Do you think men can actually "sense" when you like them??

[Crystalicequeen123]

Ugh...okay this is going to be a personal rant.

I'm just getting too fed up at this point. Smh....

I'm wondering...do you ladies think that men can somehow read minds or sense when you might have an interest in them? Or do men just think that ANYTHING a woman does signifies interest?

BACKSTORY:
I swear, there is this guy that I wasn't even thinking about until HE started showing some minimal interest (I stress the word MINIMAL) in me. Then, I started letting down my guard some...I just saw him as a friend really, but we started talking a little bit. Even then however, I never was forthright in my interest with him. Never called him first or texted him first unless it was in response to his calls/texts. I've had a bad experience in the past, so I guess I was kind of protecting myself. I have always be very nice and receptive to his interest, but I never pursued him or even made any obvious gestures of interest. But then, I guess later on down the line however maybe he started liking another girl because then all of a sudden whenever I would see him out w/ our group of friends he started treating me "differently". Not necessarily mean/cold towards me, but just DISTANT.

Then one day, he and I were talking once and he had the audacity to try to I guess "hint" to me that he was sorry if I got the wrong impression about him, but that he only saw me as a friend. I mean, he didn't say it like that exactly, but that's basically the "impression" I got when I read between the lines of what he was saying. So I'm sitting there confused like: "ummm....did I ever say/mention that I was interested??" HUH?? I'm lost. I'm so lost. How can I get rejected when I wasn't even putting myself OUT there?? We were just talking...most times he'd invite me somewhere, and I invited him out maybe once or twice... That's it. The ratio was like 5:1 pretty much.

So..what gives? What do you ladies think? Do you think we women put out "vibes" when we're somewhat interested in a guy that guys can sense even if we don't say a word? I swear, I wasn't acting any differently w/him than I act w/any of my other guy friends! I'm just shaking my head at the presumptiousness really....

I give up.....

 

[TrueBeliever]

Not really. A lot of them mistake friendliness or if you look them in the eye one second too long for attraction.

 

[babyu21]

I agree with the above poster. I have never met a man who was able to correctly interpret my gestures or cues. If I am not blunt or make myself very clear they always think it is something its not.

I've been trying to work on my communication with men but so far I haven't had any success.

 

[PopLife]

It could be a mind game he's playing. Maybe he could sense that you weren't feeling him as much as he was feeling you so he had to beat you to the punch (before he got hurt) or rejecting you on purpose to try to get a reaction. I would of told his arrogant tail that he was never on my radar to begin with. Men, smh....

 

[hopeful]

That is annoying. Like he's letting you down when you weren't even feeling him that much. Maybe he felt bad for his change in behavior, IDK. But don't worry about it and shake it off. Are you regretting letting your guard down, especially since he was showing minimal interest? I'm sensing that may be the real problem. Maybe it's just a reminder to only let your guard down when someone shows true and clear interest. Maybe?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

That is annoying. Like he's letting you down when you weren't even feeling him that much. Maybe he felt bad for his change in behavior, IDK. But don't worry about it and shake it off. Are you regretting letting your guard down, especially since he was showing minimal interest? I'm sensing that may be the real problem. Maybe it's just a reminder to only let your guard down when someone shows true and clear interest. Maybe?

hopeful

You know.....I'm not really regretting so much letting my guard down, as I'm just fed up with men period right now!

At the time, I actually felt like I was being a little TOO guarded sometimes, so since he was showing SOME interest, I tried to open up more and be more receptive instead of cynical/embittered. As I mentioned in the op, I've had a bad experience before, and while that experience wasn't the best, it did teach me a lot of things, and one of the things it taught me was NOT to "jump the gun" and think a guy likes you unless he's doing X, Y, Z. Well...since I was already coming from that mindset, I already had some defenses up to begin with. But since he was doing X, Y, and Z I figured....."well, maybe I ought to give him a chance." Don't get me wrong, I was always very sweet towards him (and likewise), but I was also keeping my heart guarded and safe.

So for him to be so presumptious is basically what is making me the most upset! I wasn't even pressed for him, and I certainly wasn't showing him any more attention than he was showing me (in fact, I was showing him LESS attention than he was showing me!), so for him to go ahead and presume that he has to "let me down gently" so that I won't get things "twisted" is just mind-boggling to me.

