Do you tell your SO when other men hit on you?

[YankeeCandle]

When a random man hollers, I don't. That would be most men who run into me and express interest. I smile, refuse, and keep it moving and forget about it by evening when I see my SO.

But if there's someone who strikes up a genuine conversation with me and whom I might actually have been interested in if it weren't for SO, I usually like to tell my boyfriend about it. Usually, the reason is just to get som perspective on the experience (he is my closest and most supportive friend in the world) but I leave OUT details such as "he was fine, too!" .

But maybe deep down, part of it is to feel virtuous to assuage the twinge of disloyalty (not the same as guilt, because I've done nothing wrong and it's natural!) at feeling attraction to another.

Yesterday, a handsome, well-educated, genuinely funny and amiable man struck up a conversation with me at the bank and we began talking about a subject of mutual interest--soccer/World Cup--for about ten minutes. The conversation was stimulating because our countries' teams are rivals with each other. And no one else I know is into soccer.

Anyway, he gave me his business card, which I pocketed without a word (I've found it's less awkward than turning them down outright), but when he asked for my number, I politely declined.

As soon as we parted ways, I called up my SO and told him the whole story. Then I asked him if there was some way I could get away with hooking that man up with my still-searching girlfriend since he seemed like he was worth at least trying to get to know.

SO settled back and began holding forth (like me, one of his favorite things to do ) about how it's dangerous to accept dates from men you met randomly because they could have dangerous pasts and communicable diseases, and wives and kids back in their home country or another state.

"Uh, but you approached me randomly in a public place and I gave you my number." [I actually agree with him 100%, BTW, but I like being Devil's Advocate]

"Yes, but I am the exception," he said matter-of-factly.

Then he added that it's a bad idea to hook up your friends with strangers because if the latter turn out to be bad news, your friendship will suffer because the friend will blame you.

"So, does it bother you that I told you?" I asked.

"No!" he said. "It is good that you shared your experience. You see the intelligent conversation we were able to have about this? Now I have convinced you not to give strange men's numbers to your friends and you have been reminded of the dangers of strange men ."

"Thank you, Teacher."

So, what about you? Any thoughts or stories?

 

[JFemme]

Very rarely...

 

[JustKiya]

Sometimes. I'm so rarely approached by men worth **** who appear to be interested in me though - I suspect it's because of the ring. Men who approach me and don't care about the fact I'm married - ain't viable/worth ****. Men who approach me and do care about the ring, approach me as a 'neutral' entity - conversation is cool, but there is no expectation that it will go any further.

Usually I tell DH about most of my 'good' conversations, be they with a man or a woman. The scrubs I erase from my memory banks 4.5 seconds after they finally leave me the hell alone - ain't worth the brainspace.

 

[natural_one]

I don't, but what do you do when your SO makes a point of telling you? I am never sure if he is telling me just because or for some type of jealous reaction...

 

[JustKiya]

I don't, but what do you do when your SO makes a point of telling you? I am never sure if he is telling me just because or for some type of jealous reaction...

I compliment him that other women see in him what I saw in him (ie, he's clearly still got it going on), and move on. For my DH, it's a bit of an ego boost, and nothing more.

 

[Yen Oak]

Sometimes he witnesses it himself, other times he asks when I get home (if I've gone to a party or other social event), other times I tell him myself if the mood strikes.

It's more like a joke to us than a plot to get him jealous. For example, this weekend I shaved my head down to a Caesar. We were in the mall and he told me with a smile, "Babe, you're getting a lot of stares from dudes." It was flattering, but nothing to beef about.

 

[Makenzie]

It depends on the situation and the guy trying to holler at me. If I am seeking feedback on the incident I state that up front. Whatever my reason for telling SO I state that up front. Feedback, relaying funny story, sharing etc.. I learned to tell what response I was looking for in ADVANCE of telling such a story. This way SO does not have to wonder why I'm telling him and start making up his own reasons.

 

[ladylibra_30]

Nope, I don't usually tell although I notice that when I am dressed very feminine my S/O will ask, "So, who was in your face today?" I still don't tell though.

However, 2 weekends ago I had to tell him b/c it turned out that the man who tried to pick me up knew my S/O from highschool. I didn't want anything to seem shady if it ever came out that he tried to pick me up.

 

[Bmack]

No, I don't see the point unless it was an extraordinary situation.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Sometimes I might mention it, usually not though. He never really gets jealous as far as thinking *I* am flirting with other dudes... but sometimes he gets irritable that so many men are trying to get it on with his wife.

One time on Christmas Day I ran into the gas station while DH waited in the car with DD... and the Sikh gas station attendant was going HARD for me... lol... not gonna happen on a million levels. I told DH when I got in the car and he was like Even the cat in a turban is trying to pull my WIFE!!!! lol

 

[Uber]

yep i always tell him. I am not good at keeping secrets from him. He doesn't care and it helps make light of the situation by being honest.


As a christian we are wary of the spirit of infidelity and anything can happen in a relationship.

