do you cancel plans to hang out with your SO?

[meesch]

my bf has plans to make me a fancy dinner and be all romantical next weekend. only problem is i have already made plans that i was looking forward to.

when this happens to you and the dates fall on the same day (can't be rearranged), who gets canceled on?

 

[Seeking8Rights]

It would really depend on the seriousness of our relationship and whether or not I knew he would appreciate me breaking plans for him.

If the relationship is serious and I knew he would appreciate the fact that I broke plans for him, then I would spend time with him.

If it wasn't serious or I knew he would be acting like me breaking plans to be with him is no big deal, then I would tell him to reschedule our his plans for me another time.

If your plans are with a friend, will they be upset if you decide to hang with your man?

 

[Arian]

I wouldn't make a habit out of breaking plans unless it is something REALLY special that he wants to do for you. I agree with the above poster though--it depends on how serious the relationship is with your guy.

 

[QUEENJAMES231]

No not if the plans were already established. Like Arian said don't make a habit out of breaking plans esp. If its with close friends and family. Did your SO know about ur plans?

 

[tinkat]

my bf has plans to make me a fancy dinner and be all romantical next weekend. only problem is i have already made plans that i was looking forward to.

when this happens to you and the dates fall on the same day (can't be rearranged), who gets canceled on?

Just from past experiences I would not interrupt already made plans although the gesture is sweet. It can always made up.

 

[Windsy]

If my plans can't be rearranged, then yes I'd reschedule with my SO.

 

[UrbainChic]

I never break plans with anyone unless its something serious or a matter of personal obligation. Whoever I made plans with first usually gets my time ( except for serious matters or matters of obligation).

I see it as the value of my word, and its something I consider as a matter of character integrity. In general I think it sends the wrong message to people in your life, sort of like "you are okay, but this is better, so I will ditch you" or " i am only around you until something better comes along"

I will also put in the caveat that I do think if my SO already spent money on this activity ( surprise tickets to a show, a surprise weekend trip etc.) that would be appropriate. I highlighted that scenario because though I personally put that under the category of obligation (I don't see all obligations as negative or burdensome), I am sure many others do not.

 

[meesch]

I never break plans with anyone unless its something serious or a matter of personal obligation. Whoever I made plans with first usually gets my time ( except for serious matters or matters of obligation).

I see it as the value of my word, and its something I consider as a matter of character integrity. In general I think it sends the wrong message to people in your life, sort of like "you are okay, but this is better, so I will ditch you" or " i am only around you until something better comes along"

I will also put in the caveat that I do think if my SO already spent money on this activity ( surprise tickets to a show, a surprise weekend trip etc.) that would be appropriate. I highlighted that scenario because though I personally put that under the category of obligation (I don't see all obligations as negative or burdensome), I am sure many others do not.

yes, this. i am someone who feels like my word is my bond and that people can count on me to say what i mean, and do what i say i'm going to do. i don't feel like either party would be too upset with me if i canceled - i feel like both parties would understand - so it's just like ah i don't want to cancel on either.

if it was someone i already spend a lot of time with, like a long-term friend, then i would probably cancel on them, but my previous plans include people that i am still getting to know and cultivating friendships with and i would feel like a jerk to cancel. i wasn't even thinking of canceling until my bf said that he was really excited and looking forward to our weekend. it's already been pushed back so i kind of feel like well i dont want to be the one to cancel it now

 

[UrbainChic]

Did you accept both plans and not realize they conflicted?

 

[meesch]

Did you accept both plans and not realize they conflicted?

yep. when he brought it up i was distracted in the car and was just like ok sounds good to me.

i think he would understand if i said lets just do it the weekend after, i wish i could finagle a way to squeeze them both in the same weekend.

 

[Fine 4s]

I'm totally with UrbainChic! A value of my word...
Whoever came first Meesch... awwww I hope he's not disappointed getting all romantic and stuff awww...tell him quickly!

 

[softblackcotton]

I never break plans with anyone unless its something serious or a matter of personal obligation. Whoever I made plans with first usually gets my time ( except for serious matters or matters of obligation).

I see it as the value of my word, and its something I consider as a matter of character integrity. In general I think it sends the wrong message to people in your life, sort of like "you are okay, but this is better, so I will ditch you" or " i am only around you until something better comes along"

I will also put in the caveat that I do think if my SO already spent money on this activity ( surprise tickets to a show, a surprise weekend trip etc.) that would be appropriate. I highlighted that scenario because though I personally put that under the category of obligation (I don't see all obligations as negative or burdensome), I am sure many others do not.

I 100% agree with this. I would not ditch people I previously planned with for last minute deal with a SO unless emergency or obligatory. One of my pet peeves is women who do this sort of trifling thing. That's how people end up friend-less once they break up with the so-called SO. If its really a good relationship both people in it will still have a life outside of the relationship and not allow their whole world to revolve around the relationship. Only idiots do that.

 

[Lexsmarie]

Nope! I would not break my plans. If you and your SO plan to be together til the end of time, ya will have more than enough days to make plans or the ability to reschedule.

 

[meesch]

I 100% agree with this. I would not ditch people I previously planned with for last minute deal with a SO unless emergency or obligatory. One of my pet peeves is women who do this sort of trifling thing. That's how people end up friend-less once they break up with the so-called SO. If its really a good relationship both people in it will still have a life outside of the relationship and not allow their whole world to revolve around the relationship. Only idiots do that.

i see you edited your post.

how would you know, dear?

 

[mzcris]

from the wisdom I've learned over the years. I would carry on with my previous plans and let your guy know that you all have to reschedule that date.

 

[hopeful]

I would cancel plans for an SO. I've done it before and I'm sure I will do it again. He has done the same for me. To me it is about priorities. If your SO is your priority you care a lot about his feelings and honesty spending time with him is usually more fun than with other people. This is not to say you don't have friends or a life outside of him, but that he is clearly a priority. I know you wish you hadn't been distracted when he suggested the dinner because I'm sure you would have told him and everything would be fine. Do you see this weekend with him as pivotal? I feel like I may be rambling now but sometimes women (and men too) are so determined to keep their word with other people who are honestly not that important in the long run and end up losing a relationship that would have been far more important and impactful on their lives. I guess my point is the decision is not so black and white.

 

[Fine 4s]

...I hear you hopeful!
I think human interactions/relationships are never black and white but shades of gray...

 

[meesch]

I would cancel plans for an SO. I've done it before and I'm sure I will do it again. He has done the same for me. To me it is about priorities. If your SO is your priority you care a lot about his feelings and honesty spending time with him is usually more fun than with other people. This is not to say you don't have friends or a life outside of him, but that he is clearly a priority. I know you wish you hadn't been distracted when he suggested the dinner because I'm sure you would have told him and everything would be fine. Do you see this weekend with him as pivotal? I feel like I may be rambling now but sometimes women (and men too) are so determined to keep their word with other people who are honestly not that important in the long run and end up losing a relationship that would have been far more important and impactful on their lives. I guess my point is the decision is not so black and white.

exactly at the bolded. as a matter of fact i was just in another thread talking about how i dont have to put my life on hold and fall off the face of the planet just because i have a bf. but my problem is i accidentally made plans for the same weekend and wish i could honor them both.

as far as priorities i can definitely tell that my bf's family is his main priority. like on christmas when we had a date and were actually at the movies already, his mom texted him and asked if we would mind coming to their theater and watching a movie with them, because it was christmas and they wanted to spend it with him too. there are certain weekends where we don't make plans for a saturday because there's something going on with his family, so we will only go out that sunday.

there was recently an incident where we had plans but his sister switched weekends where she was coming home to celebrate her birthday. rather than cancel on me, he asked if i would mind coming along to her birthday dinner. then when i got there his mom told me when they first asked him, he said no, because we already had plans... obviously they persisted in not accepting the cancellation.

do i feel like i have the same obligations to my friends that he has to his family, no. but i don't necessarily feel like he is my highest priority just because i like spending time with him, even if i would maybe prefer it to my other plans. BUT, it's also like, this is kind of supposed to be a "big deal" weekend for us, and my other plans include clubbing, you know?

so it's not just "well screw my friends, this is MAH BOYFRIEND we're talking about" sometimes there are extenuating circumstances definitely not always black and white.

 

[Eritreladiee]

I would stick to the plan I made first, unless as someone else stated, there were extenuating circumstances. I'd rather tell the BF, that I got all excited about the romantical dinner etc that it hadn't occurred to me that I already had plans that I, and other folks, have been looking forward to for a lil while now. I know you mentioned it just being clubbing, but I don't think it necessarily matters, as I'm assuming you would've wanted to go if all this romantical stuff didn't come up, or was scheduled for next week. I think you'll probably have fun if you go, but if you really don't want to then don't.

Sidenote-- I don't know why, but I honestly really hate having to call someone up to cancel or reschedule plans. I'm probably a pain in the arse to make plans with, because whenever I'm invited somewhere or someone is trying to formulate plans, its always tentative lol. Always say that I gotta double check, and will get back to the person, just to confirm. I used to be so quick to say yes, but now I do that even if I know I aint got nothing to do. No more back tracking

 

[TracyNicole]

It really depends. If the plans with a friend are casual rather than something we scheduled and bought tickets for I would cancel and have dinner with SO. I think this is why it has been more difficult to maintain my friendships with singles over the years. I know some people view it as black and white and I dislike breaking my word but honestly my marriage is the priority relationship so if I double book and have to cancel on someone it won't be him. Now on the other hand of it is a special event or a friend in need that's also a different story.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I would stick with my orginal plans and I would understand if he did the same. I had to cancel plans with my girls this weekend because SO had an injury that left him immobile and he would've been by himself and in pain if I had left. I would expect him to do the same and I know he would but my friends are very ticked at me right now. I explained the situation but they are still mad. "shrugs"