Dating - How long is long enough?

misskris816

misskris816

Well-Known Member
Ladies -

How long do you date a man before deciding whether to be "official"?

I've been dating a guy for 2 months and after about 1 month, I felt that I was ready to be in a committed relationship with him. He asked why I was rushing.

To give you some context, I've only been in 1 committed, adult relationship which last for 8 years. We moved VERY quickly (met on Friday, date on Saturday, I met his parents on Sunday, etc...) So, my only experience with dating as been at a fast pace.

Is 1-2 months too fast? On average, how long do you "date"?
 
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I don't know... but to me, a month is too soon. If you have 1 date a week, that's only 4 dates. And if you get into committed relationships only with people whom you think you could see a future with, then how have you deduced that in one month?

... but maybe I have been brainwashed by the men who've been in my life, the ones who dragged the commitment out to too many months down the line:ohwell:

In my head, I imagine ~3 months, with increasing closeness, perhaps. But this is all theoretical. Looking forward to hearing perspectives of other posters...

But before I go... why do you feel you are ready to be exclusive? Is it that you can see yourself with him longterm? is it that you want to be physically intimate? is that he's the only one you like and are dating at the moment, and you would like for that to be the case for him too?
 
CarLiTa said:
But before I go... why do you feel you are ready to be exclusive? Is it that you can see yourself with him longterm? is it that you want to be physically intimate? is that he's the only one you like and are dating at the moment, and you would like for that to be the case for him too?
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Those are valid questions. For the first month, we were spending about every other day with each other. We talked about so many different topics and I really felt that I got to know him during all the time we were spending with each other. I could see myself with him long-term since he embodies a lot of characteristics that are important for a man to have (in my opinion). He has a lot of characteristics that I haven't found in other men I've dated so I think I also naturally wanted to speed things up.

I'm really not interested in dating other men, but I am forcing myself to still go out and mingle and meet other men since I don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket.

I feel rejected easily and a part of me feels like: "I am a woman of worth and he should see that. And if he saw that, he would want to claim me."
 
It depends on the individuals. I don't think you've moved too fast. I was ready to commit to my current SO after knowing him two weeks... He felt the same way after the third day. Others I've known for YEARS and still had no desire to commit. LOL
 
misskris816, I don't think you have reason to be nervous yet if it is only the 2nd month. I don't think it is a reflection on your qualities at all.

I'd suggest not pressuring him into a relationship, but if need be, cutting back on the frequency of your dates (while continuing to show my best side and be super sweet with him). After a few weeks, if this is a conversation that still hasn't been had, I'd ask gently what he wants for us, and if it's not a response I desire, I'd look at him for a few seconds too long and say: "I see...I completely understand" and then suddenly disappear from his life:lol:

I think this is something I read in WMLB:lol:
 
IMO a month isn't too short to decide to be in a committed relationship. Some relationships move fast like that, especially if they've spent extended time together. After dating a guy a month, I'd at least like to know where the relationship is going.:look:
 
Depends on a lot of factors. How old each party is, how much time they spend together, etc.
 
I don't think 2 months is too soon to commit to a relationship if you're seeing a guy everyday. I would be concerned if he didn't want to be exclusive after 2 months of seeing each other so frequently.
 
He asked me to be his GF during our first date, but we'd known each other for over 2 months and had been talking daily for over a week. It felt natural and something I was comfortable with. I think it totally depends on your individual comfort levels. :yep:
 
My idea of dating is the early stages of a relationship so after 1 month maximum we should be officially in a relationship. If after 2 weeks he hasn't said anything I will probably ask where he's headed because I don't casually date so intentions need to be stated upfront.
 
I want to take things at a snail's pace so 3 to 6 months after knowing each other. Also, taking into account how much time we've spent together.

Sent from my HERO200
 
I think it depends on the situation, the people involved, and a few other factors. IMO sometimes it could be too soon, but I'd say, just enjoy each other for now and just go from there.
 
There isn't really a set time in my opinion....I think what's important is making sure the two of you are constantly on the same page. If you feel that it's time, then have the conversation; if the other person is ready then re-evaluate and go from there.
 
It differs for every individual relationship.

Personally, usually, if by a month and a half, a guy hasn't shown me that he has an interest in committing, I'm strongly considering moving on. My awesomeness should be incredibly apparent by then :giggle: and if he can't see that, well, he just isn't going to commit period, to anyone, or he isn't interested in me enough for me to want to commit to him :look:
 
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With DH we dated for about month before becoming official. After we spoke on the phone for a couple months before that first date. And we had one or 2 dates a week, but we spoke on the phone every day. He was the first guy I didn't get sick of after so much contact/convos/calls etc.
 
Not at all, especially if you've been seeing each other very often. Two months should then definitely be enough to decide if you want to be together or not.
A guy who just wants to "date" for such a long time and not commit (and then tell you you're rushing), would not be worth my time or effort.
 
I think it depends on the people involved, what they are looking for, and how much time they are spending together.

