My dh is a good man and a hard-working man. But he has been a workaholic forever. It has caused problems for us because I would often feel abandoned and unloved. To him it was always I'm doing this for "us". So I would try to adjust and try to accept that he just loves work and he loves me too. But it still felt like a competition. So anyway as you guys know I got therapy for myself in 2011 and became more at peace and happier. But the workaholic tendencies were still there.
So fast forward to the first weekend of December of 2011. We have the most romantic weekend, just so much fun, BUT something ruins it. He spends two hours networking with someone when we should have been together. I was so pissed, like really, you always have to squeeze in one more thing? It felt like spending time with me was just not enough. But because of my therapy I realized his behavior had nothing to do with me at all. So I told him I know this has nothing to do with me, I don't need to be more interesting or more fetching or prettier. I am enough. This is about you needing to feel important, you needing to be "on" always, you being a workaholic. I finally let him fully shoulder his issues, hell I had enough issues to work on myself and had been doing so all year.
It's like the months of therapy had finally convinced me that I was lovable and deserving of love, protection, adoration, and safety. I told him I deserve magic, a weekend just about us, many days of romance and love, uninterrupted by work, networking, business, boards, etc. I said call me spoiled, I don't care, but I'm going to get what I want and deserve. And from that day something shifted in my husband. I changed then he changed -- almost instantly, after all these years. I've communicated my desires many times over the years but this was the first time I had made a deep, internal shift inside of me. We are like newlyweds. I feel adored, safe, special, important, his priority.