Divorce

[cookie1]

I am so sorry you are going through this . I don't think you need to go through this on your own. you should seek professional help. Or go to a church near by. I know that it sounds cliche to tell you this. But God will never forsake you. He will never give you something that you cannot handle. He WIll get you through this. You have to trust him and ask him for guidance. One of my favorite songs is "MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS" by Kirk Franklin, If you get the chance listen to it.

I totally agree! You have a whole community (LHCF sistas) behind you so vent because it helps. We've all been through some form of break-up and can offer advice which helps also. But, you have to pray on this one because "what God put together shouldn't be altered by no Man."

Get you a lawyer and fight. He want you to pay everything- well I bet the other woman isn't having to pay for everything. That's not right of her or him because if for nobody else they should both have your daughter best interest at heart. You sound stronger than you think so just stay that way and like another member said make sure you look good everyday (not for him but, for you) it'll help you feel better about you. If you're dedicating all of your time to the house- get out and about if only for a walk- make him stay home w/your daughter. Not saying, dump her but, you'll need that private time to clear your mind and think. Don't put this off on you because you didnt' do it..he's thinking the grass is greener and he'll find out different maybe tomorrow maybe some years but, dont' wait for him. My heart is hurting for you and I'm praying for your strength, esteem, and endurance. Everyday gets a little better just try not worry.

I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM AND WANT THIS TO WORK BUT, WANTING ALONE IS NOTHING. I HOPE HE DOESN'T HAVE YOU ON SOME ROLLERCOASTER. I THINK HE MIGHT'VE BEEN LOVING THIS OTHER WOMAN AND THAT IS A PROBLEM. PLEASE DON'T LET YOUR VULNERABILITY HAVE YOU DEFENSELESS...MAKE HIM GO TO COUNSELING..AND THE DOCTOR..I LIVE IN IOWA AND THEM THANGS ARE LOOSE..(NASTY)..THESE BLACK MEN BE TURNED OUT BECAUSE THEY'LL DO ANYTHING WHENEVER...WHEREVER.. TO WHOEVER..

 

[LightEyedMami]

Something about this whole thing isn't right!....i think your husband is witholding the truth of why he REALLY came back from "becky", please keep your eyes open, condoms on, and bags packed, because i have a strong,weird feeling that something will jump off

 

[yellagirl730]

Something about this whole thing isn't right!....i think your husband is witholding the truth of why he REALLY came back from "becky", please keep your eyes open, condoms on, and bags packed, because i have a strong,weird feeling that something will jump off

You were so correct. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

 

[soulfusion]

(((yella))) I read this months ago and was hoping for a good outcome. I take it from your update ^^^ that something happened. Just remember to look out for YOUR wellbeing. Things will get better ... hang in there.

 

[january noir]

Hey Yella'
Hope you are doing fine girl! Don't let NO man (not even your husband or father of your child) break you down and STEAL your JOY!
Care to share what's the status?

 

[deltadreamland]

You were so correct. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

I can only imagine what he did, but I know how TRIFLING and DECEPTIVE a lot of men can be-been there several times before. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can find peace and eventually get past this.

 

[mscocoface]

Ohh I am so sorry to hear this. You and all invovled are in my prayers.

 

[Ganjababy]

OP you now sound angry, that is a good sign, I am really sorry if it did not work out but at least you are now ready (hopefully) to kick some butts

 

[deltadreamland]

OP you now sound angry, that is a good sign, I am really sorry if it did not work out but at least you are now ready (hopefully) to kick some butts

I agree with the bolded. Anger makes you handle your business the right way when you've been trampled on.

 

[exoticmommie]

You were so correct. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

You are in my prayers hon. Please keep us updated.

 

[EbonyEyes]

You were so correct. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

I just saw this thread for the first time. I read it from the beginning and chills were just running down my spine as you described the pain this man had inflicted upon you. When I read your post in June that you and your husband were trying to work things out, tears actually began to form in my eyes because I knew that this story wasn't over.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I truly wish that I could give you a hug right now (I'm sure many other ladies here feel the same way). But I hope you know that you have love and support here on this forum.