I know one thing......the next guy will have to darn near hunt me down with a cross bow in order for me to pay him any attention.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Not really. A lot of them mistake friendliness or if you look them in the eye one second too long for attraction.

Hmmm....maybe that's it then.

I do tend to smile a lot and I try to look people in the eyes. That's everyone in general though. I'm just a friendly person! So, Idk...maybe he took that to mean I was sweating him I guess. I don't think I should have to be a b***** in order for a guy to want to date me! That is just so convoluted to me. I understand NOT being a doormat, but not even being friendly and open to people? That's just so weird to me.

I don't know what to be! It seems when it's the guys I don't even care about or even check for, THOSE are the ones who seem to be the most interested in me. But when it's the guys who I'm just being myself/friendly with, they NEVER have an interest other than initial attraction. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. *sigh*

Men SAY they like a good woman with a "nice" attitude, but yet....those men have rarely ever liked me. Smh...it's never anything mutual. When will it be something MUTUAL??

I'm sorry y'all....I just had to vent...It's Friday lol....

 

[PopLife]

@hopeful

You know.....I'm not really regretting so much letting my guard down, as I'm just fed up with men period right now!

At the time, I actually felt like I was being a little TOO guarded sometimes, so since he was showing SOME interest, I tried to open up more and be more receptive instead of cynical/embittered. As I mentioned in the op, I've had a bad experience before, and while that experience wasn't the best, it did teach me a lot of things, and one of the things it taught me was NOT to "jump the gun" and think a guy likes you unless he's doing X, Y, Z. Well...since I was already coming from that mindset, I already had some defenses up to begin with. But since he was doing X, Y, and Z I figured....."well, maybe I ought to give him a chance." Don't get me wrong, I was always very sweet towards him (and likewise), but I was also keeping my heart guarded and safe.

So for him to be so presumptious is basically what is making me the most upset! I wasn't even pressed for him, and I certainly wasn't showing him any more attention than he was showing me (in fact, I was showing him LESS attention than he was showing me!), so for him to go ahead and presume that he has to "let me down gently" so that I won't get things "twisted" is just mind-boggling to me.

I know one thing......the next guy will have to darn near hunt me down with a cross bow in order for me to pay him any attention.

That's how I feel sometimes...lol

 

[SvelteVelvet]

It could be a mind game he's playing. Maybe he could sense that you weren't feeling him as much as he was feeling you so he had to beat you to the punch (before he got hurt) or rejecting you on purpose to try to get a reaction. I would of told his arrogant tail that he was never on my radar to begin with. Men, smh....

Ditto to this!

As for the question, some mens egos are always hungry for a boost and they'll feed themselves by imagining every woman that makes eye contact likes them. It's such an immature trait.

 

[Amerie2304]

I remember this happened to me once and it was beyond frustrating. I was basically just kicking it with the dude out of boredom (and for free dinner dates ), wasn't really feeling him at all. Then one day at work, he sends me this email saying he can't do this anymore and it's not me, it's him. I was beyond confused. Then the confusion turned to anger. Of course I responded with a nasty email stating I wasn't feeling him anyway but i can't lie, I was def feeling crispy. It's almost like he beat me at my own game.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I remember this happened to me once and it was beyond frustrating. I was basically just kicking it with the dude out of boredom (and for free dinner dates ), wasn't really feeling him at all. Then one day at work, he sends me this email saying he can't do this anymore and it's not me, it's him. I was beyond confused. Then the confusion turned to anger. Of course I responded with a nasty email stating I wasn't feeling him anyway but i can't lie, I was def feeling crispy. It's almost like he beat me at my own game.

Exactly, that's how I feel!

But it's even worse because I wasn't even playing a "game". I was just trying to be cautious. But, it seems like you're condemned no matter what you do. When I show too much interest, the guy runs. When I try NOT to show too much interest, the guy tries to "let me down gently".

Now days I just feel like not even giving ANY guys ANY time of day whatsever.

Maybe I'm just bitter....... Or, maybe I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired lol....

 

[hopeful]

Exactly, that's how I feel!

