Difficult Decisions

Luvmycurl

Luvmycurl

New Member
Ok ladies Im going to try and make this short and sweet.....

A very close male friend of mine for three years is getting married next month. Im very excited for him but at the same time Im a little upset. When we first met we were just platonic friends and would talk about everything. After about a year we became physical. I have met all of his family and the same with mine. Mind you we were never dating because the age difference is about 12 years. So he was more or less my "Big Poppa". He mentioned the girl one day and I told him you never know what can happen....but I didnt mean for him to marry the girl!! Now he calls me constantly and asks for personal favors. I declined because I didnt feel right about that. But what makes him think its okay to ask for those type of favors. He has a fiance,im the one single and not dating any one. If anything I should be blowin him up asking for the whole nine yards.
 
I'm sorry, but what do you need advice on exactly? Exactly what "difficult decision" do you have to make as his friend with benifits?

If you want him to stop calling you then change your number, but I have a feeling that this is not the case, and you may get some type of satisfaction out of the fact that he still sweating you even though he's getting married.

If this TRULY made you all uncomfortable and stuff then you would stop taking his calls...
 
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I think people are assuming that the "personal favours" he is asking you for are sexual. I considered that and dismissed it while reading your post, OP. Would you please confirm?

I agree with those that say that your post didn't contain a question re a decision.

Are you trying to decide whether or not to be his friend anymore? Or whether to be his friend but do no favours for him?

Right now you're jealous and your pride is hurt because he didn't choose you to marry. But it also seems that you never seriously considered that option or positioned yourself that way in your relationship with him because of the age difference (BTW I don't think 12 years is that much). So it's the typical sour grapes scenario. You never admitted you wanted him to date you seriously / marry you (Maybe you really didn't.) But you don't want him marrying anyone else either.
 
Is the decision about whether you will to continue to be his "friend" once he is married?

You know what you need to do.
 
Cherrylicious2010 said:
Ok ladies Im going to try and make this short and sweet.....

A very close male friend of mine for three years is getting married next month. Im very excited for him but at the same time Im a little upset. When we first met we were just platonic friends and would talk about everything. After about a year we became physical. I have met all of his family and the same with mine. Mind you we were never dating because the age difference is about 12 years. So he was more or less my "Big Poppa". He mentioned the girl one day and I told him you never know what can happen....but I didnt mean for him to marry the girl!! Now he calls me constantly and asks for personal favors. I declined because I didnt feel right about that. But what makes him think its okay to ask for those type of favors. He has a fiance,im the one single and not dating any one. If anything I should be blowin him up asking for the whole nine yards.
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Were you expecting him to marry you? Sounds like you two were FWB for the past 2 years?
 
Are you trying to decide if you should allow this man to have sex with you while he is going forward with someone else? Go for it, if you dont think your better than being someones concubine. If you dont want to be the jump off than completely stop communicating with this man and forget about him. You'll meet someone else. Your not someone's "favor".
 
Awww, that's a sad situation. I could imagine that you are heartbroken.
He's asking you for favors because he's a user and a cheater.
You should cut ties and begin your emotional healing.
You wasted two years with him and now you need to take back your life.
 
The favors aren't sexual but I just feel like its a way for him to keep ties with me since the wedding is next month
 
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Cherrylicious2010 said:
I was its just upsetting to me when a dayum near married man is asking me for things and advice. I feel as if he should handle these things with his future wife.
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Why is it so hard to cut him off? Just put yourself in the financee's postion, wouldn't you want women to cut him off?

Sounds like you didn't really pay any attention to him until he announced he was getting married. Apparently he was doing all of this all along.

Cut him off and be done with him. Just think, if he was marrying you more than likely he would have another female friend asking for things and advice. Men doing those things are just putting you on the options list. Plus you have already slept with him, so he knows how you get down. Are you shocked or surprised by his actions? They seem pretty routine IMHO.
 
Cherrylicious2010 said:
The favors aren't sexual but I just feel like its a way for him to keep ties with me since the wedding is next month
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Methinks his fiance is busy planning the wedding, (i.e very preoccupied), so he's leaning on you.
If you don't like it, you have to say so.
 