 

[Mai Tai]

I tell my SO for various reasons...

1. He finds it amusing, and quite flattering when men try to holla at me. It's like an ego boost for him. He's always like "Yeah...I KNOW I have a bad chick on my arm!"

2. He doesn't know this, but I mention it in passing to lightly let him know that hey...I'm a desireable woman, and he should continue to treat me right because there is always another man willing to take his place.

3. If we are out together, and a man tries to holla at me, I immediately tell him so that he knows to watch his back. I have seen it too many times when a man is interested in another man's girl, and straight tries to fight the boyfriend out of jealously. My baby needs to know if someone's on my case so if stuff pop off, he can be prepared.

 

[Uber]

I do forget to tell my hubby about some of them though because they are probably insignificant occasions

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Mai-Tai makes a good point about letting him know that there are other men who will step up to the plate... it never hurts to subtly remind a man that you have options!

 

[YankeeCandle]

^^^^ LadyPaniolo, you have SEVERAL "options" you could parade around to your husband if you saw fit. You just need to take your son out for a walk and you[ll be reeling them in

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I usually do because when I do get hit on its usually in an odd way that I find amusing and would like to share with him likewise he tells me when another woman hits on him

 

[kbragg]

I tell him to remind him that he has a bad chick on his arm and he betta ack rite or 'to da leff, to da leff!" It's not the "mature adult" thing to do but hey, being a grown up is boring and men tend to take women for granted...gotta keep him on his toes

 

[Lucie]

Only if the come on is extreme.

 

[Filmatic]

If it's funny I will. I had a dude ask me if he could carry me to my car since I wouldn't let him carry my once bag.

Other times I don't see a point. I do have my SOs getting hit on by other women in front of me. Some chicks are way too bold.

 

[dlewis]

I tell my SO for various reasons...

1. He finds it amusing, and quite flattering when men try to holla at me. It's like an ego boost for him. He's always like "Yeah...I KNOW I have a bad chick on my arm!"

2. He doesn't know this, but I mention it in passing to lightly let him know that hey...I'm a desireable woman, and he should continue to treat me right because there is always another man willing to take his place.

3. If we are out together, and a man tries to holla at me, I immediately tell him so that he knows to watch his back. I have seen it too many times when a man is interested in another man's girl, and straight tries to fight the boyfriend out of jealously. My baby needs to know if someone's on my case so if stuff pop off, he can be prepared.

We have had that happen. DH's friends and family was telling him I had to be messing with the guy. People don't act like that for no reason. When would I have had time to mess with anyone working with two babies at home? DH never asked me why dude was actin like that but he knew I wasn't messing with him. I'm sure if he thought I was I would have never had the opportunity to join this board.

 

[dlewis]

Sometime I tell him. If I find myself a little bit attracted to the guy. If a guy is actively trying to date me and I find my mind wondering I mention it to DH. I guess its my way of clearing my mind.

 

[FlowerHair]

I didn't use to tell my ex.

The funny thing was, that more men came on to me when I was with him than when I was on my own erplexed

I mean, coming up to us and complimenting him on his girlfriend bla bla bla

 

[Shawn]

No, I don't tell him. No good can come of it; it adds no value to our relationship. And, in fact, it could make him think I did something to invite the advance and question my commitment to him. So I just handle things on my own. No need to get tempers inflamed.

 

[TayMac]

Very rarely. It's usually not anyone worth mentioning.

 

[Bachelorette]

O settled back and began holding forth (like me, one of his favorite things to do ) about how it's dangerous to accept dates from men you met randomly because they could have dangerous pasts and communicable diseases, and wives and kids back in their home country or another state.

"meet randomly.."

so what is the "safe" way of meeting a guy?

 

[Mrs. N Lugo]

I don't tell him, he knows men hit on me, he has seen it with his own eyes on numerous occasions. For some reason men hit on me when we are together. If he turns his back here comes some dude trying to holla. It makes my sweet husband so uncomfortable.

 

[Southernbella.]

I compliment him that other women see in him what I saw in him (ie, he's clearly still got it going on), and move on. For my DH, it's a bit of an ego boost, and nothing more.

According to LHCF, he's cheating on you and that's his way of covering up.

Anyway, yes I tell my dh sometimes, and he tells me sometimes. It just depends on the situation. I usually only tell when the guy says something amusing or memorable.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

he usually sees it but I usually don't.

Every now and then I will tell him if it was something especially funny or extreme

 

[Nayeli]

Sometimes.

Like Mai Tai said, he sees it as a compliment. A few weeks back we were holding hands, walking to the train station. A man passed and said "you better hold on to her, that's a nice girl you got there." SO was beaming!

 

[YankeeCandle]

"meet randomly.."

so what is the "safe" way of meeting a guy?

Presumably, the alternative would be being introduced by someone you know (co-worker, friend, relative, etc). At least that's my guess.

I think it also has to do with the venue. To some people, the street or the club might be more suspect than meeting a stranger at a work conference or something that you're both at. :shrug: