Did you give up on dating...successfully?

[Maracujá]

My title may not be all that clear, what I mean is: did you stop dating and then met your now DH/FH or current SO? I feel like dating has become a role play of some kind, people litteraly sell their best self but their actions don't match their words at all afterwards, so I've decided to kiss dating goodbye.

 

[-PYT]

I'm sure many will chime in and say once they dismissed actively dating, they met the love of their life. I've been happy about not dating and other things in my life (i.e career, education) are falling into place. Love will follow when the time is right, I'm sure.

 

[Maracujá]

I'm sure many will chime in and say once they dismissed actively dating, they met the love of their life. I've been happy about not dating and other things in my life (i.e career, education) are falling into place. Love will follow when the time is right, I'm sure.

I'm about to enter my late twenties, I've been dating since my early twenties and I've never been in a relationship for more than one year. Or more than one relationship for that matter. My sisters on the other hand, who NEVER date (and one doesn't even understand the purpose of it) have all been in long term relationships. Sister1 met her first SO through our uncle, they stayed together for a decade and then parted ways. She's now in another relationship that has produced three children and withstood the floods for a decade. Sister2 was in a relationship for half a decade, she met her ex-SO through sister1's ex. Sister2 is now in a relationship that has spanned 4 years and produced one child. Sister3 was in relationship for 6 years with someone she met at a club while having fun, they never dated, by the second date they just decided that they were an item period. So yeah, I wouldn't dismiss those stories (I know that's not what you meant), in fact, I think these ladies are onto something.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Maracuja, Great topic. I've never been ok with the whole concept of dating, at least in American culture. I tried it last year and a little this year at my parent's urging only to be proven right on everything I thought. I've always had a feeling I wouldn't meet the person I'd end up with just by dating. Anyway, a few summers ago when I was still in college I gave up men in general before studying abroad and met the first guy I ever fell for in my program.

 

[snugglez41685]

I never actively dated. I just would meet people at school or work,become friends and then an item. My mother always told me to date. I have been on a few dates but thats all they were,one time dates.

 

[cocomochaa]

I know people who have sworn off dating, then a year(s) later they meet someone. That may be good for them but my dating experience has equipped with soo much knowledge. I may not have found the one in the last year but I sure know what i'm looking for and how to spot crap.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I think dating is vital. It's not just about finding a mate, but social interaction helps us to get to know ourselves better, gives us life experience, and foster healthy relationships. This is why I don't believe in dating for marriage. You can't audition people...that's not how humans work, lol.

This thread is right on time because I've decided to stop "looking". I prefer meeting people and enjoying their company and taking it from there.

 

[Lucie]

Yes, actually. I HATE dating. What do you like to do? What's your favorite color? Do you like Thai? Just the same questions all of the time. I started hanging out with my female cousin and I saw my SO at the bar of this Haitian restaurant we all frequent. I know him because he is a friend of the family. I went up to him and asked him to take me out to some of the cool Haitian spots. I totally thought he'd be a wingman of sorts. We went on a date 2 days later and we've been together ever since, LOL.

When I had approached him, I took my dating profiles down and just resolved to chill with my cousins all summer. I really think once you don't care about something, or should I say have an "attachment" to something, it INSTANTLY comes into your life. It could be why 5 exes are sweating me now, LOL!

Good luck OP!

 

[ChasingBliss]

I never actively dated. I just would meet people at school or work,become friends and then an item. My mother always told me to date. I have been on a few dates but thats all they were,one time dates.

This was me. I never dated and my mother used to tell me the same thing. I was never interested in hopping around with different men dating and all that comes with it. I would meet people through friends. I hardly ever gave dudes the time of day on the street or in random places. I learned my lesson from that.

 

[Maracujá]

I think dating is vital. It's not just about finding a mate, but social interaction helps us to get to know ourselves better, gives us life experience, and foster healthy relationships. This is why I don't believe in dating for marriage. You can't audition people...that's not how humans work, lol.

This thread is right on time because I've decided to stop "looking". I prefer meeting people and enjoying their company and taking it from there.

You hit it right on the nail, this is what it's starting to look like for me: an audition. It's like you get to know all these random stuff about someone but you never form a connection with them and that's what's bothering me. It dawned on me with the last guy I dated who later turned out to already have someone but that's besides the point. I took him to this place I like to go to for cocktails and as I was approaching I started looking at all the other places I've been on dates with other guys...I was like: what are you doing with your life?!

Yes, actually. I HATE dating. What do you like to do? What's your favorite color? Do you like Thai? Just the same questions all of the time. I started hanging out with my female cousin and I saw my SO at the bar of this Haitian restaurant we all frequent. I know him because he is a friend of the family. I went up to him and asked him to take me out to some of the cool Haitian spots. I totally thought he'd be a wingman of sorts. We went on a date 2 days later and we've been together ever since, LOL.