It seems as though you're very hurt that your friend is getting married. In your post you mentioned "I didn't tell you to marry the girl" and another post you mentioned "you didn't think they would match so well like they did".

It's common that when friends become intimate, someone will develop stronger feelings than the other. He's coming to you because he feels like you're still a friend (his feelings for you never changed). You're the only one upset, obviously because you felt more.

The best thing for you is to end the friendship. Sleeping with friends can be very tricky and can often lead to losing that friend, folks have to be careful when they cross that line.
 
~~HoneyComb~~ said:
It seems as though you're very hurt that your friend is getting married. In your post you mentioned "I didn't tell you to marry the girl" and another post you mentioned "you didn't think they would match so well like they did".

It's common that when friends become intimate, someone will develop stronger feelings than the other. He's coming to you because he feels like you're still a friend (his feelings for you never changed). You're the only one upset, obviously because you felt more.

The best thing for you is to end the friendship. Sleeping with friends can be very tricky and can often lead to losing that friend, folks have to be careful when they cross that line.
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Thank God my best male friend is gay.
 
Everyone else already summed it up.. OP: emotions involved in FWB relationships can get complicated, you probably should cut your losses and cease contact with him - yes it's that serious even if you're telling yourself it isn't.

I gotta say, it's often stated on this board that men will drop everything and marry the "right" girl when he's ready; the underlying implication being that if you're the "right" girl than he'll man up and put a ring on it. My thing is, just because a man seemingly drops the playa act all of a sudden and gets married doesn't mean he's not still messy in his dealings with women. I've known a few women who had FWB relationships with a guy for years - then he up and gets engaged but still keeps texting, calling, and sometimes still sexin his old booty calls. Men are good at making strategic moves (like marriage) with women for their own best interest but that doesn't mean they know how to maintain proper boundaries with all the women in their lives.
 
Are you invited to the wedding and does she knows the relationship you had with him? It would make your life much more simpler if you fade away from his life and open up doors to let someone special into your life. You did that, done that and now you can move on. He needs to know you need to move on and these favors he is asking is no longer appropriate whatever they maybe. Good luck and keep true to yourself.
 
This relationship (with the guy is over) don't get set up to be waiting in the wings to be a mistress.
 
Cherrylicious2010 said:
Now he calls me constantly and asks for personal favors. I declined because I didnt feel right about that. But what makes him think its okay to ask for those type of favors. He has a fiance,im the one single and not dating any one. If anything I should be blowin him up asking for the whole nine yards.
Click to expand...


What kinda favors? Where you doing these "favors" all along? Based on the tone of your post it seems like you probably were and now for some reason it's not okay since he has a fiance. I don't get it. If the "favors" aren't sexual, then why wouldn't he think it's okay???

No offense, but it sounds like you're salty because you've been his FB for 2 years and he's marrying somebody else. What exactly is the difficult decision? Whether or not you want to be his jumpoff when he's married???
 
I knew that I would need to stop talking to him but I didnt think I had to cut him off completely. Thanks ladies for the feedback.
 
^^^Considering the kind of relationship you had, it's for the best IMO for you, him, and his future wife. You need to focus your energy on other things, including a loving, romantic relationship. From what I've seen FWB relationships rarely work out well in the long run for women, but that's jmho.
 
hopeful said:
^^^Considering the kind of relationship you had, it's for the best IMO for you, him, and his future wife. You need to focus your energy on other things, including a loving, romantic relationship. From what I've seen FWB relationships rarely work out well in the long run for women, but that's jmho.
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You're definitely right about FWB not working out. I have started to focus on other things such as school,work and becoming a better person overall. But it seems like he just still want to hang around. I just dont get it
 
Cherrylicious2010 said:
You're definitely right about FWB not working out. I have started to focus on other things such as school,work and becoming a better person overall. But it seems like he just still want to hang around. I just dont get it
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Men are simple-- they want food, sex, and the remote control to everything.

Cherrylicious--it's simply about the sex--have you invited his fiancee to hang out with you guys since he feels so comfortable with you?
 
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