Do Black Women need a Dating Coach?

[Dellas]

Des Oconnor is the Black Dating Expert and Life Coaching Specialist who is dedicated to providing Single Black Women with simple, proven tools and resources on how they can find and attract a Good Black Man into their lives.

He hosts well-attended workshops and seminars on how Single Black Women and Single Black Men can improve their communication and self-presentation to connect for dating, love and successful relationships.

http://www.desoconnors.com/

 

[Ladybelle]

No. what black women need is enough self-respect & confidence to not waste their hard earned dollars learning how to be what they already are.

 

[Raspberry]

lol. While I want to dismiss this man, I won't rule out the idea there may be women who would benefit from his coaching. There are a lot of emotionally bruised up women with dysfunctional mindsets out there related to dating and relationships.

 

[Gigi-07]

Should we need it? No.
Do some bw need it though? Yes.

I just hope he gives the right advice, not the typical bs some bm say.

 

[Lynnerie]

(Des Oconnor is the Black Dating Expert and Life Coaching Specialist who is dedicated to providing Single Black Women with simple, proven tools and resources on how they can find and attract a Good Black Man into their lives.)

PLEASE! Even if his advice is good not EVERY black woman is going to end up with a good black men.

Why not focus on meeting a good man in general? How about teaching women how to recognize a good man and expose the ones that aren't worth ish?

 

[awhyley]

His website looks cheesy.

 

[Rastafarai]

I know Des and many black women come to him for advice. I can't give the man wrong. He's helped many, and also hosts parties where black women can mingle with eligible black men. At least he's trying to do something to bring black folk together. He's quite popular in the London circle.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Alot of people in general need a dating coach not just black women.

 

[Syrah]

I always wonder, what makes one an expert on dating?!

 

[Raspberry]

I always wonder, what makes one an expert on dating?!

Being a man

 

[LivingDol1]

i wouldn't hire a black man as my dating coach, that's for sure.

i think certain personality types need dating coaches... but not black women as a whole.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Assuming that we needed a dating coach, we already have one here.

Her name is Bunny77, and I think she gives far better advice than any of the so-called experts out there.

Hehe...

 

[MzLady78]

i wouldn't hire a black man as my dating coach, that's for sure.

i think certain personality types need dating coaches... but not black women as a whole.

Why wouldn't you hire a BM as a coach?

Some of the best advice I've been given about BM has come from other BM. If you talk to one who doesn't have anything to gain by being less than straight up with you, you can get some really helpful insight.

As for whether or not BW need one, I'm torn. I'm a little tired of the sudden obsession with the dating lives (or lack thereof) of BW. And Why is it ALWAYS on us to do the work? I know plenty of single BW and you can't convince me that they ALL need to "work on themselves" before they can land a man.

But I also think we have more working against us in terms of finding dateable men, so maybe some could benefit from it.

 

[Bunny77]

Assuming that we needed a dating coach, we already have one here.

Her name is Bunny77, and I think she gives far better advice than any of the so-called experts out there.

Hehe...

You are TOO kind, seriously!

The funny thing is, I had an informal dating coach and I got a lot of my wisdom from her. Who knows, I might not have given my fiance much of a chance if not for her advice! So as much as I laughed about the idea of a dating "coach," it really benefitted me, and I see how it's good to have someone with a neutral perspective (as in, he/she doesn't know the man and doesn't have ulterior motives to keep us together/break us apart) giving advice!

That being said, I see this two ways. Like therapy, I think a lot of us could probably benefit from some type of dating coach if we aren't getting the results we want. I think that too many black women, unfortunately, were also not given valuable guidance about successful ways to date, and were often left to our own devices in terms of finding a mate.

However, like Danell said, I think the advice should be focused on being with a good man, period, not just a black man. I don't mean that in the sense of IR dating, but in the fact that I don't think there need to be special instructions for finding a "Good Black Man." Black men aren't some separate species or some species that need to be put on a pedestal so that black women have to work harder to get one.

If black women are given good advice on attracting good MEN, to me, that should encompass finding a good black man.

 

[Bunny77]

Why wouldn't you hire a BM as a coach?

Some of the best advice I've been given about BM has come from other BM. If you talk to one who doesn't have anything to gain by being less than straight up with you, you can get some really helpful insight.

