Dealing with Control Issues

[tinkat]

This is my first time being single in almost 6 years and I have been doing alot of self reflection. Do any of you have a fear of losing control once in a relationship?

I have a fear of getting so wrapped up in a relationship that I may become too vulnerable. I have a huge heart and can get wrapped up in a person quick if I like them alot. Because of that I find myself being extremely cautious to the point where I think that I am being too hard on myself. Its already in my nature to take charge and do things on my own which are good traits but sometimes I think it can hurt me too.

 

[Nyssa28]

When I was younger, I fell victim to this....That's why it's important to have a life outside of your SO, it creates balance.

 

[JustKiya]

Yes - this was one of my fears when I got married, as I saw a pattern of molding myself to what a dude wanted - and I knew I couldn't keep up that sort of front for the rest of my life.

It's been a real balancing act - changing in ways I'm comfortable with, but still maintaining my boundaries and sense of self. It's taken years to get to a point where I can trust him enough to be willing to go a bit outside my boundaries and know that he won't take advantage of it.

I believed that he wouldn't, otherwise I wouldn't have married him, but shifting that to a heartknowing is a whole nother hill of beans.

 

[tinkat]

When I was younger, I fell victim to this....That's why it's important to have a life outside of your SO, it creates balance.

Yes, during my early college years I realized that too.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Yes, that's one of my biggest fear of getting into a relationship. I'm used to being the controlling one since I only have to control myself. However, I know in a relationship it takes two so I've need to work on that.

 

[Marley4920]

Yes, this was a big fear of mine. But I think it's normal. Noone wants to be hurt. I was crazy controlling of my emotions in my relationships as a protective mechanism. I just recently realized it stemmed from my fear of being devastatingly hurt... again. I never got over my first major heart ache & I had some childhood issues. As a result, I wouldn't allow myself to show or give love until I felt the guy was head over heels. I ended up putting my current love through the wringer for many years... it's a wonder he stayed with me. Anyhoo, I finally realized my control issues were just fear of being hurt. Trust has been a Godsend for me. I learned that I can't love until I trust. When I have trust, I can finally let my guard down. I may still get hurt but that's just a part of life. I feel much better about now that I've learned to trust in someone that deserves my trust.