Diverting A Financial Gift to FUTURE In-Laws

[kimpaur]

Every time I come in this thread, I get mad.

The audacity. Reminds me to never tell anyone,let alone a boyfriend, how much money I’m working with.

 

[KimPossibli]

this makes me wonder

why dont ppl talk about why being asked for money in relationships of all types changes the relations dynamics and sometimes the power dynamics

when ppl give/loan money to ppl, the giver often becomes hyper aware of the receivers general all around use of money. and in some cases potentially resentful if the giver knows they cant rely on the persons in simialr/ necessary fashion

Imagine in laws opening their mouth to disapproving of my behaviour when I know I'm responsible for their very living

bad business

 

[huxtable]

If the parents don't have enough for their old age and the son wants to rectify this then ok get a second job, make some investments etc. But for him to so readily ask her makes me think he knew exactly what he was doing when he hooked up with her.

Her getting a financial gift or not, he was eventually going to ask her for money anyway because he knows her family have means.

 

[sky_blu]

Absolutely NOT! I've learned my lesson. I've never given money to my SO's parent but after we combined households - never again - he was still financially taking care of his mother and we went out a lot less and he was broke a lot more. Oh yeah is mother has a full time job. Towards the end of our relationship he accidentally slipped that the new car his mother had just got was paid for in full by him. Just another nail in the closing coffin for me. You don't want to take me out but bought her a new car when her old car (which he paid for too) was working just fine? Ugh! Money should be talked about prior to marriage IMO because you need to know your partners money habits to make sure its cohesive with yours. Even in the bf/gf stage you may not divulge actual numbers but you can still talk about money.

 

[chocolat79]

This makes me think of Vanessa Bryant's Mom, and they were married. She should definitely not have told him AND what's his plan for his parents? They are not her responsibility.

 

[nyeredzi]

Here’s the advice given by the Slate Columnist

...

The fact that your boyfriend asked you to consider the possibility of giving some of the money to his parents suggests that he’s reasonably open to such compromises, that he doesn’t want to force your hand, and that he’s also interested in setting money aside for a home or for future childcare.

Compromise?! This chick playing. What, exactly is the compromise? I'm legit confused. Is the compromise that he only wants to give some of her money away to his parents rather than all of it, and he's gracious enough to let her keep some for her own household? Giirrrrrlll, I guess.

 

[LiftedUp]

When it comes to money, I feel that women should NOT divulge all their financial info.

This!

 

[Ganjababy]

I would call off the wedding. I would not even explain why. That is a huge red flag.

 

[SoniT]

Boyfriend got a lot of nerve. They're not even engaged yet.