As for whether or not BW need one, I'm torn. I'm a little tired of the sudden obsession with the dating lives (or lack thereof) of BW. And Why is it ALWAYS on us to do the work? I know plenty of single BW and you can't convince me that they ALL need to "work on themselves" before they can land a man.

But I also think we have more working against us in terms of finding dateable men, so maybe some could benefit from it.

I absolutely agree with the bolded. 100%.

I see dating coaches differently though. I didn't need someone to tell me that I needed to change myself to get a man, but it was interesting for her to suggest that I should play up other characteristics that I might not show as much to attract the type of men that I wanted. Sometimes, it's all in the packaging!

The other thing that I think can help (and I see this regardless of race) is being able to identify the men that are worth your time and which ones are time wasters. I don't think black women are so horribly warped that they are incapable of getting a good man... but having a neutral party might help us interpret certain signals that tell us to keep proceeding with a certain guy or to kick that guy to the curb.

I think the whole "working on yourself" advice is fine up to a point. After that, it's more about learning how to find and deal with the right types of men.

 

[Makenzie]

I don't see a problem with it. As with anything we want to succeed at in life, we train for it, or we are taught it. If our one way is not working, what's wrong with gaining a different perspective?

 

[Aicer]

Not all Black women need dating coaches. Some... maybe
But I think a dating coach of some sort will be more useful for black men.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

I think anyone who is single could possibly benefit from the GOOD dating coach. You don't know how you come off when you're dating; its important to get an introspective look on how others perceive you romantically.

 

[ArrrBeee]

I absolutely agree with the bolded. 100%.

I see dating coaches differently though. I didn't need someone to tell me that I needed to change myself to get a man, but it was interesting for her to suggest that I should play up other characteristics that I might not show as much to attract the type of men that I wanted. Sometimes, it's all in the packaging!

The other thing that I think can help (and I see this regardless of race) is being able to identify the men that are worth your time and which ones are time wasters. I don't think black women are so horribly warped that they are incapable of getting a good man... but having a neutral party might help us interpret certain signals that tell us to keep proceeding with a certain guy or to kick that guy to the curb.

I think the whole "working on yourself" advice is fine up to a point. After that, it's more about learning how to find and deal with the right types of men.

Do you mind elaborating on the bolded?

 

[Bunny77]

Do you mind elaborating on the bolded?

Sure thing.

I work around a lot of men in my everyday life, and I'm pretty good at laughing and joking with them, talking about sports and just being "cool." Now, men might like that and feel comfortable around me, but being "cool" didn't lead to me being desired for dating purposes.

So, my friend asked me to think about other qualities that I had that were appealing. She said that I should be careful of letting conversations on dates get into the sports realm and emphasize those other qualities I had that many people might not know until they really got to know me.

For me, that simply meant talking about other interests that I had and not falling back on being "sports girl." Of course I would mention it somewhat, but making that the sole focus of my date would usually mean an instant ticket to the friend zone.

 

[calmsensual1]

i wouldn't hire a black man as my dating coach, that's for sure.

i think certain personality types need dating coaches... but not black women as a whole.

ROFL you wrong for that!

 

[LivingDol1]

ROFL you wrong for that!

am i? i don't -mean- to be but it comes off wrong in reading it again. i guess i was just turned off by the whole "teach a black woman how to attract a black man" like he's some prized possession... and recalling threads that say black women are bottom of the barrel... it makes me sick.

i think i've been reading too many comments posted on worldstarhiphop.com and the news... all neg neg neg.

i don't care what color a dude's skin is. i want to find a good man. that is what dating coaches should be promoting... not race specifically.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Sure thing.

I work around a lot of men in my everyday life, and I'm pretty good at laughing and joking with them, talking about sports and just being "cool." Now, men might like that and feel comfortable around me, but being "cool" didn't lead to me being desired for dating purposes.

So, my friend asked me to think about other qualities that I had that were appealing. She said that I should be careful of letting conversations on dates get into the sports realm and emphasize those other qualities I had that many people might not know until they really got to know me.

For me, that simply meant talking about other interests that I had and not falling back on being "sports girl." Of course I would mention it somewhat, but making that the sole focus of my date would usually mean an instant ticket to the friend zone.

Thanks for elaborating.