Do you tell?

[Kamilah]

So, although I'm newly active on the board, I've been lurking for well over a year now. Finally, I am starting to have some noticeable results (thankfully!). When my mom and sister asked me what I had been doing, I told them with no hesitation. However, before my sister got ready to go back to university, my mom instructed her not to tell her friends about her new hair regimen- to which she replied that she never would have.

Is it me in my naivete thinking that if you've got something good, share it? I mean, it doesn't cost me anything nor is it any skin off of my back to help another sister out. Really, if it weren't for you all sharing with me, I wouldn't be where I am now.

What is your take on this? Perhaps not referring ladies to the site (or maybe) but just telling them what you use and how you maintain your hair...is that so wrong? In my opinion it's sort of a crabs-in-a-barrel mentality not to. Are we in that deep a "competition" with one another? (if so, what the heck is the prize?)

Frankly, I am disgusted by the stereotype that Black women cannot grow our hair and I do what I can do help others overcome their adversities also.

Discuss.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Kamilah, you will find that most women do not want to really know all that you do to maintain your hair health. Some will think you are dreaming, others may think you are nuts or obsessed, others will just abruptly change the topic as you explain what you do, others may start doing what you explain then stop as the hair does not grow 12 inches in a month, others will tell you you have "good" hair and that you are 'different' as your hair health improves. I can tell you I've been hurt by trying to tout the site and a plan of care to others. Do what your heart tells you to, you want to tell it then go ahead. I keep most of my regimen to myself these days, my hair will do the talking in time.

 

[Mortons]

I think that thinking of one another as competition is silly. I am in college and I could care less about if someone else takes my routine, I just barely have enough time to worry about mine.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

Kamilah, you will find that most women do not want to really know all that you do to maintain your hair health. Some will think you are dreaming, others may think you are nuts or obsessed, others will just abruptly change the topic as you explain what you do, others may start doing what you explain then stop as the hair does not grow 12 inches in a month, others will tell you you have "good" hair and that you are 'different' as your hair health improves. I can tell you I've been hurt by trying to tout the site and a plan of care to others. Do what your heart tells you to, you want to tell it then go ahead. I keep most of my regimen to myself these days, my hair will do the talking in time.

I SO AGREE...

 

[RZILYNT]

I know that this is only hair and please don't take offense regarding my comment.
We should ask ourselves why not? If they ask, I would direct them to the board. It is a wealth of knowlegde on here. Knowledge is a powerful thing and it says alot about a person who is willing to share. Application of Knowledge is wisdom. In our community why is that we as a people withhold what could better others? I find that we don't mind if others admire and want what we have but we dont readily offer help for them to acheive the same goal. I could go on and on, but help a sista out. What she does with the info, well let her determine that.

I am off my soap box

 

[dlewis]

If someone asks or I feel that they need the help and will listen, I tell everything I think I know.

I DO NOT tell people about this board. This is my venting machine.

 

[camellia]

Sure. Why not?

People don't ask me what I do to my hair very often, and I don't have a complicated regimen. When I am asked I just tell them what I'd tell anyone asking on here.

I wash my hair and deep condition in a few times a week. I handle it very gently, and rarely use heat. I wear my hair up to keep it out of my way but also to protect the ends. If my hair feels in need of moisture I spritz it with water and then smooth a tiny bit of oil over it. Very simple, but honestly, the longest haired women I know have the simplest of routines.

Another woman having long lovely hair doesn't take anything away from me at all, so why shouldn't I share?

 

[navsegda]

I know that this is only hair and please don't take offense regarding my comment.
We should ask ourselves why not? If they ask, I would direct them to the board. It is a wealth of knowlegde on here. Knowledge is a powerful thing and it says alot about a person who is willing to share. Application of Knowledge is wisdom. In our community why is that we as a people withhold what could better others? I find that we don't mind if others admire and want what we have but we dont readily offer help for them to acheive the same goal. I could go on and on, but help a sista out. What she does with the info, well let her determine that.

I am off my soap box

What she said.

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it."--Margaret Fuller

 

[B_Phlyy]

I've never told anyone about the board, but I have no problem giving info, product recommendations, or plugging my stylists or braider.

However, I have become annoyed when people tell me that they tried a method or a product I recommended and their hair didn't grow. 9 times out of 10, it's because they weren't consistent with it. Many people outside of boards are looking for a quick fix, and I think that many people are reluctant to share because they thik their advice will fall on death ears.

 

[nelli711]

I've never told anyone about the board, but I have no problem giving info, product recommendations, or plugging my stylists or braider.

However, I have become annoyed when people tell me that they tried a method or a product I recommended and their hair didn't grow. 9 times out of 10, it's because they weren't consistent with it. Many people outside of boards are looking for a quick fix, and I think that many people are reluctant to share because they thik their advice will fall on death ears.

I agree. I was gonna say almost the say thing.

 

[pistachio]

My situation is a bit different. I a woman(a stranger) approached me about my hair, I'd tell her what I do, but at the same time, I I'll tell them that I use a large variety of products, and that I keep experimenting, but I only use one at a time. I'll stress to them that it's the CONDITIONING that I do to my hair to keep it strong. They reason why? Because if I give them one product, one shampoo, one conditioner's name, then they'll assume that those MUST be the tickets to fab growth, and not take the time to care for their hair. At least if i rattle off things a many items, it'll get them experimenting, and they won't just settle for finding one quick fix because hey, not every one product works for everyone...


As for family, besides my sis and mom, NO ONE will know my hair secrects. Why? I used to be 80% bald. No joke! No one cared about trying to help me. In fact, they made fun of me, and when i wore wigs and stuff, they'd try to ask questions about my hair(wig) just to watch me squirm. They'd act like they didn't know it was fake, just to watch me explain myself. No one cared. Everyone was only worried about their hair. Some people may say that I'm being immature, or "stooping down to their level", but you know what? I see this as us being even. I won't hold any grudges against them anymore, but the price they'll pay is that they'll NEVER have access to my hair secrets. Ever.

 

[Kutie85]

Family yes! Friends No! I have two friends that always complain about how there hair will not grow, but they never listen to advice I give them, they just talk negatively about my tips. They'll say that it won't work, but my hair is long and healthy and they have the nerve to question my methods. HA!

 

[CoCoGirl821]

I've never told anyone about the board, but I have no problem giving info, product recommendations, or plugging my stylists or braider.

However, I have become annoyed when people tell me that they tried a method or a product I recommended and their hair didn't grow. 9 times out of 10, it's because they weren't consistent with it. Many people outside of boards are looking for a quick fix, and I think that many people are reluctant to share because they thik their advice will fall on death ears.

I couldnt agree with you more. I am not on eot go around and outwardly share something about hair. However, if I am discussing hair then I will lend advise that I learned from here. Whether they take it or not, thats their bag.

 

[baby42]

i only told the people in my family and its helping them and be cause am older most wear wigs and really donot care they think they look cute and i let them think that iam not a mean person but like the say when you get old you get set in your ways so they are going bald under the wigs i will be growing

 

[missnappylady]

I used to volunteer information but, some people treated me like I thought I was better than everyone or else their eyes would glaze over.erplexed Now, I keep my mouth shut unless i'm asked.

 

[Bouncy Curls]

I only share with my Mom because she loves everything I report from the forum. When I tried to tell others, even my sisters, they look at me like I am crazy or going overboard so I don't waste my breath.

 

[Sha76]

I'll share to anyone who will listen. But only, if they ask or have start talking about how their hair is damaged. and so and so.

I beleive if someone needs help give it to them. Share your knowledge and experiences.

 

[senimoni]

I share with family very easily, some coworkers I don't share with but I will give tips only b/c of the fear of judgement :-[.

Pistachio....wow thats horrible. I can only imagine. What are they saying now??

 

[Mortons]

My situation is a bit different. I a woman(a stranger) approached me about my hair, I'd tell her what I do, but at the same time, I I'll tell them that I use a large variety of products, and that I keep experimenting, but I only use one at a time. I'll stress to them that it's the CONDITIONING that I do to my hair to keep it strong. They reason why? Because if I give them one product, one shampoo, one conditioner's name, then they'll assume that those MUST be the tickets to fab growth, and not take the time to care for their hair. At least if i rattle off things a many items, it'll get them experimenting, and they won't just settle for finding one quick fix because hey, not every one product works for everyone...


As for family, besides my sis and mom, NO ONE will know my hair secrects. Why? I used to be 80% bald. No joke! No one cared about trying to help me. In fact, they made fun of me, and when i wore wigs and stuff, they'd try to ask questions about my hair(wig) just to watch me squirm. They'd act like they didn't know it was fake, just to watch me explain myself. No one cared. Everyone was only worried about their hair. Some people may say that I'm being immature, or "stooping down to their level", but you know what? I see this as us being even. I won't hold any grudges against them anymore, but the price they'll pay is that they'll NEVER have access to my hair secrets. Ever.

I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience with people and hair care. Once again I say that I think its silly to consider one anothe competition. Someones else having long healthy hair aint taking away from my fabulosity. I think that people who feel someone else is competition are highly insecure. I hope ladies realize that hair does not make you as a woman.

 

[RubyWoo]

I voluntarily share what I learn w/my mom and my sister(she's natural and growing out her hair and she's doing a fab job) because I know they value good haircare as well and practice good hair habits. I'm always so thrilled about what I learn and what is actually working for me that I always feel compelled to share. I would even pickup/share some of my products with them. As for friends and acquiantances, I would tell them what I do if they ask.

I would recommend or tell my friends, acquiantances and family about this board; it is a public forum after all is said and done. I've already forwarded the link to this board to my sis but she hasn't had time to sign up yet.

 

[RubyWoo]

Once again I say that I think its silly to consider one anothe competition. Someones else having long healthy hair aint taking away from my fabulosity. I think that people who feel someone else is competition are highly insecure. I hope ladies realize that hair does not make you as a woman.

I agree completely! Well said.

