Here's the thing...I'm all for compromise, which I've said from the beginning. I did compromise for my dh, letting him know that I would straighten my hair periodically, and I do that, for him and for me. But no, I wouldn't take a razor to my head simply because my dh told me to. There's compromise and then there's obedience. I'm a grown woman, not a puppy.
As far as your last point goes, I'm not taking back pathetic when said posters were putting down others' marriages and insinuating that their husbands weren't happy. When you can't disagree without throwing out "angry black woman", "you must be single", or "I can tell who's marriage is happy and who's isn't", then yes, you are pathetic and I won't apologize for that.
Plenty of us disagreed early on in the thread, but it didn't get out of hand until people on one side started being condescending and throwing out the aforementioned insults. And you're talking to me about respecting others' views?
Because perhaps many value what a man thinks of them, moreso than what they think of themselves. It is a really sad state of affairs (societally) when a woman's real hair is up for debate and discussion in a relationship and is even an issue. That's like telling someone their eye colour should be different because they prefer it, or skin should be darker/lighter because they prefer it. Black women have no control over the hair that grows out of their head unless they chemical it up or heat it up. Period. The fact that some are apologetic and need to appease a man over it...... I just don't know what to think about that.
(And I co-sign your disclaimer as well... I'm speaking in general terms.)
The thing is men who have the same "naps", cut their hair so low and so often that you never see their hair texture and when you do they have brushed the hell out of it and put that crap on it to get "waves", so they have their own hair issues, but they don't acknowledge it and most people overlook it.Thank you.
Seriously, let's get real with this. This isn't a matter of preferring Coke over Pepsi or something like that. Or Mountain Dew over Pepsi (since those are a little more different).
Taking this outside of the marriage realm, a few posters in this thread have said that black men IN GENERAL have felt the need to comment on the way black women they barely know wear their hair -- typically either how long it is or the texture. This was just stated as, "That's how it is."
But seriously, do black women not see something SERIOUSLY WRONG with this picture??? That we just say, "Oh, black men have a preference for straight, long hair," and go on about our day... why do black men (and many black women) prefer something that they DO NOT HAVE? (texture-wise, I mean... we can get length!)
And then, for said BM to lord over BW with this "preference" for something that is NOT a characteristic that 99.999999% of black people possess... we're just supposed to let that go and say, "He has his preferences?" like we're talking Miller Lite vs. Bud Light or Coke vs. Pepsi?
Nuh uh. Sorry.
The saddest things I've read -- although I'm not hard on the BW who say so -- is when single BW who WANT to go natural say that they won't because they feel that they then won't be able to find a black husband.
Wow. Just wow. That's 200000 degrees of fluggery right there... that so many BW even feel they have to go there to get a BM who has the same naps on his head.
But those BW aren't really far off the mark in feeling the way they do.
Here's the thing...I'm all for compromise, which I've said from the beginning. I did compromise for my dh, letting him know that I would straighten my hair periodically, and I do that, for him and for me. But no, I wouldn't take a razor to my head simply because my dh told me to. There's compromise and then there's obedience. I'm a grown woman, not a puppy.
As far as your last point goes, I'm not taking back pathetic when said posters were putting down others' marriages and insinuating that their husbands weren't happy. When you can't disagree without throwing out "angry black woman", "you must be single", or "I can tell who's marriage is happy and who's isn't", then yes, you are pathetic and I won't apologize for that.
Plenty of us disagreed early on in the thread, but it didn't get out of hand until people on one side started being condescending and throwing out the aforementioned insults. And you're talking to me about respecting others' views?
Me too. I can't stand the super low hair and prefer it when it grows out. I have asked a few dudes why they cut their hair off so much and they said because they don't have "good hair" or said that's for the mixed dudes. So umm they have their own hair issues as well, it's just not talked about really. I notice though most of the guys I do see with hair longer than a caesar usually have 3c/4a and down hair. I rarely see someone with 4b hair let their texture show. Our hair is beautiful, I just wish I could see it more on MEN and WOMEN. I do admit though, it does take a trained eye to see the beauty in all hair. Very few people can do that without having to do some work on themselves to undo the whole "black hair issues" that has been a dark cloud hanging over us.
.....
Hair type: 4a/b thick. Shrinks into a 2 inch fro.
DH told me that the natural look on me has to go. I just two strand twisted my hair and made an updo in the back and sides with it. He told me that I looked better with straight hair and none, NONE of the natural styles I do or pay someone to do looks good on me. I have worn wng puffs, loose two strand twists, two strand twists with flat twists in the front and an afro.
I know its not about him, its about me and what I like, though feel so discouraged because of the responses and treatment I get on the job, society and now at home. Natural hair where I live is a minority. People look at my 3c hair in my nape and say, "oh, you have "good" hair BACK THERE".The mentality here is that if you have 4a/b hair you look upkept, unprofessional and obviously dont have job.
Right now my hair is past should length in the nape to area, 4 inches in the crown, 5 inches on the sides and I have about a 3.5 inch bang area. I want to grow my hair out so it looks like Te'yah Crystal Ke'mayh (sp?). What is her hair type anyway?
I've been natural for 2 years and 3 months. Though I like being natural, the styles seem to be suited to the younger generation. You mostly see schooled aged young children , teenagers and 20 something with twists,braids and plaits-not 40 y.o. women. I thought the "updo" kept it polished looking.
DH told me to make an appointment on Friday to get a relaxer and cut into a "style".I wish I could have youtubed that conversation.
Been in my shoes?