But it's even worse because I wasn't even playing a "game". I was just trying to be cautious. But, it seems like you're condemned no matter what you do. When I show too much interest, the guy runs. When I try NOT to show too much interest, the guy tries to "let me down gently".

Now days I just feel like not even giving ANY guys ANY time of day whatsever.

Maybe I'm just bitter....... Or, maybe I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired lol....

(((hugs))) Please don't let this guy be that guy who turned you bitter. He was just a knucklehead. If I were you I would forget about being cautious. I would focus on being open, friendly, and outgoing with everybody, men, women, children, puppies (lol). Focus on being a happy person and enjoying your life. And when a guy shows interest, continue to be sweet and fun but remember you have a busy, happy life so sometimes ignore his texts or calls, turn down some invitations because you are so busy. Even though you didn't chase or pursue this guy, it sounds like you responded to most, if not all, of his advances. IMO that is showing a lot of interest, and IMO too much interest for a guy you didn't like that much, and as you said was doing the minimum. Because you have been forward in the past I think you think you are being cautious and cool when you are actually appearing open and available. You can be super sweet, friendly, and interesting, while still being somewhat aloof until the right guy comes along. Hope I'm making sense and not rambling.

 

[okange76]

On the flip side, assuming he is not being arrogant, I believe they can sense. Your body language will always sell you if you are attracted to someone. We always talk about how we can tell the guys who are feeling us. Think about it for a second.... the smiling, the coy/shy looks, flaring of the nostrils for the dudes, the subtle or overt flirting, the nervousness, awkwardness, rambling about stuff that is irrelevant just to keep the convo going etc . Your body language be it man or woman will betray you everytime. Ask your SO/DH when he knew you were feeling him. You might be surprised by his answer.

 

[SheenaVee]

No, they can't!

Most times when you actually like a guy they're oblivious to it.
And then the guys that you smile at for one second out of politeness are the ones who think you're over them!

Women can sense if a guy likes them a lot better IMO.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I agree that men, and women, often mistake friendliness for flirting/attraction (I say this a lot). But there are people out there that just think EVERYONE wants them....and is flirting with them. If you tell them that it's not true, they'll call you a liar! I think he's one of these.

 

[DejaVu2]

I agree that men, and women, often mistake friendliness for flirting/attraction (I say this a lot). But there are people out there that just think EVERYONE wants them....and is flirting with them. If you tell them that it's not true, they'll call you a liar! I think he's one of these.

LOL I used to be one of those people. But two guys brought me back down to earth. Now, I know... only those who say they like me, like me.

OP you should have just told him... errr na.

Seriously, give him a dose of reality. I'm grateful for those who told me ''errrr na'' still cracks me up to this day

ETA: I'm good friends with those guys now. And they always have to remind me of those ''moments''

 

[Avyn]

Before I read ur post my respnse was... no they can't sense that and they can't tell the difference btwn someone who is being nice and someone who is flirting. A guy I don't remember meeting the first time we met said that we connected the first time he saw me when our eyes met. I didn' have the heart to tell him that I didn't remember him at all. I went out on a few dates and was very nice but completely uninterested and even refused his advances to kiss on the last date we went on and told him that I was not interested in anything further and he was shocked. I never initated contact w him either. That happens over and over...niceness being taken for love interest.

 

[Lucie]

It all depends on the man. There are certain things women do that clue men in to how they feel. Unfortunately, some men could have their clothes stripped and be ridden until the cow comes home and he'd still be wondering if she likes him just a "little," bit.

80% of communicaton is non-verbal. And to the men that are super oblivious that is because they don't want to play themselves. Normally, those sort of men have gone out on a limb just to discover the woman was just being nice and could care less about him in, "that," way. As a result, they need an airplane controller to help them figure out what a woman's actions mean.

The others are just horndogs trying to throw a spitball on the ceiling and seeing what sticks.

 

[Theo]

That's happened to me before. One of my close female friends has a male BFF. He's cool peeps. He's got a GF in another state. Anyway we all go out for his bday, I'm in a pretty good mood, so I offer to buy him a drink since its his b-day. He tells me "Oh... I don't think should. I just want to let you know I have a girlfriend."

