Dang, whats wrong with them

[The Princess]

So my female friend calls me and tells me about this dude she met. Im like oh ok, im happy for you, but be careful..you know the usual talk you have with your girls..

So I guess they doing good, talking on the phone, like everyday, so he seem like he really interested in her, so im like gone girl sound like you have a good one, but be careful..

They been talking over the phone for over a few months. (She just got out a 5-7 year relationship and decided that is not working. She moves out and get her own apartment)

So the dude she been talking to over the phone, he visits her at her place. I called her and no answer, she didn't even call back, im like I hope she okay. Then I called her the next day, in the morning, she has the "voice" im like, girl what have you done, he there isn't he, then she giggles, and say call me back...

Well she like, its nothing, im like okay, don't get emotional involved. Just be careful..

So she calls me, stating that she is pissed..Im like why..Well I guess they made plans to chill on V-Day, and she calls him, no answer, haven't heard from him..Then the next day, she get a text, stating sorry about yesterday..

WTF......Why do guys hit and quit...Whats the point of putting in all that phone conversations and getting to know someone knowing, if you just trying to get some B**ty, dang. I know thats the game, but do they realize that not cool, you can't play with people emotions like that.

I pretty sure he was with his "GF" or someone that was more important than her but still, you can't be playing around like that.

Sorry if its long, but I just don't understand....Whats your viewpoint..

 

[Odontyouwish]

I don't understand either when there are plenty of women who will give up the b**ty without the effort

 

[The Princess]

I don't understand either when there are plenty of women who will give up the b**ty without the effort

Weird but true..

 

[bimbabe]

Don't hate the playa...hate the game.

We allow ourselves to be set up. Talking over the phone and then letting the person hit it as soon as they roll up in your place is not exactly establishing a firm foundation for a solid relationship.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

The number one rule is no booty without a solid, established commitment.

You're conquered once that happens... you can't use sex to get love.

 

[phynestone]

What's with the word 'b*tty?' I have never heard of such strange code word.

 

[iCandyc]

I don't think holding out longer would have made a diff! I've always heard from men tht if they really want to sex you they'll put in the work/effort and once they get it they just chuck the duces and leave!

 

[FluffyRed]

wow. I've had dudes try to tell me I was too hard on them, thinking they were after one thing...

Then they mad when they DON'T get it.

And take it out on a sweet girl, I guess. Be more of a *****!

 

[tiara76]

it all really depends on if the woman catches the man's attention on other levels that will determine if he will stick around or not...how to know if he's playing you or not to get sex is a different story because alot of women are not intune to themselves much less the other person to pick up authenticity vs superficialness......two different men can be saying and doing the same things and one can be for real about it bout it, and the other is just playing a game

beating another dead horse into the ground here

intuition is not "guessing" on n e thing...its "knowing"

you can feel a man's authenticity vs superficialnesss

a man will still jump thru hoops to get sex from a woman...if there is nothing else keeping his interest about her and it was all about sex once he gets it once or a few times he's out of there

 

[PapillionRouge]

Booty............

 

[PapillionRouge]

Just testing to see if it could be said...

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Theo]

What's with the word 'b*tty?' I have never heard of such strange code word.

Butty? lmao....

Holding out on sex is really just a method to screen men.... I don't really think it does any more to make a man hold you in high esteem.

I don't know what is up with men who hit it and quit it. To me, its a very irresponsible and immature way to live your life. Like, why are you still putting sex up on such a pedestal. There comes a time when you need to grow up and out of such things.

 

[Bunny77]

Butty? lmao....

Holding out on sex is really just a method to screen men.... I don't really think it does any more to make a man hold you in high esteem.

I don't know what is up with men who hit it and quit it. To me, its a very irresponsible and immature way to live your life. Like, why are you still putting sex up on such a pedestal. There comes a time when you need to grow up and out of such things.

Interesting post... that last paragraph was deep.

As for the bolded... this is exactly why I believe in waiting for a while. NOT because you're trying to earn some dude's "respect" -- it's ridiculous to me that anyone would allow some random dude to judge them on when they had sex or didn't. BUT, it should be to weed out the men who are ONLY in it for sex versus the ones who are looking for a serious relationship.

Now, if you don't care about being in a relationship, then do what you want. But if you want something more lasting, then don't sleep with some dude that you've only been talking to on the phone and then get upset when he disappears!

 

[blue_flower]

The Rules say. . . don't talk to a guy on the phone for more than 5 minutes.

 

[Bunny77]

I admit, I rarely stick to the 5 minute thing, but I have been cutting the phone convos way short these days.

If they want to talk to me, they can make plans to see me.

Plus, long phone conversations can create too much false intimacy, which is obviously what happened in the OP.

 

[luvn_life]

I think there is a difference in holding sex for time reasons and holding out on sex for personal reasons. For example, the reason I'm not having sex is because sex is the final step in the relationship process, the icing on the cake, the reward for all of the hardwork that was put in to make the relationship last. It also is a very emotional step for most women and I don't feel like its good to go there until you can be totally emotionally free and open with that person. And that just can't happen in a couple of days or weeks. Finally, sex can make you think that you are totally in love with someone who is nowhere near right for you, but can put it down in the bed (or wherever you get down ). And ALOT of women confuse the two. SO, with holding out, you can't be 100% sure of the outcome BUT, you can cut down on regrets.

Hope this make sense...

 

[LadieCrn]

Guys only get away with what we let them. I think most of us women know deep in our heart where a man is coming from. Go with that 1st feeling. And always remember establish a relationship before anything else.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I don't think holding out longer would have made a diff! I've always heard from men tht if they really want to sex you they'll put in the work/effort and once they get it they just chuck the duces and leave!