When I had approached him, I took my dating profiles down and just resolved to chill with my cousins all summer. I really think once you don't care about something, or should I say have an "attachment" to something, it INSTANTLY comes into your life. It could be why 5 exes are sweating me now, LOL!

Good luck OP!

I'm so glad you understand what I mean, I thought maybe it wouldn't be clear from how I expressed myself. Like I said, that's exactly how my sisters meet their SO's. One of my sisters even said that she doesn't see the point of dating random strangers, she prefers to know the history of someone's life before getting into a relationship with them, at the time I fought tooth and nail against it, but it makes so much sense now. One of the best encounters I've ever had with a man was at my eldest sister's place when she threw a birthday party for my niece. I saw this very attractive man and thought to myself: he's so way out of my league. So I didn't expect anything from it, when everybody started mingling and talking we ended up standing next to each other so we got into a convo. He later on told my sister how much he enjoyed talking to me! I'm normally socially awkward, but because there wasn't the intention of us getting into a romantic relationship, I could just totally be myself. And that's what I want to reduplicate now (even if it's with that same guy): no more dates, just fun encounters and see what happens!

Thanks for wishing me the best of luck.

 

[Lucie]

You hit it right on the nail, this is what it's starting to look like for me: an audition. It's like you get to know all these random stuff about someone but you never form a connection with them and that's what's bothering me. It dawned on me with the last guy I dated who later turned out to already have someone but that's besides the point. I took him to this place I like to go to for cocktails and as I was approaching I started looking at all the other places I've been on dates with other guys...I was like: what are you doing with your life?!



I'm so glad you understand what I mean, I thought maybe it wouldn't be clear from how I expressed myself. Like I said, that's exactly how my sisters meet their SO's. One of my sisters even said that she doesn't see the point of dating random strangers, she prefers to know the history of someone's life before getting into a relationship with them, at the time I fought tooth and nail against it, but it makes so much sense now. One of the best encounters I've ever had with a man was at my eldest sister's place when she threw a birthday party for my niece. I saw this very attractive man and thought to myself: he's so way out of my league. So I didn't expect anything from it, when everybody started mingling and talking we ended up standing next to each other so we got into a convo. He later on told my sister how much he enjoyed talking to me! I'm normally socially awkward, but because there wasn't the intention of us getting into a romantic relationship, I could just totally be myself. And that's what I want to reduplicate now (even if it's with that same guy): no more dates, just fun encounters and see what happens!

Thanks for wishing me the best of luck.

No problem lovie! .

Isn't it nice when you dig someone and find out he is digging you too? That's why I like to hang out with my family. I have fun with them and they often know wonderful people. And that's what you want. When I approached my SO, I know he is a social butterfly and I wanted to get out there but have the comfort of a man I trust to go out with. He was the one that suggested we go out one-on-one first without the group, so I thought nothing of it. Lo and behold, later when he dropped me off he told me he had a crush on me for 5 years and always wanted me to be his lady. He went in for a kiss and not he's my Sweetface (my nickname for him).

I agree with your sister. I prefer to date a man that is known by my people. I find it makes a man more accountable than a man you just met with no prior history on him. When my man first came to this country, my dad was actually the one to get him started in business. We've actually gone clubbing together, casinos, bbq's and even Canada together. We have the same group of friends. So I got to see him for he was without him trying to impress me.

Keep us updated Maracujá

 

[Maracujá]

So I got to see him for he was without him trying to impress me.

Keep us updated Maracujá

That's what I'm tombout! I'll keep y'all updated

 

[LoveisYou]

How do you define dating?

I think dating with a purpose (and dropping those who don't fit into said purpose instead of wasting time) and dating just for fun are two different things.

Some people just date to "see what happens" and others date with the purpose of finding a right fit for a long-term relationship and/or marriage.

 

[LoveisYou]

No problem lovie! .

Isn't it nice when you dig someone and find out he is digging you too? That's why I like to hang out with my family. I have fun with them and they often know wonderful people. And that's what you want. When I approached my SO, I know he is a social butterfly and I wanted to get out there but have the comfort of a man I trust to go out with. He was the one that suggested we go out one-on-one first without the group, so I thought nothing of it. Lo and behold, later when he dropped me off he told me he had a crush on me for 5 years and always wanted me to be his lady. He went in for a kiss and not he's my Sweetface (my nickname for him).

I agree with your sister. I prefer to date a man that is known by my people. I find it makes a man more accountable than a man you just met with no prior history on him. When my man first came to this country, my dad was actually the one to get him started in business. We've actually gone clubbing together, casinos, bbq's and even Canada together. We have the same group of friends. So I got to see him for he was without him trying to impress me.

