I am happy to say we did have a honeymoon in Kauai. This time around was waaaaaaaaay better!

 

[creolebeauty]

My wedding was small. We got married in St Thomas. We had 19 guest including our parents and the wedding party. Some people thought we were wrong for having it in the Caribbean, because a lot of people couldn't come ( we both have very big families)....but that's what we wanted to do.

 

[BlueEra]

It seems like the older I get, the smaller I want my wedding to be. I would love to get married in the Caribbean or in Hawaii with a few friends and family members. Maybe after the ceremony I would have a party/reception a few weeks after but I really don't want a huge wedding.

 

[Daisimae]

Sorry this is long.

I think my Mom would have killed me if we eloped. We did consider it. The wedding started out small and got large, but, large on a budget. We were engaged for two years so we had plenty of time to plan. The first thing I did, pre-Amazon days, was to go to the book store and find a few books about budgeting weddings. We had the wedding at mid-day. This meant we could feed people lighter than at supper time.

We had two hundred people at a local hall. We got married and had the reception in the same place. The hall allowed us to bring our own food in and there was a cash bar. I made the menu from foods easy to find food clubs and restaurant supply stores. I had, (she has since passed away), a friend who was a para-professional caterer. I bought the food, she cooked it and got friends to help her serve it buffet/station style. I stalked the clearance tables of party supply stores for two years, picking up matching dishes, cups, flatware, the guest book, thank you notes and gifts and all kinds of decorations. I used coupons at craft stores and made my own baskets for the bridesmaids and helpers. The bridesmaids jewelery came out of a catalog, clearanced priced. I also made the decorations myself. A few of my friends did the decorating the day of the wedding. I hired a friend to DJ for the reception and take care of the music for the ceremony. My Mom is a photographer. She insisted on doing my pictures and album.

From the first, I made clear to my Mom that my dress would not cost more than my rent at the time. My sister had just got married and spent nearly 3 times my rent for just her dress. A friend altered my dress for me. My Mom had a ball making my headpiece. I got the material, forms, lace, pearls etc. from the fabric store, on sale/clearance. The invitations were ordered by mail and came with free thank you cards. I ordered favor boxes with the invites and filled them with heart-shaped Dove chocolates. I got the chocolates first thing in the am, Feb 15 on clearance. It spent six months in my parents freezer.

I think the only thing we paid full price for was the DH's tux the limos and the cake. My parents bought that for us. They also bought mine and the bridesmaids flowers. I purchased supermarket flowers and made corsages and buttioners myself with floral supplies from the fabric store.

The only thing I didn't have that I wanted was an ice sculpture for the main buffet table. I ended up spending that money in a way that was totally unexpected. I also forgot about the videographer. None of my family brought their camcorders either.

The honeymoon was budget too. I got restaurant GC's and hotel expenses paid for by sitting thru two timeshare presentations.

The whole thing cost about $5000. We had zero debt from it. My Sister, who has had two weddings, and my cousins all had their weddings, catered, in fancier places and paid more. Their pictures look the same as ours.

 

[Bint Yusef]

RIGHT! I just shake my head of the stories about people who are divorced yet still paying for their wedding. Come on now.....

Cosign.

Our wedding was VERY small. When someone can show me the correlation of dollar amount spent to relationship longevity, then I would consider an expensive wedding.

I went to a wedding last year that was stuntastic. 200 dollar table cloths and there were at least 40 tables. Then some people started showing up she didnt invite, and she was kicking them out because they would have started adding onto her tab the price of extra plates of food and to pull out another table and clothed it My girl had to break out in the middle of doing the flash light to kick them strays out! I was cracking up.

 

[Daisimae]

My wedding was small. We got married in St Thomas. We had 19 guest including our parents and the wedding party. Some people thought we were wrong for having it in the Caribbean, because a lot of people couldn't come ( we both have very big families)....but that's what we wanted to do.

If I had to do it again. This is how I would do it. At the time, I had a cousin living in Bermuda. I would have grabbed my dress, hopped a plane, told anyone who wanted to attend, to keep up with me. I would have been nice to get married on the beach there.

 

[Sistaslick]

Cosign.

Our wedding was VERY small. When someone can show me the correlation of dollar amount spent to relationship longevity, then I would consider an expensive wedding.

I went to a wedding last year that was stuntastic. 200 dollar table cloths and there were at least 40 tables. Then some people started showing up she didnt invite, and she was kicking them out because they would have started adding onto her tab the price of extra plates of food and to pull out another table and clothed it My girl had to break out in the middle of doing the flash light to kick them strays out! I was cracking up.

Whaaaaat!!??!!!

 

[Dee-Licious]

My girl had to break out in the middle of doing the flash light to kick them strays out! I was cracking up.

Daisimae.. thanks for sharing your story. I think it's great that you got it done yourself and by not spending too much, but you still got what you wanted

 

[Bint Yusef]

Whaaaaat!!??!!!

It was crazy girl! We were there doing the flash light, the bride groom, bridal party, and parents. Then these stray fools come in, and she just stopped dancing and commenced to kicking them out screaming about "we cant pay for no mo plates and table cloths". She knew them, but they werent invited. To top it all off they had on football jerseys and denim shorts.

 

[sky_blu]

I want a wedding as big as I can afford. But if I had an unlimited budget, id' have a huge wedding (not as in guests huge), just going all out with good food, decor, dress, etc.

Same here. I dont want too many people, at the most 50 for him and 50 for me. After joining a wedding website and reading the stresses of brides eloping does sound very good. As long as I have me, him, God, pastor, and witness Im good. If you can do it real big, DO IT BIG. If you cant then dont do it.

 

[EXSQUISIT]

We got married at our pastor's home and had a small reception there too. There were only family members and maybe 2 or 3 close friends ( maybe 30 people total). I like that because I don't like crowds and prefer small intimate settings. If we renew our vows (it's been 13 years now) then it will probably still be small.

 

[atrinibeauty]

At heart I am just a country bumpkin.

I want my wedding to be quite small. I do NOT believe in going broke over a wedding-you have to live after the wedding too. Nor do I believe in "paying on" a wedding. If I can afford it, it will happen, if not oh well. I ain't putting shyt on credit. We will use our engagement period to save up for the wedding. But that's just me.

I want my wedding at a resort, with no more than 100 people and a small elegant reception. I probably won't have a bridal party and all that either. But me and my closet female family will probably do a resort the weekend of to pamper me before the wedding.

The big ginormous weddings seem really impersonal and unoriginal.

I Totally Agree With Locks
My Wedding Was Total Chaos And Started Late.When I Renew My Vows In 3 Years Imma Have A Destination Wedding Fo Shizzle!


[/quote]
We paid for our wedding for that very reason. DH's mom STILL snuck in items and didn't tell me about it (i.e. purchased toasting glasses for all the guest). I had to find out at the wedding. She also paid for my "day of" wedding coordinator because she felt I didn't need to be getting things together on the big day and I insisted that I wanted to so that I knew everything would go the way I planned. Well, low and behold a lot of things DIDN'T go as planned. I didn't want them paying for anything because I knew they would have a say on how my day went. So, I agree with you. You don't need anyone controlling your blessed day.[/quote]

This Is The Problem That I Ran Into.Bless My Parents,But I Would've Rather Gone To The Courthouse!!!

 

[Covergirl5906]

absolutely not!! a destination wedding on one of the islands with close friends and family will be fine with me

 

[foxxymami]

Not at all. I want something intimate and elegant and most of all small wedding