DATING -Lists/Checklists/Progress Reports/Diaries

[SvelteVelvet]

Do you think having a list of the things you are looking for and not looking for in a man is a good idea? I think so if it's done right.

So many women repeat patterns in relationships, stick with the same type and put up with same b.s. so why not really make your failed relationship experiences learning experiences by putting pen to pad, reviewing, studying, and creating a system?

Yes I"m serious..

I think this will definately be helpful to women who have no problems getting to know more than one man at a time, or women who get bombarded with men and don't know who to choose. It can even be helpful if you only deal with one by stopping you from committing under false pretenses.

The point of this is to drill it into yourself that you stand for something, so that you don't fall for any ol'thing, waste precious time, or endure further heartbreak.

Start with reviewing your dating history - Note the things you liked, the things you didn't like and prefer and why. Create checklists organized just the way you want and put it away.

When some dude or dudes start tuggin at your skirt or heartstrings, make a copy of the checklists with their name on top. As you go on dates start checkin those bad boys off as you learn info (your style in this is up to you, whether you straight up grill him like Wendy or try to find out in a less obvious manner)

If he's suitable for future dates after the first, start a progress report, dated for the times you see each other and conversate, note whether he calls or if you called and how the convo went, how the date went etc.

You set your own perimeter (make it a good one) of what it will take to get an A B C D or F and send the dude packin or if he's relationship material.

A diary (not journal) of his or their overall stats to take a glance at would be helpful too.

You can revisit and modify your materials based on the experiences as well.

This is no challenge, just an idea I had sitting here. I've been through the ringer with men but still have hope, never bitter. Finding the right one can be a struggle and we don't always have control over chemistry and emotions and the strongholds that can be created..not so good ones. It could help us in not wearing our heart on the sleeves for the wrong guy showing up at the right time.

Men play games. We women need to have game plans.

Should I take my own advice..I'll let you know if it's helped me.

Feel free to add suggestions too.

 

[Jade Feria]

YES!

I have to go shower. I'll be back with a response.
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Ok, so yes..like the others have said, you definitely want to focus on the positive traits that you would like in a potential mate or ideal relationship.

Personally, I reflected on my past relationships knowing what I didn't like about them. I didn't put the negative aspects on paper because I figured there's no use in sending more attention and energy to it. I focused only on the traits that I wanted, and wrote them all down. I was verrryyy specific in my list, and knew that I would find the man who had the traits on my list. And then I found him.

When you are specific and you focus on those traits (not the negative), it comes to reality that much quicker. You may not find out everything off the bat, as some of the qualities may require getting to know someone before finding out certain things about them. I wouldn't recommend grilling a person to find these things out though. Doing so will tip your hand and let him know that you're "looking" for something, so he might just tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Just make your own quiet observations.

As you focus more and more on these qualities, you may find that you meet people who meet a large portion of the list, but some important aspects are missing. It could either be that they are developing those traits, or that you aren't focusing on the totality of the list, therefore you're meeting those people who only meet 70, 80, or 90%.

I also wouldn't grade A-F, because if someone happens to be an "F", a negative stamp has been posted on that person and you may fail to recognize the lesson in the situation related to the person. So long as you are focusing on you want, be grateful for anyone who meets a good portion of your list. If he's not to your standards, simply be thankful for having this person cross paths with you in your life, because with every person that comes into our lives, comes some sort of lesson attached, large or small. Maybe you met someone who doesn't meet all your standards, but something about him reminded you of another quality that you wanted and had to add to your list.

Keeping a record of your encounters can be good as well. This works the same way as it does for recording your manifestations. Then you can always read back and see what you learned, what worked, and what didn't work.

 

[Carrie A]

I've done this. The check list has only qualities that I desire. I have it posted where I have no choice but look regularly . Although it seems intuitive, it's nice to have that framework to direct the conversation with Mr. Guy (the list is sort of like an outline). It's very reassuring to review the list and see a person meeting your qualities. You can also identify areas where you need to find out more info and make mental notes. I have modified my list recently. It's been very helpful putting a vision out there so to speak.

 

[tiara76]

it would probably work better for results you want when you only list what you want...let go of what u dont want and that includes not bringing it up on a list you may put alot of attention and focus on

 

[TCatt86]

it would probably work better for results you want when you only list what you want...let go of what u dont want and that includes not bringing it up on a list you may put alot of attention and focus on

I was going to say this as well. Focusing on what you do want can bring it into your life.

 

[tiara76]

I was going to say this as well. Focusing on what you do want can bring it into your life.

pretty much...if u know u don't want a man who is emotionally unavailable then put on ur list man who is emotionally available

just remember what u bring to the table determines who will sit down at ur table...so u can want a whole bunch of things on surface levels and if on deeper levels u are bringing spam to the table don't be mad when a man brings spam instead of steak to your table

 

[kismettt]

i already know mentally what im not looking for or what are deal breakers and what i want. im not single now and it really took me being in my current relationship to realize how messed up my past relationships were. the guy was all wrong, he was controlling, emotionally unavailable, unfaithful or whatever.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Great points you ladies bought up!

So right about not focusing on the negatives but rather the positives but I was thinking of something to keep red flags from passing under the radar. I know there may be some women who see red flags and immediately run, but I often times hear "And you know in the beginning there were signs but..." Perhaps you can have a red flag indicator/reminder list? Or perhaps it could be a section on the progress report that could be filled in if you come across one?

I was factoring in my head the making sure you are fit to attract the type of man you put on paper when I thought of this but when I was typing it was becoming too much. Like some songwriters will hear an entire song in their head before they've written it down or sung it, well my songs and other ideas come just like that and I'll forget all the details unless I'm taking notes during the process.

So a part of this "SYSTEM" should be periodically self-evaluating yourself to be sure you are capable of attracting what it is you want. As well as taking note of mistakes you may have made with the men you were dating who didn't pass or who didn't stick around long enough to pass.

 

[Carrie A]

^^Like the others have said my list only has positives. Let say so don't want to attract a cheater. Your list will have things like values and practices monogamy, self assured, open honest, strong communication skills. You may have five characteristics and values that if existing in an individual are incompatible with your negative trait.

It's good to do a self assessment of the list. To evaluate you authenticity in manifestation of the core values you listed.

 

[Jade Feria]

pretty much...if u know u don't want a man who is emotionally unavailable then put on ur list man who is emotionally available

just remember what u bring to the table determines who will sit down at ur table...so u can want a whole bunch of things on surface levels and if on deeper levels u are bringing spam to the table don't be mad when a man brings spam instead of steak to your table

So true! Very well stated.

Whenever you make a list like the one I mentioned above, you must also make a list of what YOU need to work on/improve/become to attract the kind of person you are looking for.

 

[tiara76]

So true! Very well stated.

Whenever you make a list like the one I mentioned above, you must also make a list of what YOU need to work on/improve/become to attract the kind of person you are looking for.

exactly.....you can ask for

a secure in himself man
confident
trusting

but yet if you are insecure, non confident and mistrustful before you can get that man you will most likely attract a man who will bring out all those issues you aren't dealing with BEFORE you get to that other man, and thats only because of the refusal to look at your inner issues for resolution....and until they are addressed person after person who comes in your life will mirror back to you whats inside you

the good news is, is if you recognize those are issues within you that need to be healed, not covered up, denied or hoped that nobody will ever come in ur life that will cause them to surface is that once you make the intentions to heal and address them you then you will attract that type of person into your life who will help you get there and be that person and reflection back to you that you want to be and want to be with