Do you go-off on your man?

[*5+5]

Ever?...even when he's obviously out of line or asking for it?

With all the constant "black women have attitudes" being tossed around more than usual, have you scaled it back and adopted a "i don't want to appear as the angry black woman" towards my man?

Or will u still get em' told if need be? I'm usually not the one for any type of confrontation so I'm use to biting my tongue...but now I think I'm soft as pudding. I try only to address any issue when I'm calm or in a descent mood.

I think I've read here a few times where the OP may have said, "i let him have it" and posters would follow up to say "well you shouldn't have done that" or the advice is usually "don't go off on him" etc. So just wondering, what are your thoughts?

 

[Arcadian]

In relationships you have to be careful how you address certain issues because once certain words are uttered they could be things you could never take back.

So I do not 'go off' I keep it cool and collected. I have told him that he should be glad I love him enough to not just say crazy sht in the heat of the moment.

So I think though he may not always like it, but he does appreciate that fact.

-A

 

[LilMissRed]

yes. BUT he has to have REALLY (and I mean REEEEAAAALLLLYYYY) pushed THAT button (and I mean he had it have LAIDDDDDDDDD on that button)

 

[Anakinsmomma]

yes. BUT he has to have REALLY (and I mean REEEEAAAALLLLYYYY) pushed THAT button (and I mean he had it have LAIDDDDDDDDD on that button)

Exactly! I give a lot of warning that I'm about to blow.. usually five or six and if he persists.... Its not pretty.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[JayAnn0513]

I will but it's not something I take lightly. I save it so it has the desires effect. If you do it all the time he will ignore you and you end up looking crazy in the process.

 

[cheryl26]

Yes. I used to a lot but as I've gotten older, I calmed a bit. Now he has to keep nagging me for at least 30+ minutes before something is broken or I'm in his face. It's hard not to retaliate when you're called trash by a third world beggar we're so bad. I think I get a pass with some of the things I say because of our eight year (really 10 year) age difference.

 

[Dizz]

I've gone off on him once in our eight years. And like @LilMissRed said, he LAIDDDDDD on that button. But in hindsight, we were both in the wrong for how we had been handling some things for a while prior to and including that moment. It was a real turning point for us.

I am laid-back and soft-spoken (the real reason he was so shocked when I went off ), and I have never censored myself out of concern about a stereotype. The way I see it, what place does a stereotype have in a relationship? I think it's ridiculous to fear that my DH will apply some crap he's heard to me, and if this had to be a legit concern of mine, I had better put my priorities in order and start worrying about the fact that I was married to a complete idiot. "All that hearsay and those blanket statements by people I don't know generalizing a group of individuals based on the amount of visible melanin in their skin are totally correct! I will now adopt this as truth and allow it to influence my impression of this woman, whom I love! I have dedicated years of my life to understanding and sharing and growing with her, but I see now that none of that matters!"

But anyway, I think adopting honest communication for a relationship saves both parties the anguish of any blow-ups. Nip things in the bud, work them out early and together.

 

[FlowerHair]

Only once...we had a disagreement
What can I say?!

We only argue around once or twice a year anyway.

 

[NYAmicas]

Sure have & he's gone off on me before as well.

I love making up.

 

[amwcah]

No, never. I just make smart comments. He always goes off on me.

 

[ChasingBliss]

No. If I have to go off on you....I dont want to be with you...not only that but it will give him the license to go off on me and I cannot handle that. I'm not going to do anything I dont want you doing to me... It's just not necessary in my book. I can tell you what bothered me without "going off"

 

[Britt]

Yes, I have an innumerable amount of times when I was younger. With my last ex, it took me a while to really go off on him and when I did, he had to really do something to piss me the f*** off. I don't just go off for no reason at all.

 

[nappystorm]

I used to when I was younger.


Nowadays, I will check someone but if I have to go off, we are probably going to break up. I done got old and tired. That "hood love" ish is for the birds.

 

[celiabug]

I have a problem with that actualy. I've never done it in person but over the phone I can go crazy. He has a way of calming me down in person.

 

[Dposh167]

yuppers!
sure do
yup

 

[MzLady78]

I have in the past, but in retrospect, the guys that used to have to "go off" on were the guys that I shouldn't have been with in the first place.

 

[Sade]

In 6 years of being together I went off on him once in March about a month before our wedding. We were both in the wrong but he kept pushing my buttons an I let him have it. He was shocked because I never get angry at him ever. I may get annoyed but never angry that was the first and I hope the last time. We talked about it afterwards and agreed not to ever let things get to the point of one going off on the other.

 

[*5+5]

So do u ladies ever get the feeling that you wanna go off but you fold and do it a softer way? I feel myself pause sometimes and think ok, hm...don't say that.

My brother often brags about how my SIL has never once went off on him in 11 years even tho' he was quite deserving of a tounge lashing often.