 

[PrincessDiva]

Kamilah, you will find that most women do not want to really know all that you do to maintain your hair health. Some will think you are dreaming, others may think you are nuts or obsessed, others will just abruptly change the topic as you explain what you do, others may start doing what you explain then stop as the hair does not grow 12 inches in a month, others will tell you you have "good" hair and that you are 'different' as your hair health improves. I can tell you I've been hurt by trying to tout the site and a plan of care to others. Do what your heart tells you to, you want to tell it then go ahead. I keep most of my regimen to myself these days, my hair will do the talking in time.

I agree. When I first discovered LHCF , I tried to share my new knowledge with friends & family only to receive odd looks & negative comments. From now on I'll let my hair do the talking. When I hit waistlength then they will all believe!!

 

[remnant]

Kamilah, you will find that most women do not want to really know all that you do to maintain your hair health. Some will think you are dreaming, others may think you are nuts or obsessed, others will just abruptly change the topic as you explain what you do, others may start doing what you explain then stop as the hair does not grow 12 inches in a month, others will tell you you have "good" hair and that you are 'different' as your hair health improves. I can tell you I've been hurt by trying to tout the site and a plan of care to others. Do what your heart tells you to, you want to tell it then go ahead. I keep most of my regimen to myself these days, my hair will do the talking in time.

Sooooo true......erplexed

 

[Hidden_Angel]

I share with freinds but I don't say much as the site i joined ive only told two people and thats it!

but i hardly even tell my family but they all know I'm the one who sets up hair appointments and stuff! so basicly the hair knowllage is kept in my hands..
my two lil sisters and natural (outta those horriable perms) and I'm planing on texting them just make it more workable and their hair use to perms when they get older! they stay in braids 24/7 and everyone think they are so cute and everyone loves their braids and its growing like crazy...
and my moms hair is to I PERM IT and its healthy and looking stong ...

but my 16yr sister i dunno how to approch her.. yet..

 

[pistachio]

I share with family very easily, some coworkers I don't share with but I will give tips only b/c of the fear of judgement :-[.

Pistachio....wow thats horrible. I can only imagine. What are they saying now??

That's the thing about it! They say NOTHING now. They look as if they wanna ask, but they don't. I guess it's their pride. They don't wanna ask someone who they made fun of for 14 yrs.+, and who's hair is now longer, healthier, and stronger than theirs. It's like an overweight woman being big all her life, and made fun of by female relatives, and then when she finally loses the weight(no thanks to them), and is smaller than her tormenters, then how would they look trying to ask her for advice?

 

[Hidden_Angel]

That's the thing about it! They say NOTHING now. They look as if they wanna ask, but they don't. I guess it's their pride. They don't wanna ask someone who they made fun of for 14 yrs.+, and who's hair is now longer, healthier, and stronger than theirs. It's like an overweight woman being big all her life, and made fun of by female relatives, and then when she finally loses the weight(no thanks to them), and is smaller than her tormenters, then how would they look trying to ask her for advice?

good work honey

 

[navsegda]

That's the thing about it! They say NOTHING now. They look as if they wanna ask, but they don't. I guess it's their pride. They don't wanna ask someone who they made fun of for 14 yrs.+, and who's hair is now longer, healthier, and stronger than theirs. It's like an overweight woman being big all her life, and made fun of by female relatives, and then when she finally loses the weight(no thanks to them), and is smaller than her tormenters, then how would they look trying to ask her for advice?

Hahaha, you go girl! I'm pretty sure they feel like major idiots now and are extremely jealous of you and your hair. Some people just cannot admit when they were wrong or apologize for how they have wronged you, so they sure as heck wouldn't ask you for help on top of all that.

 

[silvergirl]

ive found in the past that if i do tell ,noone believes me anyway.

i alway get the " that cant be all you do?" or " but you MUST use such and such product" " i can never do that" or the ever famous " well you must have mixed genes in your family" so i dont see the point to go out of my way to tell anyone my regime. if someone is really ready to listen , then yes i will share with them.

 

[cmw45]

I think that thinking of one another as competition is silly. I am in college and I could care less about if someone else takes my routine, I just barely have enough time to worry about mine.

Preach! I'm in college and some of the women on my campus think that I have "good" nappy hair. I have 4a and don't think that my hair is any better or any worse than anyone elses. What is different, is that I take very good care of it. If some ask me what I do, I do not hesitate to tell them...and there are one or two girls who have listened and who have seen REAL results in their hair fairly quickly; the overall condition of their hair has improved so now they're willing to be patient about the length. BUT, if you ask me and I tell you and you don't listen or doubt, I really don't have time to be worried about you. Like one of the other posters said I'd much rather all black women have beautiful hair.

To the OP---you asked what the prize is? I think that because the myth that Black women can't all have long hair exists, then black women with long hair are scene as being more desireable to black men. They are the prize.

 

[NoNapNique]

Once I reveal my brastrap+ hair in the spring, I plan to tell *some* things, but not everything... Becuase it would just be a waste of breath and fall on deaf ears... Like others have said, the majority of the population of black women want that "quick fix", that ONE single product that'll give them 1 inch a week... They would NOT understand being patient, gentle, consistent, and overall being GOOD to your hair...

Plus as soon as you mention "NO HEAT and no relaxers before 12 weeks" - ya lost 'em!