Cultural Differences?

[MissJ]

Who has dated men from different cultures, and what has been your experiences?

Okay, I have been interested in an Eastern European man since I first laid eyes on him. He is established, unlike the students I have dated, and he seems to be a nice guy. I never accepted his invitations for a date, however, because I was moving. I also thought that maybe we weren't on the same page, because he is 4 years younger than I am. But then again, he is established, and I guess one date wouldn't hurt if I were to move back. The thing I never thought about was the cultural differences that jada1111 pointed out in another thread when I asked a question about Eastern Europeans:

Nope. Either American or WESTERN europe or from a country that shares the same WESTERN culture and values.

Eastern europeans have always been more primitive than their western counterparts. Nothing's changed in thousands of years. I don't care how gorgeous or educated the men are. They will whup your arse with a quickness and think nothing of it.

I tend to have a big mouth, so I can't deal with an alpha, ALPHA male at this time. LOL

I also googled people from that country and found comments like, "You better not mess with them. They'll F you up!" I'm guessing they were in some kind of war or something in the last 10-20 years. And also I found some of the men from the country responding to a woman's blog saying how messed up America is, because if a woman hits you, you're not supposed to hit her back. If I were to move back to the area, I would probably go out with the guy seeing as I haven't experienced any of this firsthand. He's been living in the states for quite a while. But if I find out that his mom gets an A-whooping on the regular, I'm out like a bandit!

Anyway, has anyone dated men from different cultures and noticed cultural differences that didn't mesh well with our culture?

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

Who has dated men from different cultures, and what has been your experiences?

Okay, I have been interested in an Eastern European man since I first laid eyes on him. He is established, unlike the students I have dated, and he seems to be a nice guy. I never accepted his invitations for a date, however, because I was moving. I also thought that maybe we weren't on the same page, because he is 4 years younger than I am. But then again, he is established, and I guess one date wouldn't hurt if I were to move back. The thing I never thought about was the cultural differences that jada1111 pointed out in another thread when I asked a question about Eastern Europeans:



I also googled people from that country and found comments like, "You better not mess with them. They'll F you up!" I'm guessing they were in some kind of war or something in the last 10-20 years. And also I found some of the men from the country responding to a woman's blog saying how messed up America is, because if a woman hits you, you're not supposed to hit her back. If I were to move back to the area, I would probably go out with the guy seeing as I haven't experienced any of this firsthand. He's been living in the states for quite a while. But if I find out that his mom gets an A-whooping on the regular, I'm out like a bandit!

Anyway, has anyone dated men from different cultures and noticed cultural differences that didn't mesh well with our culture?

I have and it was fine, except for 2 instances: One Iranian and One Norwegian.

The Iranian was not respectful as far as keeping his hands to himself and other things. When I asked him about it he said it’s just his culture. I said fine, but choose to never visit or see him again. There were only a couple of minor incidences, but with men like that, if you keep excusing them, you will be excusing mess with them for a long time.


The Norwegian (or as I started calling him – The NoWay-gian) told lies easier then most women on this forum change hair products, lacked sexual integrity and … etc He was just nasty. Our differences were not Cultural. Our differences were because of his lack of integrity and abundance of “little lies”. Well, there was a cultural difference, in that he LACKED culture.
​

It’s important to not just recognize or be aware of possible cultural differences, but also interests and habits. Please look at the ENTIRE picture. For instance, the NoWay-gian would be quick to go to a bar and drink or …, but ask him to go to an Art Museum, Opera … forget it. He was so boring.

Now, I spend time with an Irishman (just a “friend” ), but we have similar interestS and we attend spiritual events together, art galleries, nature walks … etc I am not bored. It’s one thing to have to ask a man to do these things with you. It’s quite another when he’s asking you, because it’s part of who he was before meeting you! So look at everything about him and not just his culture!

Good Luck … Have Fun!

 

[ambergirl]

I have, and in terms of the experience it really varies. Some men from other countries are hypercritical of America and Americans. Now there is plenty to criticize about us, but it gets tiring when they are constanting going on and on about some things they don't like about us but then seem to be blind or apologetic about the problems within their own countries.

Or with some men, they will only be with you if you are willing to adopt their culture hook line and sinker. Personally that would be tough for me.

But the end of the day for me it really comes down to the same thing whether your dating an American or some one of a different nationality: It works best if you're willing to accept and respect each others culture, quirks, imperfections, personality traits and all.

 

[MissJ]

I have and it was fine, except for 2 instances: One Iranian and One Norwegian.

The Iranian was not respectful as far as keeping his hands to himself and other things. When I asked him about it the he said it’s just his culture. I said fine, but choose to never visit or see him again. There were only a couple of minor incidences, but with men like that, if you keep excusing them, you will be excusing mess with them for a long time.