 

[Taleah2009]

Yes. Sadly just happened yesterday and I feel so bad about it. It was a rough week for us with little arguments here and there that climaxed. Normally I am a really calm person but every once in a while I implode when I let stuff build

 

[*5+5]

Yes. Sadly just happened yesterday and I feel so bad about it. It was a rough week for us with little arguments here and there that climaxed. Normally I am a really calm person but every once in a while I implode when I let stuff build

@taleah2009

Are u a Taurus? I'm usually the same way I absorb things like a sponge and explode looooong after I've let things build.

 

[Taleah2009]

@taleah2009

Are u a Taurus? I'm usually the same way I absorb things like a sponge and explode looooong after I've let things build.

Omg yes! I'm a Taurus that's funny! I hate that I am that way I'm trying to work on being more expressive

 

[DarkHair]

I go off at times, however I've recently learned that I need to approach certain situations differently. One night I wanted to run downstairs and yell at DH. Instead I went downstairs and said 'honey, I'm upset about something and I need to talk to you about it'. It makes things that much better.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I use to back when I was dating but now when I get into a relationship I will not belittle my man since I desire a certain type and would never want to harm him mentally which can mess up so much in his walk and esp if I want to be seen as a sound partner in a relationship.

But if it got bad and were not married I would walk away or if I really wanted it evaluate things and possible just have a long talk.

 

[Curlybeauty]

Silent treatment beats "going off" any day

With that being said...not in my adult life.

 

[Honey Bee]

Yes. Sadly just happened yesterday and I feel so bad about it. It was a rough week for us with little arguments here and there that climaxed. Normally I am a really calm person but every once in a while I implode when I let stuff build

@taleah2009

Are u a Taurus? I'm usually the same way I absorb things like a sponge and explode looooong after I've let things build.

Omg yes! I'm a Taurus that's funny! I hate that I am that way I'm trying to work on being more expressive

Taleah2009, I thought your post sounded a little too familiar. I'm a Taurus too (*5+5, that's my bday in your sn, girl, lol) and it's the same exact thing. I try, Lawd knows I try, but this Scorpio man pushes ALL my buttons (good and bad). I'll let an issue linger for weeks until I say something, but when I finally do say something, trust, the bull is already pawing at the ground, ready to charge. I really try to avoid those conversations, so I used to hope he 'got the hint'. He didn't and the only person I can change is myself. I've gotten better with mentioning potential problems before I just. cannot. take. it. anymore, but it is very, very difficult.

 

[Truth]

@taleah2009

Are u a Taurus? I'm usually the same way I absorb things like a sponge and explode looooong after I've let things build.

Omg yes! I'm a Taurus that's funny! I hate that I am that way I'm trying to work on being more expressive

Taleah2009, I thought your post sounded a little too familiar. I'm a Taurus too (*5+5, that's my bday in your sn, girl, lol) and it's the same exact thing. I try, Lawd knows I try, but this Scorpio man pushes ALL my buttons (good and bad). I'll let an issue linger for weeks until I say something, but when I finally do say something, trust, the bull is already pawing at the ground, ready to charge. I really try to avoid those conversations, so I used to hope he 'got the hint'. He didn't and the only person I can change is myself. I've gotten better with mentioning potential problems before I just. cannot. take. it. anymore, but it is very, very difficult.

it's a Taurus thing I see All 3 of your post sound like me ....

I've gotten better at it or at least in my mind I have...let him tell it tho I do go off on him but for the most part,I sit and make smart comments. Usually my Sarcasm and snide remarks makes him angry and he leaves me alone.

 

[Honey Bee]

it's a Taurus thing I see All 3 of your post sound like me ....

I've gotten better at it or at least in my mind I have...let him tell it tho I do go off on him but for the most part,I sit and make smart comments. Usually my Sarcasm and snide remarks makes him angry and he leaves me alone.

Omg, too true. I call myself using humor to convey my feelings and it comes out as sarcasm. Oh well, it's better than the alternative (me flipping on his arse ).

 

[princessnad]

Not sure if what I do is considered "going off"

I do shout sometimes out of frustration. He does too. But it's only for a moment until we can regroup. I don't say things that I don't mean and can't take back. That's unacceptable to me. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say something out of anger, be ready to deal with it after the smoke clears.

 

[abcd09]

Once. He doesn't have an eruptive personality and is quite calm and it definitely rubs off on me. I don't like yelling and the one time I went off (he laid and rolled over on the button ) it was more like a firm talking to.

 

[SheenaVee]

OMG that Taurus thing is so weird because that is me to a tee!!! I am a very laid back person in general and I will not go off on someone unless they repeatedly do something that pisses me off. And when I say repeatedly they have to have been doing it for a while. And when I do go off people are always shocked.