LOL... I was so lost. "perplexed I asked him "Oh... do you not like to drink when she's not around....?" I honestly didn't know what he was getting at, then it clicked

It was so weird, cuz I had no interest in him whatsoever. But apparently I was giving off sings **shrugs**

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

(((hugs))) Please don't let this guy be that guy who turned you bitter. He was just a knucklehead. If I were you I would forget about being cautious. I would focus on being open, friendly, and outgoing with everybody, men, women, children, puppies (lol). Focus on being a happy person and enjoying your life. And when a guy shows interest, continue to be sweet and fun but remember you have a busy, happy life so sometimes ignore his texts or calls, turn down some invitations because you are so busy. Even though you didn't chase or pursue this guy, it sounds like you responded to most, if not all, of his advances. IMO that is showing a lot of interest, and IMO too much interest for a guy you didn't like that much, and as you said was doing the minimum. Because you have been forward in the past I think you think you are being cautious and cool when you are actually appearing open and available. You can be super sweet, friendly, and interesting, while still being somewhat aloof until the right guy comes along. Hope I'm making sense and not rambling.

Thanks so much for the advice hopeful. I know you're so right about remaining an open person and not letting a few set backs cause me to become closed and calloused. But honestly, it's just gotten to the point where I'm just tired....... I'm tired of being the so-called "nice girl" and ending up the "girl pal". I'm tired of only being myself (open, friendly and outgoing) and guys taking things the wrong way and end up having to start treating me weirdly or "letting me down gently". But most of all, I'm tired of feeling like I have to be someone I'm not (closed, cautious, or maybe even down right rude) in order to get a guy even remotely "interested" in me.

I'm sorry for the vent, but that's just how I feel at the moment. I know that what you speak is truth however! I completely advocate a woman living her own life full, happy, single and ready to mingle, not giving a care in the world and being OPEN to embrace whatever life brings her. I think for the most part I live a very full, happy, fulfilling life filled with good friends, family and travels. But yet...I STILL don't have a bf. So...what gives? *sigh*

I just think I'm going to be very reserved from now on. Not mean or rude, but just VERY reserved. Quiet even. I don't think I can handle anymore dissapointments right about now.

ETA: I also meant to add that I do have to admit that while I didn't accept ALL of his invitations, I DID accept most of them. I figured...hey, why not?? That's how you get to know if someone is "compatible" with you or would make a good "friend" right? Well, I guess maybe I did come across as "too available" in his mind, because I guess right now I'm not a "challenge" anymore. Idk...the whole thing is silly to me. Dating seems to be such a game these days. (do I call/text him back in 2 hours or 3? Should I accept this date for this week? Or only accept 2 out of 4 dates?) Ugh... I'm not about all of that. I just like to do what I FEEL. If I FEEL like going, I'll go! But I guess my "feelings" aren't getting me desired results that I want.

Honestly, I'm not feeling bitter about it anymore...in fact, I still think he's a cool friend and all... I just don't want the same thing that happened w/him (and countless other guys) to happen again in the future.

On the flip side, assuming he is not being arrogant, I believe they can sense. Your body language will always sell you if you are attracted to someone. We always talk about how we can tell the guys who are feeling us. Think about it for a second.... the smiling, the coy/shy looks, flaring of the nostrils for the dudes, the subtle or overt flirting, the nervousness, awkwardness, rambling about stuff that is irrelevant just to keep the convo going etc . Your body language be it man or woman will betray you everytime. Ask your SO/DH when he knew you were feeling him. You might be surprised by his answer.

okange76 Yep, I think you're right. Even I have to admit that my bodylanguage probably changes significantly when it's someone I *might* have an interest in later on down the line, as opposed to interacting w/a guy who I'm not even feeling at ALL. I'm not being overly flirty in either case, but I think that maybe we ALL have a sixth sense where we can just "tell" in some instances that the person might be feeling us. It's funny, because when we DON'T like someone, we can tell almost instantly "oh yeah...that guy is probably interested in me." But when we ARE interested in a guy, we always wonder: "Hmmm...I wonder if he's interested in me?" :eyebrows2 I wonder why this is? Maybe this happens w/men too.

That's happened to me before. One of my close female friends has a male BFF. He's cool peeps. He's got a GF in another state. Anyway we all go out for his bday, I'm in a pretty good mood, so I offer to buy him a drink since its his b-day. He tells me "Oh... I don't think should. I just want to let you know I have a girlfriend."