The Norwegian (or as I started calling him – The NoWay-gian) told lies easier then most women on this forum change hair products, lacked sexual integrity and … etc He was just nasty. Our differences were not Cultural. Our differences were because of his lack of integrity and abundance of “little lies”. Well, there was a cultural difference, in that he lacked culture and sophistication.
​

It’s important to not just recognize or be aware of possible cultural differences, but also interests and habits. Please look at the ENTIRE picture. For instance, the NoWay-gian would be quick to go to a bar and drink or …, but ask him to go to an Art Museum, Opera … forget it. He was so boring.

Now, I spend time with an Irishman (just a “friend” ), but we have similar interestS and we attend spiritual events together, art galleries, nature walks … etc I am not bored. It’s one thing to have to ask a man to do these things with you. It’s quite another when he’s asking you, because it’s part of who he was before meeting you! So look at everything about him and not just his culture!

Good Luck … Have Fun!

The Iranian and the Norwegian sound like nightmares!

By the way, love your hair!

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

The Iranian and the Norwegian sound like nightmares!

By the way, love your hair!

Thank You!

The Iranian was no biggie. The No-way-gian ... well, the stories I could tell(that are true & that I CAN back up) HAM!

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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[Filmatic]

Dated a few. The one that stand out are the Bosnian and the Romanian.

Bosnian- Nice looking, pretty laid back. Gave me whatever I wanted. However, he had anger issues. He was a refugee and that junk was not good with me. He never said anything to me but he would dog the crap out of his friend. Like he was going to make a grown man cry. That was the reason I broke up with him. How can you treat your "best" friend like pure crap? It sickened me. So I called it off and he went ballastic. Thankfully I did it over the phone. Also I think it was more of a religious difference for us that would have been a problem if not for that.


Romanian- That man was gorgeous. I mean wow. He pretty much had the same core values but he held me to high of standards. I don't jump hoops. No beatings or anything.

Would I date another? Yeah I don't like to generalize and I realized that their issues were really their own and not the whole culture.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

The Norwegian (or as I started calling him – The NoWay-gian) told lies easier then most women on this forum change hair products, lacked sexual integrity and … etc He was just nasty. Our differences were not Cultural. Our differences were because of his lack of integrity and abundance of “little lies”. Well, there was a cultural difference, in that he lacked culture and sophistication.

What do you mean by sexual integrity?

Thank You!

The Iranian was no biggie. The Norwegian ... well, the stories I could tell :crazy: HAM! He WAS the real nightmare

Do tell them, if you don't mind.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

What do you mean by sexual integrity?



Do tell them, if you don't mind.

"What do you mean by sexual integrity?"

-- have you ever watched Datelines "To Catch A Predator." Among other things too ... I'll leave it at that! Someone that knows him pulled me aside one day and said, " Of all the people in that familiy, he's the one that needed therapy the most."
​

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Wow Ballerina Bun... the Norwegian guy sounds like grade A arsewipe. We have those in America too. He was using the cultural difference to gaslight you... good thing you got out. Every culture has gems and jerks, you just have to to see where a guy fits on the spectrum.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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[Guitarhero]

Aside from individual differences, the best way to gauge whether cultures will bash is to observe how women in the target generally handle relationships. Are they happy? Do they smile? Are they dominated? Then you apply your individual situation with world knowledge, realizing just how independent a women you might be and either positively or negatively so to the one you wish to date. One needs inside knowledge of a culture and that comes either through friendship with women or dating on of the men. Of course, individuals have their own personality traits.
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In undergrad, one of my S. American friends was dating a Ghanian. He never ended up marrying her but they lived together for awhile. This guy had a brother and they tried to set me up on a date with him. My school load was terrible and since I'm an A-student, I was tired on that date but went anyway. Long story made short, I fell asleep in the drive into town and apologized. Understandable, right? No. It soon became a "Black Americans aren't easy to get along with and relationships with Africans don't work" kind of thing when it really wasn't. He was rather a childish younger sibling who had trouble dating because he basically was a very boring guy- nice, but boring. What about dating other Ghanians? That didn't seem to work out either. Don't put the blame on me.

His older brother's words were telling because he never committed to this girl he was sleeping with. I wonder if he's now got negative words for Latinas who put out? People who have insecurities and prejudice will make much of nothing, rather than improve on their own lives. That can be expected. Then again, there certainly are cultural differences that should not be overlooked, ever, like manipulation strategies, chauvenism and expectation of a women's place.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

Not right now! Maybe later! But it's amazing the things that come out later, if you don't ask the right questions in the beginning of a "relationship" and if you make the grave mistake of not listening to your intuition.

"What do you mean by sexual integrity?"