My ex and I were from about a month or so in. My ex before that was like a week in. I also spent a lot of time with both of them from the jump (in college, had that freedom, can't imagine having the time to do that now. jeez).

I wouldn't rush it, but I'm big on not settling. If you want to be exclusive and the other person doesn't, depending on how long we'd been dating (not being ready after a month or two really isn't being unreasonable i think), I'd bounce. Why set yourself up for dissatisfaction/discontent from the jump?
 
Hi Ladies,

I appreciate your feedback and responses.

Here's my dilemma. I'm really enjoying his company...I have fun when I'm with him, we share the same viewpoints on life and goals and he possesses a lot of the qualities that I find important in a man, but we move at different paces.

In my mind, I'm going to wait one more month. If he's not officially ready to declare a relationship, then I'll walk because I'm not going to give any more of my time. i don't want to become too far emotionally invested and I feel myself caring more and more about him.

I hate to wait though...my ego says that I am a woman of value and he should see that already. I keep going back and forth, back and forth.
 
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I understand your decision but if you're going to give him another month, I would definitely cut back on the time you spend together. Your feelings will only grow stronger overtime and if another month goes by and he still doesn't want to be in a relationship, then what? It's easy to say now that you'll walk away, but it may be difficult to do so when the time comes. Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
 
I too agree it depends on the situation. Some people who date already know what they want. They date to find that someone to be with. My DH and I talked for a week, met in person, and hit it off. A year and some change later we were married. We both knew we wanted to be in a committed monogamous relationship and the attraction was there and it just worked. We however waited 3-4 months to sleep with one another. If he's saying you're moving too fast, maybe he's trying to keep his options open. I think you should let him know what you want, and if he's not down for it, move on to someone who wants to be in a relationship just as much as you do.
 
I would not require monogamy after a month because for me that's too early. I don't want to be looking at a man in that exclusive fisheye view after a month because I'm just not comfortable with that, even if at that time I already know I want him to be my long term boyfriend. I like dating, and I want the dating to go on for awhile before we start talking about being boyfriend and girlfriend just because it feels like a better foundation to start with.

However, generally I do know within that month whether I don't want him to be dating anyone else :lol: and therein lies my problem. You can demand he not date anyone else without demanding he be your boyfriend, right? It's a very tricky situation to navigate...

Anyway, apparently your future boo thinks a month is too soon to talk about exclusivity, and I think there may be two ways to look at that: the benign way, where guys and relationships are all about timing and you have to catch them at the right time... or the cynical way, where if a guy wants a woman he will lock it down no questions asked, and if he isn't open to exclusivity it's because he's open to other women... depends on your outlook.
 
meesch said:
I would not require monogamy after a month because for me that's too early. I don't want to be looking at a man in that exclusive fisheye view after a month because I'm just not comfortable with that, even if at that time I already know I want him to be my long term boyfriend. I like dating, and I want the dating to go on for awhile before we start talking about being boyfriend and girlfriend just because it feels like a better foundation to start with.

However, generally I do know within that month whether I don't want him to be dating anyone else :lol: and therein lies my problem. You can demand he not date anyone else without demanding he be your boyfriend, right? It's a very tricky situation to navigate...

Anyway, apparently your future boo thinks a month is too soon to talk about exclusivity, and I think there may be two ways to look at that: the benign way, where guys and relationships are all about timing and you have to catch them at the right time... or the cynical way, where if a guy wants a woman he will lock it down no questions asked, and if he isn't open to exclusivity it's because he's open to other women... depends on your outlook.
Click to expand...

Re: the bolded... I've been in a similar situation, and as long as I have my wits about me, I'll never do that again. Too complicated and not worth the uncertainty.
 
I think it varies. That being said, ultimately you're in control of the situation. Whenever it is that you know that you know that you like him and you want to be in relationship, you should let him know that. Make a decision and stick with it... you have to be willing to accept whatever the consequences are. My last boyfriend.... we started talking in January, become committed in July. I think it was around June when I said that I needed to know where he stood, and if he was interested in a committed relationship or not. If he wasn't interested, I would have been sad, but I would have kept it moving, and he knew I was serious. Ultimately, we ended up together and we stayed together for a long time after that. We were even talking marriage but then I chickened out and broke up with him. He would have been down for going for the long haul. :lol:

That was just his nature though. Some guys just move slow and require a push, other guys know what they want and go after it. His actions should correlate with his overall personality set. If he's an impulsive go-getter but is dragging his feet with you, that's probably not a good sign. If he's just a really thoughtful and likes to think through everything and analyze all the possible options (like my last boyfriend), he really might just be feeling you out, and maybe being a little pushy could help move things along.
 
My current SO took 3 months. He likes to think about things really carefully. You should have a timeline and stick to it. My SO has until Dec. to propose and if not its over. :look:


Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier
 
I think it really depends on the situation. How often you see each other, what you do and talk about when together etc.

I think anywhere from 1-3 months is reasonable based on different variables.

I think outside of that comes the whole stringing along issue.
 
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