I have not experienced what you are experiencing right now but I do know what it's like to be hurt, angry, and depressed. But I also know what it's like to be on the other side and to say that it was God that brought you through.

Cling to God like you never have before. He is going to bring you out and you will be a stronger woman. Great things lie ahead for you - you just have to hold to your faith while you go through the wilderness.

Every part of you (your heart, your mind, your emotions, your spirit, and your daughter) will be in my prayers.

 

[yellagirl730]

He told me he only came back because he has no place else to go. Becky put himout because he was still paying the bills here. I feel so stupid and used. I am unsure what is going on with him as he has made it clear that he doesn't want me but I feel him during the night massaging (not sexual) me, I told him last night to remove his hand and to never touch me again.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

He told me he only came back because he has no place else to go. Becky put himout because he was still paying the bills here. I feel so stupid and used. I am unsure what is going on with him as he has made it clear that he doesn't want me but I feel him during the night massaging (not sexual) me, I told him last night to remove his hand and to never touch me again.

Aka... "She doesn't love me, so you're option # 2."
This is hurtful, because he still doesn't love you, and he's only looking to survive. He doesn't think you will kick him out.

It's not my place to tell you whether or not you should kick him out, BUT I will say that you need to re-evaluate and establish how you will "make it" without him.

 

[yellagirl730]

Aka... "She doesn't love me, so you're option # 2."
This is hurtful, because he still doesn't love you, and he's only looking to survive. He doesn't think you will kick him out.

It's not my place to tell you whether or not you should kick him out, BUT I will say that you need to re-evaluate and establish how you will "make it" without h.
You are so right, but to treat someone like this I just don't understand. He says he still loves me but of course he doesn't but one thing I know for sure "What goes around comes around" and he will get his in the end.

 

[balancegoals2009]

You have to be strong for you and your child , let him go, find you a support from, family, friends , co worker , counselor etcc you sound like you are dependent on your husband . Yes one day he willl get what he deserve, don't wait for that day let him go or you leave and get your on things and support your self and child. Get an attroney or legal Aide , file separtion papers , put him on child support and maybe alimony who knows what you can get, Stop being sad and depressed , people want help you untill you want help yourself . This the best adviced I can give you , I wish I could help you. I know too many women who been in this situation , this is hard on the women and children. He getting his cake and Ice cream , meaning you and the other lady . Let his butt go . Sorry not being mean but you had written this post In April and thats long enough to be depressed over someone who dont care about you . Be blessed

 

[Southernbella.]

Maybe it's just me, but I'd let the negro keep paying the bills while I stacked my money and got all my ducks in a row. Everybody always talks about the men who up and leave you high and dry, but yours didn't and I'd take FULL advantage of that.

No sex, no love, no affection, but let him keep paying. That's the LEAST his arse can do.

 

[Evolving78]

Maybe it's just me, but I'd let the negro keep paying the bills while I stacked my money and got all my ducks in a row. Everybody always talks about the men who up and leave you high and dry, but yours didn't and I'd take FULL advantage of that.

No sex, no love, no affection, but let him keep paying. That's the LEAST his arse can do.

ITA, but that will be hard. you need to get some counseling too and start focusing your energy on yourself and your plan of action. this man's heart has turned cold towards you. this is something that you are going to have to realize. even though he is still paying the bills, he is being very dependent on you for emotional stability. if you are going to allow him to stay there, you have got to get a life outside of that house that doesn't include him. you need an outlet, or he will just suck the life out of you. from my experience, it is hard and emotionally draining staying in a relationship that just makes you miserable, for the sake of depending on someone for something.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

ITA, but that will be hard. you need to get some counseling too and start focusing your energy on yourself and your plan of action. this man's heart has turned cold towards you. this is something that you are going to have to realize. even though he is still paying the bills, he is being very dependent on you for emotional stability. if you are going to allow him to stay there, you have got to get a life outside of that house that doesn't include him. you need an outlet, or he will just suck the life out of you. from my experience, it is hard and emotionally draining staying in a relationship that just makes you miserable, for the sake of depending on someone for something.