Keep us updated Maracujá

especially when they have to be accountable to a male family member/relative.

 

[alwaysinchrist]

OP this is right on time. I think im just gonna chill out n get some other things in perspective. I have plans to relocate and go back to school.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I feel like I've given up on it. I'm tired of the games.

 

[Maracujá]

How do you define dating?

I think dating with a purpose (and dropping those who don't fit into said purpose instead of wasting time) and dating just for fun are two different things.

See, from what I've experienced even if I drop the ones who don't fit into what I ultimately want, it still weighs on my spirit like: why do I keep attracting the wrong ones? I don't know what it's like in the US but people around here do not date 'just for fun', so most of us are dating with a purpose and still ending up with nothing.

 

[C@ssandr@]

How do you define dating?

I think dating with a purpose (and dropping those who don't fit into said purpose instead of wasting time) and dating just for fun are two different things.

Some people just date to "see what happens" and others date with the purpose of finding a right fit for a long-term relationship and/or marriage.

Right. It's the purpose that gets us in trouble. It becomes an audition. Like the above poster said, the same stupid questions over and over. It's not as natural as getting-to-know-someone-because you're-attracted-to-them. Dating for marriage is just as bad as dating because you want a baby. You create an ideal and then try to fit someone, sometimes anyone (hence bad relationships), into it instead of building together. Many of us are afraid of dying alone. But here's a fact, we all have a clock and a natural drive to mate...there is no need to force it.

disclaimer: I am well aware that people are succesful at finding quality mates online and going on the prowl in other ways. Good for them

See, from what I've experienced even if I drop the ones who don't fit into what I ultimately want, it still weighs on my spirit like: why do I keep attracting the wrong ones? I don't know what it's like in the US but people around here do not date 'just for fun', so most of us are dating with a purpose and still ending up with nothing.

Interesting point!

 

[CurlyMoo]

I gave up on it for a few years, now I am actively dating and I actually enjoy it. I did some online dating and I just hated it. I just had my last online date and have hidden my profile. Too many weirdos. There is nothing worse that seeing a guys picture and thinking he's cute then when you meet him his eye and forehead are doing something funny.

Most often the date doesn't go anywhere but I do enjoy the attention and keeping socially active. I keep my emotions in check and I don't bond to the guy even if I feel a certain chemistry between us. That is suppose to happen so I still remain cautious and give myself time to get to know him.

 

[StarScream35]

I have a love hate relationship with dating. It's not that bad but it is bad. I never had problems dating BUT I had problems meeting guys who wanted to take things from a dating level to a relationship level and this is where things got frustrating. After meeting so many men who had the whole lets take it slow mentality (yeah but they didn't want you to move slow about giving up the goods) it just became a hassle. Not to mention you gotta pick through the rotten apples so that adds on to dating problems. I eventually kissed dating goodbye and concentrated on hanging out with girlfriends and lo and behold, met my current SO where I work.

I know how you feel. I have years and years of experience dating but not so much relationship experience. I tried to get there but it just wasn't happening. Some say, location is key and I do believe this. I lived in Atlanta most of my life and let me just say for the record, men KNOW they got the upper hand and act accordingly. When I moved out here to the Midwest, I'd often meet men who were fascinated with the things they had heard about how many women men can have there. I can't believe Atlanta has the reputation!

Personally, I think when dating becomes too overwhelming, one should go on a man-cation. Then when you start feeling a little better jump back out there. I applied this technique for years because dating really does tear at your soul and self esteem even though people may not want to admit it.
Time definitely has a way of making things better though. If it's not feeling right anymore, change gears.

 

[Skyfall]

All of my friends and relatives didn't date when they met their mate, perhaps I should fall back on this dating thing too.

 

[aasem]

Dating is such a vague term.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

Dating is such a vague term.

How so????

 

[Renewed1]

I'm only interested in men that are marriage-minded. If the guy isn't - then I won't waste my time. And to find this answer can come in different ways, such as friendships, acquaintances, casual conversations, etc.

My preference is to meet the guy casually first, but I'm not oppose to dating for a SHORT period of time to see if there is something there.

But I think you have to look at your history when it comes to this area. I've known women who were serial daters and got great husbands, then I also known women who had their hubbys fall into their laps.

My history is that I never had to date to get relationships. I already knew them or met them through an acquaintance. So dating may not be really for me....and I'm fine with it.

 

[Katherina]

I experimented with dating for a year, but it was not beneficial for me.

I've realized that I much prefer the stability of either being in a committed relationship or being totally single (something usually develops from a friendship).