Of course it would have made a difference. Most men that only want sex with put in the work/effort for a little while, the move on. A man that's into you and want you is willing to wait it out because he knows you're worth it--all of you, not just the "sex" part of you.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I admit, I rarely stick to the 5 minute thing, but I have been cutting the phone convos way short these days.

If they want to talk to me, they can make plans to see me.

Plus, long phone conversations can create too much false intimacy, which is obviously what happened in the OP.

I agree. This new age text-messaging, PM'g, IM'g is so impersonal. Phone conversations are fine, but they shouldn't be your only avenue for getting to know what a person is like.

Personal interactions face-to-face lets you see the real person and helps to to better "read" what kind of person he/she is.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

So my female friend calls me and tells me about this dude she met. Im like oh ok, im happy for you, but be careful..you know the usual talk you have with your girls..

So I guess they doing good, talking on the phone, like everyday, so he seem like he really interested in her, so im like gone girl sound like you have a good one, but be careful..

They been talking over the phone for over a few months. (She just got out a 5-7 year relationship and decided that is not working. She moves out and get her own apartment)

So the dude she been talking to over the phone, he visits her at her place. I called her and no answer, she didn't even call back, im like I hope she okay. Then I called her the next day, in the morning, she has the "voice" im like, girl what have you done, he there isn't he, then she giggles, and say call me back...

Well she like, its nothing, im like okay, don't get emotional involved. Just be careful..

So she calls me, stating that she is pissed..Im like why..Well I guess they made plans to chill on V-Day, and she calls him, no answer, haven't heard from him..Then the next day, she get a text, stating sorry about yesterday..

WTF......Why do guys hit and quit...Whats the point of putting in all that phone conversations and getting to know someone knowing, if you just trying to get some B**ty, dang. I know thats the game, but do they realize that not cool, you can't play with people emotions like that.

I pretty sure he was with his "GF" or someone that was more important than her but still, you can't be playing around like that.

Sorry if its long, but I just don't understand....Whats your viewpoint..

The thrill of the chase, the power and ego-stroking satisfaction of being "the man."

He might have displayed some "watch out" signs that your friend was blinded to or simply ignored. It might not be all his fault.

 

[Bunny77]

I agree. This new age text-messaging, PM'g, IM'g is so impersonal. Phone conversations are fine, but they shouldn't be your only avenue for getting to know what a person is like.

Personal interactions face-to-face lets you see the real person and helps to to better "read" what kind of person he/she is.

Girlll... I cut that text messaging stuff out REAL quick. If I see that a man is trying to go in that direction, I simply tell him that I don't text, but he's more than welcome to give me a call.

And then I never respond to another text he sends. If he doesn't call and then plan to meet face to face, that's it for him.

Same with IMing. The silly thing is, these are 30+ year old men I'm talking about, so you KNOW they know better... texting and IMing haven't been around THAT long for them to not know that's poor and lazy dating etiquette.

The only time long phone convos are important is if the relationship is long-distance or someone is away on a trip or something like that and you can't see someone in person.

 

[Nayna]

Could it be that seeing as ur friend just go out of a relationship she was rebounding? I'm sure he showed his behind a time or 2 and she just ignored it, and seeing as this began as a phone relationship, the first time they decided to hangout was in her home, I think this is a HUGE red flag, HUGE! I dont know how it works for others but if a guy I've been only conversing with via phone just wants to chill in my house that means he wants booty, especially on the first meetup! So I think she played herself a little and shouldve made that man take her out. I mean really, he didn't work very hard for it, it's very easy to talk on the phone and whoo a person, he didnt put much effort in at all, and if I were him and it was that easy then I would think it could be easy for the next man, and the man before me. Im not saying she is easy but she fell for the okey doke. Phone boinking is simply phone boinking.

 

[lexi84]

Could it be that seeing as ur friend just go out of a relationship she was rebounding? I'm sure he showed his behind a time or 2 and she just ignored it, and seeing as this began as a phone relationship, the first time they decided to hangout was in her home, I think this is a HUGE red flag, HUGE! I dont know how it works for others but if a guy I've been only conversing with via phone just wants to chill in my house that means he wants booty, especially on the first meetup! So I think she played herself a little and shouldve made that man take her out. I mean really, he didn't work very hard for it, it's very easy to talk on the phone and whoo a person, he didnt put much effort in at all, and if I were him and it was that easy then I would think it could be easy for the next man, and the man before me. Im not saying she is easy but she fell for the okey doke. Phone boinking is simply phone boinking.

I dont know about yall, but if a man keep asking to come inside my house and we havent even gone out on a date yet, thats an EASY indicator of where his mind is. Easy.

 

[imaccami]

Were they in the same city when they were talking on the phone for months? If so, that's a huge indicator of what his intentions were. Why didn't he ask her out if he was so interested?

Why do men hit it and quit it? We all know that sex is better when there's an emotional connection on top of the physical attraction. If he builds up a false connection by making her believe that it's a relationship and not just a booty call then the sex is better. It's really coldhearted, but some men are like that.

 

[MizAvalon]

Am I the only one who sees that a couple of phone calls and conversation is not equivalent to putting in real work to earn someone's affections let alone body...So often ppl make the mistake of feeling entitled to something that was never committed to them in the first place... One of life's many bought lessons...this one paid with humiliation, anger and a side of ***. It's pretty horrible all in the same though.

Exactly. As soon as I read that "talking on the phone for a couple months", I was like uh-oh.