-- have you ever watched Datelines "To Catch A Predator." Among other things too ... I'll leave it at that! Someone that knows him pulled me aside one day and said, " Of all the people in that familiy, he's the one that needed therapy the most." Oh well ... big mistake made ... BIG LESSON LEARNED!
​

-- That’s why now ... any man that I spend time with, I try to learn as much as possible about him, find out about his sexual habits and other things ... then I will decide if I will spend any time with him. Those lessons helped me to be able to have a good "friend" now with integrity, who respects my boundaries, talk openly and honestly about sex, fun & quirky , deeply spiritual, laid back and ...! I almost think he's my twin ... Ohhhh, and he has his own kilt Ok, the kilt doesn't matter, but still

​

Oh lawd!
Thanks for sharing.
I always learn a lot from you ladies.

Is your current "friend" Scottish?

 

[Celestial]

I'm really not fond of men of different cultures. I've dated men from Iraq, Ecuador, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Nigeria, Somalia, Ethiopia, Liberia, Senegal, St.Kitts, Thailand, Jamaica, Guadeloupe, and Haiti. (I've dated others but I will not list them all).

I really prefer American men. From my experience men from other cultures especially latin america and caribbean are very sexual and needs a lot of adoration like babies. They also have a disconnect between men and women due to the hierarchal machismo belief. Also, they don't hestitate to beat or verbally abuse a women. African men tend to be liars and trifling even with all the charm - and east african men have a serious sexual addiction problem. I can't tell whose worse between them and latin men. The european men I've dated all seem lazy and unaffectionate though I don't need much of it - but its pretty lame when you don't have it at all. Men from different cultures aren't my cup of tea but it probably will do for others.

 

[MissJ]

Umm, wow. You seem to have very bad luck with men.

 

[Celestial]

Umm, wow. You seem to have very bad luck with men.

Oh, I have good luck with men as long as I stick to my own kind. The bad luck isn't bad luck at all but something that is innate and natural that can't be fix.

 

[FlowerHair]

I'm really not fond of men of different cultures. I've dated men from Iraq, Ecuador, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Nigeria, Somalia, Ethiopia, Liberia, Senegal, St.Kitts, Thailand, Jamaica, Guadeloupe, and Haiti. (I've dated others but I will not list them all).

I really prefer American men. From my experience men from other cultures especially latin america and caribbean are very sexual and needs a lot of adoration like babies. They also have a disconnect between men and women due to the hierarchal machismo belief. Also, they don't hestitate to beat or verbally abuse a women. African men tend to be liars and trifling even with all the charm - and east african men have a serious sexual addiction problem. I can't tell whose worse between them and latin men. The european men I've dated all seem lazy and unaffectionate though I don't need much of it - but its pretty lame when you don't have it at all. Men from different cultures aren't my cup of tea but it probably will do for others.

If you're not fond of men from other cultures, then why did you date so many of them? Or was that before you realized how incompatible you were...?


To answer the OP - I have dated men from other cultures and I rarely have a problem with it. I grew up in 2 cultures, so I'm used to that.

 

[Celestial]

If you're not fond of men from other cultures, then why did you date so many of them? Or was that before you realized how incompatible you were...?


To answer the OP - I have dated men from other cultures and I rarely have a problem with it. I grew up in 2 cultures, so I'm used to that.

Don't start with me and don't ask stupid questions. It took me to date them to know I'm not fond of them. How else would I know without a personal realtionship - watching television? Whatever floats your boat. I'm not fond of men from a culture outside my own. And you are soooooooo right...I'm most definitely incompatible with liars, lazy men, sex addicts, womanizers, abusers, alcoholics & drug addicts (hispanic men have a serious problem with drugs and alcohol), unaffectionate flops, and down right useless men. Maybe you like them but they aren't my cup of tea.

 

[kblc06]

Umm, there's no need to be so defensive. It seemed like a logical question given that you dated so many foreign men and ALL of them weren't compatible with you. Her remark didn't seem smart-alecky in any way.

Don't start with me and don't ask stupid questions. It took me to date them to know I'm not fond of them. How else would I know without a personal realtionship - watching television? Whatever floats your boat. I'm not fond of men from a culture outside my own. And you are soooooooo right...I'm most definitely incompatible with liars, lazy men, sex addicts, womanizers, abusers, alcoholics & drug addicts (hispanic men have a serious problem with drugs and alcohol), unaffectionate flops, and down right useless men. Maybe you like them but they aren't my cup of tea.

 

[Celestial]

Umm, there's no need to be so defensive. It seemed like a logical question given that you dated so many foreign men and ALL of them weren't compatible with you. Her remark didn't seem smart-alecky in any way.

She can speak for her self and her remark was very smart-aleky. I dated foreign men from different cultures and countries. When I had bad experience with the Liberian I suppose I should have called-off all foreign men. Is that what you are implying. Or when I had bad experience with the hispanics, though they were from different countries and culture, I should have called-off dating European men and Africans. The question was indeed stupid. I can voice my opinion of these people because I had experience with them. Do I give my opinion on Thai men based on the Nigerian man I dated? Yeah....it was stupid to ask.

