Dating and Shallowness

V

VelvetRain

Well-Known Member
I am in a bit of a dilemma. Finally went out with one of the guys I met online. Our vibe has been unreal but there are somethings I am finding it really hard to overlook. He is a bit overweight meaning having a gut. I was a bit disgusted when he opened his mouth to finally talk. Dude has jacked up teeth and not in terms of needing braces but several broken teeth where it looks like he may be missing them.

I do understand that everyone has limited finances but if you are a grown adult with a job with some sort of dental plan why can't you budget to address your issues? Your smile means a lot in the dating world and how others perceive you. I just kept thinking about why he didn't care about his oral hygiene and how he may be lacking in other areas in terms of general hygiene. I guess that is a bit extreme. I think now I am even super critical of teeth since I am wearing braces now to correct my smile. Even in braces and seeing my smile come together and improve my self esteem has skyrocketed. Even when I had crazy spacing and a few crooked teeth I still took good care of my oral hygiene.

Am I too shallow? I can deal with someone being a little overweight but the condition of his mouth is really turning me off. He already called me this morning thanking me for our date and has asked for a second date.
 
This is why I don't do internet dating..

You form a connection then who comes infront of you?

A man with broken teeth. :nono:

I don't think I'm a shallow person... vain? Perhaps.

Looks are important. If you can't picture yourself on top of the person...

Let them go!
 
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you're not being shallow at all. if you're not interested, you're not interested....

and having good teeth isn't just about a nice smile. it's about hygiene as well.
 
LivingDol1 said:
you're not being shallow at all. if you're not interested, you're not interested....

and having good teeth isn't just about a nice smile. it's about hygiene as well.
Click to expand...

Exactly. The hygiene part is a huge deal breaker for me. Normally I just avoid situations like this. I will just have to be the adult and let him politely know I am not interested. A friend did tell me not to make such a big deal out it. Men dismiss women all the time for what may appear to be insignificant things.
 
Ugh. That is too bad that he has a messed up mouf because he otherwise sounds decent.

In deciding what to do, I think you should ask yourself, "Will I care years from now that he has messed up teeth?" If the answer is yes, then let him go. (One of my old bosses taught me that trick when I was complaining that only short guys were approaching me. She was like, "If a guy is good-looking, but a jerk to you, will it really make a difference that he's 6 feet tall?")
 
Glib Gurl said:
Ugh. That is too bad that he has a messed up mouf because he otherwise sounds decent.

In deciding what to do, I think you should ask yourself, "Will I care years from now that he has messed up teeth?" If the answer is yes, then let him go. (One of my old bosses taught me that trick when I was complaining that only short guys were approaching me. She was like, "If a guy is good-looking, but a jerk to you, will it really make a difference that he's 6 feet tall?")
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My SO's gut is soft, but he has all of the other qualities that I love and if he worked on it he could lose the gut if HE wants too. He over looked my gut when I don't have on my spanx's he loves me just the same because I posses all the qualities that he was look for in a woman. You can't loose nor fix jerkiness, assholiness and itchassiness.
 
Chocolatelove2010 said:
This is why I don't do internet dating..

You form a connection then who comes infront of you?

A man with broken teeth. :nono:
Click to expand...
It's possible to minimise that problem with internet dating. When I used to do it, I didn't think of it as internet dating, but internet "meeting". That is, you take it into the real world ASAP. No long time spent messengering / online chat - take it to the phone ASAP. No long time calling each other - take it to a meet-up ASAP. Otherwise you could find yourself getting excited over someone, only to meet them and have everything fall flat.

On topic: OP, I don't think you're shallow. The state of the mouth is very important. I can do overweight, but seriously jacked up teeth I can't do.
 
ebonylocs said:
It's possible to minimise that problem with internet dating. When I used to do it, I didn't think of it as internet dating, but internet "meeting". That is, you take it into the real world ASAP. No long time spent messengering / online chat - take it to the phone ASAP. No long time calling each other - take it to a meet-up ASAP. Otherwise you could find yourself getting excited over someone, only to meet them and have everything fall flat.
Click to expand...

This is exacty how I do online dating..or internet meeting (like that term better) and it's working pretty well so far. Saves both parties a lot of wasted time and energy.
 
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Girl, please.
You reacting to his teeth is not shallow.
Move on.
Hopefully he gets to the dentist soon and maybe starts eating better and working out...but that's not YOUR problem.
On to the next...
 
I don't think youre shallow at all. You have to be attracted to the person mentally AND physically.

I've done online dating in the past and I've met a guy who I thought was attractive, but a little lame. I have a gap (and yes, the type with the piece of gum in between):perplexed. and I don't smile in my pics let alone posted pics on my profile with me smiling because I'm self concious of it.

When he met me, I did see him look at my gap (you know how you can tell if someone is looking at your mouth) and I can tell he was a little put off.

We still went on the date, but I never heard from him again. Not sure if it's because of a lack of chemistry on the date or attraction but it didn't work out.

One a good note, I'm glad we didn't work out because he answered his phone on a date (he said that he's on call so he has to use to use his phone :rolleyes:) and he was one of those white guys who liked black women who thought he was down minus the baggy arse clothes.:nono:
 
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Don't feel bad OP, Mr. Snaggletoofs wasn't the man for you.....NEXT!!!! In my opinion the gut would would have also been a deal breaker as I don't do fat...who wants to date a man who looks like he's 12months preggie and about to deliver 6yr old twins?
 
Yeah, it would appear that you are not attracted so don't force it. Sometimes you can become attracted in time. The best connection I had was with this guy who I wasn't physically attracted to at the beginning. He is quite overweight but the connection is like no other so to me he is the most handsome, lovable man I've ever met. Somehow it got to the point where I saw him for him and not his outward appearance within a few dates. Sometimes it happens that way, other times it doesn't but it cannot be forced.
 
You're not being shallow at all.

Now, I personally have discovered that I'm a bit of a chubby chaser, I like bigger guys and part of the "bigger" usually includes the stomach area. :look: But I get that that isn't everyone's cup of tea.

But broken/missing teeth? Naw son. Not only is it unattractive but like has been mentioned, it would make me wonder about his overall hygiene.

There is someone out there that you will have the physical AND the mental connection with, you don't need to settle for this dude.
 
Not shallow at all!!! Poor dental hygiene is NOT the business and I too would question the rest of his hygiene. I am in the dental field and the FIRST thing I notice about people are their teeth (smile etc.) I couldn't do it so I feel you 100%. Plus if you're not attracted to someone, don't try to make do with things your not happy with.
 
HoneyA said:
Yeah, it would appear that you are not attracted so don't force it. Sometimes you can become attracted in time. The best connection I had was with this guy who I wasn't physically attracted to at the beginning. He is quite overweight but the connection is like no other so to me he is the most handsome, lovable man I've ever met. Somehow it got to the point where I saw him for him and not his outward appearance within a few dates. Sometimes it happens that way, other times it doesn't but it cannot be forced.
Click to expand...

This has been my experience so I agree. Sometimes it comes over time and other times you just know its not going to. In which case let him go. I've felt shallow sometimes too but we can't help it if we're not attracted to someone. It also seems like in this case there's some hygiene problems going on too which is another reason it's not shallow to let him go.
 
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