Difficult Decisions

[Keshieshimmer]

You're definitely right about FWB not working out. I have started to focus on other things such as school,work and becoming a better person overall. But it seems like he just still want to hang around. I just dont get it

That is when you tell him to stop calling. Or you stop answering.

 

[hopeful]

He's just trying to keep you around just in case... But you don't want to be that person, do you? The person he calls just in case he needs something, just in case he is lonely. And what will you get in return? Nothing. The wife gets his primary attention, gifts, holidays, etc. There is nothing he can give you anymore since the relationship was based on sex. It just has to be over whether he wants it to be or not.

 

[Cheleigh]

You're definitely right about FWB not working out. I have started to focus on other things such as school,work and becoming a better person overall. But it seems like he just still want to hang around. I just dont get it

Because like Raspberry said above, he might love his future wife, and he might be getting married for whatever reasons, but that doesn't always carry through to his actions. A lot of men have a difficult time cutting loose the OGs and focusing on his new wife. This is not a unique situation. Women, however, sometimes act brand new and want to keep living the fantasy--"well if he REALLY loved her/wants to be with her, why does he keep calling me?"

He keeps calling you because he wants to keep all his options open for as long as the other women in his life will let him do so. He "should" be man enough to be 100% abt his new relationship. But just because he's failing to do the right thing, you, nor anyone else, has to be complicit in it.

 

[Mai Tai]

You're definitely right about FWB not working out. I have started to focus on other things such as school,work and becoming a better person overall. But it seems like he just still want to hang around. I just dont get it

He is testing you girl. It will start with small, non-sexual favors to see if you will still drop everything to accomodate his needs and wants. Soon he will be asking you to yank his chain so please drop this dude and let him find some other fool to fall for the okie-doke.

 

[LoveisYou]

I hope you realize you are better than some married man's floozie. I really do want you to know you are far better than that, please leave this one alone and concentrate on meeting the man who will respect, prioritize and want to make you his wife.

 

[ambergirl]

Because like Raspberry said above, he might love his future wife, and he might be getting married for whatever reasons, but that doesn't always carry through to his actions. A lot of men have a difficult time cutting loose the OGs and focusing on his new wife. This is not a unique situation. Women, however, sometimes act brand new and want to keep living the fantasy--"well if he REALLY loved her/wants to be with her, why does he keep calling me?"

He keeps calling you because he wants to keep all his options open for as long as the other women in his life will let him do so. He "should" be man enough to be 100% abt his new relationship. But just because he's failing to do the right thing, you, nor anyone else, has to be complicit in it.

Agree with every word of your post. He's marrying the other woman for a reason and his calling you doesn't mean he's questioning his decision to get married or has caught some feelings for you.

I would tell him you're not comfortable with the phone calls and advice and that he should be building that kind of relationship with her. If you really want to get rid of him with a quickness, ask him how he would feel if future wifey had some former FWBs she was calling asking for favors and seeking advice?

 

[vevster]

I knew that I would need to stop talking to him but I didnt think I had to cut him off completely. Thanks ladies for the feedback.

What is the difference between 'talking to him' and 'cutting him off completely'?

Because if you cut him off completely, you are 'talking to him'.

This is just silly.

When he asks for favors you should say, "Don't you have a fiancee that can handle this? Why me?"

I want a specific example of the last two favors he has asked for.

Is she picking up dry cleaning? hno:

 

[Luvmycurl]

^^^^^ He will ask me to attend different events with him or go exercise with him. Like you said I always ask where is your fiancee and he always says at work. I just decline everytime but Im to the point where Im just going to ignore the calls cause its silly to keep answering knowing what he is going to say.