LOL... I was so lost. "perplexed I asked him "Oh... do you not like to drink when she's not around....?" I honestly didn't know what he was getting at, then it clicked

It was so weird, cuz I had no interest in him whatsoever. But apparently I was giving off sings **shrugs**

freelove OMG....see, this is hands down what basically happened to me! Except the guy I'm talking about doesn't have a gf. But yeah...that PRESUMPTIOUS assumption that you must be interested in him is such a turn-off to me. I don't like when guys do that. Maybe men can't help but take everything to mean something "sexual", so even the SMALLEST signs men interpret as being "interest". You think?? That's yet another reason why I always say that if a guy is interested, you won't have to wonder, you won't have to chase him down or give him too many overt signals...because ANY small sign from you would probably be conceived as interest, since it seems men view any little thing from a woman as a sign of interst anyway. If he's "wondering" whether you're interested in him, then he's probably interested in you too. If he's not wondering...or if he just "knows", then that probably means that he's not all that interested...

That's just my little theory.......I could be wrong though.....

 

[hopeful]

Crystalicequeen123 I totally understand. You have to do what works best for you. I hate you are having so much trouble finding a nice guy who is crazy about you. You seem like such a sweet young lady who would be a great girlfriend.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crystalicequeen123 I totally understand. You have to do what works best for you. I hate you are having so much trouble finding a nice guy who is crazy about you. You seem like such a sweet young lady who would be a great girlfriend.

Thanks so much! I appreciate the encouraging words & advice.

I'm trying not to get too discouraged, but sometimes it's just tiring that's all. It can be frustrating sometimes. But, who knows? Maybe right now just isn't "my time" to have someone. *shrugs* I think when it's right, things will be relatively "easy". Right??

 

[hopeful]

I completely agree. When it is time it will be easy, and for sure it will be much easier. I have found that when women try to force it they often end up with a bad guy which is much worse than being alone.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

IME, a man's ability to 'sense' whether you like them or not depends a lot on their feelings for you. A man who likes a woman looks for signs she feels the same way so everything she does is interpreted that way. In this case a man may think he can sense you like him, whether or not you actually do. I'm going through this right now with a guy I'm dating.

On the other hand, if a man doesn't like a woman romantically, he's usually oblivious unless she makes it blatantly obvious.

Straight up, the guy you're dealing with sounds arrogant and full of himself.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

IME, a man's ability to 'sense' whether you like them or not depends a lot on their feelings for you. A man who likes a woman looks for signs she feels the same way so everything she does is interpreted that way. In this case a man may think he can sense you like him, whether or not you actually do. I'm going through this right now with a guy I'm dating.

On the other hand, if a man doesn't like a woman romantically, he's usually oblivious unless she makes it blatantly obvious.

Straight up, the guy you're dealing with sounds arrogant and full of himself.

Hmmmm....I think you might be on to something here!

In fact, I think we might be saying the same thing! No wonder....when women feel the "need" to give men more "obvious" signs of interest, that's usually a sign that a guy was probably not that "interested" to begin with sad to say.

I think that if a man is already somewhat interested in you, then you won't have to give him too many signals or "signs". In fact, when a guy is REALLY interested in me, sometimes I have to watch my OWN actions so that I don't unwillingly give him the wrong impression! Even a simple smile may be misconstrued as interest!

WOw! I think you hit on something here ScorpioBeauty09!! Maybe if more women use this "formula", we will be able to avoid a lot of unnecessary heartache and pain.


I know that when I REALLY liked this one guy friend of mine in the past, I felt like I had to REALLY show him more and more signs that I was interested in him because things weren't advancing with him. NOW that I've gone through that painful experience and have wisened up a little bit, I now realize that if things aren't "advancing" the way I want it to, it's not because he's too "shy". If things with a guy aren't advancing it's because he doesn't WANT them to....plain and simple.

I've seen how my guy pals act when they're interested in a girl friend of mine, and how they talk to me and ask me for advice, etc. They view ANYTHING as a potential "sign of interest" when they're actually interested in the girl. When they aren't interested, the guy is just plain clueless. Or, maybe he's not "clueless" per se, but let's just say...if he's not interested in you, then he's not wondering whether you're interested in him.