 

[MissJ]

Oh, I have good luck with men as long as I stick to my own kind. The bad luck isn't bad luck at all but something that is innate and natural that can't be fix.

Oh, so you're one of those nature theorists who think that it's in a person's nature to act a certain way? I tend to be the opposite. I believe in the nurture theory. I think that people are products of their environments.

 

[ackee walk]

has anyone ever dated a man from mali and/or france? what cultural differences did you notice there?

 

[kayte]

Don't start with me and don't ask stupid questions. It took me to date them to know I'm not fond of them. How else would I know without a personal realtionship - watching television? Whatever floats your boat. I'm not fond of men from a culture outside my own. And you are soooooooo right...I'm most definitely incompatible with liars, lazy men, sex addicts, womanizers, abusers, alcoholics & drug addicts (hispanic men have a serious problem with drugs and alcohol), unaffectionate flops, and down right useless men. Maybe you like them but they aren't my cup of tea.

For what it's worth...FH is one the kindest supporting voices I've encountered.

I have never read...cannot imagine a post of hers where she told someone they were stupid or asked stupid questions and to be as confrontational as to say...not to start with her...or that they deserved to go out with evil men...

that's just......ugly...and kind of scary

She can speak for her self

.
it's to her credit ...and gentleness..she's said nothing ..but it was JARRING to my sensitive spirit to read this ..and so I'm speaking out for my Self and btw,
thinking ...someone with the name 'Celestial' which connotes high spiritual energy...
it seems to me.... would not say such things either.... so maybe you were having a bad day...

if you did not like what she said ..you're certainly entitled to not like her response....however, she STILL did not warrant THAT kind of an answer.

Yeah....it was stupid to ask.

For the record..FlowerHair asked rhetorical questions in your post....meaning questions that automatically require no answer because the answers are implicit...
your experience w/these guys was your answer...she knew that
and it was offered in the spirit of a joke...
obviously you didn't get it....or it rubbed you the wrong way..

to the OP...sorry I know ..OT...but it was in my heart to say it

 

[kayte]

I really prefer American men.

I agree with Celestial only in that ..I prefer American men...for these reasons only ..the sharing of American culture is an inherent connection I value over any perks of connecting
with a foreigner. And there ARE benefits but not comparable to being with an American man.
I would never tell my current boyfriend this ...as he is European...and HIGHLY sensitive to this topic.

He has now dual citizenship and says he feels more at home now in USA than in Europe.Ironically he never intended to be an European/American
When he came over it was because he'd been accepted in an American
phd program and ...only because his professor in his country urged him to apply. He reluctanctly agreed,but only if all of his colleagues/friends also applied and they did...so they could all come over together..but..he was the only accepted. Then post doctorate... kept getting wooed by American colleges /universities and so...here he is years later and still utterly Euro..lol.
in spite of his acquired American Passport

In general..I never been enamored of the European male..long term...
solely as a fascination....except on a case by case basis...

>The accents irritate me..
>Culture wise-they may or may not know what I'm talking about and then I have to illustrate and vice versa.
>I have to be a dictionary some times
>Their mother land is far away..so their intimate friends/family ..are overseas{that cld be a good thing}

All admittedly picayune reasons!

so...
I have resistances...but I do date them..even love some of them
german..polish..irish..dutch...etc etc

has anyone ever dated a man from mali and/or france?

and yes I dated a french guy..maybe LHCF-er living there could tell if there's more
a difference..I din't see any..we were both very bohemian so that was a stong attraction connection more than any overriding cultural disparity

I met him in Guatemala and later was with him in France
he spoke no english..........and I spoke no french
but we both spoke horrible spanish
and we could gesticulate the rest

I wrote a poem titled "Paris" about him.
When I perform it ..it ALWAYS brings the house down

I do love the man I am with...I adore him....and I am..embracing his Europeaness...but the cultural differences are...not a huge issue per se cas he wholeheartedly embraces Americana
but I have friend who is black and a musician and is married to a European from the same country as my guy and I've been calling her in solidarity.

Anyways as part of his Americanisms......
he keeps saying in key moments.... the most annoying phrase..
in his strong European accent
it's all good complete with affected psuedo-American like shrug

but,really..what do you think?

It's all good ....

yes,but, sweet...

it's all good

so....are we clear?

it's all good

I FINALLY said .."Who taught you....this miserable American colloquialism?
So I can strangle them? lol
he laughed.. but I'm counting the days before he starts in with it's-all-good

maybe ...because.... it is....
right now
all........good!

 

[FlowerHair]

Thank you Kayte! :Rose: