BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
Why this article?
I went out with an old high school friend this past weekend and he told me he has been intimidated by me since high school. I notice this to be a common theme amongst the men I am going out with.
When we go out the night always gravitates to what I look like, what I drive, and where I work and how I need to be with 'this' (rich, tall, powerful usual) kind of man. I spend the rest of the evening defending why I am just "a little black girl from DC" and just like everyone else.
Now, I hang out with very intelligent, attractive men with good/great jobs and they are moving up in the world so there's no reason they should feel inadequete in my opinion. I am gettting very annoyed because now I see its preventing guys from approaching me. The only ones I hang with are guys that know me through someone and see that I am very easily approachable.
Do you think men are intimidated by successful women or people in general? Do you think men will be honest when asked this question? What do you do to encourage a men that its not a competition and you dont mind where he is right now (assuming he wont be 'here' forever)?
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Do Successful Women Intimidate Men?
Are smart, successful women intimidating? We asked men what they think.
by Lyz Baranowski
Christine is a 41 year-old New Yorker. She has competed in 11 marathons, runs her own consulting firm and is working on her Ph.D. She is also single. Christine recalls, "I recently had a male friend tell me, 'Chris, men just want a woman who's going to be home and be a great wife and mother. You're too intense. Look at you, you're going 100 mph all the time, no guy wants that.'"
"I am attractive, in gosh-darn good shape, fun, great sense of humor, full of energy and life, smart and ambitious," says Christine. "You would think these are qualities men would like—and most [men] say they do—but sooner or later, I feel like they begin feeling inferior or inadequate as a man or breadwinner." Christine isn't alone in her frustration. According to the book Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, over half of single women believe that their success is intimidating to men.
So, do women really intimidate men? We asked men what they thought and were surprised by their answers.
http://www.burstnet.com/ads/ad20751f-map.cgi/BCPG161449.229647.280071/SZ=300X100A/V=2.3S//REDIRURL
"Strong, aggressive, ambitious people intimidate weak, passive, lackadaisical people regardless of sex. They remind these people of the existential crisis that cause their current state of being," says Daniel, 25, a Web editor from Boston. "It's the gap in intelligence—not gender—that causes the intimidation."
Jeff Kamp, 30, a software engineer, agrees, "The intimidated male might not be intimidated by the woman, but by the power, ambition and aggressiveness, and his reaction may cause a woman to see it as her being a woman."
A few men even admitted that they thought women cried intimidation as a cop out. "Do strong career minded women intimidate guys? I doubt it," says Joe Woods a 25 year-old a hardware engineer living in Iowa. "It probably has more to do with these women having chosen to spend their time and effort trying to accomplish other goals instead of pursuing and working on relationships."
"It's totally an excuse," says Clouds. "Men use it when they can't meet women too."
Scott White, 29, is a fitness instructor and doesn't even consider the possibility of intimidation. "No way no how," says White, adding, "although, I am not intimidated by much, especially not women. I know this answer sounds a bit crude maybe or chauvinistic…why would I ever be intimidated by a woman?"
Recent research supports these conclusions. According to the 2005 Current Population Survey, a single 30-year-old woman is more likely to marry by age 40 if she has a graduate degree than if she doesn't. But Jane Scandurra, producer and director of the documentary Single warns against reading too much into these statistics. "Either biologically or sociologically men have it ingrained in their minds that it is a competition," says Scandurra. "There may be some guys out there who aren't intimidated, but are there enough?"
"Of course men deny it," laughed Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem a family therapist. "they just aren't telling the truth because the question intimidates them."
But other men aren't so quick to deny being intimidated. Jesse, a 26 year-old seminary student living in California, says, "Honestly, when it comes down to it, all men have a little bit of both inside them, simply because of the historical dominance of males in society. Men inherit milllennia years of social and hierarchical dominance and either knowingly or unknowingly have an irrational fear of losing their 'territory.'"
Jon Doane, 30, agrees. He admits he found his wife intimidating when they first met. "She is smart and kind," says Jon, "but [the intimidation] wasn't her issue, it was mine."
For many men like Jon, the power politics of intimidation also have sexual connotations. "As a younger single man, I was intimidated by the women I was attracted to; the more sexually attracted I was, the more intimidated I felt," says Bruce Alexander, 37. "They had the power to grant or deny my romantic desires and, whether they knew it or not, they wielded that power. I believe it was a combination of a lack of self-confidence on my part and the natural forces inherent in sexual relationships.
And for some, the answer is not so simple. "The real problem may be considering women who are unmarried to be failures," says Mark Anderson, 42. "We don't usually think of unmarried guys in this way, if their lives are going well otherwise. Especially if they are very successful in other ways.
Yet, while there are no clear answers, it is evident that as society grows and changes the issue of how men and women interact is an ever evolving and complicated one. Women today lead richer lives and settle down for love and companionship, rather than out of social pressure or economic necessity.
And the good news is, some men find this to be a good thing. Says Christopherson, "There are many men who are attracted (both sexually and socially) to strong, powerful and/or influential women. They see these traits as contributing to the complexity of that woman's character and personality."
And he's right. According to Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, 2005 Current Population Survey data shows, "Successful women in their 30s have options—and [women] in their late 30s are significantly more likely to walk down the aisle than their less accomplished sisters."
So there are good guys out there, now it's just a matter of finding them.
I went out with an old high school friend this past weekend and he told me he has been intimidated by me since high school. I notice this to be a common theme amongst the men I am going out with.
When we go out the night always gravitates to what I look like, what I drive, and where I work and how I need to be with 'this' (rich, tall, powerful usual) kind of man. I spend the rest of the evening defending why I am just "a little black girl from DC" and just like everyone else.
Now, I hang out with very intelligent, attractive men with good/great jobs and they are moving up in the world so there's no reason they should feel inadequete in my opinion. I am gettting very annoyed because now I see its preventing guys from approaching me. The only ones I hang with are guys that know me through someone and see that I am very easily approachable.
Do you think men are intimidated by successful women or people in general? Do you think men will be honest when asked this question? What do you do to encourage a men that its not a competition and you dont mind where he is right now (assuming he wont be 'here' forever)?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Do Successful Women Intimidate Men?
Are smart, successful women intimidating? We asked men what they think.
by Lyz Baranowski
Christine is a 41 year-old New Yorker. She has competed in 11 marathons, runs her own consulting firm and is working on her Ph.D. She is also single. Christine recalls, "I recently had a male friend tell me, 'Chris, men just want a woman who's going to be home and be a great wife and mother. You're too intense. Look at you, you're going 100 mph all the time, no guy wants that.'"
"I am attractive, in gosh-darn good shape, fun, great sense of humor, full of energy and life, smart and ambitious," says Christine. "You would think these are qualities men would like—and most [men] say they do—but sooner or later, I feel like they begin feeling inferior or inadequate as a man or breadwinner." Christine isn't alone in her frustration. According to the book Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, over half of single women believe that their success is intimidating to men.
So, do women really intimidate men? We asked men what they thought and were surprised by their answers.
http://www.burstnet.com/ads/ad20751f-map.cgi/BCPG161449.229647.280071/SZ=300X100A/V=2.3S//REDIRURL
"Strong, aggressive, ambitious people intimidate weak, passive, lackadaisical people regardless of sex. They remind these people of the existential crisis that cause their current state of being," says Daniel, 25, a Web editor from Boston. "It's the gap in intelligence—not gender—that causes the intimidation."
Jeff Kamp, 30, a software engineer, agrees, "The intimidated male might not be intimidated by the woman, but by the power, ambition and aggressiveness, and his reaction may cause a woman to see it as her being a woman."
A few men even admitted that they thought women cried intimidation as a cop out. "Do strong career minded women intimidate guys? I doubt it," says Joe Woods a 25 year-old a hardware engineer living in Iowa. "It probably has more to do with these women having chosen to spend their time and effort trying to accomplish other goals instead of pursuing and working on relationships."
"It's totally an excuse," says Clouds. "Men use it when they can't meet women too."
Scott White, 29, is a fitness instructor and doesn't even consider the possibility of intimidation. "No way no how," says White, adding, "although, I am not intimidated by much, especially not women. I know this answer sounds a bit crude maybe or chauvinistic…why would I ever be intimidated by a woman?"
Recent research supports these conclusions. According to the 2005 Current Population Survey, a single 30-year-old woman is more likely to marry by age 40 if she has a graduate degree than if she doesn't. But Jane Scandurra, producer and director of the documentary Single warns against reading too much into these statistics. "Either biologically or sociologically men have it ingrained in their minds that it is a competition," says Scandurra. "There may be some guys out there who aren't intimidated, but are there enough?"
"Of course men deny it," laughed Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem a family therapist. "they just aren't telling the truth because the question intimidates them."
But other men aren't so quick to deny being intimidated. Jesse, a 26 year-old seminary student living in California, says, "Honestly, when it comes down to it, all men have a little bit of both inside them, simply because of the historical dominance of males in society. Men inherit milllennia years of social and hierarchical dominance and either knowingly or unknowingly have an irrational fear of losing their 'territory.'"
Jon Doane, 30, agrees. He admits he found his wife intimidating when they first met. "She is smart and kind," says Jon, "but [the intimidation] wasn't her issue, it was mine."
For many men like Jon, the power politics of intimidation also have sexual connotations. "As a younger single man, I was intimidated by the women I was attracted to; the more sexually attracted I was, the more intimidated I felt," says Bruce Alexander, 37. "They had the power to grant or deny my romantic desires and, whether they knew it or not, they wielded that power. I believe it was a combination of a lack of self-confidence on my part and the natural forces inherent in sexual relationships.
And for some, the answer is not so simple. "The real problem may be considering women who are unmarried to be failures," says Mark Anderson, 42. "We don't usually think of unmarried guys in this way, if their lives are going well otherwise. Especially if they are very successful in other ways.
Yet, while there are no clear answers, it is evident that as society grows and changes the issue of how men and women interact is an ever evolving and complicated one. Women today lead richer lives and settle down for love and companionship, rather than out of social pressure or economic necessity.
And the good news is, some men find this to be a good thing. Says Christopherson, "There are many men who are attracted (both sexually and socially) to strong, powerful and/or influential women. They see these traits as contributing to the complexity of that woman's character and personality."
And he's right. According to Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, 2005 Current Population Survey data shows, "Successful women in their 30s have options—and [women] in their late 30s are significantly more likely to walk down the aisle than their less accomplished sisters."
So there are good guys out there, now it's just a matter of finding them.
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...I need some advice on this. Thanks Bunny. 
Not only are people who care about each other known to support each other, many even take pride in the other's accomplishments!!! 
ITA. As sad as I was about not making the cheerleading squad earlier this year, I am extemely happy now that I think about it. I met my SO on a night where I would have been at practice instead of the grocery store where I met him. That hobby does not allow you to have a healthy realtionship with anyone unless you absolutely have nothing else going on in your life. Unfortunately for me I went to school, worked, and I was on the squad and had fulfill their requirements in order to remain on the team. My one good friend who is 32 and still on the squad complains about not being married and having kids yet. I was like honestly you need to quit the team and move on in your life, this organization is one of the big reasons why you are not where you want to be right now. You've been cheering for 10 seasons,and you cant meet anyone being at practice 20 hours a week in addition to working your full time job as a teacher. Something has to give.
. He flirted but it didnt go any further. I guess I need to expand my friend base.
about the money I could be making, I'd also be 
@ bolded.