You're right, but if yella girl does what SB says while focusing on herself, she'll be glowing in no time... and can serve *him* the papers and keep it moving. At the very least, if he's military, she can enjoy the military benefits a while longer. They're giving spouses $6,000 for their education as a grant.

 

[donna894]

You were so correct. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

I know you are hurting, but when you have feelings like that, he is consuming you. And he is so not worth it. Life can be full and wonderful even without him. Focus on loving yourself and planning a bright future for you and your daughter. You know we're here to support you.

He told me he only came back because he has no place else to go. Becky put him out because he was still paying the bills here. I feel so stupid and used. I am unsure what is going on with him as he has made it clear that he doesn't want me but I feel him during the night massaging (not sexual) me, I told him last night to remove his hand and to never touch me again.

Huh??? But I thought Becky loved him??? (sarcasm) You mean to tell me when she realized she wasn't going to get any big bucks from him just sex, she put him out??? SMH!!! She knew he was married and had a child. Did she really expect him to walk away from his financial obligations??? Wow... that says a lot about her and what she thinks of him. I stand by my earlier statement: She is pure trash!!! He was just being used!! He's the one that should feel stupid: to leave his daughter and wreck a family for what - some sleazebag! What is going on with him that he couldn't see that? Do you think he's depressed or going through a mid-life crisis or is mixing medications? I'm not making excuses for him, just trying to figure ole boy out.

Whatever's going on with him, he's showing no respect for himself, you or his child. He sounds like the type to take your kindness for weakness. I mean for him to come back home, act like he wants to reunite the family and then finally admit he's only back cuz Becky threw him out!! He doesn't seem to care that he's hurting you and your daughter.

I hope that you will be able to remain calm and focused so that you can do what's best for you and your child. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

 

[yellagirl730]

This has all been so hard, he and I haven't had a conversation(not that I have anything to say to him) since I told him to get his hand off me and I told him later to never touch me again. Just the thought makes me sick.

 

[prettynatural]

 

[new-life]

This has all been so hard, he and I haven't had a conversation(not that I have anything to say to him) since I told him to get his hand off me and I told him later to never touch me again. Just the thought makes me sick.

OKAYYY....SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??

 

[donna894]

This has all been so hard, he and I haven't had a conversation(not that I have anything to say to him) since I told him to get his hand off me and I told him later to never touch me again. Just the thought makes me sick.

I am so sorry for your pain. Just take things one day at a time. What you're going to do is a big question that will take time to figure out. Is there a pastor or anyone that you can talk to?

 

[onyxdreams]

Life is to short to have to deal with this type of drama,even if he pays the bills.Create a plan and please leave him in the past.As soon as you can move away and on your self esteem will retrun.I'M SO SORRY YOUR DEALING WITH THIS ISSUE.

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

I am really sorry that you're going through this. I've been in a situation similar to this, where my ex and I lived together, but we weren't together. We slept in separate rooms and it's a hard situation to be in. You always wonder 'What did I do to deserve this?" There is no real answer, no one deserves that.

It takes time and faith to get through this, you and your child(ren) are in my prayers.

 

[DayStar]

this is so sad to read...how can a man be that cold?..damn

 

[donna894]

deleted....

 

[balancegoals2009]

This has all been so hard, he and I haven't had a conversation(not that I have anything to say to him) since I told him to get his hand off me and I told him later to never touch me again. Just the thought makes me sick.

I sorrry you need need a plan , get out before something happen , their no love in this relationship.

 

[yellagirl730]

Update, Don't know if I stated earlier. I let him come back thinking that he wanted to be with me, hah. He didn't, just did not have anywhere else to go. I have since lost my job and feel like my world is ending but I have to believe that God has something else in store for me, while not being a religious person, I am holding on to that. I am asking again please keep my daughter and myself in your prayers.

 

[donna894]

Wow... You're dealing with a lot. Look into getting resources for you and your daughter. Did you receive unemployment and/or a severance? There should be some resources out there that can help you. You might want to post on the Christianity forum as well.